Fear of commitment

Last updated

Fear of commitment, also known as gamophobia, [1] is the irrational fear or avoidance of long-term partnership or marriage.[ citation needed ] The term is sometimes used interchangeably with commitment phobia, [2] which describes a generalized fear or avoidance of commitments more broadly. [3] [4]

Contents

In essence, despite deriving satisfaction from companionship in a relationship, people may choose to distance themselves and withdraw if the relationship progresses to a serious level of commitment.

Psychological Explanations

Fear of commitment represents a multifaceted psychological phenomenon, susceptible to influence by numerous factors, with psychological elements playing a significant role as primary contributors. Below are a few potential causes of the fear of commitment in long term relationships:

1. Attachment Insecurity

Attachment insecurity is defined by inadequate and ambivalent caregiving during infancy. Such experiences are highly likely to result in the development of insecure attachment styles, which encompass the ways individuals engage with others in intimate relationships. [5] The concept of attachment styles originates from Bowlby's Attachment Theory, positing that individuals have an evolutionary need to establish close emotional bonds with significant others. [6] The internal working model, shaped by early attachment experiences, establishes a stable blueprint where the relationships formed with caregivers in infancy serve as a basis for predicting future adult relationships. This asserts an ongoing influence on an individual's subsequent emotional stability and development, illustrated by the continuity hypothesis. [7]

In the upbringing of individuals with an anxious-avoidant attachment style during childhood, parents often fail to express approval of intimate emotions from the child, leading to a gradual development of increased emotional distance and dismissiveness. This is evidenced by the maternal sensitivity hypothesis [8] , where children’s avoidnce is primarily resulted by treatments of caregivers, usually the mothers. In many instances, children experiencing this pattern are likely to acclimate to such dynamics, ultimately fostering an avoidant-dismissive attachment style in adulthood. Consequently, these individuals tend to retain bonds and close relationships on the surface while erecting emotional barriers when others attempt to delve into their deeper emotional realms. Stemming directly from a dismissive upbringing, where children learned that intimate relationships and significant others are unreliable, closeness and reassurance in interpersonal interactions is generally avoided by them. The fear of commitment in long-term relationships or marriage manifests as individuals harbour concerns that their potential partners may resemble the unreliable caregivers from their childhood, exemplifying the lasting impact of their early attachment experiences. Research has demonstrated a significant correlation between avoidance and commitment aversion [9] , meaning that the higher the avoidance, the lower the commitment level in relationships. The low level of commitment is due to the fear caused by discomfort with dependence. [9]

Social Psychology Research

Hazan and Shaver (1987) [10] conducted a social experiment extending attachment theory to explaining how the different attachment styles influence adult romantic relationships. They designed a love quiz to ask about participants’ childhood attachment styles and their beliefs on love. 620 replied and they concluded that the majority of individuals who are securely attached as infants are having joyful and enduring relationships. Another notable application revealed that individuals with avoidant attachment styles often exhibit discomfort with emotional intimacy and a preference for independence. This aversion to closeness and commitment can contribute to a heightened fear of long-term commitment, as these individuals may struggle with the vulnerability and emotional investment inherent in enduring relationships. In addition, anxious-resistant attachment style is characterised by concerns about abandonment and a constant need for reassurance. Individuals with this attachment style may also be afraid to commit since the perceived risk of rejection or unmet emotional needs can create hesitancy in committing to a long-term partnership. This therefore supported the claim that attachment styles, especially insecure attachment, can explain fear of commitment to a certain extent.

2. Past experiences

Past relationships, particularly those involving trauma or having a sorrowful ending, can increase the likelihood of individuals developing a fear of commitment. They might become hesitant to invest emotionally in new relationships, fearing that their partner won't reciprocate the same level of commitment or may betray their trust. Research has consistently concluded that people's decisions to repeat behaviors are significantly influenced by their perceptions of past experiences. [11] When faced with the prospect of commitment, individuals may find themselves contending with past fears - a phenomenon intricately connected to their earlier encounters. In other words, because of a history of others failing them, individuals tend to associate commitment with negative perceptions. This inclination leads them to adopt a pattern of commitment aversion, characterised by a reluctance to engage in behaviors that foster commitment and instead resort to actions that obstruct its development. [9]

3. Low Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Self-esteem constitutes an affective evaluation of one’s own worth, values or importance. [12] It is positively correlated to self-worth, signifying that individuals who perceive themselves as lacking in existential value and affection from others are less likely to possess high self-esteem. Since formation and commitment of relationships are profoundly influenced by self-worth and interpersonal trust, a fear of commitment may consequently ensue. This is rooted in the belief that they are inadequately equipped to fulfill the needs of their partner, leading to a lack of confidence in sustaining a positive, healthy, and long-lasting relationship. [13] The resultant diminished commitment fosters an unfavorable conclusion to the relationship, thus establishing a cyclical pattern wherein this experience becomes a distressing component of their past, negatively reinforcing their fear and intensifying the phobia.

