Christian courtship, also known as Biblical courtship, is the traditional Christian practice of individuals in approaching "the prospect of marriage". [1] Preceded by a proposal, courtship traditionally begins after a betrothal and concludes with the celebration of marriage (though in the present-day, courtship may precede the betrothal, which is then followed by the wedding). [2] [3] Christian theologian Scott Croft distinguished courtship from dating, teaching that: [4]
Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate. Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal... Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more-than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its goal. [4]
Andre Marie, a brother of the Slaves of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, discusses that courtship allows a couple to become acquainted with one another, and that physical intimacy is saved only for those in wedlock. [5] Christian minister Patricia Bootsma further delineates this distinction, writing that in contrast to the modern conception of dating, in "courtship, time together in groups with family or friends is encouraged, and there is oversight by and accountability to parents or mentors". [6] She further states that with courtship, "commitment happens before intimacy". [6]
Christian courtship remains normative in certain Christian countries such as Guatemala, in which much of the population belongs to the Roman Catholic Church. [7] In the United States, courtship is seen as a response to secular dating culture in which various Christian communities might find themselves, c. 1985 to present. [8] Motivated by concern for the need of Christian values in contrast to secular dating practices, conservative Christians identified what they saw as key Biblical principles for courtship and romance, and began to disseminate them in the 1980s.
The practice of traditional Christian courtship among church members belonging to various Christian denominations experienced a revival in the 1980s. [9] Keynote speaker and author Dr. S.M. Davis developed a unique stand on this philosophy, and his materials have been popular with the homeschool culture since the early 1990s. Proponents of courtship say that it is identified by Biblical principles, rather than particular methods or behavioural practices. These principles have been summarized in Leave Dating Behind: a Road Map to Marriage by Christina Rogers within the acronym CARE:
From the earliest days of the Christian faith, Christians have viewed marriage as a divinely blessed, lifelong, monogamous union between a man and a woman. However, while many Christians might agree with the traditional definition, the terminology and theological views of marriage have varied through time in different countries, and among Christian denominations.
A wedding is a ceremony where two people are united in marriage. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, races, religions, denominations, countries, social classes, and sexual orientations. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of marriage vows by a couple, presentation of a gift, and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or celebrant. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers, or readings from religious texts or literature are also commonly incorporated into the ceremony, as well as superstitious customs.
An engagement or betrothal is the period of time between the declaration of acceptance of a marriage proposal and the marriage itself. During this period, a couple is said to be fiancés, 'betrothed', 'intended', 'affianced', 'engaged to be married', or simply 'engaged'. Future brides and grooms may be called fiancée (feminine) or fiancé (masculine), 'the betrothed', a 'wife-to-be' or 'husband-to-be', respectively. The duration of the courtship varies vastly, and is largely dependent on cultural norms or upon the agreement of the parties involved.
Courtship is the period wherein some couples get to know each other prior to a possible marriage or committed romantic, de facto relationship. Courtship traditionally may begin after a betrothal and may conclude with the celebration of marriage. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a marriage proposal.
Bundling, or tarrying, is the traditional practice of wrapping a couple together in a bed sometimes with a board between the two of them, usually as a part of courting behavior. The tradition is thought to have originated either in the Netherlands or in the British Isles and later became common in colonial United States, especially in Pennsylvania Dutch Country. Bundling is associated with the Amish as a form of courtship.
Interfaith marriage, sometimes called interreligious marriage or "mixed marriage", is marriage between spouses professing different religions. Although interfaith marriages are often established as civil marriages, in some instances they may be established as a religious marriage. This depends on religious doctrine of each of the two parties' religions; some prohibit interfaith marriage, and among others there are varying degrees of permissibility.
The following outline is provided as an overview of and topical guide to interpersonal relationships.
A marriage of state is a diplomatic marriage or union between two members of different nation-states or internally, between two power blocs, usually in authoritarian societies and is a practice which dates back to ancient times, as far back as early Grecian cultures in western society, and of similar antiquity in other civilizations. The fable of Helen of Troy may be the best known classical tale reporting an incidence of surrendering a female member of a ruling line to gain peace or shore up alliances of state between nation-states headed by small oligarchies or acknowledged royalty.
