Family secret

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A family secret can be defined as "events or information that members hide from each other or those outside the family." [1] Family secrets can be shared by the whole family, by some family members or kept by an individual member of the family. Anecdotally, family secrets may be accepted as a form of preventing others from experiencing unnecessary pain or even maintain a family's reputation. [2] The effects of keeping a family secret can have positive or negative impacts on individuals involved, although has remained a subject of much debate. [3] [4]

Contents

Despite the negative implications and associations of holding a family secret, many believe the act is beneficial and even a necessary function of maintaining familial and interpersonal relationships. [5] The act of with-holding or differentially sharing information is also linked to the setting of boundaries and alliances which underscore the structures of relational systems. [6]

Family members often see keeping the secrets as important to keeping the family working, but over time the secrets can increase the anxiety in the family. [7] The confidentiality of family secrets revealed by a patient is a common ethical dilemma for counsellors and therapists. [8]

Forms and Functions of Secrecy

According to the early work of Karpel, a typology of secrets emerges through the boundaries created in keeping and sharing family secrets. There are three major types of secrets under the classification:

  1. Individual Secrets: A type of secret that surfaces in occurrences where one person keeps a secret from another person or persons in the family. Some examples of these types of secrets may include a secret affair of one spouse that is kept from the other or even a daughter's struggle with substance abuse or addiction that is kept from a parent. These secrets create sub-groups within the family.
  2. Internal Family Secrets: A type of secret that involve cases where at least two people know of and keep a secret from at least one other person. For example, concealing a family member's true cause of death or long-standing grudges or conflicts between family members. These types of secrets strengthen boundaries that separate the family from the outside world.
  3. Shared Family Secrets: A type of secret in which all members of the family are aware of the secret but keep it from people outside of the family. An example of this may be a parent's alcoholism or the birth of an illegitimate child to a daughter. These forms of secrets tend to emphasise and strengthen separation between the family as a unit and the outside world.

Communication Privacy Management

The concealment of family secrets is partially explained through the communication privacy management theory. The theory argues that people like to conceal information in order to avoid feeling vulnerable and maintain control over their personal information. [9] In a familial settings, managing private information is much more challenging as some members can reveal more than is desired to those considered "outsiders". [10]

The primary reason individuals tend to keep family secrets is protection, linked to associated feelings of vulnerability when disclosing private information. [3] Individuals may aim to protect themselves, their relationships with other family members and even other people.

Common Secrets

Familial secrets tend to be concerned with facts as opposed to feelings or thoughts as encompassed under "real happenings or incidents." [6] These secrets can be further categorised into; taboo topics, rule violations and conventional secrets. [2]

Taboo Topics are often recognised as secrets on topics that have been stigmatised by society (e.g. addiction, affairs, sexual preference and even divorce). These secrets will often result in negative consequences to a more severe degree than other types of secrets if they are shared.

Rule Violations are recognised as situations in which individuals break familial rules (e.g. breaking curfews, partying or even engaging in reckless driving).

Conventional Secrets are categorised as secrets that are considered uncomfortable or inappropriate given certain circumstances (e.g. sex, religion, dating or even grades).

More complex family secrets may involve issues such as homosexuality, adultery, infidelity, divorce, mental illness; crime such as rape or murder; physical or psychological abuse, child sexual abuse, incest; sexual violence such as marital rape or pregnancy from rape; human sexual behavior like premarital pregnancy or teenage pregnancy; substance abuse including alcoholism. More simple secrets may be personality conflicts, death, religion, academic performance and physical health problems. [8] Any topic that a family member thinks may cause anxiety may become a family secret.

Psychological Theories on Secrecy

Various psychological theories have emerged in order to understand the decision-making processes that occur in keeping a secret and their consequences on the individuals involved. [3]

The Fever Model

The model suggest that secret keeping tends to encourage psychological distress that becomes cathartic for the secret-keeper when the information has been disclosed. [11] Individuals may feel cathartic upon sharing but can later come to regret sharing given the context or individual shared to. This may be true in cases where one parent reveals a negative secret about the other parent that may be considered inappropriate for a child to hear. [3]

The Preoccupation Model of Secrecy

This model suggests keeping a secret from someone close, such as a family member, cognitive effort must be actively and deliberately exerted in order to avoid accidentally disclosing it. [12] Suppressing a secret may result in an obsession towards the secret.

