An engagement or betrothal is the period of time between the mutual declaration of acceptance of a marriage proposal and the marriage itself (which is typically but not always commenced with a wedding). During this period, a couple is said to be fiancés (from the French), betrothed,intended, affianced, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and grooms may be called fiancée (feminine) or fiancé (masculine), the betrothed, a wife-to-be or husband-to-be, respectively. The duration of the courtship varies vastly, and is largely dependent on cultural norms or upon the agreement of the parties involved.
Long engagements were once common in formal arranged marriages, and it was not uncommon for parents betrothing children to arrange marriages many years before the engaged couple were old enough. This is still done in some countries.
Many traditional Christian denominations have optional rites for Christian betrothal (also known as 'blessing an engaged couple' or 'declaration of intention') that bless and ratify the intent of a couple to marry before God and the Church.[1][2][3]
Origin
The origins of European engagement in marriage practice are found in the Jewish law (Torah), first exemplified by Abraham, and outlined in the last Talmudic tractate of the Nashim (Women) order, where marriage consists of two separate acts, called erusin (or kiddushin, meaning sanctification), which is the betrothal ceremony, and nissu'in or chupah,[lower-alpha 1] the actual ceremony for the marriage. Erusin changes the couple's interpersonal status, while nissu'in brings about the legal consequences of the change of status. (However, in the Talmud and other sources of Jewish law there is also a process, called kiddushin, corresponding to what today is called engagement. Marrying without such an agreement is considered immoral.[4] To complicate matters, erusin in modern Hebrew means engagement, not betrothal.)
This was later adopted in Ancient Greece as the gamos and engeysis rituals, although unlike in Judaism the contract made in front of witness was only verbal.[5] The giving of a ring was eventually borrowed from Judaism by Roman marriage law, with the fiancé presenting it after swearing the oath of marriage intent, and presenting of the gifts at the engagement party.[6]
Negotiation of a match, usually done by the couple's families with bride and groom having varying levels of input, from no input, to veto power, to a fuller voice in the selection of marriage partner.
This is not as widely practiced as it was historically, although it is still common in culturally conservative communities in Israel, India, Africa, and Persian gulf countries, although most of these have a requirement that the bride be at least allowed veto power.
In most cultures evolved from Europe, bride prices or dowries have been reduced to the engagement ring accompanying the marriage contract, while in other cultures, such as those on the Arabian Peninsula, they are still part of negotiating a marriage contract.
Engagement photograph of Lionel Logue and Myrtle Gruenert, 1906
The exact duration of a betrothal varies according to culture and the participants’ needs and wishes. For adults, it may be anywhere from several hours (when the betrothal is incorporated into the wedding day itself) to a period of several years. A year and a day are common in neo-pagan groups today. In the case of child marriage, betrothal might last from infancy until the age of marriage.
The responsibilities and privileges of betrothal vary. In most cultures, the betrothed couple is expected to spend much time together, learning about each other. In some historical cultures (including colonial North America), the betrothal was essentially a trial marriage, with marriage only being required in cases of conception of a child. Almost all cultures are loosening restrictions against physical contact between partners, even in cultures that normally had strong prohibitions against it. The betrothal period was also considered to be a preparatory time, in which the groom built a house, started a business or otherwise proved his readiness to enter adult society.[citation needed]
In medieval Europe, in canon law, a betrothal could be formed by the exchange of vows in the future tense ("I will take you as my wife/husband," instead of "I take you as my wife/husband"), but sexual intercourse consummated the vows, making a binding marriage rather than a betrothal. Although these betrothals could be concluded with only the vows spoken by the couple, they had legal implications: Richard III of England had his older brother's children declared illegitimate on the grounds their father had been betrothed to another woman when he married their mother.[citation needed]
A betrothal is considered to be a 'semi-binding' contract. Normal reasons for invalidation of a betrothal include:
Failure to conceive (in 'trial marriage' cultures)
Failure of either party to meet the financial and property stipulations of the betrothal contract
Normally, either party can break a betrothal, though in certain traditions, a financial penalty (such as forfeit of the bride price) applies. In some common law countries, including England and Wales and many US states, it was once possible for the spurned partner (often only the woman) to sue the other for breach of promise or "heart-balm". This provided some protection in an age where virginity at marriage was considered important and having a failed engagement could damage one's reputation, but this tort has become obsolete in most jurisdictions as attitudes to premarital sex have softened and emphasis shifted to allowing people to leave loveless relationships.[7]
Judaism
