Plot
Awesomest Maximus, a general in the Trojan army who, despite a prophecy of greatness, is a bumbling slacker more interested in food and his difficult wife, Hottessa. Awesomest is married to the princess, and his position of power is largely due to this connection with the aging and senile King Looney.
King Looney sends Awesomest to Greece to negotiate a peace treaty with the flamboyant King Erotic. The mission is a failure when Prince Orlando, Hottessa's gay brother and a fashion enthusiast, convinces King Erotic's wife, Ellen, to leave her husband and become his best friend forever (BFF), enraging King Erotic and sparking the Trojan War.
The Trojans face the Greeks in battle with only 300 men, and through some luck (and the help of Qantas and his men), they initially succeed. However, Awesomest's own ineptitude in the field leads his men to push him off a cliff, assuming he is dead.
Awesomest survives the fall and washes ashore in Africa, where he is captured and sold into slavery. He is trained as a gladiator and, surprisingly, becomes a skilled fighter in the arena. During one bout, he accidentally kills Platroklos, the cousin of the mighty Greek warrior Testiclees, a character modeled after Achilles. This act earns him the furious hatred of Testiclees, and Awesomest barely escapes the arena.
Meanwhile, the war is not going well for the Greeks, who cannot breach the walls of Troy. An exiled Trojan named Minorities, who was banished for being short, proposes a plan to King Erotic: build a giant wooden penis to hide soldiers in and sneak into the city. The plan is successful, and the Greeks penetrate Troy's defenses.
To prevent total slaughter, Awesomest challenges King Erotic to a one-on-one duel, but Erotic sends the formidable Testiclees to fight instead. Awesomest is losing until he discovers Testiclees' secret weakness is his testicles and exploits it, defeating the warrior.
After the duel, King Erotic tries to continue the war, but Prince Orlando confesses that he orchestrated the entire conflict just to get Erotic's attention because he was in love with him. Erotic admits he loves Orlando too, and they share a kiss, ending the war. In the resolution, Ellen is revealed to be a lesbian and moves in with Hottessa and Awesomest.
In the final scene, it is revealed that Awesomest has been telling this entire story to two women in a bar, leaving it a mystery as to whether any of it actually happened or if it was just a drunken tall tale.
