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Terminology within polyamory looks at the evolution and meaning of the word "polyamory" itself, as well as alternative definitions and concepts which closely relate to it.
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Polyamory is a hybrid word: poly is Greek for "many" and amor is Latin for "love". The article titled "A Bouquet of Lovers" written by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart and first published in Green Egg Magazine (Spring 1990), is widely cited as the original source of the word. [1] The article did not use the word "polyamory" but it introduced "poly-amorous". [2] Jennifer L. Wesp created the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory in May 1992, [3] and the Oxford English Dictionary cites the proposal to create that group as the first verified appearance of the word. [4] The term polyfidelity, now considered a subset of polyamory, was coined in the 1970s by members of the Kerista commune. Naturally, such relationships existed long before the words for them came into use. Some have even stated that polyamory owes its roots to the Oneida Community in New York State, which was founded in 1848 by John Humphrey Noyes and those following him. [5] [6]
The word polyamory has been applied to the practice or lifestyle of maximally inclusive romantic intimate relationships, with full knowledge and consent by all partners involved. The term is sometimes socially abbreviated to poly or polyam, especially as a form of self-description, and has often times included ethical non-monogamy (ENM).
The word polyamory does not actually appear in "A Bouquet of Lovers", referenced above. The article does use the hyphenated "poly-amorous". The article consistently uses "polygamy" as the counterpart to "monogamy".
There are no verifiable sources showing the word polyamory in common use until after alt.polyamory was created. alt.polyamory participants collaborated on a FAQ (frequently asked questions) post that was updated periodically, and included the group's definition of "polyamory". The latest version of the FAQ on polyamory.org, dated 1997, has this definition:
Polyamory means "loving more than one". This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved, but you needn't wear yourself out trying to figure out ways to fit fondness for apple pie, or filial piety, or a passion for the Saint Paul Saints baseball club into it. "Polyamorous" is also used as a descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. Some people think the definition is a bit loose, but it's got to be fairly roomy to fit the wide range of poly arrangements out there. [7]
In 1999, Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart was asked by the editor of the Oxford English Dictionary to provide a definition of the term (which the dictionary had not previously recognised). Her definition was:
The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. This term was meant to be inclusive, and in that context, we have never intended to particularly exclude "Swinging" per se, if practitioners thereof wished to adopt the term and include themselves... The two essential ingredients of the concept of polyamory are more than one; and loving. That is, it is expected that the people in such relationships have a loving emotional bond, are involved in each other's lives multi-dimensionally, and care for each other. This term is not intended to apply to merely casual recreational sex, anonymous orgies, one-night stands, pick-ups, prostitution, "cheating," serial monogamy, or the popular definition of swinging as "mate-swapping" parties.
— Ravenhearts FAQ on Polyamory [8]
Webster's New Millennium Dictionary of English defines polyamory as:
Merriam Webster's Dictionary gives the definition as:
No single written definition of "polyamory" has universal acceptance. Polyamory involves multiple consensual, loving relationships (or openness to such), and there is a resistance within the polyamorous community to defining it in any fixed manner. This has led to a number of problems, not the least of which is establishing a legal definition. After researching this issue in some detail, the website Polyamory Today has concluded that the unambiguous demarcation point between polyamory and other nonmonogamous relationships is the degree of interrelatedness between partners. [9] Others suggest that one must currently be participating in multiple relationships to be considered polyamorous. Still others would consider their relational outlook polyamorous, regardless of whether they happen to be single or in an exclusive relationship at the time.
A relationship is more likely to be called "polyamorous" if at least one relationship is long-term, involves some sort of commitment (e.g. a formal ceremony), and involves shared living arrangements and/or finances, but none of these criteria are necessary or definitive. [10]
For instance, somebody who has multiple sexual partners might form strong loving friendships with them, without feeling romantic love for them.[ citation needed ] Whether such a person identifies as "polyamorous", or as a swinger, or uses some other term, depends on the attitude of the individual. Different terms emphasise different aspects of the interaction, but "swinging" and "polyamory" are both broad in what they can refer to. This allows for a certain degree of overlap.
Similarly, an open relationship in which all participants are long-term friends might be considered "polyamorous" under broader usages of the word but excluded from some of the stricter usages (see further discussion below). There is enough overlap between these concepts[ according to whom? ] that the expression "open relationship" is also sometimes[ when? ] used as a catch-all substitute when speaking to people who may not be familiar with the term "polyamory". However, some[ who? ] have objected to this shorthand, on the basis that multiple partners does not necessarily imply that they also have open relationships.