  1. Secrecy leads to thought suppression
  2. Thought suppression causes intrusive thinking
  3. Intrusive thinking promotes further suppression

This creates a cyclical cycle once set in motion.

It may be felt to a greater degree when keeping a secret from a family member, especially when in close proximity as greater cognitive effort must be expended on thought suppression. The intrusive thinking will wear on an individual's well-being as a result

Effects

Family secrets can affect the relationships within a family as familial relationships are shaped party by the information that is shared and what is held secret by members. Families who are more secretive with each other, carefully guard information about their beliefs or financial states, are likely to encourage different relationships among members who openly discuss these matters with those outside of the family. [2]

Family secrets may also encourage positive effects within families. By concealing certain information, individuals are able to maintain their existing relationships with family members and in some cases even strengthen them by maintaining kinship ties through the telling of secrets within the family. [13]

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Privacy</span> Seclusion from unwanted attention

Privacy is the ability of an individual or group to seclude themselves or information about themselves, and thereby express themselves selectively.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Secrecy</span> Practice of hiding information to certain individual or group for personal or interpersonal reason

Secrecy is the practice of hiding information from certain individuals or groups who do not have the "need to know", perhaps while sharing it with other individuals. That which is kept hidden is known as the secret.

Within the realm of communication studies, organizational communication is a field of study surrounding all areas of communication and information flow that contribute to the functioning of an organization. Organizational communication is constantly evolving and as a result, the scope of organizations included in this field of research have also shifted over time. Now both traditionally profitable companies, as well as NGO's and non-profit organizations, are points of interest for scholars focused on the field of organizational communication. Organizations are formed and sustained through continuous communication between members of the organization and both internal and external sub-groups who possess shared objectives for the organization. The flow of communication encompasses internal and external stakeholders and can be formal or informal.

Uses and gratifications theory is a communication theory that describes the reasons and means by which people seek out media to meet specific needs. The theory postulates that media is a highly available product, that audiences are the consumers of the product, and that audiences choose media to satisfy given needs as well as social and psychological uses, such as knowledge, relaxation, social relationships, and diversion.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Social exchange theory</span> Generalization theory explaining social behaviour regarding society and economics

Social exchange theory is a sociological and psychological theory that studies the social behavior in the interaction of two parties that implement a cost-benefit analysis to determine risks and benefits. The theory also involves economic relationships—the cost-benefit analysis occurs when each party has goods that the other parties value. Social exchange theory suggests that these calculations occur in a variety of relationships, from romantic relationships and friendships to professional relationships, and even in ephemeral interactions, such as exchanging words with a customer at the cash register. Social exchange theory says that if the costs of the relationship are higher than the rewards, such as if a lot of effort or money were put into a relationship and not reciprocated, then the relationship may be terminated or abandoned.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Intimate relationship</span> Physical or emotional intimacy

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves emotional or physical closeness between people and may include sexual intimacy and feelings of romance or love. Intimate relationships are interdependent, and the members of the relationship mutually influence each other. The quality and nature of the relationship depends on the interactions between individuals, and is derived from the unique context and history that builds between people over time. Social and legal institutions such as marriage acknowledge and uphold intimate relationships between people. However, intimate relationships are not necessarily monogamous or sexual, and there is wide social and cultural variability in the norms and practices of intimacy between people.

Media richness theory (MRT), sometimes referred to as information richness theory, is a framework used to describe a communication medium's ability to reproduce the information sent over it. It was introduced by Richard L. Daft and Robert H. Lengel in 1986 as an extension of information processing theory. MRT is used to rank and evaluate the richness of certain communication media, such as phone calls, video conferencing, and email. For example, a phone call cannot reproduce visual social cues such as gestures which makes it a less rich communication media than video conferencing, which affords the transmission of gestures and body language. Based on contingency theory and information processing theory, MRT theorizes that richer, personal communication media are generally more effective for communicating equivocal issues in contrast with leaner, less rich media.