4. Unpleasant family divorce  

Divorce within families serves as a concrete illustration frequently employed by divorced parents to underscore the "reality of marriage." This stems from the fact that divorced parents often hold more pessimistic attitudes toward marriage, expressing low optimism regarding the feasibility of enduring relationships and healthy marital state. [14] Children of such parents inevitably absorb these irrational perspectives, forming a biased foundational belief during childhood that couples lack the capacity to surmount conflicts. This developmental stage serves as a crucial period for the establishment of a general schema. Studies indicate that, especially among women, there exists a tendency toward reduced confidence and heightened ambivalence when contemplating commitment to a specific partner. [14]  

History

The term "commitmentphobia" was coined in the popular self-help book Men Who Can't Love in 1987. [15] Following criticism that the idea was sexist, implying only men were commitmentphobic, the authors provided a more gender balanced model of commitmentphobia in a later work, He's Scared, She's Scared (1995). [16] When aversion to marriage involves fear, it's called "scottophobia". [17] Hatred of marriage is "misogamy". [18]

Criticism

Besides the common criticisms of self-help, psychologist Bella M. DePaulo has written books on singlism such as Singlism: What it is, why it matters and how to stop it and Singled Out on the stigmatization of single people. [19] [20]

The use of the term "fear" or "phobia" imparts an inherent linguistic bias. It recasts specific lifestyle decisions (such as bachelorhood vs. marriage, or a conscious decision to remain childfree) implicitly as generalised, irrational phobias while failing to identify, describe or address an individual's specific motives. For instance, the men's rights movement, citing high divorce rates and expensive alimony and legal costs, speaks not in terms of a "fear of commitment" but of a "marriage strike" to reflect their position that non-marriage is an entirely valid, logical position based on rational consideration of the economic factors involved. [21] [22] [23]

See also

Related Research Articles

In social psychology, an interpersonal relation describes a social association, connection, or affiliation between two or more persons. It overlaps significantly with the concept of social relations, which are the fundamental unit of analysis within the social sciences. Relations vary in degrees of intimacy, self-disclosure, duration, reciprocity, and power distribution. The main themes or trends of the interpersonal relations are: family, kinship, friendship, love, marriage, business, employment, clubs, neighborhoods, ethical values, support and solidarity. Interpersonal relations may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement, and form the basis of social groups and societies. They appear when people communicate or act with each other within specific social contexts, and they thrive on equitable and reciprocal compromises.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Jealousy</span> Emotion

Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Romance (love)</span> Type of love that focuses on feelings

Romance or romantic love is a feeling of love for, or a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Avoidant personality disorder</span> Personality disorder

Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) or Anxious personality disorder is a Cluster C personality disorder characterized by excessive social anxiety and inhibition, fear of intimacy, severe feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, and an overreliance on avoidance of feared stimuli as a maladaptive coping method. Those affected typically display a pattern of extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and rejection, a belief that one is socially inept or personally unappealing to others, and avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire for it. It appears to affect an approximately equal number of men and women.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Breakup</span> Termination of an intimate relationship

A relationship breakup, breakup, or break-up is the termination of a relationship. The act is commonly termed "dumping [someone]" in slang when it is initiated by one partner. The term is less likely to be applied to a married couple, where a breakup is typically called a separation or divorce. When a couple engaged to be married breaks up, it is typically called a "broken engagement". People commonly think of breakups in a romantic aspect, however, there are also non-romantic and platonic breakups, and this type of relationship dissolution is usually caused by failure to maintain a friendship.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Attachment theory</span> Psychological ethological theory about human relationships

An attachment theory is a psychological, evolutionary, and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans. The most important tenet is that young children need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for normal social and emotional development. The theory was formulated by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907–1990).

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Intimate relationship</span> Physical or emotional intimacy

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves emotional or physical closeness between people and may include sexual intimacy and feelings of romance or love. Intimate relationships are interdependent, and the members of the relationship mutually influence each other. The quality and nature of the relationship depends on the interactions between individuals, and is derived from the unique context and history that builds between people over time. Social and legal institutions such as marriage acknowledge and uphold intimate relationships between people. However, intimate relationships are not necessarily monogamous or sexual, and there is wide social and cultural variability in the norms and practices of intimacy between people.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Peter Pan syndrome</span>

Peter Pan Syndrome is a pop-psychology term used to describe an adult who is socially immature. It refers to “never-growing” adults who have reached an adult age, but cannot face their adult sensations and responsibilities. It is a metaphor, based on the concept of not growing up and being trapped in childhood. Individuals with Peter Pan Syndrome display behaviours associated with immaturity and a reluctance to grow up. They have difficulties in social and professional relationships because of their irresponsible behaviours and narcissistic properties. While it has often only been associated with males in the past, it can affect anyone, regardless of sex or gender.

