Replacement child

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Replacement child is a term used to refer to a child conceived shortly after the parents have lost another child. It was coined by psychologists Albert C. Cain and Barbara S. Cain in 1964. [1]

Since then, people have expanded the definition to include not only a child born shortly after another child dies, but also any child born to replace a child who had died no matter the time frame. Another definition says that a replacement child can also be a child who essentially takes over the role of an older sibling who dies. [2]

In a situation where a child is a replacement child, the parents have not usually moved forward from their other child's death and they are often stuck in the process of grieving.  This replacement child is meant to fill a void that the parents haven't healed from. These parents are survivors of losing a child, but they are often still experiencing a lot of trauma that they are having trouble coping with which results in having this replacement child. [3] This often results in the parents being emotionally unavailable to the new child which results in some problems for that child.  It can result in developmental disturbances and even the child having trouble growing their own identity because they feel like they are living in the shadow of someone else. [4] Parents can lose a child and have another child after without it being considered a replacement child because they have mourned and accepted the loss of their previous child, so the new child isn't “replacing” them. [5]

Many replacement children might not often know that they are a replacement child, due to the idea of a replacement child not being mainstream. Often the children who don't know will struggle with issues, but not be able to place a reason behind it.  When they are able to become more aware of the situation, they are more likely to be able to work through the issues and reframe the situation. [6]

In 1980, clinicians Robert Krell and Leslie Rabkin identified three types of replacement child: the "haunted" child, who lives in a family overwhelmed by guilt and silence, the "bound" child, who is incomparably precious and sometimes over-protected, and the "resurrected" child, who is treated as a reincarnation of the dead sibling. [7] [8] Artists Vincent van Gogh and Salvador Dalí, who both had brothers of the same name who died before their birth, are examples of resurrected children. [9]

Another example of a replacement child is James Barrie who is the author of Peter Pan.  James Barrie was the type of replacement child that took over the role of an older sibling that died.  He was 6 years old when his older brother died at the age of 14.  After the loss of her older child, their mother became depressed, so James began to dress up in his older brother's clothes and even learned to whistle the same way his older brother did in order to gain the attention of this mother. [10]

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Father</span> Male parent

A father is the male parent of a child. Besides the paternal bonds of a father to his children, the father may have a parental, legal, and social relationship with the child that carries with it certain rights and obligations. A biological father is the male genetic contributor to the creation of the infant, through sexual intercourse or sperm donation. A biological father may have legal obligations to a child not raised by him, such as an obligation of monetary support. An adoptive father is a man who has become the child's parent through the legal process of adoption. A putative father is a man whose biological relationship to a child is alleged but has not been established. A stepfather is a non-biological male parent married to a child's preexisting parent, and may form a family unit but generally does not have the legal rights and responsibilities of a parent in relation to the child.

A sibling is a relative that shares at least one parent with the subject. A male sibling is a brother and a female sibling is a sister. A person with no siblings is an only child.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Grandparent</span> Parent of ones parents

Grandparents, individually known as grandmother and grandfather, are the parents of a person's father or mother – paternal or maternal. Every sexually-reproducing living organism who is not a genetic chimera has a maximum of four genetic grandparents, eight genetic great-grandparents, sixteen genetic great-great-grandparents, thirty-two genetic great-great-great-grandparents, sixty-four genetic great-great-great-great grandparents, etc. In the history of modern humanity, around 30,000 years ago, the number of modern humans who lived to be a grandparent increased. It is not known for certain what spurred this increase in longevity, but it is generally believed that a key consequence of three generations being alive together was the preservation of information which could otherwise have been lost; an example of this important information might have been where to find water in times of drought.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Dysfunctional family</span> Type of family

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Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among siblings, whether blood-related or not.

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A sister is a woman or a girl who shares one or more parents with another individual; a female sibling. The male counterpart is a brother. Although the term typically refers to a familial relationship, it is sometimes used endearingly to refer to non-familial relationships. A full sister is a first-degree relative.

