Dysfunctional family

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A dysfunctional family affects familial ties and creates conflicts in the same family space. Family Portrait.jpg
A dysfunctional family affects familial ties and creates conflicts in the same family space.

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly. Children that grow up in such families may think such a situation is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of two adults, one typically overtly abusive and the other codependent, and may also be affected by substance abuse or other forms of addiction, or sometimes by an untreated mental illness. Parents having grown up in a dysfunctional family may over-correct or emulate their own parents. In some cases, the dominant parent will abuse or neglect their children and the other parent will not object, misleading a child to assume blame. [1]

Contents

Examples

Dysfunctional family members have common features and behavior patterns as a result of their experiences within the family structure. This tends to reinforce the dysfunctional behavior, either through enabling or perpetuation. The family unit can be affected by a variety of factors. [2]

Common features

Nearly universal

Some features are common to most dysfunctional families:

  • Lack of empathy, understanding, and sensitivity towards certain family members, while expressing extreme empathy or appeasement towards one or more members who have real or perceived "special needs". In other words, one family member continuously receives far more than they deserve, while another is marginalized.
  • Denial (refusal to acknowledge abusive behavior, possibly believing that the situation is normal or even beneficial; also known as the "elephant in the room".)
  • Inadequate or missing boundaries for self (e.g. tolerating inappropriate treatment from others, failing to express what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment, tolerance of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.)
  • Disrespect of others' boundaries (e.g. physical contact that other person dislikes; breaking important promises without just cause; purposefully violating a boundary another person has expressed.)
  • Extremes in conflict (either too much fighting or insufficient peaceful arguing between family members.)
  • Unequal or unfair treatment of one or more family members due to their birth order, gender (or gender identity), age, sexual orientation, family role (mother, etc.), abilities, race, caste, etc. (may include frequent appeasement of one member at the expense of others, or an uneven/inconsistent enforcement of rules.)

Not universal

Though not universal among dysfunctional families, and by no means exclusive to them, the following features are typical of dysfunctional families:

  • Abnormally high levels of jealousy or other controlling behaviors.
  • Conflict influenced by marital status:
    • Between separated or divorced parents, usually related to, or arising from their breakup.
    • Conflict between parents who remain married, often for the perceived "sake" of the children, but whose separation or divorce would in fact remove a detrimental influence on those children (must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, as a breakup may harm children.)
    • Parents who wish to divorce, but cannot due to financial, societal (including religious), or legal reasons.
  • Children afraid to talk (within or outside the family) about what is happening at home, or are otherwise fearful of their parents.
  • Abnormal sexual behavior such as adultery, promiscuity, or incest.
  • Lack of time spent together, especially in recreational activities and social events ("We never do anything as a family.")
  • Parents insist that they treat their children fairly and equitably when that is not the case.
  • Family members (including children) who disown each other, or refuse to be seen together in public (either unilaterally or bilaterally.)
  • Children of parents who are experiencing a substance use disorder or who engage in binge drinking have an increased tendency to adopt substance use disorders later in life. [3]

Specific examples

There are certain times where families can become dysfunctional due to specific situational examples. Some of these include difficulty integrating into a new culture, strain in the relationship between nuclear and extended family members, children in a rebellion phase, and ideological differences in belief systems.

Laundry List

The program "Adult Children of Alcoholics" includes something labeled as a "Laundry List". The Laundry List is core literature of the program Adult Children of Alcoholics. This list has 14 different statements that relate to being an adult child of a parent with an alcohol addiction. These statements provide commentary on how children have been affected by the trauma of having alcoholic parents. Some highlights of the statements include, "confusing love and pity", "having low self-esteem", and having a "loss of identity". The Laundry list is a helpful tool in group therapy in order to show families that they are not alone in their struggles. Female children whose parents were alcoholics have an increased risk of developing depression. Male children of alcoholics are at a significantly higher risk for developing a substance use disorder. [4]

Parenting

Unhealthy signs

Unhealthy parenting signs, which could lead to a family becoming dysfunctional include: [5]

Dysfunctional styles

"Children as pawns"

One common dysfunctional parental behavior is a parent's manipulation of a child in order to achieve some outcome adverse to the other parent's rights or interests. Examples include verbal manipulation such as spreading gossip about the other parent, communicating with the parent through the child (and in the process exposing the child to the risks of the other parent's displeasure with that communication) rather than doing so directly, trying to obtain information through the child (spying), or causing the child to dislike the other parent, with insufficient or no concern for the damaging effects of the parent's behavior on the child. While many instances of such manipulation occur in shared custody situations that have resulted from separation or divorce, it can also take place in intact families, where it is known as triangulation.