In Jewish weddings during Talmudic times (c.1st century BC – 6th century AD), the two ceremonies of betrothal (erusin) and wedding usually took place up to a year apart; the bride lived with her parents until the actual marriage ceremony (nissuin), which would take place in a room or tent that the groom had set up for her. Since the Middle Ages the two ceremonies have taken place as a combined ceremony performed in public. The betrothal is now generally part of the Jewish wedding ceremony, accomplished when the groom gives the bride the ring or another object of at least nominal value.[8] As mentioned above, betrothal in Judaism is separate from engagement; breaking a betrothal requires a formal divorce, and violation of betrothal is considered adultery.[9]
In most localities, the Rite of Betrothal (also known as 'blessing an engaged couple' or 'declaration of intention') as a precursor to Holy Matrimony is an optional practice in traditional forms of Christianity today that blesses and ratifies the intention of two Christians to marry one another.[3] Many Christian denominations provide liturgies for Christian betrothal, which often feature prayer, Bible readings, a blessing of the engagement rings (in cultures in which rings are used), and a blessing of the couple.[1] A betrothal makes what a couple promises to one another sanctified by God and the Church.[10] A Christian engagement (betrothal) ceremony, which may be followed with a party, is normative in certain parts of the world, as with the Christians of India and Pakistan.[11][12]
Catholic Church
Historically, betrothal in Roman Catholicism is a formal contract considered as binding as marriage, and a divorce is necessary to terminate a betrothal.[13] Betrothed couples are regarded legally as husband and wife – even before their wedding and physical union. The concept of an official engagement period in Western European culture may have begun in 1215 at the Fourth Lateran Council, headed by Pope Innocent III, which decreed that "marriages are to be ... announced publicly in the churches by the priests during a suitable and fixed time so that, if legitimate impediments exist, they may be made known."[14][15] Such a formal church announcement of the intent to marry is known as banns. In some jurisdictions, reading the banns may be part of one type of legal marriage.
Protestant Churches
The 2019 Book of Common Prayer, used by Anglican Christian denominations such as the Anglican Church in North America, includes a Christian rite of betrothal called "A Brief Liturgy for the Signing of the Declaration of Intention" in which a Christian couple ratifies their intention before God and the Church to marry.[3] During this liturgy, the following is signed and dated by the engaged couple after the sign of peace:[3]
“We, N.N. and N.N., desiring to receive the blessing of Holy Matrimony in the Church, do solemnly declare that we hold marriage to be a lifelong union of husband and wife as it is set forth in the Book of Common Prayer. We believe it is established by God for the procreation of children, and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord; for mutual joy, and for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; to maintain purity, so that husbands and wives, with all the household of God, might serve as holy and undefiled members of the Body of Christ; and for the upbuilding of Christ’s kingdom in family, church, and society, to the praise of his holy Name. We do engage ourselves, so far as in us lies, to make our utmost effort to establish this relationship and to seek God’s help thereto.”[3]
Following the signing of the declaration of intention, the couple is blessed by the priest:[3]
Now that N. and N. have declared their intention for a Holy Marriage, and have begun the process of pre-marital preparation, let us pray for their relationship [and for their families]. Almighty God, we thank you for the love of N. and N., and we ask your blessing upon them [and their families] during this time of preparation. Open their minds and hearts to one another, enable them faithfully to receive your Word and Sacrament, and help us to support them, that they may rightly prepare for their marriage. And, we pray, give us wisdom to uphold and encourage all who have been united in Holy Matrimony; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.[3]
The Anglican Communion, the Methodist Churches and the Presbyterian Churches have questions and responses for family members in its Rite of Betrothal, which is sometimes incorporated into the Service of Holy Matrimony itself.[16]
Orthodox Churches
In the Eastern Orthodox and Oriental Orthodox Churches, the Rite of Betrothal is traditionally performed in the narthex (entranceway) of the church, to indicate the couple's first entrance into the married estate. The priest blesses the couple and gives them lit candles to hold. Then, after a litany, and a prayer at which everyone bows, he places the bride's ring on the ring finger of the groom's right hand, and the groom's ring on the bride's finger. The rings are subsequently exchanged three times, either by the priest or by the best man, after which the priest says a final prayer. Traditionally, the betrothal service takes place at the time the engagement is announced, though in certain localities it may performed immediately before the wedding ceremony itself. The exchange of rings is not a part of the wedding service in the Eastern Churches, but only occurs at the betrothal ceremony. Traditionally, the groom's ring is gold and the bride's ring is silver.[17]
Customs for engagement rings vary according to time, place, and culture. An engagement ring has historically been uncommon, and when such a gift was given, it was separate from the wedding ring.