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The terms primary (or primary relationship) and secondary (or secondary relationship) are commonly used to briefly convey rough distinctions among relationships in a person's life. Most often the terms are used to generally describe the type or "category" of a relationship, regarding involvement, commitment, or priority; thus it is not uncommon to discuss having multiple primary relationships, or having only secondary relationships with no primary. The exact distinctions between these categories of relationship vary depending on the speaker, but primary usually refers to a "marriage-like" relationship in terms of living arrangements, finances, commitment or child-rearing (legal marriage or domestic partnership may or may not be involved); while secondary usually implies less of these aspects, and tertiary (which is much less used) would be still less involved or more casual. [11]
A somewhat less common usage is to enumerate relationships by current sequential importance: the most important single relationship would be primary, the next most important would be secondary, the third would be tertiary, etc. – whether deeply committed or not. Some[ example needed ] polyamorous people, however, object to this sort of sequential "ranking".
The terms primary and secondary may refer to the relationship or by extension to a partner in such a relationship.
Thus a woman with a husband and another partner might refer to the husband as her "primary" and her other partner as "secondary" – or might consider both to be primary, depending on the relationships and her usage of the terms. (Of course, this is in addition to any other terms a person might use, such as "husband", "wife", "other half", "lover", "casual date", "boyfriend", "girlfriend", "joyfriend", and so on.) Some polyamorous individuals avoid using "primary"/"secondary" descriptions, believing that all partners should be considered equally important.
Another model, sometimes referred to as intimate network, may include relationships of varying significance to the people involved. People in intimate networks may or may not explicitly label relationships primary or secondary, and hierarchies may be fluid and vague or nonexistent.
A relationship among three people is often called a triad, threesome, or throuple; among four people a quad or foursome. Sometimes all groupings of three or more are called moresomes.
Significant relationships involving more than two people inherently contain multiple pairs of people who may have more or less significant individual relationships with each other. Some pairs may have stronger mutual bonds than others. In triads or threesomes, the relationships may be characterized as forming a triangle or a "V". In a triangle, all three partners are directly connected and bonded to each other with roughly comparable strength. In a "V", two of the three possible pairs have substantially stronger bonds than the third pair. The emotional and sexual aspects of relationship may differ in this regard, so it is possible for example to describe a relationship as a triangle emotionally but a V sexually. The connecting member of a V relationship is sometimes referred to as a "hinge" or "pivot", and the partners thereby indirectly connected may be referred to as the "arms".
There are also by analogy other "letter" descriptions such as "N" or "U" foursome, or "W" fivesome geometries ("Z" and "M" are equivalents to "N" and "W" in this regard), each attempting to symbolize the more significant bonds within a group by analogy to the shape of the letter; of course, not all combinations have easy letter shape analogs. [7]
An open relationship generally denotes a relationship (usually between two people, but sometimes among larger groups) in which participants may have sexual involvement with other people, with the consent of their partner(s). Where a couple making this agreement are married, it is an open marriage. "Open relationship" and "polyamorous" are overlapping rather than identical terms; people may use either or both terms in describing their relationship. Broadly, "open" usually refers to the sexual aspect of a non-closed relationship, whereas polyamory involves the extension of a relationship by allowing bonds to form (which may be sexual or otherwise) as additional long term relationships:
See also forms of non-monogamy for other types of non-monogamous relationship (not all of them polyamorous).
Compersion is a positive feeling which a person may sometimes experience when their partner is happily involved with somebody else, in contrast to jealousy. [13]
New relationship energy, or NRE, is the surge of emotional and sexual openness and excitement usually experienced in relatively new relationships, with recognition of the contrast with the more settled emotional and erotic connections experienced later in the same relationship, or in other ongoing relationships at the same time.
Kitchen table refers to an emotionally open and intimate set of polyamorous relationships.
Ambiamory is the capability of experiencing and enjoying monogamous and polyamorous relationships. [14] [15] [16]
Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved. People who identify as polyamorous may believe in consensual non-monogamy with a conscious management of jealousy and reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity (monogamy) are prerequisite for deep, committed, long-term, loving relationships. Others prefer to restrict their sexual activity to only members of the group, a closed polyamorous relationship that is usually referred to as polyfidelity.
Sexuality and gender identity-based cultures are subcultures and communities composed of people who have shared experiences, backgrounds, or interests due to common sexual or gender identities. Among the first to argue that members of sexual minorities can also constitute cultural minorities were Adolf Brand, Magnus Hirschfeld, and Leontine Sagan in Germany. These pioneers were later followed by the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis in the United States.
Swinging, earlier commonly known as wife-swapping, is a sexual activity in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship sexually engage with others for recreational purposes. Swinging is a form of non-monogamy and is an open relationship. People may choose a swinging lifestyle for a variety of reasons. Practitioners cite an increased quality and quantity of sex. Some people may engage in swinging to add variety into their otherwise conventional sex lives or due to their curiosity. Some couples see swinging as a healthy outlet and means to strengthen their relationship.
