Mother's boy

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Mother's boy, also commonly and informally mummy's boy or mama's boy, is a derogatory term for a man seen as having an unhealthy dependence on his mother at an age at which he is expected to be self-reliant (e.g. live on his own, be economically independent). Use of this phrase is first attested in 1901. [1] The term mama's boy has a connotation of effeminacy and weakness. The counter term, for women, would be a father complex.

Contents

In classical Freudian psychoanalytic theory, the term Oedipus complex denotes a child's desire to have sexual relations with the parent of the opposite sex. Sigmund Freud wrote that a child's identification with the same-sex parent is the successful resolution of the Oedipus complex. [2] This theory came into the popular consciousness in America in the 1940s.

Psychological explanations

Psychoanalytic theory

The psychoanalytic theory, often referred to as the psychodynamic approach, provides a key psychological explanation for human gender development. [3] 'Gender development' refers to a process in which individuals come to understand and internalise gender-related concepts and roles. It is a gradual formation of cognitive frameworks and internal schemas in relation to gender dynamics amongst society. [4]

In the psychoanalytic theory, Sigmund Freud highlighted the significance of the unconscious mind in shaping human behaviour and personality. This Freudian perspective emerged in the early 1900's, in which he addressed physical traits such as being a "mother's boy" by exploring and resolving conflicts within the internal mind. [5]

Sigmund Freud photographed by Max Halberstadt. Sigmund Freud, by Max Halberstadt (cropped).jpg
Sigmund Freud photographed by Max Halberstadt.

Psychosexual stages

Freud proposed that child development occurs in five psychosexual stages, each marked by various conflicts that children must "overcome" in order to successfully progress onto the next. The Oedipus complex/conflict is encountered in the "phallic stage" when children are 3-6 years old [5] as they begin gender development. Prior to the phallic stage, children have no concept nor awareness of gender. [6] This notion is further supported by Kohlberg's theory of gender development. [7]

Oedipus complex

The Oedipus complex is defined by a boy's unconscious, incestuous feelings toward his mother. This is accompanied by jealousy and hostility toward his father, whom the boy deems as a sexual rival for his mother's affection. However, this desire is tempered by the boy's fear of retaliation from his father, leading to "castration anxiety", when the boy fears he may be castrated by his own father. To resolve and overcome this conflict, the boy typically gives up his love for his mother, and instead begins to identity with his father. This enables him to internalise traits and personalities observed from the same sex parent. [8]

However, if the psychosexual Oedipus conflict remains unresolved, fixation can occur, resulting in the child becoming "stuck" with phallic personality traits into adulthood. [8] These phallic personality traits are depicted by a man's over dependence on his mother, both emotionally and physically. Freud argues this occurrence is particularly noticeable in cases of absent fathers, where the lack of identification and internalisation with the father causes the boy to seek gender identification with the mother instead, thus leading to what modern society calls a "mother's boy". [9]

Attachment theory

Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth investigated the emotional bond (reciprocity) formed between infants and their mothers. [10] Attachment theory proposes that in the case of "mother's boys", their intense dependency on their primary caregiver (the mother) results in a reluctance to assert independence, heightened anxiety in her absence, and difficulty forming and maintaining relationships beyond the maternal bond upon adulthood. [10]

In Ainsworth's "strange situation" experiment in 1970, she explored the long term implications of various attachment styles for adult functioning. She identified three primary attachment styles in children: [11]

  1. Secure attachment
  2. Insecure-avoidant attachment
  3. Insecure-resistant attachment.

Further studies has indicated that children who develop an insecure attachment style with their mothers especially exhibit difficulties in forming healthy relationships in adulthood. [12] Additionally, psychologist Diana Baumrind identified that parenting styles characterised by overprotection and lack of boundaries may exacerbate an insecure attachment style and intensify "mother's boy" dynamics. [13] Attachment studies therefore highlights the importance of early attachment and parenting styles in shaping individuals' interpersonal behaviour and overall psychological well-being.

Criticism and controversies

The term "mother's boy" is not without its criticisms and controversies due to its potential to stigmatise males who maintain a close relationship with their mothers. It may enforce existing gender stereotypes that men should be strong and not emotionally reliant on their mothers, which could invalidate their emotional bonds with mothers.

The Freudian psychoanalytic theory, from which the term "mother's boy" stems, can be largely criticised in contemporary psychology. Critics argue the theory's speculative nature and reliance on clinical observations lack empirical evidence and scientific rigour. As his methodology was largely grounded in case studies of the unconscious mind, his findings also lack falsifiability. [14] Moreover, Freud's work only reflects the cultural and historical context of late 19th century Vienna, leading to concerns about cultural relativism and ethnocentrism.