The first recorded tradition of giving a ring for marriage is in Genesis 24:22 of the Hebrew Bible when a golden nose ring (Chayei Sarah 24:22) was given by Eliezer of Damascus to Rebecca,[when?][18] with Saadiah Gaon also citing as a possible source of the practice in the phrase in Nehemiah 7:46be’nei tabbaot (children of the rings).[citation needed] The latter case refers to betrothal (see above) rather than engagement; one of the three ways in which betrothal may be effected in Judaism is by the husband giving the bride money or an object of at least nominal value. In fact, it is a long-standing practice within Judaism to contract the betrothal with a ring.
The practice of Marriage ring in Byzantine Empire date back to 3rd century CE.[19]
Romantic rings from the time of the Roman Empire sometimes bore clasped hands symbolizing contract,[20] from which the later CelticCladdagh symbol (two hands clasping a heart) may have evolved as a symbol of love and commitment between two people. Romans believed the circle was a bond between the two people who were to be married and signified eternity, but was first practiced on the fourth finger/ring finger by the Romans, who believed this finger to be the beginning of the vena amoris ("vein of love"), the vein that leads to the heart.[21] In cultures with European origin, and many other countries, an engagement ring is worn following the practice of the Romans who "...wore the ring either on the right middle finger or the left ring [4th] finger, from which, according to ancient Egyptian physicians, a nerve led directly to the heart."[21] The custom in Continental Europe and other countries is to wear it on the right hand. One historical exception arose in monarchical regimes, in which a nobleman entering into morganatic marriage, a marriage in which the person, usually the woman, of lower rank stayed at the same rank instead of rising ranks, would present their left hand to receive the ring, hence the alternative term 'marriage with the left hand' (Ger. Ehe zur linken Hand), the offspring of such marriages considered to be disinherited from birth.[22]
In other countries like Argentina, men and women each wear a ring similar to wedding bands. They are made of silver ("alianza de plata") when manifesting an informal "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship, though this first step might not always happen; howbeit depending on finances, this may be the only ring given at all. The gold band ("anillo de compromiso" or "alianza de oro") is given to the bride when the commitment is formal and the [optional] diamond ring ("cintillo") is reserved for the wedding ceremony when the groom gives it to the bride. The gold band that the groom wore during the engagement – or a new one, as some men choose not to wear them during engagement – is then given to the groom by the bride; and the bride receives both the original gold band and the new diamond at the ceremony. The bride's diamond ring is worn on top of the engagement band at the wedding and thereafter, especially at formal occasions or parties; otherwise the engagement band suffices for daily wear for both parties. At the wedding, the rings are swapped from the right to the left hand. In Brazil, they are always made of gold, and there is no tradition for the engagement ring. Both men and women wear the wedding band on their right hand while engaged, and, after they marry, they shift the rings to their left hands.
