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Quaker weddings are the traditional ceremony of marriage within the Religious Society of Friends. Quaker weddings are conducted in a similar fashion to regular Quaker meetings for worship, primarily in silence and without an officiant or a rigid program of events, and therefore differ greatly from traditional Western weddings. In some respects a Quaker marriage resembles a common-law marriage.
After the local meeting had approved the couple's intention, an announcement would be made and posted in the market on market day. Afterward, the wedding could take place. The wedding would occur at a meeting, and the couple would declare their intention to be married henceforth. The marriage would be certified by all of the members of the meeting who were present, acting as both celebrants (after a fashion) and witnesses. Outsiders sometimes criticised Quaker couples for living in sin because they married each other without priests or ministers. George Fox, the founder of the Society of Friends, and Margaret Fell married using a modification of that procedure in 1669.[ citation needed ]
Two years later, when Fox was in Barbados, he sent out an epistle in which he advocated giving women's meetings the initial responsibility to pass on a couple's intentions when the couple had expressed a desire to be wed. That advice became quite controversial for those who did not want to see women's roles expanded.[ citation needed ]
When a couple decides to get married they declare their intentions to marry to the meeting (either in writing or in person). In many Yearly Meetings, the meeting then appoints a clearness committee to talk with the couple and make sure that they have properly prepared themselves for marriage. If the committee is clear that this couple is ready, it recommends that the monthly meeting should take the wedding "under their care" and appoint a committee to ensure the couple makes all the needed arrangements for the wedding ceremony. The duties vary but may include helping schedule the date, finding premarital counseling, making the Quaker marriage certificate, making sure the couple knows how to acquire and file any legal documents. In other Yearly Meetings, clearness committees are an option the couple can choose.
In America, some couples choose to marry within the meeting without registering their marriage with the government, a tradition dating back to Quakerism's earliest days. Meetings generally encourage couples to seek legal advice before undertaking this option. Common-law marriage, also called "marriage by habit and repute," by which a couple is legally married simply through cohabitation and by holding themselves out to the world to be husband and wife, is no longer a valid method of marriage in most American jurisdictions. If a couple later needs to prove that it is married, the Quaker wedding certificate signed by witnesses at the ceremony may be sufficient in some US states. A few states have statutes that specifically recognize Quaker marriages in which ministers are not officiants, as legal. [1]
However, most Yearly Meetings and Monthly Meetings encourage Friends marrying under their care to obtain marriage licenses and have them signed by a representative of the Meeting and to file duly the licenses with the state. This is a special concern since common-law marriages, under which Quaker marriages were formerly valid in many states, are legally recognized only in a few US states. [2] There is some discomfort[ clarification needed ] with the obtaining and filing of marriage licenses for heterosexual couples in Meetings in which the joining of homosexual or lesbian couples is recognized because of the Quaker concern for equality. Various means of dealing with issue have been worked out in Monthly Meetings and Yearly Meetings.
Same-sex couples can also be married with or without government documents in some meetings (see homosexuality and Quakerism).
A traditional wedding ceremony in a Friends meeting is similar to any other meeting for worship and therefore is often very different from the experience expected by non-Friends.
The attendees gather for silent worship, often with the couple sitting in front of the meeting (that may depend on the layout of the particular Friends meeting house). Out of the silence, the couple will exchange what the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting describes as "promises" [3] and Britain Yearly Meeting describes as "declarations" with each other. The promises are short, simple, and egalitarian and can vary between different regions and meetings. Traditionally, Quakers do not swear or make oaths because they intend to tell the truth at all times, and thus have no need of swearing. [4]
Since Friends traditionally have no clergy, there is no one person to "marry" them. Instead, they believe that they are married by God and declare their intentions before God and those gathered. They believe that the marriage is merely "witnessed" by those present. George Fox wrote in 1669:
"For the right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priests' or the magistrates'; for it is God's ordinance and not man's; and therefore Friends cannot consent that they should join them together: for we marry none; it is the Lord's work, and we are but witnesses."
The administrative tasks associated with the marriage are completed by a Registering Officer, who is a person specially appointed by the Monthly Meeting in which the couple is to be married. However, that person is responsible purely for the administration of matters such as the certificate and does not "marry" the couple.
Usually, there are no bridesmaids or other special roles in the wedding other than that of the bride and the groom.
The couple then signs the Quaker wedding certificate. All those present are invited to give ministry with the gathered meeting as they feel led, as in any other meeting for worship. At the close of worship, all who are present at the meeting are asked to sign the wedding certificate as witnesses. Often, the certificate is hung prominently in the home of the couple as a reminder of the declarations it made and of the people with whom it shared that moment.
