Parent Effectiveness Training

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Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) is a parent education program based on the Gordon Model by Thomas Gordon. Gordon taught the first P.E.T. course in 1962 and the courses proved to be so popular with parents that he began training instructors throughout the United States to teach it in their communities. Over the next several years, the course spread to all 50 states. On November 1, 1970, Gordon wrote the Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) book. It became a best-seller and was updated in 2000 revised book.

Contents

Central to P.E.T. philosophy is how parents can raise children without the use of punitive discipline, which is damaging to the parent, the child, and their relationship. [1] Instead, Gordon advocated a no-lose method of resolving conflicts in which both the parent and the child get their needs met.

Gordon's model upon which the P.E.T. course is based, is a set of concepts and skills for more democratic, collaborative relationships. Core skills are active listening, I-messages, "shifting gears" and "no-lose conflict resolution'. Knowing when to use each skill is facilitated by the Behavior Window, which strives for clarity on "whose problem is this?" Identifying "who owns the problem" is promoted as a big first step in successfully resolving interpersonal conflict.

Gordon Training International, the organization that Gordon founded, has a network of P.E.T. representatives and instructors in 53 countries (as of 2020) who make the course available to the parents of all cultural, racial and religious backgrounds.

Active listening

Active listening is a way of reflecting back what the other person has said to let them know that you're listening and to check your understanding of what they mean. It is a restatement of the other person's total communication: the words of the message plus the accompanying feelings.

I-messages

There are several types of I-messages, all of which communicate information about the self. When dealing with a problem in which the parent owns the problem, use of confrontive I-messages is encouraged. These messages should include the behavior that is causing a problem, the effect on the parent, and how the parent feels about the situation. I-messages should include as little judgment as possible. For instance, instead of saying "you are being rude and inconsiderate" the parent would say something like "I don't like it when you talk this loud during the news because I can't hear it."

No-lose conflict resolution

No-lose conflict resolution is based on John Dewey's six steps to creative solutions for conflicts. The goal is to find a solution that is acceptable to both people involved in the conflict. No one loses, both win.

Behavior window

The Behavior Window is a visual diagram used to determine who owns the problem when one occurs in a relationship. The window is divided into four parts: Child Owns the Problem, No Problem Area, Parent Owns the Problem, Both Own the Problem. Depending on who has the problem, the Gordon Model offers specific communication and conflict resolution skills for resolving it successfully.

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Time-out (parenting)</span> Short removal of a person for disciplinary reasons

A time-out is a form of behavioral modification that involves temporarily separating a person from an environment where an unacceptable behavior has occurred. The goal is to remove that person from an enriched, enjoyable environment, and therefore lead to extinction of the offending behavior. It is an educational and parenting technique recommended by most pediatricians and developmental psychologists as an effective form of discipline. During time-outs, a corner or a similar space is designated, where the person is to sit or stand. This form of discipline is especially popular in Western cultures.

Conflict resolution is conceptualized as the methods and processes involved in facilitating the peaceful ending of conflict and retribution. Committed group members attempt to resolve group conflicts by actively communicating information about their conflicting motives or ideologies to the rest of group and by engaging in collective negotiation. Dimensions of resolution typically parallel the dimensions of conflict in the way the conflict is processed. Cognitive resolution is the way disputants understand and view the conflict, with beliefs, perspectives, understandings and attitudes. Emotional resolution is in the way disputants feel about a conflict, the emotional energy. Behavioral resolution is reflective of how the disputants act, their behavior. Ultimately a wide range of methods and procedures for addressing conflict exist, including negotiation, mediation, mediation-arbitration, diplomacy, and creative peacebuilding.

Antisocial behaviours, sometimes called dissocial behaviours, are actions which are considered to violate the rights of or otherwise harm others by committing crime or nuisance, such as stealing and physical attack or noncriminal behaviours such as lying and manipulation. It is considered to be disruptive to others in society. This can be carried out in various ways, which includes, but is not limited to, intentional aggression, as well as covert and overt hostility. Anti-social behaviour also develops through social interaction within the family and community. It continuously affects a child's temperament, cognitive ability and their involvement with negative peers, dramatically affecting children's cooperative problem-solving skills. Many people also label behaviour which is deemed contrary to prevailing norms for social conduct as anti-social behaviour. However, researchers have stated that it is a difficult term to define, particularly in the United Kingdom where many acts fall into its category. The term is especially used in Irish English and British English.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Nonviolent Communication</span> Communication process intended to increase empathy

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is an approach to enhanced communication, understanding, and connection based on the principles of nonviolence and humanistic psychology. It is not an attempt to end disagreements, but rather a way that aims to increase empathy and understanding to improve the overall quality of life. It seeks empathic dialogue and understanding among all parties. Nonviolent Communication evolved from concepts used in person-centered therapy, and was developed by clinical psychologist Marshall Rosenberg beginning in the 1960s and 1970s. There are a large number of workshops and clinical materials about NVC, including Rosenberg's book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Marshall Rosenberg also taught NVC in a number of video lectures available online; the workshop recorded in San Francisco is the most well-known.

Child discipline is the methods used to prevent future unwanted behaviour in children. The word discipline is defined as imparting knowledge and skill, in other words, to teach. In its most general sense, discipline refers to systematic instruction given to a disciple. To discipline means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct.

