Covert incest

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Covert incest, also known as emotional incest, is a type of abuse in which a parent looks to their child for the emotional support that would be normally provided by another adult. [1] The effects of covert incest on children when they become adults are thought to mimic actual incest, although to a lesser degree. [2] This term describes interactions between a parent and child that are exclusive of sexual abuse. [1]

Contents

Concept

Covert incest was defined in the 1980s [3] as an emotionally abusive [4] relationship between a parental figure and child that does not involve incest or sexual intercourse, though it involves similar interpersonal dynamics as a relationship between sexual partners. [3] [5] [6] Defining such relationships as "incest" has led to criticism of the concept for dramatically loosening the definition of incest, making child abuse seem more prevalent than it actually is [7] [8] [9] and being overused and unsubstantiated. [10]

Covert incest is described as occurring when a parent is unable or unwilling to maintain a relationship with another adult and forces the emotional role of a spouse onto their child instead. [4] The child's needs are ignored and instead the relationship exists solely to meet the needs of the parent [1] [7] and the adult may not be aware of the problems created by their actions. [11]

The effects of covert incest are thought to mimic actual incest, though to a lesser degree. [2] Kenneth Adams, who originated the concept, describes the victims as having anger or guilt towards parents and problems with self-esteem, addiction, and sexual and emotional intimacy. [12] Psychotherapist Roni Weisberg-Ross has noted that the term may not be particularly useful, since it can lead to attributing nearly any possible dysfunctional relationship or problem, becoming "a catchall, watered-down diagnosis". Ross also criticizes the term for its emphasis on children meeting parents' "unmet needs", noting that children often meet the emotional or other needs of parents, with relationship boundaries frequently blurring and no definition of when this leads to permanent damage or harm. [10]

Jungian analyst and author Marion Woodman describes covert incest as "unboundaried bonding" in which the parent or parents use the child as a mirror to support their needs, rather than mirroring the child in support of the child's emotional development. [13]

Alcoholism and other substance addictions are also associated with the occurrence of covert incest. [14] [15]

See also

Related Research Articles

Incest is human sexual activity between family members or close relatives. This typically includes sexual activity between people in consanguinity, and sometimes those related by affinity, adoption, or lineage. It is strictly forbidden and considered immoral in most societies, and can lead to an increased risk of genetic disorders in children.

Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes, or other types of aggression. To these descriptions, one can also add the Kantian notion of the wrongness of using another human being as means to an end rather than as ends in themselves. Some sources describe abuse as "socially constructed", which means there may be more or less recognition of the suffering of a victim at different times and societies.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Dysfunctional family</span> Type of family

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse or all of the above on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly. Children that grow up in such families may think such a situation is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of two adults, one typically overtly abusive and the other codependent, and may also be affected by substance abuse or other forms of addiction, or sometimes by an untreated mental illness. Parents having grown up in a dysfunctional family may over-correct or emulate their own parents. In some cases, the dominant parent will abuse or neglect their children and the other parent will not object, misleading a child to assume blame.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Child abuse</span> Maltreatment or neglect of a child

Child abuse is physical, sexual, and/or psychological maltreatment or neglect of a child or children, especially by a parent or a caregiver. Child abuse may include any act or failure to act by a parent or a caregiver that results in actual or potential harm to a child and can occur in a child's home, or in the organizations, schools, or communities the child interacts with.

The False Memory Syndrome Foundation (FMSF) was a nonprofit organization founded in 1992 and dissolved in late 2019.

The following outline is provided as an overview of and topical guide to interpersonal relationships.

Sibling abuse includes the physical, psychological, or sexual abuse of one sibling by another. More often than not, the younger sibling is abused by the older sibling. Sibling abuse is the most common of family violence in the US, but the least reported. As opposed to sibling rivalry, sibling abuse is characterized by the one-sided treatment of one sibling to another.

The term emotional affair describes a type of relationship between people. The term often describes a bond between two people that mimics or matches the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship while not being physically consummated. An emotional affair is sometimes referred to as an affair of the heart. An emotional affair may emerge from a friendship, and progress toward greater levels of personal intimacy and attachment.

Attachment-based psychotherapy is a psychoanalytic psychotherapy that is informed by attachment theory.

Child-on-child sexual abuse is a form of child sexual abuse in which a prepubescent child is sexually abused by one or more other children or adolescents, and in which no adult is directly involved. While this includes when one of the children uses physical force, threats, trickery or emotional manipulation to elicit cooperation, it also can include non-coercive situations where the initiator proposes or starts a sexual act that the victim does not understand the nature of and simply goes along with, not comprehending its implications or what the consequences might be.

In psychotherapy and mental health, enabling has a positive sense of empowering individuals, or a negative sense of encouraging dysfunctional behavior.

Child sexual abuse (CSA), also called child molestation, is a form of child abuse in which an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation. Forms of child sexual abuse include engaging in sexual activities with a child, indecent exposure, child grooming, and child sexual exploitation, such as using a child to produce child pornography.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sibling relationship</span> Relationship between siblings

Siblings play a unique role in one another's lives that simulates the companionship of parents as well as the influence and assistance of friends. Because siblings often grow up in the same household, they have a large amount of exposure to one another, like other members of the immediate family. However, though a sibling relationship can have both hierarchical and reciprocal elements, this relationship tends to be more egalitarian and symmetrical than with family members of other generations. Furthermore, sibling relationships often reflect the overall condition of cohesiveness within a family.