List of other dysfunctional styles

  • "Using" (destructively narcissistic parents who rule by fear and conditional love.)
  • Abusing (parents who use physical violence, or emotionally, or sexually abuse their children.)
  • Perfectionist (fixating on order, prestige, power, or perfect appearances, while preventing their child from failing at anything.)
  • Dogmatic or cult-like (harsh and inflexible discipline, with children not allowed, within reason, to dissent, question authority, or develop their own value system.)
  • Inequitable parenting (going to extremes for one child while continually ignoring the needs of another.)
  • Deprivation (control or neglect by withholding love, support, necessities, sympathy, praise, attention, encouragement, supervision, or otherwise putting their children's well-being at risk.)
  • Abuse among siblings (parents fail to intervene when a sibling physically or sexually abuses another sibling.)
  • Abandonment (a parent who willfully separates from their children, not wishing any further contact, and in some cases without locating alternative, long-term parenting arrangements, leaving them as orphans.)
  • Appeasement (parents who reward bad behavior—even by their own standards—and inevitably punish another child's good behavior in order to maintain the peace and avoid temper tantrums. "Peace at any price.")
  • Loyalty manipulation (giving unearned rewards and lavish attention trying to ensure a favored, yet rebellious child will be the one most loyal and well-behaved, while subtly ignoring the wants and needs of their most loyal child currently.)
  • "Helicopter parenting" (parents who micro-manage their children's lives or relationships among siblings—especially minor conflicts.)
  • "The deceivers" (well-regarded parents in the community, likely to be involved in some charitable/non-profit works, who abuse or mistreat one or more of their children.)
  • "Public image manager" (sometimes related to above, children warned to not disclose what fights, abuse, or damage happens at home, or face severe punishment "Don't tell anyone what goes on in this family".)
  • "The paranoid parent" (a parent having persistent and irrational fear accompanied by anger and false accusations that their child is up to no good or others are plotting harm.)
  • "No friends allowed" (parents discourage, prohibit, or interfere with their child from making friends of the same age and gender.)
  • Role reversal (parents who expect their minor children to take care of them instead.)
  • "Not your business" (children continuously told that a particular brother or sister who is often causing problems is none of their concern.)
  • Ultra-egalitarianism (either a much younger child is permitted to do whatever an older child may, or an older child must wait years until a younger child is mature enough.)
  • "The guard dog" (a parent who blindly attacks family members perceived as causing the slightest upset to their esteemed spouse, partner, or child.)
  • "My baby forever" (a parent who will not allow one or more of their young children to grow up and begin taking care of themselves.)
  • "The cheerleader" (one parent "cheers on" the other parent who is simultaneously abusing their child.)
  • "Along for the ride" (a reluctant de facto, step, foster, or adoptive parent who does not truly care about their non-biological child, but must co-exist in the same home for the sake of their spouse or partner) (See also: Cinderella effect).
  • "The politician" (a parent who repeatedly makes or agrees to children's promises while having little to no intention of keeping them.)
  • "It's taboo" (parents rebuff any questions children may have about sexuality, pregnancy, romance, puberty, certain private body areas, nudity, etc.)
  • Identified patient (one child, usually selected by the mother, who is forced into going to therapy while the family's overall dysfunction is kept hidden.)
  • Münchausen syndrome by proxy (a much more extreme situation than above, where the child is intentionally made ill by a parent seeking attention from physicians and other professionals.)

Dynamical

Coalitions are subsystems within families with more rigid boundaries and are thought to be a sign of family dysfunction. [9]

Children

Unlike divorce, and to a lesser extent, separation, there is often no record of an "intact" family being dysfunctional. As a result, friends, relatives, and teachers of such children may be completely unaware of the situation. In addition, a child may be unfairly blamed for the family's dysfunction, and placed under even greater stress than those whose parents separate.