In the modern era, some women's wedding rings are made into two separate pieces. One part is given to her to wear as an engagement ring when she accepts the marriage proposal and the other during the wedding ceremony. When worn together, the two rings look like one piece of jewelry. [24] The engagement ring is not worn during the wedding ceremony, when the wedding ring is put by the groom on the finger of the bride, and sometimes by the bride onto the groom's finger. After the wedding, the engagement ring is put back on, and is usually worn on the outside of the wedding ring.[25]
Engagement parties
Ghanaian Engagement Ceremony. The bride presenting a gift to her father
In contemporary American culture some engagements are announced at an engagement party, traditionally hosted by the bride's parents. These parties help introduce both the bride and groom's friends and family to each other in one place prior to the wedding. Often contemporary engagement parties are either cocktail parties or dinners with décor kept to a minimum. Gifts are not often given until either the wedding itself or a bridal shower.[24]
In ancient Greece, engagement parties were held without the bride and took place to discussed the legal and economic aspects of the marriage. Later, engagement parties were when both sides announced a legal union prior to marriage where if one side broke the agreement they would have to pay the wronged side. Engagements became non-legally bending and by the early 20th century couples would announce their engagement in the local paper.[24]
↑ Kaplan, Rabbi Aryeh (1983). Made in Heaven, A Jewish Wedding Guide. New York / Jerusalem: Moznaim Publishing., Chapter 4, See also footnote 1 and 2. The author uses the specific term proposal, and considers this the first step in a formal engagement.
↑ Norman Bancroft Hunt, Living in Ancient Greece, Infobase Publishing, 2008, p.44
↑ Philippe Ariès, Paul Veyne, eds., A History of Private Life: From pagan Rome to Byzantium, Harvard University Press, 1992, p.467
↑ Nancy R. Gallo (2004). "Left at the Altar". Introduction to Family Law. Cengage Learning. pp.114–116. ISBN1401814530.
↑ See Talmud Kiddushin, Mishna 1:1 and the main article
↑ Prichard, Robert W. (1 January 2009). Cohabiting Couples and Cold Feet: A Practical Marriage-Preparation Guide for Clergy. Church Publishing, Inc. p.107. ISBN9780898696035. The Episcopal Book of Common Prayer of 1979 reworked the betrothal by adding a positive question to the congregation immediately after the couple speaks their words of betrothal. The celebrant asks the congregation, "Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?" The congregation's response is, "We will." This inquiry was expanded in The United Methodist Hymnal (1989) and the Presbyterian Book of Common Worship (1993) into separate questions for family members and for other members in the congregation.
A wedding is a ceremony where two people are united in marriage. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of marriage vows by a couple, presentation of a gift, and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or celebrant. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers, or readings from religious texts or literature are also commonly incorporated into the ceremony, as well as superstitious customs.
A white wedding is a traditional formal or semi-formal wedding originating in Great Britain.
An engagement ring, also known as a betrothal ring, is a ring indicating that the person wearing it is engaged to be married, especially in Western cultures. A ring is presented as an engagement gift by a partner to their prospective spouse when they propose marriage or directly after a marriage proposal is accepted. It represents a formal agreement to future marriage. In most Western countries, engagement rings are worn mostly by women, and rings can feature diamonds or other gemstones. The neologism "mangagement ring" is sometimes used for an engagement ring worn by men. In some cultures, including Northern Europe, both partners wear matching rings, and engagement rings may also be used as wedding rings. In the Anglosphere, the ring is customarily worn on the left hand ring finger, but customs vary considerably elsewhere across the world.
A wedding ring or wedding band is a finger ring that indicates that its wearer is married. It is usually forged from metal, and traditionally is forged of gold or another precious metal.
Marriage vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony based upon Western Christian norms. They are not universal to marriage and not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. They are not even universal within Christian marriage, as Eastern Christians do not have marriage vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies.
The ring finger, third finger, fourth finger, leech finger, or annulary is the fourth digit of the human hand, located between the middle finger and the little finger.