Expectancy violations theory (EVT) is a theory of communication that analyzes how individuals respond to unanticipated violations of social norms and expectations. The theory was proposed by Judee K. Burgoon in the late 1970s and continued through the 1980s and 1990s as "nonverbal expectancy violations theory", based on Burgoon's research studying proxemics. Burgoon's work initially analyzed individuals' allowances and expectations of personal distance and how responses to personal distance violations were influenced by the level of liking and relationship to the violators. The theory was later changed to its current name when other researchers began to focus on violations of social behavior expectations beyond nonverbal communication.

The uncertainty reduction theory, also known as initial interaction theory, developed in 1975 by Charles Berger and Richard Calabrese, is a communication theory from the post-positivist tradition.

Self-disclosure is a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative, and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

The social penetration theory (SPT) proposes that as relationships develop, interpersonal communication moves from relatively shallow, non-intimate levels to deeper, more intimate ones. The theory was formulated by psychologists Irwin Altman of the University of Utah and Dalmas Taylor of the University of Delaware in 1973 to understand relationship development between individuals. Altman and Taylor noted that relationships "involve different levels of intimacy of exchange or degree of social penetration". SPT is known as an objective theory as opposed to an interpretive theory, meaning it is based on data drawn from actual experiments and not simply from conclusions based on individuals' specific experiences.

Relational dialectics is an interpersonal communication theory about close personal ties and relationships that highlights the tensions, struggles, and interplay between contrary tendencies. The theory, proposed respectively by Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery in 1988, defines communication patterns between relationship partners as the result of endemic dialectical tensions. Dialectics are described as the tensions an individual feels when experiencing paradoxical desires that we need and/ or want. The theory contains four assumptions, one of them being that relationships are not one dimensional, rather, they consist of highs and lows, without moving in only one direction. The second assumption claims that change is a key element in relational life, in other words, as our lives change, our relationships change with it. Third, is the assumption that, “contradictions or tensions between opposites never go away and never cease to provide tension,” which means, we will always experience the feelings of pressure that come with our contradictory desires. The fourth assumption is that communication is essential when it comes to working through these opposing feelings. Relationships are made in dialogue and they can be complicated and dialogue with similarities and differences are necessary. Relational communication theories allow for opposing views or forces to come together in a reasonable way. When making decisions, desires and viewpoints that often contradict one another are mentioned and lead to dialectical tensions. Leslie A. Baxter and Barbara M. Montgomery exemplify these contradictory statements that arise from individuals experience dialectal tensions using common proverbs such as "opposites attract", but "birds of a feather flock together"; as well as, "two's company; three's a crowd" but "the more the merrier". This does not mean these opposing tensions are fundamentally troublesome for the relationship; on the contrary, they simply bring forward a discussion of the connection between two parties.

Conflict avoidance refers to a set of behaviors aimed at preventing or minimizing disagreement with another person. These behaviors can occur before the conflict emerges or after the conflict has been expressed. Conflict avoidance can be employed as a temporary measure within a specific situation or as a more permanent approach, such as establishing "taboo topics" or exiting a relationship. Although conflict avoidance can exist in any interpersonal relationship, it has been studied most closely in the contexts of family and work relationships. Consequently, research on conflict avoidance spans various disciplines including: clinical psychology, social psychology, organizational behavior, communication studies, and family studies.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Interpersonal communication</span> Exchange of information among people

Interpersonal communication is an exchange of information between two or more people. It is also an area of research that seeks to understand how humans use verbal and nonverbal cues to accomplish several personal and relational goals. Communication includes utilizing communication skills within one's surroundings, including physical and psychological spaces. It is essential to see the visual/nonverbal and verbal cues regarding the physical spaces. In the psychological spaces, self-awareness and awareness of the emotions, cultures, and things that are not seen are also significant when communicating.

