The Rules

Last updated
The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
The rules.jpg
The Rules book cover
AuthorEllen Fein
Sherrie Schneider
Cover artistDiane Luger
CountryUnited States
LanguageEnglish
SubjectRelationships, Dating
GenreSelf-help
Publisher Grand Central Publishing,
(Warner Books)
Publication date
February 14, 1995
Media typePrint
Pages192
ISBN 0-446-51813-1
OCLC 30915354
646.7/7-20
LC Class HQ801. F44 1995
Followed byThe Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By 

The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a self-help book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, originally published in 1995. [1] [2]

Contents

The book suggests rules that a woman should follow in order to attract and marry the man of her dreams; these rules include that a woman should be "easy to be with but hard to get". [3] The underlying philosophy of The Rules is that women should not aggressively pursue men, but rather, should encourage the men to pursue them. A woman who follows The Rules is called a Rules Girl. [2]

Reaction

The book generated much discussion upon its release. Some audiences considered it useful and motivational, while others felt that it was outdated, [3] anti-men and antifeminist, [4] or a how-to guide that teaches women to play games that toy with men. [5] Psychology lecturer and therapist Meg-John Barker claims that the emergence of seduction communities happened "almost as a direct response to this hard-to-get femininity". [6] Others noted that Fein was an accountant and Schneider a freelance journalist without professional qualification in the subject matter. Fein married and divorced and has recently remarried. Schneider has been married for over 21 years. The authors admitted they were not professionals in an appearance on NBC's The Today Show .[ citation needed ]

They have countered the criticism regarding their credentials by citing the results of actually following The Rules, [7] though there is no body of evidence to support this.[ citation needed ]

Subsequent books

The book was followed by The Rules II, The Rules for Marriage, The Rules for Online Dating, and All the Rules. In The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By, published in 1997, Fein and Schneider proclaim, "If he doesn't call, he's not that interested. Period!" (p. 60). In 2001 the follow-up book The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work was released in the midst of Fein's legal separation from her husband to whom she had been married for sixteen years. [8] Fein commented on her divorce by saying that she had "married the right man" for her at that stage in her life. Her argument was that after having written a best seller and raising two children, she and her husband discovered they were two different people from the young couple that fell in love. Fein married for the second time in 2008; she had followed The Rules to attract her second husband, with the exception that they dated for three years rather than two (as “The Rules II” advises) before becoming engaged. [9]

The 35 Rules

These are the rules as named in the original book.

Related Research Articles

<i>Sex and the City</i> American TV series

Sex and the City is an American romantic comedy-drama television series created by Darren Star for HBO. An adaptation of Candace Bushnell's newspaper column and 1996 book anthology of the same name, the series premiered in the United States on June 6, 1998, and concluded on February 22, 2004, with 94 episodes broadcast over six seasons. Throughout its development, the series received contributions from various producers, screenwriters, and directors, principally Michael Patrick King.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Courtship</span> Period in a couples relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage

Courtship is the period wherein some couples get to know each other prior to a possible marriage or committed romantic, de facto relationship. Courtship traditionally may begin after a betrothal and may conclude with the celebration of marriage. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a marriage proposal.

<i>The Age of Innocence</i> 1920 novel by Edith Wharton

The Age of Innocence is a 1920 novel by American author Edith Wharton. It was her eighth novel, and was initially serialized in 1920 in four parts, in the magazine Pictorial Review. Later that year, it was released as a book by D. Appleton & Company. It won the 1921 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, making Wharton the first woman to win the prize. Though the committee had initially agreed to give the award to Sinclair Lewis for Main Street, the judges, in rejecting his book on political grounds, "established Wharton as the American 'First Lady of Letters'". The story is set in the 1870s, in upper-class, "Gilded Age" New York City. Wharton wrote the book in her 50s, after she was already established as a major author in high demand by publishers.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Marriage in Islam</span>