Similar limitations can also be identified in Mary Ainsworth's attachment theory in 1970. Her "strange situation" study has been criticised for its ethnocentric bias and lack of universality. [15] Meta-analyses following Ainsworth's research, such as the study by Van IJ & K [16] highlighted cultural differences in attachment types, with insecure attachment being more prevalent in collectivist Asian cultures (Japan, China, India) in comparison to the Western individualistic cultures (Germany, UK, USA). [17]

Cultural and media depictions

The term "mother's boy" is perceived differently across cultures and media representations due to varying cultural attitudes towards masculinity and gender roles of males in society.

Although the term "mother's boy" carries negative connotations in Western cultures. By contrast, Asian cultures, including those in countries like India, Pakistan, and China, often place a strong emphasis on family values and filial piety (the virtue of showing respect for one's parents and elders). Sons are traditionally expected to show respect and obedience to their mothers as a sign of familial honour due to the mother's traditional gender role of being a homemaker. [18]

Notable examples in media

This was portrayed in the 2020 Netflix TV sitcom Never Have I Ever, where character Devi Vishwakumar is rejected by her love interest Des, as his mother disapproves of their relationship, stating "Look, Devi, you’re cool and all, but dating you isn’t worth angering my mom. I mean, she still pays for my phone.”

The mother's boy phenomenon is also comically portrayed in other popular TV sitcoms such as The Big Bang Theory , starring Simon Helberg as Howard Wolowitz, a man who still lives with his mother in his late 20's. Howard's relationship with his overbearing mother is a recurring source of humour. His constant need for his mother's approval and his reluctance to fully separate from her highlights the stereotype of the mother's boy in western culture.

More famously, in the 1960's American horror films Psycho and Bates Motel, Norman's intense and unhealthy relationship with his mother depicts the dark side of being a mother's boy. Norman's deep emotional attachment to his mother, coupled with her extreme influence, contributes to his descent into madness and eventual transformation into an infamous killer in the film.

Overall, the term "mother's boy" reflects the complex dynamics observed in mother-son relationships amongst Western society.

See also

Related Research Articles

Psychoanalysis is a set of theories and therapeutic techniques that deal in part with the unconscious mind, and which together form a method of treatment for mental disorders. The discipline was established in the early 1890s by Sigmund Freud, whose work stemmed partly from the clinical work of Josef Breuer and others. Freud developed and refined the theory and practice of psychoanalysis until his death in 1939. In an encyclopedic article, he identified the cornerstones of psychoanalysis as "the assumption that there are unconscious mental processes, the recognition of the theory of repression and resistance, the appreciation of the importance of sexuality and of the Oedipus complex." Freud's colleagues Alfred Adler and Carl Gustav Jung developed offshoots of psychoanalysis which they called individual psychology (Adler) and analytical psychology (Jung), although Freud himself wrote a number of criticisms of them and emphatically denied that they were forms of psychoanalysis. Psychoanalysis was later developed in different directions by neo-Freudian thinkers, such as Erich Fromm, Karen Horney, and Harry Stack Sullivan.

Castration anxiety is an overwhelming fear of damage to, or loss of, the penis—a derivative of Sigmund Freud's theory of the castration complex, one of his earliest psychoanalytic theories. The term refers to the fear of emasculation in both a literal and metaphorical sense.

The genital stage in psychoanalysis is the term used by Sigmund Freud to describe the final stage of human psychosexual development. The individual develops a strong sexual interest in people outside of the family.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Attachment theory</span> Psychological ethological theory about human relationships

An attachment theory is a psychological, evolutionary, and ethological theory concerning relationships between humans. The most important tenet is that young children need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for normal social and emotional development. The theory was formulated by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907–1990).

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Phallic stage</span> Freudian psychosexual development

In Freudian psychoanalysis, the phallic stage is the third stage of psychosexual development, spanning the ages of three to six years, wherein the infant's libido (desire) centers upon their genitalia as the erogenous zone. When children become aware of their bodies, the bodies of other children, and the bodies of their parents, they gratify physical curiosity by undressing and exploring each other and their genitals, the center of the phallic stage, in the course of which they learn the physical differences between the male and female sexes and their associated social roles, experiences which alter the psychologic dynamics of the parent and child relationship. The phallic stage is the third of five Freudian psychosexual development stages: (i) the oral, (ii) the anal, (iii) the phallic, (iv) the latent, and (v) the genital.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">John Bowlby</span> British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst (1907–1990)

Edward John Mostyn Bowlby, CBE, FBA, FRCP, FRCPsych was a British psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, notable for his interest in child development and for his pioneering work in attachment theory. A Review of General Psychology survey, published in 2002, ranked Bowlby as the 49th most cited psychologist of the 20th century.