Personal boundaries or the act of setting boundaries is a life skill that has been popularized by self help authors and support groups since the mid-1980s. Personal boundaries are established by changing one's own response to interpersonal situations, rather than expecting other people to change their behaviors to comply with your boundary. For example, if the boundary is to not interact with a particular person, then one sets a boundary by deciding not to see or engage with that person, and one enforces the boundary by politely declining invitations to events that include that person and by politely leaving the room if that person arrives unexpectedly. The boundary is thus respected without requiring the assistance or cooperation of any other people. Setting a boundary is different from issuing an ultimatum; an ultimatum is a demand that other people change their choices so that their behavior aligns with the boundary-setter's own preferences and personal values.

A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Typically, narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and are threatened by their children's growing independence. This results in a pattern of narcissistic attachment, with the parent considering that the child exists solely to fulfill the parent's needs and wishes. A narcissistic parent will often try to control their children with threats and emotional abuse. Narcissistic parenting adversely affects the psychological development of children, affecting their reasoning and their emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes. Personal boundaries are often disregarded with the goal of molding and manipulating the child to satisfy the parent's expectations.

Trauma bonds are emotional bonds with an individual that arise from a cyclical pattern of abuse, perpetuated by intermittent reinforcement through rewards and punishments. The concept was developed by psychologists Donald Dutton and Susan Painter. A trauma bond usually involves a victim and a perpetrator in a unidirectional relationship wherein the victim forms an emotional bond with the perpetrator. This can also be conceptualized as a dominated-dominator or an abused-abuser dynamic.

Adult Children of Alcoholics founded circa 1973 is a fellowship of people who desire to recover from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family. ACA membership has few formal requirements. ACA does not accept any outside contributions and is supported entirely by donations from its members. The organization is not related to any particular religion and has no political affiliation. Tony A. was among its co-founders and is the author of The Laundry List, 12 steps for adult children of alcoholics, The Problem, which are all published in his book, The Laundry List: The ACOA Experience

Parentification or parent–child role reversal is the process of role reversal whereby a child or adolescent is obliged to act as a parent to their own parent or sibling.

Family estrangement is the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members, through physical and/or emotional distancing, often to the extent that there is negligible or no communication between the individuals involved for a prolonged period.

References

  1. 1 2 3 Johnson, R. Skip. "Was Part of Your Childhood Deprived by Emotional Incest?". BPDFamily.com . Retrieved June 10, 2014.
  2. 1 2 Herman, JL; Hirschman L (2000). Father-daughter incest . Harvard University Press. p.  125. ISBN   0-674-00270-9.
  3. 1 2 Jacobson M (2001). "Child sexual abuse and the multidisciplinary team approach: contradictions in practice". Childhood. 8 (2): 231. doi:10.1177/0907568201008002006. S2CID   144138225.
  4. 1 2 Friel DL & Friel JC (1988). Adult children: the secrets of dysfunctional families. Deerfield Beach, Fla: Health Communications. ISBN   0-932194-53-2.
  5. ↑ Love PG (1991). The Emotional Incest Syndrome : What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life. London: Bantam. ISBN   0-553-35275-X.
  6. ↑ Woititz, JG (1993). The Intimacy Struggle. HCI. p. 61. ISBN   1-55874-277-8.
  7. 1 2 Pendergrast, Mark (1996). Victims of memory: sex abuse accusations and shattered lives. Hinesburg, Vt: Upper Access. ISBN   0-942679-18-0 . Retrieved April 17, 2008.
  8. ↑ Bjorklund, David F. (2000). False-memory creation in children and adults: theory, research, and implications. Hillsdale, N.J: L. Erlbaum. ISBN   0-8058-3169-X.
  9. ↑ Kaminer, Wendy (1993). I'm dysfunctional, you're dysfunctional: the recovery movement and other self-help fashions. New York: Vintage Books. p.  27. ISBN   0-679-74585-8.
  10. 1 2 Weisberg-Ross, Roni (January 1, 2012). "Covert/Emotional Incest - How Real Is It?". Ezine. Retrieved June 5, 2017.
  11. ↑ Gartner RB (1999). Betrayed as boys: psychodynamic treatment of sexually abused men. New York: Guilford Press. ISBN   1-57230-644-0 . Retrieved April 17, 2008.
  12. ↑ Adams K (1991). Silently Seduced : When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest. HCI. ISBN   1-55874-131-3 . Retrieved April 14, 2008.
  13. ↑ Woodman, Marion (1993). Conscious Femininity: Interviews with Marion Woodman. Inner City Books. p.  139. ISBN   0-919123-59-7.
  14. ↑ Potter-Efron, RT; Potter-Efron PS (1990). Aggression, Family Violence, and Chemical Dependency . Haworth Press. pp.  133–135. ISBN   0-86656-964-2.
  15. ↑ Barnard, CP (1990). Families With an Alcoholic Member: The Invisible Patient. Human Sciences Press. pp.  139. ISBN   0-89885-479-2.
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