A double bind is a dilemma in communication in which an individual receives two or more reciprocally conflicting messages. In some scenarios this can be emotionally distressing, creating a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other, such that the person responding will automatically be perceived as in the wrong, no matter how they respond. This double bind prevents the person from either resolving the underlying dilemma or opting out of the situation.

Couples therapy attempts to improve romantic relationships and resolve interpersonal conflicts.

Conflict management is the process of limiting the negative aspects of conflict while increasing the positive aspects of conflict. The aim of conflict management is to enhance learning and group outcomes, including effectiveness or performance in an organizational setting. Properly managed conflict can improve group outcomes.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Joy Berry</span> American writer

Joy Berry is an American writer and child development specialist.

A parent education program is a course that can be followed to correct and improve a person's parenting skills. Such courses may be general, covering the most common issues parents may encounter, or specific, for infants, toddlers, children and teenagers. These courses may also be geared towards parents who are considering having a child, or adopting one, or are pregnant.

Conflict resolution is any reduction in the severity of a conflict. It may involve conflict management, in which the parties continue the conflict but adopt less extreme tactics; settlement, in which they reach agreement on enough issues that the conflict stops; or removal of the underlying causes of the conflict. The latter is sometimes called "resolution", in a narrower sense of the term that will not be used in this article. Settlements sometimes end a conflict for good, but when there are deeper issues – such as value clashes among people who must work together, distressed relationships, or mistreated members of one's ethnic group across a border – settlements are often temporary.

Parent–child interaction therapy (PCIT) is an intervention developed by Sheila Eyberg (1988) to treat children between ages 2 and 7 with disruptive behavior problems. PCIT is an evidence-based treatment (EBT) for young children with behavioral and emotional disorders that places emphasis on improving the quality of the parent-child relationship and changing parent-child interaction patterns.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Thomas Gordon (psychologist)</span> American psychologist

Thomas Gordon was an American clinical psychologist and colleague of Carl Rogers. He is widely recognized as a pioneer in teaching communication skills and conflict resolution methods to parents, teachers, leaders, women, youth and salespeople. The model he developed came to be known as the Gordon Model or the Gordon Method, a complete and integrated system for building and maintaining effective relationships.

Organizational conflict, or workplace conflict, is a state of discord caused by the actual or perceived opposition of needs, values and interests between people working together. Conflict takes many forms in organizations. There is the inevitable clash between formal authority and power and those individuals and groups affected. There are disputes over how revenues should be divided, how the work should be done, and how long and hard people should work. There are jurisdictional disagreements among individuals, departments, and between unions and management. There are subtler forms of conflict involving rivalries, jealousies, personality clashes, role definitions, and struggles for power and favor. There is also conflict within individuals – between competing needs and demands – to which individuals respond in different ways.

Parent management training (PMT), also known as behavioral parent training (BPT) or simply parent training, is a family of treatment programs that aims to change parenting behaviors, teaching parents positive reinforcement methods for improving pre-school and school-age children's behavior problems.

In interpersonal communication, an I-message or I-statement is an assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values, etc. of the person speaking, generally expressed as a sentence beginning with the word "I", and is contrasted with a "you-message" or "you-statement", which often begins with the word "you" and focuses on the person spoken to. Thomas Gordon coined the term "I message" in the 1960s while doing play therapy with children. He added the concept to his book for parents, P.E.T.: Parent Effectiveness Training (1970). Not every message that begins with the word "I" is an I-message.

People skills are patterns of behavior and behavioral interactions. Among people, it is an umbrella term for skills under three related set of abilities: personal effectiveness, interaction skills, and intercession skills. This is an area of exploration about how a person behaves and how they are perceived irrespective of their thinking and feeling. It is further elaborated as dynamics between personal ecology and its function with other people's personality styles in numerous environments. British dictionary definition is "the ability to communicate effectively with people in a friendly way, especially in business" or personal effectiveness skills. In business it is a connection among people in a humane level to achieve productivity.

Social competence consists of social, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral skills needed for successful social adaptation. Social competence also reflects having the ability to take another's perspective concerning a situation, learn from past experiences, and apply that learning to the changes in social interactions.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Verbal aggression</span> Personality trait or a mainly destructive form of communication

Verbal aggressiveness in communication has been studied to examine the underlying message of how the aggressive communicator gains control over different things that occur, through the usage of verbal aggressiveness. Scholars have identified that individuals who express verbal aggressiveness have the goal of controlling and manipulating others through language. Infante and Wigley defined verbal aggressiveness as "a personality trait that predisposes persons to attack the self-concepts of other people instead of, or in addition to, their positions on topics of communication". Self-concept can be described as a group of values and beliefs that one has. Verbal aggressiveness is thought to be mainly a destructive form of communication, but it can produce positive outcomes. Infante and Wigley described aggressive behavior in interpersonal communication as products of individual's aggressive traits and the way the person perceives the aggressive circumstances that prevents them or something in a situation.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Conflict (process)</span> Friction, disagreement, or discord within a group

A conflict is a situation, in which inacceptable differences in interests, values, expectations and opinions occur in or between individuals or groups.

References

  1. Gershoff, Elizabeth T. (2010). "More Harm than Good: A Summary of Scientific Research on the Intended and Unintended Effects of Corporal Punishment on Children". Law and Contemporary Problems. 73 (2): 31–56, 45. PMC   8386132 . PMID   34446972 via Duke Law Scholarship Repository.