In Freudian Ego psychology, psychosexual development is a central element of the psychoanalytic sexual drive theory. Freud believed that personality developed through a series of childhood stages in which pleasure seeking energies from the child became focused on certain erogenous areas. An erogenous zone is characterized as an area of the body that is particularly sensitive to stimulation. The five psychosexual stages are the oral, the anal, the phallic, the latent, and the genital. The erogenous zone associated with each stage serves as a source of pleasure. Being unsatisfied at any particular stage can result in fixation. On the other hand, being satisfied can result in a healthy personality. Sigmund Freud proposed that if the child experienced frustration at any of the psychosexual developmental stages, they would experience anxiety that would persist into adulthood as a neurosis, a functional mental disorder.

Nancy Julia Chodorow is an American sociologist and professor. She began her career as a professor of Women's studies at Wellesley College in 1973, and from 1974 on taught at the University of California, Santa Cruz, until 1986. She then was a professor in the departments of sociology and clinical psychology at the University of California, Berkeley until she resigned in 1986, after which she taught psychiatry at Harvard Medical School/Cambridge Health Alliance. Chodorow is often described as a leader in feminist thought, especially in the realms of psychoanalysis and psychology.

In psychology, an affectional bond is a type of attachment behavior one individual has for another individual, typically a caregiver for their child, in which the two partners tend to remain in proximity to one another. The term was coined and subsequently developed over the course of four decades, from the early 1940s to the late 1970s, by psychologist John Bowlby in his work on attachment theory. The core of the term affectional bond, according to Bowlby, is the attraction one individual has for another individual. The central features of the concept of affectional bonding can be traced to Bowlby's 1958 paper, "The Nature of the Child's Tie to his Mother".

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Attachment in children</span> Biological instinct

Attachment in children is "a biological instinct in which proximity to an attachment figure is sought when the child senses or perceives threat or discomfort. Attachment behaviour anticipates a response by the attachment figure which will remove threat or discomfort". Attachment also describes the function of availability, which is the degree to which the authoritative figure is responsive to the child's needs and shares communication with them. Childhood attachment can define characteristics that will shape the child's sense of self, their forms of emotion-regulation, and how they carry out relationships with others. Attachment is found in all mammals to some degree, especially primates.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Feminist views on the Oedipus complex</span> Feminist psychoanalytic response to Freuds model of gender identity

Feminists have long struggled with Sigmund Freud's classical model of gender and identity development, which centers on the Oedipus complex. Freud's model, which became integral to orthodox psychoanalysis, suggests that because women lack the visible genitals of the male, they feel they are "missing" the most central characteristic necessary for gaining narcissistic value—therefore developing feelings of gender inequality and penis envy. In his late theory on the feminine, Freud recognized the early and long lasting libidinal attachment of the daughter to the mother during the pre-oedipal stages. Feminist psychoanalysts have confronted these ideas and reached different conclusions. Some generally agree with Freud's major outlines, modifying it through observations of the pre-Oedipal phase. Others reformulate Freud's theories more completely.

Love and hate as co-existing forces have been thoroughly explored within the literature of psychoanalysis, building on awareness of their co-existence in Western culture reaching back to the “odi et amo” of Catullus, and Plato's Symposium.

Cupboard love is a popular learning theory of the 1950s and 1960s based on the research of Sigmund Freud, Anna Freud, Melanie Klein and Mary Ainsworth. Rooted in psychoanalysis, the theory speculates that attachment develops in the early stages of infancy. This process involves the mother satisfying her infant's instinctual needs, exclusively. Cupboard love theorists conclude that during infancy, our primary drive is food which leads to a secondary drive for attachment.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Maternal deprivation</span> Work on the effects of separating infants/young children from their mother

Maternal deprivation is a scientific term summarising the early work of psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby on the effects of separating infants and young children from their mother. Although the effect of loss of the mother on the developing child had been considered earlier by Freud and other theorists, Bowlby's work on delinquent and affectionless children and the effects of hospital and institutional care led to his being commissioned to write the World Health Organization's report on the mental health of homeless children in post-war Europe whilst he was head of the Department for Children and Parents at the Tavistock Clinic in London after World War II. The result was the monograph Maternal Care and Mental Health published in 1951, which sets out the maternal deprivation hypothesis.