The declarations made by the couple in meetings for worship for the solemnisation of marriage in Britain Yearly Meeting are as follows (words in italics are optional):
"In the presence of God (ORIn the fear of the Lord and in the presence of this assembly), Friends, I take this my friend NAME to be my spouse*, promising, through divine assistance (OR with God's help), to be unto him/her a loving and faithful spouse*, so long as we both on earth shall live (OR until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us)"
* the word "spouse" may be replaced by "wife", "husband" or "partner in marriage".
The declarations may also be made in Welsh.
Quaker marriage has been subject of special law in England and Wales since the 18th century. The first Marriage Act 1753, which regulated the legal and civic recognition of marriage, recognised only marriages conducted by the "Society of Friends", Jews and the Church of England and removed recognition of common-law marriage or marriage conducted by any other religious group. Thus, Quakers' marriages were legally recognised though marriages within other non-conformist traditions were not legally recognised.
The special exemption for Quakers has continued in subsequent Marriage Acts in England and Wales up to and including the Marriage Act 1949, which allows "marriage in according to the usages of the Society of Friends, commonly called Quakers". Quakers and Jews were exempt from the restrictions within the Marriage Act 1949 from the requirements to marry in certain approved locations or at certain times and so they were the only groups who were (theoretically) allowed, for example, to marry outdoors or in the middle of the night (although in practice, Quaker marriages are performed in a place where there is a regular Meeting for Worship held and so they would not usually take place outside).
The law with regard to Quaker weddings in England and Wales is based around Section 47 of the Marriage Act 1949 Marriages according to usages of the Society of Friends. [5]
Quaker marriages in England and Wales have two marriage certificates:
Quakers decided to offer marriage on an equal basis to same-sex couples in 2009. Same-sex marriage was recognized in law in 2014 in England, Scotland and Wales.
A governmental marriage license is not usually part of the ceremony and can be signed at a separate time if that is desired. In many areas, the license must be signed by an "officiant", which in most cases is one or more members of an oversight committee. In the District of Columbia and the states of Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Illinois, Colorado, and California, self-uniting marriage licenses are available, which require only the signatures of the bride, the groom, and witnesses. [6]
Most, if not all, states provide by statute that a few members of the Meeting, who are duly appointed by name under its normal business procedure, are thereby legally competent to jointly sign and file the marriage license as the "officiants". Since Friends meetings have traditionally considered a wedding (and indeed the entire marriage) of their members to be under their pastoral care, creating such an "oversight committee" for the wedding is fairly standard, even regardless of any such statute.
Handfasting is a traditional practice that, depending on the term's usage, may define an unofficiated wedding, a betrothal, or a temporary wedding. The phrase refers to the making fast of a pledge by the shaking or joining of hands.
A wedding is a ceremony where two people are united in marriage. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, races, religions, denominations, countries, social classes, and sexual orientations. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of marriage vows by a couple, presentation of a gift, and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or celebrant. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers, or readings from religious texts or literature are also commonly incorporated into the ceremony, as well as superstitious customs.
An engagement or betrothal is the period of time between the declaration of acceptance of a marriage proposal and the marriage itself. During this period, a couple is said to be fiancés, betrothed,intended, affianced, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and grooms may be called fiancée (feminine) or fiancé (masculine), the betrothed, a wife-to-be or husband-to-be, respectively. The duration of the courtship varies vastly, and is largely dependent on cultural norms or upon the agreement of the parties involved.
The banns of marriage, commonly known simply as the "banns" or "bans", are the public announcement in a Christian parish church, or in the town council, of an impending marriage between two specified persons. It is commonly associated with the Catholic Church, the Church of Sweden (Lutheran), the Church of England (Anglican), and with other Christian denominations whose traditions are similar. In 1983, the Catholic Church removed the requirement for banns and left it to individual national bishops' conferences to decide whether to continue the practice, but in most Catholic countries the banns are still published.
A civil marriage is a marriage performed, recorded, and recognized by a government official. Such a marriage may be performed by a religious body and recognized by the state, or it may be entirely secular.
A marriage license is a document issued, either by a religious organization or state authority, authorizing a couple to marry. The procedure for obtaining a license varies between jurisdictions, and has changed over time. Marriage licenses began to be issued in the Middle Ages, to permit a marriage which would otherwise be illegal.
The views of Quakers around the world towards homosexuality encompass a range from complete celebration and the practice of same-sex marriage, to the view that homosexuality is sinfully deviant and contrary to God's intentions for sexual expression. The Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) is a historically Christian religious movement founded in 17th-century England; it has around 350,000 members. In Britain, Canada, New Zealand and Australia, many Quakers are supportive of homosexual relationships, while views are divided among U.S. meetings. The majority (52%) of Quakers live in Africa, and though views may differ, the Kenyan Church of Friends does not support homosexual relationships.