In Islam, nikah is a contract between two people. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. Divorce in Islam can take a variety of forms, some executed by a husband personally and some executed by a religious court on behalf of a plaintiff wife who is successful in her legal divorce petition for valid cause. Islamic marital jurisprudence allows Muslim men to be married to multiple women.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Patty and Selma</span> Fictional characters from The Simpsons franchise

Patricia Maleficent "Patty" Bouvier and Selma Bouvier-Terwilliger-Hutz-McClure-Discotheque-Simpson-D'Amico are fictional characters in the American animated sitcom The Simpsons. They are identical twins and are voiced by Julie Kavner who also voices their sister Marge. Patty and Selma, both gravel-voiced chain-smokers, work at the Springfield Department of Motor Vehicles. They have a strong dislike for their brother-in-law, Homer Simpson, who likewise loathes them. Selma, the elder by two minutes, longs for male companionship and has had multiple brief, doomed marriages, and has herself offered help in some fashion to Marge and Homer as she envies their loving relationship; she receives occasional compassionate support from Homer who even poses as her husband to help her adopt a child. Patty is an initially closeted lesbian who embraces celibacy until she begins dating women. Kavner voices them as characters who "suck the life out of everything". Patty and Selma debuted on the first Simpsons episode "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire", which aired on December 17, 1989.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Carrie Bradshaw</span> Sex and the City character

Caroline "Carrie" Bradshaw is a fictional character from the HBO franchise Sex and the City, portrayed by Sarah Jessica Parker. Candace Bushnell created Carrie as a semi-autobiographical character for her column "Sex and the City" in The New York Observer. This column was later compiled into the book Sex and the City and adapted into the television series. Parker reprised the role in the films Sex and the City and Sex and the City 2, and the HBO Max series And Just Like That. Bushnell also authored the young adult novels The Carrie Diaries and Summer and the City featuring the character. The Carrie Diaries was adapted into a CW prequel series of the same name, with Carrie portrayed by AnnaSophia Robb.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Islamic marriage contract</span> Integral part of an Islamic marriage

An Islamic marriage contract is considered an integral part of an Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride or other parties involved in marriage proceedings under Sharia. Whether it is considered a formal, binding contract depends on the jurisdiction. Islamic faith marriage contracts are not valid in English law, nor American Law. Because of this, some Islamic Marriage Officiants will only officiate a marriage after the couple had been legally married in court.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sherrie Hewson</span> English actress

Sherrie Lynn Hutchinson, known professionally as Sherrie Hewson, is an English actress, television personality and novelist. She is known for her roles as Maureen Holdsworth in Coronation Street, Virginia Raven in Crossroads (2001–2003), Lesley Meredith in Emmerdale (2004–2006) and Joyce Temple-Savage in Benidorm (2012–2018).

<span class="mw-page-title-main">History of lesbianism in the United States</span> Aspect of history

This article addresses the history of lesbianism in the United States. Unless otherwise noted, the members of same-sex female couples discussed here are not known to be lesbian, but they are mentioned as part of discussing the practice of lesbianism—that is, same-sex female sexual and romantic behavior.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Marriage proposal</span> Proposal of marriage

A marriage proposal is a custom or ritual, common in Western cultures, in which one member of a couple asks the other for their hand in marriage. If accepted, it marks the initiation of engagement, a mutual promise of later marriage.

<i>Why Did I Get Married?</i> 2007 American film

Why Did I Get Married? is a 2007 American comedy-drama film adaptation written, produced, directed, and starring Tyler Perry. It was inspired by Perry's play of the same name. The film also stars Janet Jackson, Jill Scott, Malik Yoba, Sharon Leal, Tasha Smith, Michael Jai White, Richard T. Jones, Denise Boutte, and Keesha Sharp. The film was released in the United States by Lionsgate on October 12, 2007.

Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in which two individuals engage in an activity together, most often with the intention of evaluating each other's suitability as a partner in a future intimate relationship. It falls into the category of courtship, consisting of social events carried out by the couple either alone or with others.