The six basic roles

Children growing up in a dysfunctional family have been known to adopt or be assigned one or more of the following six basic roles: [10] [11]

Effects on children

Children that are a product of dysfunctional families, either at the time or as they grow older, may exhibit behavior that is inappropriate for their expected stage of development due to psychological distress. [10] Children of dysfunctional families may also behave in a manner that is relatively immature when compared to their peers. Conversely, other children may appear to emotionally "grow up too fast"; or be in a mixed mode (e.g. well-behaved, but unable to care for themselves.) Children from dysfunctional environments also have a tendency to demonstrate learned unhealthy attachments due to intergenerational dysfunctional parenting. [16]

The effects of a disordered upbringing may induce an array of mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. [17] A disordered family environment unfortunately places these young individuals at a higher risk of engaging in more severe actions of self-harm and problematic conduct. [18] This troubled environment can also subject the youth to a significantly higher risk of becoming addicted to drugs or developing alcoholism, especially if parents or close peers have a history of substance use. Numerous studies have determined that deviant peer associations are generally associated with substance use and that parental use can account for one-half to two-thirds of future instances of chemical dependency. [19] There is also an increased risk of the young individual developing behavioral addictions [20] in the forms of gambling, pornography addictions, or engaging in other future detrimental activities such as compulsive spending. [21]

Children who are raised in dysfunctional environments are also at a higher risk of developing an eating disorder, including anorexia nervosa or binge eating disorder as an emotional coping method due to psychological distress. [22]

These young individuals may also have difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships within their peer group, due to social apprehensions, [23] possible personality disorders, or post-traumatic stress disorders. [24] A child may also demonstrate oppositional defiant characteristics by rebelling against parental authority, and non-family adults, or conversely, upholding their family's values in the face of peer pressure. Children of disordered environments may also demonstrate a lack of self-discipline when their parents are not around, or develop procrastinating tendencies that can have detrimental effects on their educational/occupational obligations. [25]

Additionally, children may demonstrate social inadequacies by spending an inordinate amount of time engaging in activities that lack in-person social interaction. [26] This disordered upbringing can also promote the child to project aggressive behaviors on their peers by bullying or harassing others or becoming a victim of bullying. [27] Both of these roles often lead to an elevated risk of the child having low self-esteem issues, increased prevalence of isolation, and difficulties expressing emotions, a common effect related to emotional and physical abuse. [28]

A lack of parental structure and positive peer influences can lead young individuals to seek alternative forms of peer alliances, including peer groups that engage in juvenile delinquency and those who perform acts that are knowingly illegal or demonstrate symptoms of an oppositional defiant disorder. [29] This habitual behavior and environmental factors can also lead the troubled youth to a life of crime, or to become involved in gang activity. [30]

This lack of socially normative structure and defiant behavior is also notable in cases where sexual abuse was prevalent. Early sexual experiences can lead to sexually inappropriate behavior that could lead to future interest in pedophilia, [31] or facing charges that can result in the individual becoming a sex offender. A 1999 study determined that children who had experienced abusive sexual experiences, "as compared to those without, were more likely to be victims of physical family violence, to have run away, to be substance abusers, and to have family members with drug or alcohol problems" (Kellogg et al, 1999). [32] Additionally, the young individual may be at an elevated risk of becoming poor or homeless, [33] even in cases where the child's environment consisted of an average/above-average socioeconomic standing.

Further socialization problems can be demonstrated by children of dysfunctional families, including habitual or sudden academic performance problems. [34] This notion can be more apparent as the child may exhibit a severe lack of organizational skills in their day-to-day lives. These individuals are also at an elevated inability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships, which often includes distrusting others or even demonstrating paranoid behaviors that can be indicative of childhood trauma-induced psychosis and schizophrenia. [35] There is also a higher probability of the youth engaging in future unstable empathetical relationships, with higher tendencies to engage in more risky behavior, including sex with multiple partners, becoming pregnant, or becoming a parent of illegitimate children. [36]

Further dysfunctional behaviors can be perpetuated in other future relationships. An individual that was raised in a dysfunctional home environment may also pass this learned behavior on to their offspring, including their substance use habits, conflict resolution methods, and learned social boundaries. [37] These social inadequacies can result in individuals demonstrating self-protective behaviors, to compensate for the difference in their childhoods, as they may have the inability to practice positive self-care and effective emotional coping strategies.