Marriage vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony based upon Western Christian norms. They are not universal to marriage and not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. They are not even universal within Christian marriage, as Eastern Christians do not have marriage vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies.
A proxy wedding or proxy marriage is a wedding in which one or both of the individuals being united are not physically present, usually being represented instead by other persons (proxies). If both partners are absent, this is known as a double proxy wedding.
Nikah 'urfi is a "customary [marriage contract] that commonly requires a walī (guardian) and witnesses but not to be officially registered with state authorities. Couples repeat the words, "We got married" and pledge commitment, although there are many other informal ways in which people marry 'urfi. Usually a paper, stating that the two are married, is written and at least two witnesses sign it, although others may record their commitment on a cassette tape and use other forms of documentation. Most Arab countries do not recognize 'urfi marriages and do not allow partners to get a 'legal' divorce since the government does not recognize the legality of the marriage in the first place. Unlike regular marriages, most 'Urfi contracts are not publicised, are short-term in practice and do not require men to provide maintenance for the women. Sometimes these relationships are a way for people to have sexual relations within what is perceived to be a religiously licit framework. In many instances, 'Urfi marriages are contracted without the permission of the woman's male guardian (Wali) and the relationship is often kept secret from family members.
Marriage is available in England and Wales to both opposite-sex and same-sex couples and is legally recognised in the forms of both civil and religious marriage. Marriage laws have historically evolved separately from marriage laws in other jurisdictions in the United Kingdom. There is a distinction between religious marriages, conducted by an authorised religious celebrant, and civil marriages, conducted by a state registrar. The legal minimum age to enter into a marriage in England and Wales is 18 since 27 February 2023. Previously the minimum age of marriage was 16, with parental permission. This also applies to civil partnerships.
Quakers are people who belong to the Religious Society of Friends, a historically Protestant Christian set of denominations. Members of these movements are generally united by a belief in each human's ability to experience the light within or "answering that of God in every one". Some profess a priesthood of all believers inspired by the First Epistle of Peter. They include those with evangelical, holiness, liberal, and traditional Quaker understandings of Christianity. There are also Nontheist Quakers, whose spiritual practice does not rely on the existence of God. To differing extents, the Friends avoid creeds and hierarchical structures. In 2017, there were an estimated 377,557 adult Quakers, 49% of them in Africa.
A marriage certificate is an official statement that two people are married. In most jurisdictions, a marriage certificate is issued by a government official only after the civil registration of the marriage.
A marriage officiant or marriage celebrant is a person who officiates at a wedding ceremony.
A humanist celebrant or humanist officiant is a person who performs humanist celebrancy services, such as non-religious weddings, funerals, child namings, coming of age ceremonies and other rituals. Some humanist celebrants are accredited by humanist organisations, such as Humanists UK, Humanist Society Scotland (HSS), The Humanist Society (US), and the Humanist Association of Canada (HAC).
A self-uniting marriage is one in which the couple are married without the presence of a third-party officiant. Although non-denominational, this method of getting married is sometimes referred to as a "Quaker marriage", after the marriage practice of the Religious Society of Friends, for which see Quaker wedding.
Same-sex marriage has been legal in Northern Ireland since 13 January 2020, following the enactment of the Northern Ireland Act 2019. The first marriage ceremony took place on 11 February 2020. Civil partnerships have also been available for same-sex couples in Northern Ireland since their introduction by the Government of the United Kingdom in 2005.
India does not recognise same-sex marriage, civil unions or other forms of partnerships, but provides some limited legal recognition to cohabiting same-sex couples in the form of live-in relationships. Several same-sex couples have married in traditional Hindu ceremonies since the late 1980s; however, these marriages are not registered with the state and couples do not enjoy all the same rights and benefits as married opposite-sex couples. The Supreme Court of India in August 2022 provided social security rights to those in same-sex live-in relationships while also recognising same-sex couples as being part of a "family unit".
Muslim marriage and Islamic wedding customs are traditions and practices that relate to wedding ceremonies and marriage rituals prevailing within the Muslim world. Although Islamic marriage customs and relations vary depending on country of origin and government regulations, both Muslim men and women from around the world are guided by Islamic laws and practices specified in the Quran. Islamic marital jurisprudence allows Muslim men to be married to multiple women.
A civil, or registrar, ceremony is a non-religious legal marriage ceremony performed by a government official or functionary. In the United Kingdom, this person is typically called a registrar. In the United States, civil ceremonies may be performed by town, city, or county clerks, judges or justices of the peace, or others possessing the legal authority to support the marriage as the wedding officiant.
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