An affair is a sexual relationship, romantic friendship, or passionate attachment in which at least one of its participants has a formal or informal commitment to a third person who may neither agree to such relationship nor even be aware of it.
Infidelity is a violation of a couple's emotional and/or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and rivalry.
Open marriage is a form of non-monogamy in which the partners of a dyadic marriage agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual or romantic relationships, without this being regarded by them as infidelity, and consider or establish an open relationship despite the implied monogamy of marriage. There are variant forms of open marriage such as swinging and polyamory, each with the partners having varying levels of input into their spouse's activities.
Polyfidelity is a form of non-monogamy, a romantic relationship structure in which all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual and/or romantic activity only to other members of the group.
An open relationship is an intimate relationship that is sexually non-monogamous. An open relationship generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary emotional and intimate relationship between partners, who agree to at least the possibility of sexual or emotional intimacy with other people. The term "open relationship" is sometimes used interchangeably with the term polyamory, but the two concepts are not identical.
The Ethical Slut is a self-help book about non-monogamy written by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. In the book, Easton and Hardy discuss non-monogamy as a concept and a practice, and explore sexual practices and common challenges in non-monogamous relationships.
Non-monogamy is an umbrella term for every practice or philosophy of non-dyadic intimate relationship that does not strictly hew to the standards of monogamy, particularly that of having only one person with whom to exchange sex, love, and/or affection. In that sense, "nonmonogamy" may be accurately applied to extramarital sex, group marriage, or polyamory. It is not synonymous with infidelity, since all parties are consenting to the relationship structure, partners are often committed to each other as well as to their other partners and cheating is still considered problematic behavior with many non-monogamous relationships.
Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, born as Diana Moore, subsequently known as Morning Glory Ferns, Morning Glory Zell and briefly Morning G'Zell, was an American community leader, author, and lecturer in Neopaganism, as well as a priestess of the Church of All Worlds. An advocate of polyamory, she is credited with coining the word. With her husband Oberon Zell-Ravenheart, she designed deity images.
The following outline is provided as an overview of and topical guide to interpersonal relationships.
A committed relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon agreed-upon commitment to one another involving love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other behavior. Forms of committed relationships include close friendship, long-term relationships, engagement, marriage, and civil unions.
Relationship anarchy is the application of anarchist principles to intimate relationships. Its values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, anti-normativity, and community interdependence. RA is explicitly anti-amatonormative and anti-mononormative and is commonly, but not always, non-monogamous. This is distinct from polyamory, solo poly, swinging, and other forms of “dating”, which may include structures such as amatonormativity, hierarchy of intimate relationships, and autonomy-limiting rules. It has also been interpreted as a new paradigm in which closeness and autonomy are no longer considered to create dilemmas within a relationship.
Amatonormativity is the set of societal assumptions that everyone prospers with an exclusive romantic relationship. Elizabeth Brake coined the neologism to capture societal assumptions about romance. Brake wanted to describe the pressure she received by many to prioritize marriage in her own life when she did not want to. Amatonormativity extends beyond social pressures for marriage to include general pressures involving romance.
Polyamory in the United States is the practice of, or desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved, in the United States. Polyamory is a relationship type that is practiced by a minority of the population in the United States, about 4 to 5 percent. According to a 2016 study, 20 percent of singles in the US have attempted some form of consensual non-monogamy at some point of their lives, such as polyamory or open relationships. In a study, polyamorous couples tend to identify as bisexual and pansexual.
Consensual non-monogamy (CNM), also known as ethical non-monogamy (ENM), is an umbrella term for relationships in which all partners give explicit consent to engage in romantic, intimate, and/or sexual relationships with multiple people. Consensual non-monogamy differs from infidelity by the knowledge and consent of those involved, and from polygamy by the various partners not being in a single marriage.
Queerplatonic relationships (QPR) and queerplatonic partnerships (QPP) are committed intimate relationships which are not romantic in nature. They may differ from usual close friendships by having more explicit commitment, validation, status, structure, and norms, similar to a conventional romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. Like romantic relationships, queerplatonic relationships are sometimes said to involve a deeper and more profound emotional connection than typical friendship.
Unicorn hunting is the practice by two people who are in a relationship, usually a heterosexual couple, of seeking a third partner for the relationship temporarily or permanently, usually a bisexual woman, either to join a threesome or to start a polyamorous relationship. The practice is generally viewed negatively by the polyamorous and LGBT community as a form of fetishisation.