In psychology, an affectional bond is a type of attachment behavior one individual has for another individual, typically a caregiver for her or his child, in which the two partners tend to remain in proximity to one another. The term was coined and subsequently developed over the course of four decades, from the early 1940s to the late 1970s, by psychologist John Bowlby in his work on attachment theory. The core of the term affectional bond, according to Bowlby, is the attraction one individual has for another individual. The central features of the concept of affectional bonding can be traced to Bowlby's 1958 paper, "The Nature of the Child's Tie to his Mother".

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Peter Pan</span> Character created by James Matthew Barrie

Peter Pan is a fictional character created by Scottish novelist and playwright J. M. Barrie. A free-spirited and mischievous young boy who can fly and never grows up, Peter Pan spends his never-ending childhood having adventures on the mythical island of Neverland as the leader of the Lost Boys, interacting with fairies, pirates, mermaids, Native Americans, and occasionally ordinary children from the world outside Neverland.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Parenting styles</span> Psychological construct

A parenting style is a pattern of behaviors, attitudes, and approaches that a parent uses when interacting with and raising their child. The study of parenting styles is based on the idea that parents differ in their patterns of parenting and that these patterns can have a significant impact on their children's development and well-being. Parenting styles are distinct from specific parenting practices, since they represent broader patterns of practices and attitudes that create an emotional climate for the child. Parenting styles also encompass the ways in which parents respond to and make demands on their children.

Sibling abuse includes the physical, psychological, or sexual abuse of one sibling by another. More often than not, the younger sibling is abused by the older sibling. Sibling abuse is the most common of family violence in the US, but the least reported. As opposed to sibling rivalry, sibling abuse is characterized by the one-sided treatment of one sibling to another.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Family</span> Group of related people

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sibling relationship</span> Relationship between siblings

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Secure attachment</span>

Secure attachment is classified by children who show some distress when their caregiver leaves but are able to compose themselves quickly when the caregiver returns. Children with secure attachment feel protected by their caregivers, and they know that they can depend on them to return. John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth developed a theory known as attachment theory after inadvertently studying children who were patients in a hospital at which they were working. Attachment theory explains how the parent-child relationship emerges and provides influence on subsequent behaviors and relationships. Stemming from this theory, there are four main types of attachment: secure attachment, ambivalent attachment, avoidant attachment and disorganized attachment.

I Want a Brother or Sister, also That's My Baby is a children's book written by Astrid Lindgren. It is about Peter and his sister Lena, who later appeared in the book I Want to Go to School Too.

References

  1. "The Believer - What's in a Necronym?". The Believer. 2015-08-01. Retrieved 2016-01-03.
  2. "The Replacement Child | Psychology Today". www.psychologytoday.com. Retrieved 2021-11-03.
  3. "Replacement Children: The Unconscious Script, An Interview With The Co-Author Rita Silverman". HuffPost. 2016-07-18. Retrieved 2021-11-03.
  4. Ünstündag-Budak, Ayse Meltem (2015). "The replacement child syndrome following stillbirth: a reconsideration". Enfance. 2015 (3): 351–364. doi:10.4074/S0013754515003079. ISSN   0013-7545. S2CID   146133639.
  5. "The Replacement Child | Psychology Today". www.psychologytoday.com. Retrieved 2021-11-03.
  6. "The Replacement Child | Psychology Today". www.psychologytoday.com. Retrieved 2021-11-03.
  7. Krell, Robert; Rabkin, Leslie (1979-12-01). "The Effects of Sibling Death on the Surviving Child: A Family Perspective". Family Process. 18 (4): 471–477. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.1979.00471.x. ISSN   1545-5300. PMID   527705.
  8. KRELL, ROBERT; RABKIN, LESLIE (1979). "The Effects of Sibling Death on the Surviving Child: A Family Perspective". Family Process. 18 (4): 471–477. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.1979.00471.x. PMID   527705.
  9. Lamothe, Élisabeth; Sardin-Damestoy, Pascale; Sauvage, Julie; Gironde), Groupe d'études sur le maternel (Pessac (2008-01-01). Of Mothers and Death: From Procreation to Creation. Presses Univ de Bordeaux. ISBN   9782867814938.
  10. "Famous Replacement Children". Replacement Child Forum. Retrieved 2021-11-03.