<i>I Love New York</i> (season 2) Season of television series

I Love New York 2 is the second season of the VH1 reality television series I Love New York. I Love New York 2 starred Tiffany "New York" Pollard who was on a quest to find her true love. Her relationship with season one's winner, Tango, ended shortly after the season concluded. Unlike the first season, Mauricio Sanchez did not return as "Chamo", New York's assistant. Instead of "Chamo", New York had "Big Ant" (Anthony) as her assistant, and "Bodyguard". The show premiered on October 8, 2007, and featured twenty men competing to be the winner.

Posthumous marriage is a marriage in which at least one of the participating members is deceased.

Nancy Drew on Campus is a series of twenty-five books published as a young adult spin-off from the long-running Nancy Drew mystery series. The series was published between 1995 and 1998 by Simon & Schuster's Young Adult imprint Simon Pulse and followed Nancy and her friends as they attended college and dealt with issues such as date rape and drug usage.

Ellen Remsburg Peck was an American feminist, writer, and childfree activist.

Irene Manning (<i>One Life to Live</i>) Soap opera character

Irene Manning is a fictional character from the ABC soap opera One Life to Live.

<i>Private Number</i> (1936 film) 1936 film by Roy Del Ruth

Private Number is a 1936 American drama film directed by Roy Del Ruth and starring Loretta Young, Robert Taylor and Basil Rathbone. Sometimes known by the alternative title of Secret Interlude, the film was based on the play Common Clay by Cleves Kinkead which had previously been made into a film of the same name in 1930. Following the more rigorous enforcement of the Motion Picture Production Code after 1934, many of the more salacious elements of the earlier film were left out.

<i>Mr and Mrs Bo Jo Jones</i> 1967 novel by Ann Head

Mr and Mrs Bo Jo Jones is a 1967 novel written by Ann Head. It was initially marketed to an adult audience but was marketed as a young adult novel for its paperback release the following year. The work, along with S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders, is credited with launching new realism in young adult literature.

References

  1. Fein, Ellen; Schneider, Sherrie (1995). The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right . Warner Books. ISBN   0-446-51813-1.
  2. 1 2 Gerston, Jill (1996-06-07). "So Many Rules, So Little Time". The New York Times . Retrieved 2008-06-08. it will appear as the No.1 paperback on the New York Times best-seller list for advice, how-to, and miscellaneous books
  3. 1 2 Gleick, Elizabeth (1996-09-30). "Playing Hard To Get". Time Magazine . Archived from the original on May 26, 2007. Retrieved 2008-06-08. "This is pretty old-fashioned stuff," says Brown, editor of Cosmopolitan
  4. "The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work.(Review)". Library Journal . 2001-05-15. Retrieved 2008-06-08. When it first came out, critics attacked The Rules (1996) for being anti-feminist
  5. Razer, Helen (2004-01-15). "The Perky Pursuit of Mr Right". The Age . Retrieved 2008-06-08. The Rules is a set of tricks and gimmicks about acting in a false way to attract men
  6. Barker, Meg (2013). Rewriting The Rules. New York: Routledge. p. 77. ISBN   978-0-415-51762-1.
  7. "Playing hard to get is still the best way to get married, 'The Rules' book says - book 'The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right' by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider". Jet . Johnson Publishing. 1996-10-21. Archived from the original on 2008-10-12. Retrieved 2008-06-08.
  8. Witchel, Alex (2001-05-06). "COUNTERINTELLIGENCE; 'Rules' Books Sell Millions, But Mr. Right Takes a Hike". The New York Times . Retrieved 2008-06-08. Though the publisher is moving full speed ahead with a first printing ... Ms. Fein ... has filed for a legal separation from her husband of 16 years
  9. Brady, Lois Smith (August 9, 2008). "Vows: Ellen Fein and Lance Houpt". The New York Times . Retrieved January 22, 2012.