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Ross Allen Rosenberg (born March 16, 1961) is an American psychotherapist, author, and educator. He introduced the concept of Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD), a framework he developed to interpret codependency in the context of attachment trauma.[1][2] He is the founder of the Self-Love Recovery Institute.
Rosenberg was born in Chicago, Illinois, and raised in Mount Prospect.[3] In 1982, he received inpatient treatment at Riveredge Hospital for substance abuse. During this period, he wrote a poem titled Loneliness, which he later described as influential in shaping his understanding of emotional trauma and interpersonal dysfunction.[4][5]
Rosenberg began his clinical practice in 1988 with Youth and Shelter Services in Iowa. From 1995 to 2003, Rosenberg advanced from a supervisor at FamilyCare of Illinois to Vice President of Operations at Alternative Behavior Centers, overseeing mental health programs.[8] He later worked as a psychotherapist at Arbor Counseling Center in Illinois until 2010.
In 2010, he founded Clinical Care Consultants, a counseling practice in Arlington Heights and Inverness, Illinois.[6][9][7][10] In 2013, he left PESI to establish Advanced Clinical Trainers (later renamed the Self-Love Recovery Institute), a company providing professional training, public speaking, and educational services.[11][8][10]
Rosenberg has served as an expert witness in legal proceedings involving narcissistic abuse, codependency, and trauma-related disorders.[6][12][13][7] From 2017 to 2020, he was a Certified Sex Addiction Treatment (CSAT) provider.[6][8][3] He has presented at professional conferences such as the Illinois Counseling Association (2012) and the Summit for Clinical Excellence (2018).[14][10][15][16]
Concepts and models
Rosenberg has developed a series of therapeutic models and psychological frameworks that reinterpret codependency through the lens of early attachment trauma, emotional neglect, and self-worth.[17]
Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD)
Rosenberg introduced the term Self-Love Deficit Disorder as an alternative to the concept of codependency. He describes SLDD as a condition characterized by a chronic lack of self-love, often rooted in attachment trauma during childhood. According to Rosenberg, this leads to persistent relational dysfunction, including a pattern of forming relationships with narcissistic partners.[18][19][20]
The Human Magnet Syndrome
An overarching theory that proposes individuals are unconsciously drawn to partners with opposite emotional traits, much like the way opposite poles of a magnet attract each other. Codependents, who prioritize others, are viewed as "negatively charged," while narcissists, who focus on themselves, are "positively charged." Their opposing traits create a powerful but dysfunctional connection that tends to repeat across relationships. The theory attributes this attraction to early attachment wounds and unresolved childhood needs.[19][5][20]
The Dance Metaphor
To illustrate this relationship pattern, Rosenberg uses a tango metaphor in which the narcissist leads the dance with control and dominance, while the codependent follows, accommodating to their partner’s emotional demands. The metaphor highlights the complementary dysfunctions that sustain the relationship dynamic.[18][19][20]
Typology of Codependency Subtypes
In The Codependency Revolution (2024), Rosenberg presents a typology of codependent behaviors.[18] The subtypes he identifies include:
Active: exhibiting overt and persistent codependent behavior
Passive: demonstrating codependency in reserved or avoidant ways
Oblivious: unaware of their own codependent tendencies
Cerebral: prone to intellectualizing emotional experiences
Threshold Reactor: reacting strongly when personal limits are crossed
Narcissist-Like: displaying behaviors that resemble narcissism
Abandoning: emotionally withdrawing from relationships
Sexually Compulsive: expressing codependency through compulsive sexual behavior
Anorexic: emotionally or relationally avoidant
Ross Rosenberg's Self-Love Deficit Disorder Pyramid
Self-Love Deficit Disorder Pyramid
Rosenberg’s Self-Love Deficit Disorder/SLDD (codependency) Pyramid, also referred to as a developmental model of 'renamed codependency,' outlines the origins and progression of SLDD across five hierarchical levels:[21][22][18][19][20]
Attachment Trauma – Early childhood neglect or conditional love, often from narcissistic caregivers.[23]
Core Shame – A resulting belief of personal unworthiness or defectiveness.[24]
Pathological Loneliness – A deep and chronic sense of disconnection from others.[24]
SLDD Addiction – A compulsive tendency to form relationships to avoid emotional pain.[24]
Externalized Dysfunction – Observable behaviors such as boundarylessness and people-pleasing.
He argues that these symptoms are expressions of underlying trauma, rather than the disorder itself.
Relationship Compatibility Theory and Zero-Sum Balance
Ross Rosenberg's Relationship Compatibility Continuum
Rosenberg’s Relationship Compatibility Theory uses numerical values to represent the distribution of qualities such as love, respect, care, trust, and protection (LRCTP) in relationships. When these values are inversely matched—for example, a (-5) codependent with a (+5) narcissist—their sum equals zero, creating what Rosenberg refers to as a zero-sum relationship. He contends that such relationships are often stable but dysfunctional due to their complementary imbalances.[18][19][20]
Self-Love Recovery Treatment Model
Ross Rosenberg's Ten Stage Self-Love Recovery Treatment Model
The Self-Love Recovery Treatment Model is Rosenberg’s structured approach for addressing SLDD. It includes ten stages:[18][19][20]
Hitting Bottom: Introducing Hope
Mastering Human Magnet Syndrome and Codependency Concepts
SLDD Addiction Recovery and Pathological Loneliness
Gaslighting Deprogramming
Building Social Support Systems
Preparing for the Narcissistic Storm
Boundary Setting and Escape Planning
Trauma Resolution via HITCH Method
Establishing Self-Love Abundance
Developing Mutual and Emotionally Healthy Relationships
HITCH Method
The Healing the Inner Trauma Child (HITCH) Method is a therapeutic approach developed by Ross Rosenberg as part of his Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program. It is designed to access and integrate childhood attachment trauma underlying Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD), and to treat conditions such as PTSD, C-PTSD, attachment trauma, and dissociative disorders.[25][26]
Observe–Don’t–Absorb
Rosenberg’s Observe–Don’t–Absorb technique encourages individuals to maintain emotional boundaries when interacting with narcissistic personalities. The strategy involves consciously observing emotional interactions without internalizing them.
Publications
Rosenberg has authored several books and papers on emotional trauma, codependency, and narcissism.[21] His book The Human Magnet Syndrome, explores patterns of attraction between codependent individuals with dependent and narcissistic traits.[19][5][20] A revised edition was released in 2017. As of 2025, over 200,000 copies have been sold.[9][13][22][27]
Rosenberg launched a YouTube channel in 2011 focusing on narcissistic abuse and recovery.[36] As of 2025, the channel had over 330,000 subscribers and 35 million views.[9][13][30][37] He also hosts The Self-Love Recovery Podcast, which began in 2022 and had produced over 80 episodes by 2025.[9][22]
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