See also

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Conduct disorder</span> Developmental disorder

Conduct disorder (CD) is a mental disorder diagnosed in childhood or adolescence that presents itself through a repetitive and persistent pattern of behavior that includes theft, lies, physical violence that may lead to destruction, and reckless breaking of rules, in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate norms are violated. These behaviors are often referred to as "antisocial behaviors", and is often seen as the precursor to antisocial personality disorder; however, the latter, by definition, cannot be diagnosed until the individual is 18 years old. Conduct disorder may result from parental rejection and neglect and can be treated with family therapy, as well as behavioral modifications and pharmacotherapy. Conduct disorder is estimated to affect 51.1 million people globally as of 2013.

Antisocial personality disorder is a personality disorder characterized by a limited capacity for empathy and a long-term pattern of disregard or violation of the rights of others. Other notable symptoms include impulsivity and reckless behavior, a lack of remorse after hurting others, deceitfulness, irresponsibility, and aggressive behavior.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Codependency</span> Type of relationship where one person enables the others self-destructive tendencies

In psychology, codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Alcohol abuse</span> Misuse of alcoholic beverages resulting in negative consequences

Alcohol abuse encompasses a spectrum of unhealthy drinking behaviors which range from consuming more than 2 drinks per day on average for men, or more than 1 drink per day on average for women, to binge drinking or alcohol use disorder.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Child sexuality</span> Sexuality of children

Sexual behaviors in children are common and may range from normal and developmentally appropriate to abusive. These behaviors may include self-stimulation, interest in sex, curiosity towards sex and the opposite gender, exhibitionism, voyeurism, gender role behaviors and engagement in interpersonal sexual acts.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Physical abuse</span> Medical condition

Physical abuse is any intentional act causing injury or trauma to another person or animal by way of bodily contact. In most cases, children are the victims of physical abuse, but adults can also be victims, as in cases of domestic violence or workplace aggression. Alternative terms sometimes used include physical assault or physical violence, and may also include sexual abuse. Physical abuse may involve more than one abuser, and more than one victim.

A spoiled child or spoiled brat is a derogatory term aimed at children who exhibit behavioral problems from being overindulged by their parents or other caregivers. Children and teens who are perceived as spoiled may be described as "overindulged", "grandiose", "narcissistic" or "egocentric-regressed". When the child has a neurological condition such as autism, ADHD or intellectual disability, observers may see them as "spoiled”. There is no specific scientific definition of what "spoiled" means, and professionals are often unwilling to use the label because it is considered vague and derogatory. Being spoiled is not recognized as a mental disorder in any of the medical manuals, such as the ICD-10 or the DSM-IV, or its successor, the DSM-5.

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is listed in the DSM-5 under Disruptive, impulse-control, and conduct disorders and defined as "a pattern of angry/irritable mood, argumentative/defiant behavior, or vindictiveness". This behavior is usually targeted toward peers, parents, teachers, and other authority figures, including law enforcement officials. Unlike conduct disorder (CD), those with ODD do not generally show patterns of aggression towards random people, violence against animals, destruction of property, theft, or deceit. One half of children with ODD also fulfill the diagnostic criteria for ADHD.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Child abuse</span> Maltreatment or neglect of a child

Child abuse is physical, sexual, emotional and/or psychological maltreatment or neglect of a child, especially by a parent or a caregiver. Child abuse may include any act or failure to act by a parent or a caregiver that results in actual or potential wrongful harm to a child and can occur in a child's home, or in organizations, schools, or communities the child interacts with.

Emotional dysregulation is a range of emotional responses that do not lie within a desirable scope of emotive response, considering the stimuli.

Sibling abuse includes the physical, psychological, or sexual abuse of one sibling by another. More often than not, the younger sibling is abused by the older sibling. Sibling abuse is the most common of family violence in the US, but the least reported. As opposed to sibling rivalry, sibling abuse is characterized by the one-sided treatment of one sibling to another.

Childhood trauma is often described as serious adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). Children may go through a range of experiences that classify as psychological trauma; these might include neglect, abandonment, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and physical abuse, witnessing abuse of a sibling or parent, or having a mentally ill parent. These events have profound psychological, physiological, and sociological impacts and can have negative, lasting effects on health and well-being such as unsocial behaviors, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and sleep disturbances. Similarly, children whose mothers have experienced traumatic or stressful events during pregnancy have an increased risk of mental health disorders and other neurodevelopmental disorders.