Communication privacy management (CPM), originally known as communication boundary management, is a systematic research theory developed by Sandra Petronio in 1991. CPM theory aims to develop an evidence-based understanding of the way people make decisions about revealing and concealing private information. It suggests that individuals maintain and coordinate privacy boundaries with various communication partners depending on the perceived benefits and costs of information disclosure. Petronio believes disclosing private information will strengthen one's connections with others, and that we can better understand the rules for disclosure in relationships through negotiating privacy boundaries.

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Social network</span> Social structure made up of a set of social actors

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Privacy settings are the part of a social networking website, web browser, or other piece of software, that allows a user to control who sees information about the user. With the growing prevalence of social networking services, opportunities for privacy exposures also grow. Privacy settings allow a person to control what information is shared on these platforms.

References

  1. ↑ Bok, Sissela (1983). "The Limits of Confidentiality". The Hastings Center Report. 13 (1): 24–31. doi:10.2307/3561549. ISSN   0093-0334. JSTOR   3561549.
  2. 1 2 3 Vangelisti, Anita L. (February 1994). "Family Secrets: Forms, Functions and Correlates". Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 11 (1): 113–135. doi:10.1177/0265407594111007. ISSN   0265-4075.
  3. 1 2 3 4 Turner, Lynn H.; West, Richard (2014-02-18). The SAGE Handbook of Family Communication. SAGE Publications. ISBN   978-1-4833-1272-9.
  4. ↑ Wendorf, Donald J.; Wendorf, Robert J. (December 1985). "A Systemic View of Family Therapy Ethics". Family Process. 24 (4): 443–453. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.1985.00443.x. ISSN   0014-7370. PMID   4085613.
  5. ↑ Petronio, Sandra (November 1991). "Communication Boundary Management: A Theoretical Model of Managing Disclosure of Private Information Between Marital Couples". Communication Theory. 1 (4): 311–335. doi:10.1111/j.1468-2885.1991.tb00023.x. ISSN   1050-3293.
  6. 1 2 Karpel, Mark A. (September 1980). "Family Secrets:: I. Conceptual and Ethical Issues in the Relational Context". Family Process. 19 (3): 295–306. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.1980.00295.x. ISSN   0014-7370. PMID   7409106.
  7. ↑ Knauth, Donna G. (August 2003). "Family Secrets: An Illustrative Clinical Case Study Guided by Bowen Family Systems Theory". Journal of Family Nursing . 9 (3). SAGE Publications: 331–344. doi:10.1177/1074840703255451. ISSN   1074-8407. S2CID   143867993 . Retrieved 2008-10-30.
  8. 1 2 Fall, Kevin A.; Lyons, Christy (July 2003). "Ethical Considerations of Family Secret Disclosure and Post-Session Safety Management". The Family Journal . 11 (3). International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors, SAGE Publications: 281–285. doi:10.1177/1066480703252339. ISSN   1066-4807. S2CID   146169198 . Retrieved 2008-10-30.
  9. ↑ Petronio, Sandra (2017), "Communication Privacy Management Theory: Understanding Families", Engaging Theories in Family Communication (2 ed.), Routledge, doi:10.4324/9781315204321-8, ISBN   978-1-315-20432-1 , retrieved 2024-03-19
  10. ↑ Petronio, Sandra (September 2010). "Communication Privacy Management Theory: What Do We Know About Family Privacy Regulation?". Journal of Family Theory & Review. 2 (3): 175–196. doi:10.1111/j.1756-2589.2010.00052.x. ISSN   1756-2570.
  11. ↑ Stiles, William B.; Shuster, Paul L.; Harrigan, Jinni A. (1992). "Disclosure and anxiety: A test of the fever model". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 63 (6): 980–988. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.63.6.980. ISSN   1939-1315. PMID   1460564.
  12. ↑ Lane, Julie D.; Wegner, Daniel M. (August 1995). "The cognitive consequences of secrecy". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 69 (2): 237–253. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.69.2.237. ISSN   1939-1315 – via APA Psyche Net.
  13. ↑ Smart, Carol (2011-08-16). "Families, Secrets and Memories". Sociology. 45 (4): 539–553. doi:10.1177/0038038511406585. ISSN   0038-0385 – via Sage Journals.
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