 | The examples and perspective in this article may not represent a worldwide view of the subject.(September 2023) |
A marriage proposal is a custom or ritual, common in Western cultures, in which one member of a couple asks the other for their hand in marriage. If accepted, it marks the initiation of engagement, a mutual promise of later marriage.
In Western cultures, a proposal is traditionally made by a man to a woman, while genuflecting in front of her. The ritual often involves the formal asking of the question "Will you marry me, ...?" and the presentation of an engagement ring (often in a small velvet box), which he may place on her finger if she accepts. [1] [2]
Before proposing, a man traditionally asks permission from the father of the woman he hopes to marry. [3] [2] In modern times it is often understood as a formality. [4]
The vast majority of proposals in the United States [5] [6] and Australia [7] are made by men. In patriarchal societies proposals by women may not be taken seriously or treated as "real" proposals. [8]
When asked whether a woman doing the marriage proposal was acceptable or unacceptable, most respondents in America [5] and Australia [7] said acceptable. However, in practice only about 5% of proposals are made by women. [5] Jewelry companies have begun to advertise engagement rings for women proposing to men. [9] Folk traditions in countries including Scotland, Ireland, England, and Finland allow women to propose on leap days, sometimes with any man rejecting such a proposal being expected to pay a forfeit to his suitor, usually through a gift of clothing. [10] [11] [12] Reasons some women state for rejecting gender equality for marriage proposal include fear of rejection and preferring benevolent sexism. [13] Some women lead the marriage proposal in private, while publicly showcasing gender essential marriage proposal conventions. [13]
Queen Victoria had to propose to Prince Albert due to royal tradition in Britain that no one can propose to a reigning monarch. [14]
Same-gender couples, to whom gendered proposal traditions do not apply, usually keep some elements of customary ritual while altering others. In some cases, there may be multiple proposals, and each partner may propose to the other. [15]
The proposal itself is often supposed to be a surprise, although in practice this is rarely actually the case. [16] Surveys have found that most proposals are not surprises, and most wedding engagements begin with a conversation in which the parties mutually agree to wed. [17]
Not all engagements begin with a proposal of marriage. Historically, many marriages have been arranged by parents or matchmakers, and these customs are still sometimes practiced in the modern day. Even when the decision to marry is made by the couple, it may not be communicated between them directly; for instance, in the traditional Japanese custom of Omiai, the formal decision to pursue marriage or to turn it down (Kotowari) is communicated between the couple's respective matchmakers. [18]
Couples in many Christian denominations have the option of receiving the Rite of Betrothal (also known as 'blessing an engaged couple' or 'declaration of intention'), which often includes prayer, Bible readings, blessing of engagement rings, and a blessing of the couple. [19] [20] [21]
The majority of the proposals in this study contained five elements. Three were found in every proposal: (1) the man asking the woman to marry him, (2) the man presenting the woman a ring, and (3) the man orchestrating the proposal as a "surprise." Another element, the man getting down on one knee, was found in 17 of the 20 proposals.
Mind you, [Miss Manners] believes it is as appropriate for the lady to propose to the gentleman as it is for a gentleman to propose to a lady.
A universal element in the proposals of heterosexual couples we interviewed was that the proposer was the male member of the couple and the audience was the female member. Breaking this rule, as only the female member can do, did not result in an official engagement. [...] Another woman twice asked her boyfriend to marry her and even gave him a ring. He wore the ring but did not take her proposals seriously. The couple did not consider themselves engaged until he asked her to marry him.
Tradition dictates that men are expected to play the active role of initiating the proposal, while women are expected to adopt a passive and reactive role (Schweingruber, Anahita, & Berns, 2004). Although in some European countries – such as Finland and Ireland – there is the custom that women are permitted to propose during a leap year, this is the exception that proves the cultural rule.
As royal tradition dictated that no one could propose to a reigning monarch, Victoria asked Albert to marry her on 15 October 1839.
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