Sexual anorexia is a term coined in 1975 by psychologist Nathan Hare to describe a fear of or deep aversion to sexual activity. It is considered a loss of "appetite" for sexual contact, and may result in a fear of intimacy or an aversion to any type of sexual interaction. The term largely exists in a colloquial sense and is not presently classified as a disorder in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual.

Dependency need is "the vital, originally infantile needs for mothering, love, affection, shelter, protection, security, food, and warmth."

Caring in intimate relationships is the practice of providing care and support to an intimate relationship partner. Caregiving behaviours are aimed at reducing the partner's distress and supporting their coping efforts in situations of either threat or challenge. Caregiving may include emotional support and/or instrumental support. Effective caregiving behaviour enhances the care-recipient's psychological well-being, as well as the quality of the relationship between the caregiver and the care-recipient. However, certain suboptimal caregiving strategies may be either ineffective or even detrimental to coping.

Mary Dinsmore Ainsworth was an American-Canadian developmental psychologist known for her work in the development of the attachment theory. She designed the strange situation procedure to observe early emotional attachment between a child and their primary caregiver.

In psychology, the theory of attachment can be applied to adult relationships including friendships, emotional affairs, adult romantic and carnal relationships and, in some cases, relationships with inanimate objects. Attachment theory, initially studied in the 1960s and 1970s primarily in the context of children and parents, was extended to adult relationships in the late 1980s. The working models of children found in Bowlby's attachment theory form a pattern of interaction that is likely to continue influencing adult relationships.

Attachment measures, or attachment assessments, are the various procedures used to assess the attachment system in children and adults. These procedures can assess patterns of attachment and individual self-protective strategies. Some assessments work across the several models of attachment and some are model-specific. Many assessments allow children and adults' attachment strategies to be classified into three primary attachment pattern groups: B-pattern, A-pattern, C-pattern. In most models, each pattern group is further broken down into several sub-patterns. Some assessments are capable of finding additional information about an individual, such as unresolved trauma, depression, history of family triangulation, and lifespan changes in the attachment pattern. Some assessments specifically or additionally look for caregiving behaviors, as caregiving and attachment are widely considered two separate systems for organizing thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Some methods assess disorders of attachment or romantic attachment.

Separation anxiety disorder (SAD) is an anxiety disorder in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home and/or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment. Separation anxiety is a natural part of the developmental process. It is most common in infants and little children, typically between the ages of six to seven months to three years, although it may pathologically manifest itself in older children, adolescents and adults. Unlike SAD, normal separation anxiety indicates healthy advancements in a child's cognitive maturation and should not be considered a developing behavioral problem.

Theories of love can refer to several psychological and sociological theories:

Attachment and health is a psychological model which considers how the attachment theory pertains to people's preferences and expectations for the proximity of others when faced with stress, threat, danger or pain. In 1982, American psychiatrist Lawrence Kolb noticed that patients with chronic pain displayed behaviours with their healthcare providers akin to what children might display with an attachment figure, thus marking one of the first applications of the attachment theory to physical health. Development of the adult attachment theory and adult attachment measures in the 1990s provided researchers with the means to apply the attachment theory to health in a more systematic way. Since that time, it has been used to understand variations in stress response, health outcomes and health behaviour. Ultimately, the application of the attachment theory to health care may enable health care practitioners to provide more personalized medicine by creating a deeper understanding of patient distress and allowing clinicians to better meet their needs and expectations.

Internal working model of attachment is a psychological approach that attempts to describe the development of mental representations, specifically the worthiness of the self and expectations of others' reactions to the self. This model is a result of interactions with primary caregivers which become internalized, and is therefore an automatic process. John Bowlby implemented this model in his attachment theory in order to explain how infants act in accordance with these mental representations. It is an important aspect of general attachment theory.

Social emotional development represents a specific domain of child development. It is a gradual, integrative process through which children acquire the capacity to understand, experience, express, and manage emotions and to develop meaningful relationships with others. As such, social emotional development encompasses a large range of skills and constructs, including, but not limited to: self-awareness, joint attention, play, theory of mind, self-esteem, emotion regulation, friendships, and identity development.

Breadcrumbing, also called Hansel and Grettelling, is a colloquial term used to characterize the practice of sporadically feigning interest in another person in order to keep them interested, despite a true lack of investment in the relationship. It is regarded as a type of manipulation and can be either deliberate or unintentional. Breadcrumbing can occur in familial relationships, friendships, and the workplace, but it is more prevalent in romantic contexts, particularly with the surge of online dating.