Child-on-child sexual abuse is a form of child sexual abuse in which a prepubescent child is sexually abused by one or more other children or adolescents, and in which no adult is directly involved. While this includes when one of the children uses physical force, threats, trickery or emotional manipulation to elicit cooperation, it also can include non-coercive situations where the initiator proposes or starts a sexual act that the victim does not understand the nature of and simply goes along with, not comprehending its implications or what the consequences might be.

Charles L. Whitfield was an American medical doctor in private practice specializing in assisting survivors of childhood trauma with their recovery, and with addictions including alcoholism and related disorders. He was certified by the American Society of Addiction Medicine, a founding member of the National Association for the Children of Alcoholics, and a member of the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Substance abuse prevention</span> Measures to prevent the consumption of licit and illicit drugs

Substance abuse prevention, also known as drug abuse prevention, is a process that attempts to prevent the onset of substance use or limit the development of problems associated with using psychoactive substances. Prevention efforts may focus on the individual or their surroundings. A concept that is known as "environmental prevention" focuses on changing community conditions or policies so that the availability of substances is reduced as well as the demand. Individual Substance Abuse Prevention, also known as drug abuse prevention involves numerous different sessions depending on the individual to help cease or reduce the use of substances. The time period to help a specific individual can vary based upon many aspects of an individual. The type of Prevention efforts should be based upon the individual's necessities which can also vary. Substance use prevention efforts typically focus on minors and young adults – especially between 12–35 years of age. Substances typically targeted by preventive efforts include alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, inhalants, coke, methamphetamine, steroids, club drugs, and opioids. Community advocacy against substance use is imperative due to the significant increase in opioid overdoses in the United States alone. It has been estimated that about one hundred and thirty individuals continue to lose their lives daily due to opioid overdoses alone.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Alcoholism in family systems</span> Social and psychological factors that cause alcoholism in families

Alcoholism in family systems refers to the conditions in families that enable alcoholism and the effects of alcoholic behavior by one or more family members on the rest of the family. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems.

Victimization refers to a person being made into a victim by someone else and can take on psychological as well as physical forms, both of which are damaging to victims. Forms of victimization include bullying or peer victimization, physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, robbery, and assault. Some of these forms of victimization are commonly associated with certain populations, but they can happen to others as well. For example, bullying or peer victimization is most commonly studied in children and adolescents but also takes place between adults. Although anyone may be victimized, particular groups may be more susceptible to certain types of victimization and as a result to the symptoms and consequences that follow. Individuals respond to victimization in a wide variety of ways, so noticeable symptoms of victimization will vary from person to person. These symptoms may take on several different forms, be associated with specific forms of victimization, and be moderated by individual characteristics of the victim and/or experiences after victimization.

Adult Children of Alcoholics founded circa 1973 is a fellowship of people who desire to recover from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family. ACA membership has few formal requirements. ACA does not accept any outside contributions and is supported entirely by donations from its members. The organization is not related to any particular religion and has no political affiliation. Tony A. was among its co-founders and is the author of The Laundry List, 12 steps for adult children of alcoholics, The Problem, which are all published in his book, The Laundry List: The ACOA Experience

The effects of domestic violence on children have a tremendous impact on the well-being and developmental growth of children witnessing it. Children who witness domestic violence in the home often believe that they are to blame, live in a constant state of fear, and are 15 times more likely to be victims of child abuse. Close observation during an interaction can alert providers to the need for further investigation and intervention, such as dysfunctions in the physical, behavioral, emotional, and social areas of life, and can aid in early intervention and assistance for child victims.

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) include childhood emotional, physical, or sexual abuse and household dysfunction during childhood. The categories are verbal abuse, physical abuse, contact sexual abuse, a battered mother, household substance abuse, household mental illness, incarcerated household members, and parental separation or divorce. The experiences chosen were based upon prior research that has shown to them to have significant negative health or social implications, and for which substantial efforts are being made in the public and private sector to reduce their frequency of occurrence. Scientific evidence is mounting that such adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) have a profound long-term effect on health. Research shows that exposure to abuse and to serious forms of family dysfunction in the childhood family environment are likely to activate the stress response, thus potentially disrupting the developing nervous, immune, and metabolic systems of children. ACEs are associated with lifelong physical and mental health problems that emerge in adolescence and persist into adulthood, including cardiovascular disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, autoimmune diseases, substance abuse, and depression.

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Further reading