The Blacky pictures test was a projective test, employing a series of twelve picture cards, used by psychoanalysts in mid-20th century America and elsewhere, to investigate the extent to which children's personalities were shaped by Freudian psychosexual development.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">History of attachment theory</span>

Attachment theory, originating in the work of John Bowlby, is a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory that provides a descriptive and explanatory framework for understanding interpersonal relationships between human beings.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Electra complex</span> Jungian psychological concept

In neo-Freudian psychology, the Electra complex, as proposed by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung in his Theory of Psychoanalysis, is a girl's psychosexual competition with her mother for possession of her father. In the course of her psychosexual development, the complex is the girl's phallic stage; a boy's analogous experience is the Oedipus complex. The Electra complex occurs in the third—phallic stage —of five psychosexual development stages: the oral, the anal, the phallic, the latent, and the genital—in which the source of libido pleasure is in a different erogenous zone of the infant's body.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Oedipus complex</span> Idea in psychoanalysis

In classical psychoanalytic theory, the Oedipus complex refers to a son's sexual attitude towards his mother and concomitant hostility toward his father, first formed during the phallic stage of psychosexual development. A daughter's attitude of desire for her father and hostility toward her mother is referred to as the feminine Oedipus complex. The general concept was considered by Sigmund Freud in The Interpretation of Dreams (1899), although the term itself was introduced in his paper A Special Type of Choice of Object made by Men (1910).

Penis envy is a stage in Sigmund Freud's theory of female psychosexual development, in which young girls experience anxiety upon realization that they do not have a penis. Freud considered this realization a defining moment in a series of transitions toward a mature female sexuality. In Freudian theory, the penis envy stage begins the transition from attachment to the mother to competition with the mother for the attention and affection of the father. The young boy's realization that women do not have a penis is thought to result in castration anxiety.

Internal working model of attachment is a psychological approach that attempts to describe the development of mental representations, specifically the worthiness of the self and expectations of others' reactions to the self. This model is a result of interactions with primary caregivers which become internalized, and is therefore an automatic process. John Bowlby implemented this model in his attachment theory in order to explain how infants act in accordance with these mental representations. It is an important aspect of general attachment theory.

References

  1. ↑ "EtymOnline" . Retrieved 29 January 2020.
  2. ↑ Charles Rycroft A Critical Dictionary of Psychoanalysis (London, 2nd Ed. 1995)
  3. ↑ "Theories of Gender Development | Intro to Communication + Public Speaking". courses.lumenlearning.com. Retrieved 2024-03-21.
  4. ↑ Goist, E. (2023, October 29). Gender Development Overview, Theories & Examples. Study.com. https://study.com/academy/lesson/gender-development-overview-theories.html
  5. 1 2 Tarzian, M., Ndrio, M., & Fakoya, A. O. (2023). An Introduction and Brief Overview of Psychoanalysis. Cureus, 15(9), e45171. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.45171
  6. ↑ "Cognition and gender development". Open Learning. Retrieved 2024-03-21.
  7. ↑ jstor.org
  8. 1 2 Boothe, Brigitte . 2017. “(PDF) Oedipus Complex.” ResearchGate. January 2017. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/315860460_Oedipus_Complex.
  9. ↑ Freeman, Tabitha. 2008. “Psychoanalytic Concepts of Fatherhood: Patriarchal Paradoxes and the Presence of an Absent Authority.” Studies in Gender and Sexuality 9 (2): 113–39. https://doi.org/10.1080/15240650801935156.
  10. 1 2 Ainsworth, Mary D. Salter; Bell, Silvia M. (1970). "Attachment, Exploration, and Separation: Illustrated by the Behavior of One-Year-Olds in a Strange Situation". Child Development. 41 (1): 49–67. doi:10.2307/1127388. ISSN   0009-3920. JSTOR   1127388.
  11. ↑ Benoit D. (2004). Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome. Paediatrics & child health, 9(8), 541–545. https://doi.org/10.1093/pch/9.8.541
  12. ↑ Michael J. Diamond (2004) The shaping of masculinity: Revisioning boys turning away from their mothers to construct male gender identity, The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 85:2, 359-379, DOI: 10.1516/U8XV-LG0A-WXNW-1285 https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1516/U8XV-LG0A-WXNW-1285
  13. ↑ Kuppens, S., & Ceulemans, E. (2019). Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept. Journal of child and family studies, 28(1), 168–181. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1242-x
  14. ↑ Bartlett, Francis H. (1939). "The Limitations of Freud". Science & Society. 3 (1): 64–105. ISSN   0036-8237. JSTOR   40399197.
  15. ↑ Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1978). The Bowlby-Ainsworth attachment theory. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 1(3), 436–438. doi:10.1017/S0140525X00075828 https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/behavioral-and-brain-sciences/article/abs/bowlbyainsworth-attachment-theory/3915528486A6062F4DBEF0720406C462
  16. ↑ "Cross-Cultural Patterns of Attachment: A Meta-Analysis of the Strange Situation 1988"
  17. ↑ van IJzendoorn, Marinus H.; Kroonenberg, Pieter M. (1988). "Cross-Cultural Patterns of Attachment: A Meta-Analysis of the Strange Situation". Child Development. 59 (1): 147–156. doi:10.2307/1130396. ISSN   0009-3920. JSTOR   1130396.
  18. ↑ Cambridge Dictionary. 2024. “Filial Piety.” @CambridgeWords. March 20, 2024. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/filial-piety#google_vignette.


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