References

  1. ↑ "Gamophobia (Fear of Commitment): Causes & Treatment". Cleveland Clinic. Retrieved 2023-03-14.
  2. ↑ "This Is Why Some People Are So Scared of Commitment". www.vice.com. 9 November 2018. Retrieved 2023-03-14.
  3. ↑ "Commitment Phobia: Symptoms and Signs". WebMD. Retrieved 2023-03-14.
  4. ↑ "Is Fear of Commitment Real?". Psych Central. 2021-05-28. Retrieved 2023-03-14.
  5. ↑ "APA Dictionary of Psychology". dictionary.apa.org. Retrieved 2024-03-19.
  6. ↑ "APA Dictionary of Psychology". dictionary.apa.org. Retrieved 2024-03-19.
  7. ↑ Chris Fraley, R. (May 2002). "Attachment Stability From Infancy to Adulthood: Meta-Analysis and Dynamic Modeling of Developmental Mechanisms". Personality and Social Psychology Review. 6 (2): 123–151. doi:10.1207/s15327957pspr0602_03. ISSN   1088-8683.
  8. ↑ Smith, Philip B.; Pederson, David R. (1988). "Maternal Sensitivity and Patterns of Infant-Mother Attachment". Child Development. 59 (4): 1097–1101. doi:10.2307/1130276. ISSN   0009-3920. JSTOR   1130276. PMID   3168617.
  9. 1 2 3 Birnie, Carolyn; JOY McCLURE, M.; Lydon, John E.; Holmberg, Diane (March 2009). "Attachment avoidance and commitment aversion: A script for relationship failure". Personal Relationships. 16 (1): 79–97. doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01211.x. ISSN   1350-4126.
  10. ↑ Hazan, Cindy; Shaver, Phillip (1987). "Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 52 (3): 511–524. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511. ISSN   1939-1315. PMID   3572722.
  11. ↑ Albarracín, Dolores; Wyer, Robert S. (2000). "The cognitive impact of past behavior: Influences on beliefs, attitudes, and future behavioral decisions". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 79 (1): 5–22. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.79.1.5. ISSN   1939-1315. PMC   4807731 . PMID   10909874.
  12. ↑ Donnellan, M. Brent; Trzesniewski, Kali H.; Robins, Richard W. (2015), "Measures of Self-Esteem", Measures of Personality and Social Psychological Constructs, Elsevier, pp. 131–157, doi:10.1016/b978-0-12-386915-9.00006-1, ISBN   978-0-12-386915-9 , retrieved 2024-03-19
  13. ↑ Rill, Leslie; Baiocchi, Elizabeth; Hopper, Megan; Denker, Katherine; Olson, Loreen N. (2009-10-12). "Exploration of the Relationship between Self-Esteem, Commitment, and Verbal Aggressiveness in Romantic Dating Relationships". Communication Reports. 22 (2): 102–113. doi:10.1080/08934210903061587. ISSN   0893-4215.
  14. 1 2 Whitton, Sarah W.; Rhoades, Galena K.; Stanley, Scott M.; Markman, Howard J. (October 2008). "Effects of parental divorce on marital commitment and confidence". Journal of Family Psychology. 22 (5): 789–793. doi:10.1037/a0012800. ISSN   1939-1293. PMC   2704052 . PMID   18855515.
  15. ↑ Steven A. Carter & Julia Sokol (1987). Men Who Can't Love. M. Evans & Co. ISBN   978-0-425-11170-3.
  16. ↑ Steven A. Carter & Julia Sokol (1995). He's Scared, She's Scared. M. Evans & Co. ISBN   978-0-440-50625-6.
  17. ↑ Kantha, Sachi Sri, and Saori Yamamoto. "Medical Aspects in Tackling Fertility Decline among Japanese." International Medical Journal 22.6 (2015): 450-452
  18. ↑ Ben-Rafael, Eliezer, and Sasha Weitman. "The reconstitution of the family in the kibbutz." European Journal of Sociology 25.01 (1984): 1-27.
  19. ↑ Arnold, Lisa; Campbell, Christina (14 January 2013). "The High Price of Being Single in America". The Atlantic. Retrieved 2 May 2021.
  20. ↑ "Bella DePaulo". Psychology Today. Retrieved 2 May 2021.
  21. ↑ Glenn Sacks; Dianna Thompson (2002-07-09). "Have Anti-Father Family Court Policies Led to a Men's Marriage Strike?". ifeminists.com. Retrieved 2013-07-15.
  22. ↑ Helen Smith (4 June 2013). "The Marriage Strike: why men don't marry". Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream-And Why It Matters. ENCOUNTER BOOKS. pp. 1–39. ISBN   978-1-59403-675-0.
  23. ↑ Wendy McElroy (2003-08-12). "The Marriage Strike". Fox News - Opinion. Retrieved 2013-07-15.
This page is based on this Wikipedia article
Text is available under the CC BY-SA 4.0 license; additional terms may apply.
Images, videos and audio are available under their respective licenses.