Chinese pre-wedding customs are traditional Chinese rituals prescribed by the 禮記 (láih gei, the 儀禮 (yìh láih and the 白虎通 condensed into a series of rituals now known as the 三書六禮. Traditionally speaking, a wedding that incorporates all six rites is considered a daaih chéui.
An engagement party, also known as a betrothal party or fort, is a party held to celebrate a couple's recent engagement and to help future wedding guests to get to know one another. Traditionally, the bride's parents host the engagement party, but many modern couples host their own celebration.
Erusin is the Hebrew term for betrothal. In modern Hebrew, "erusin" means engagement, but this is not the historical meaning of the term, which is the first part of marriage.
Traditional courtship in the Philippines is described as a "far more subdued and indirect" approach compared to Western or Westernized cultures. It involves "phases" or "stages" inherent to Philippine society and culture. Evident in courtship in the Philippines is the practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving. This respect extends to the Filipina's family members. The proper rules and standards in traditional Filipino courtship are set by Philippine society.
Traditional marriage customs in the Philippines and Filipino wedding practices pertain to the characteristics of marriage and wedding traditions established and adhered by them Filipino men and women in the Philippines after a period of adoption courtship and engagement. These traditions extend to other countries around the world where Filipino communities exist. Kasalan is the Filipino word for "wedding", while its root word – kasal – means "marriage". The present-day character of marriages and weddings in the Philippines were primarily influenced by the permutation of Christian, both Catholic and Protestant, Hindu, Islam, Chinese, Spanish, and American models.
Leslie Ludy is an American Christian author, speaker, and editor. She and her husband Eric Ludy wrote When God Writes Your Love Story. She has been a speaker at hundreds of conferences, colleges, and events, as well as a guest on many well-known media venues. She is a director of Set Apart Girl (setapartgirl), an online Christian magazine for young women.
When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships is a 1999 book by Eric and Leslie Ludy, an American married couple. After becoming a bestseller on the Christian book market, the book was republished in 2004 and then revised and expanded in 2009. It tells the story of the authors' first meeting, courtship, and marriage. The authors advise single people not to be physically or emotionally intimate with others, but to wait for the spouse that God has planned for them. The first edition was packaged with a CD single by the Ludys: "Faithfully", a song they had written specifically to accompany the book.
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship is a 2000 book by Joshua Harris. It is the sequel to I Kissed Dating Goodbye. In Boy Meets Girl, Harris describes his personal experiences courting the woman he eventually married. The book argues that psychological pain and trauma can result from entering an intimate relationship before one is ready, either emotionally or financially, to commit to being the other person's life partner. Harris has written several other books, including I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Sex Is Not the Problem , and Stop Dating the Church.
Dr. Donald Fred Raunikar was an American psychoanalyst, Christian writer, and advocate of Biblical courtship from Houston, Texas.
Fornication is generally consensual sexual intercourse between two people not married to each other. When one or more of the partners having consensual sexual intercourse is married to another person, it is called adultery. John Calvin viewed adultery to be any sexual act that is outside the divine model for sexual intercourse, which includes fornication.
The Mystery of Crowning is a ritual component of the sacrament of marriage in Eastern Christianity. Variations of the crowning ceremony exist in multiple liturgical rites, including the Byzantine, Coptic, West Syriac, and East Syriac Rites of the Eastern Orthodox, Oriental Orthodox, and Eastern Catholic Churches. The crowning ceremony typically features a crown being placed upon the head of both the bride and bridegroom, crowning them as the queen and king of a new family.
Courtship practices in the United States changed gradually throughout its history. The transition from primarily rural colonies to cities and the expansion across the continent with major waves of immigration, accompanied by developments in transportation, communication, education, industrialization, and the economy, contributed to changes over time in the national culture that influenced how young people met, interacted, and married.
In the courtship paradigm, the prospect of marriage is broached toward the beginning of the process and romance is postponed until the couple is out in the middle of the bridge. One of the major objectives of the betrothal arrangement is to stave off romance as long as possible—until the period just before the wedding or, following the biblical pattern, after it. Proponents of courtship and betrothal are very aware of the twitterpating effects of romance on sound judgment, so they seek a structure that delays that influence on the decision-making process as long as possible.