Plot
In a high school game of "Killer," in which a student must shoot another with a squirt gun, Matt Arnold has to "kill" classmate Jenny Herk, so sneaks up on her at home. By coincidence, hitmen are also there to assassinate Jenny's father, Arthur Herk, who has embezzled money from his company, Penultra Corp.
As the fake assassination attempt coincides with the real one, police officers Monica Romero and Walter Kramitz are called out to the resulting disturbance. During the chaos, Matt's friend Andrew calls Eliot Arnold, Matt's father. Picking up Matt, Eliot immediately feels a mutual attraction for Anna Herk, Jenny's mother. Matt and Jenny are attracted to each other too. Meanwhile, their housemaid Nina falls for Puggy, a young homeless man who lives in a tree on their property. She runs from the shootings and he saves her from the hitmen.
Realizing he is the intended victim, Arthur visits arms dealers to buy a rocket but is sold a suitcase nuclear bomb as the dealer is out of rockets and doesn't tell him what it is. Escaped convicts Snake and Eddie, previously kicked out of the bar for disorderly conduct, hold it up, kidnapping Arthur and Puggy (an employee there) and taking the suitcase, not knowing its contents.
Meanwhile, when Matt pretends to "kill" Jenny in a mall parking lot, a security guard thinks his gun is real and opens fire on them. Matt and Jenny flee the scene and eventually return to the Herks' home, followed by officers Monica and Walter, who stumble into the confusion. Eliot is called over once again.
The convicts force Arthur to return home, where they capture everyone and tie them up. Taking Puggy and Jenny, they leave with the suitcase for the airport. Nina, who was hiding in her room, frees everyone but Monica and Arthur who are handcuffed. Shortly after, the house is visited by two FBI agents tracking the bomb. They free Monica and she leads them to the airport, while Arthur is left behind tripping on a hallucinogenic toad, believing Martha Stewart has possessed the dog.
The criminals, Puggy and Jenny pass through security, where the bomb is inadvertently triggered and its 45-minute timer begins; Puggy escapes in the confusion of boarding. The FBI agents warn that unless the bomb is recovered soon, the plane will have to be shot down. Puggy leads them to the criminals' plane, which Eliot manages to sneak onto. Meanwhile, the two hitmen finally escape the traffic jam caused by Snake and Eddie and reach the airport. There, they bump into Officer Romero, and Special Agents Greer and Seitz, accidentally knocking the hitmen's rifle out of their golf bag in the process. Romero grabs it, renders it useless, and returns it.
Eliot, having sneaked onto the plane, attacks Eddie and Snake with a fire extinguisher. Upon realizing the case holds a bomb, Eliot hurls it out of the open rear door, only for Snake to leap after it. By a stroke of dumb luck, Snake manages to grab onto the door's steps and hang on. Despite Eliot's insistence that the case is a bomb, Snake opens fire on him, prompting Eliot to pull the emergency lever decoupling the door. Snake plunges into the ocean with a defiant smile, still clinging to the bomb, which explodes safely in the water. Eliot is congratulated by the FBI, promised presidential cowboy boots and a hat, and told the events that took place are strictly top secret.
In the last scene: after chasing down a plane, subduing two criminals, and saving Miami from a nuclear disaster, Eliot finally wins Matt's respect. Anna and Eliot marry a week after she divorces Arthur. Walter, after a forced strip search by the airport guards, becomes a male stripper and marries. The hitmen escape Miami after a series of very weird events. They claim their Miami job was the lowest point in their careers. They were surrounded by the fans of Florida Gators on their plane home, as a running joke in the film. Eddie goes back to jail in a prison outside of Jacksonville, becoming friends with another dimwitted inmate who has the same affinity for crude jokes. Arthur is last seen still handcuffed and tormented by his dog.