A chuppah, also huppah, chipe, chupah, or chuppa, is a canopy under which a Jewish couple stand during their wedding ceremony. It consists of a cloth or sheet, sometimes a tallit, stretched or supported over four poles, or sometimes manually held up by attendants to the ceremony. A chuppah symbolizes the home that the couple will build together.
A Hindu wedding, also known as Vivaha, Lagna (लग्न), or Kalyanam, is the traditional wedding ceremony for Hindus. The wedding ceremonies are very colourful, and celebrations may extend for several days. The bride's and groom's home—entrance, doors, wall, floor, roof—are sometimes decorated with colors, flowers, and other decorations.
Sheva Brachot literally "the seven blessings" also known as birkot nissuin, "the wedding blessings" in Jewish law are blessings that are recited for a bride and her groom as part of nissuin. In Jewish marriages there are two stages: betrothal (erusin) and establishing the full marriage (nissuin). Historically there was a year between the two events, but in modern marriages, the two are combined as a single wedding ceremony.
Marriage in the Eastern Orthodox Church is a holy mystery (sacrament) in the Eastern Orthodox Church in which a priest marries a man and a woman. The typical Byzantine Rite liturgy for marriage is called the Mystery of Crowning, where the couple is crowned.
A Jewish wedding is a wedding ceremony that follows Jewish laws and traditions. While wedding ceremonies vary, common features of a Jewish wedding include a ketubah which is signed by two witnesses, a chuppah or huppah, a ring owned by the groom that is given to the bride under the canopy, and the breaking of a glass.
A marriage proposal is an event where one person in a relationship asks for the other's hand in marriage. If accepted, it marks the initiation of engagement, a mutual promise of later marriage. It often has a ritual quality.
Weddings in India vary according to the region, the religion, the community and the personal preferences of the bride and groom. They are festive occasions in India, and in most cases celebrated with extensive decorations, colour, dresses, music, dance, costumes and rituals that depend on the community, region and religion of the bride and the groom, as well as their preferences. India celebrates about 10 million weddings per year, of which about 80% are Hindu weddings.
Punjabi wedding traditions are a strong reflection of Punjabi culture with ritual, song, dance, food, and dress that have evolved over centuries.
Zoroastrian weddings are a religious ceremony in Zoroastrianism in which two individuals, a man and a woman are united. In Zoroastrianism, marriage within the community is encouraged, and is greatly favored in religious texts. The following information will detail ceremony procedures and traditional processes for a Zoroastrian wedding.
A traditional Russian wedding can last between two days and one week. The celebration involves dancing, singing, toasting, and banqueting. The best man and maid of honor are called Witnesses or Свидетели in Russian. The ceremony and the ring exchange take place on the first day of the wedding. Russian weddings are unique matrimonial ceremonies that have undertaken some western traditions, including incorporating bridesmaids into the wedding party.
An engagement party, also known as a betrothal party or fort, is a party held to celebrate a couple's recent engagement and to help future wedding guests to get to know one another. Traditionally, the bride's parents host the engagement party, but many modern couples host their own celebration.
Arabic weddings have changed greatly in the past 100 years. Traditional Arabic weddings are intended to be very similar to modern-day Bedouin weddings and rural weddings. What is sometimes called a "Bedouin" wedding is the traditional Arab Islamic wedding without foreign influence. The ceremonies are in some cases unique from one region to another, even within the same country.
Erusin is the Hebrew term for betrothal. In modern Hebrew, "erusin" means engagement, but this is not the historical meaning of the term, which is the first part of marriage.
The Mystery of Crowning is a ritual component of the sacrament of marriage in Eastern Christianity. Variations of the crowning ceremony exist in the Byzantine, Coptic, West Syriac, and East Syriac Rites of the Eastern Orthodox, Oriental Orthodox, and Eastern Catholic Churches. The crowning ceremony typically features a crown being placed upon the head of both the bride and bridegroom, crowning them as the queen and king of a new family.
This page is based on this Wikipedia article Text is available under the CC BY-SA 4.0 license; additional terms may apply. Images, videos and audio are available under their respective licenses.
