Mixed-orientation marriage

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A mixed-orientation marriage is a marriage between partners of differing sexual orientations. The broader term is mixed-orientation relationship, sometimes shortened to MOR or MORE (while mixed-orientation marriage is sometimes shortened as MOM). [1]

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The people involved in such a marriage may not be romantically or sexually compatible, for example if the marriage is between a straight man and a lesbian. The term also applies when one of the partners involved is asexual or aromantic, leading to a mixed desire for sexual activity or romantic connection.

The most visible and researched subset of mixed-orientation relationships is mixed-orientation marriages in which one spouse is straight and the other experiences same-sex attraction, but there is a much broader diversity of mixed-orientation relationships. A 2016 research review noted that "further research on MOREs that looks beyond the traditional viewpoint of MOMs is needed in order to better understand the particular challenges, as well as the unique resiliency factors, seen within these non-traditional relationships." [1]

Asexual-sexual marriage

In a marriage between an asexual person and an allosexual person (someone who experiences sexual attraction), the asexual partner either does not experience sexual desire or attraction, or experiences low desire or attraction. [2] These marriages are often based on romantic love; however, they may experience challenges around sexual relations. The word "compromise" is used by the Asexual Visibility and Education Network community to label the act of an asexual person consenting to have sex with their partner for their partner's benefit. [3] Some marriages in which one partner is asexual are sexless marriages; other such marriages are polyamorous. [4]

Marriages in which one partner is bisexual

A major challenge to relationships in which one partner is bisexual is negative stereotypes about bisexual people. [5] [6] Due to bisexual erasure, bisexual people in relationships with heterosexual persons are frequently falsely perceived as being heterosexual, and relationships in which a bisexual person is married to a gay or lesbian person are usually falsely perceived as gay or lesbian relationships. [7] [8] In addition, bisexual people are incorrectly stereotyped as promiscuous, confused or going through a phase, and incapable of monogamy. [8]

Research has shown that although bisexual people are, in general, more open to non-monogamy than gay, lesbian, and straight people are, bisexual people are just as likely as non-bisexual people to be in long-term monogamous relationships. [9]

In 2020, researchers Kristen Mark, Laura Vowels, and Amanda Bunting published the results of a study on relationship satisfaction in 142 mixed-sex couples in which one partner identified as bisexual. They found that greater sexual and relationship satisfaction was experienced by couples who acknowledged bisexual identity and addressed issues surrounding it. [5] Those who were out as bisexual to their friends and religious communities experienced more satisfaction in their relationships, but outness to other family members negatively impacted the satisfaction of the straight partner. The researchers theorized that "this might be due to the negativity that the straight partner may experience from their family" due to negative stereotypes about bisexual people. [5] [6]

Marriage between homosexual and heterosexual partners

Societal or religious pressure to be heterosexual and to marry someone of a different sex can lead people to enter into relationships and marriages even if they do not identify as straight or are not sure if they are. Some people cite spiritual reasons for getting married. [10] [11] Early research by Michael M. Ross in the 1970s and 1980s on gay men who married women found that their reasons most often had to do with social expectancy, as a defense against being perceived as gay, or due to internalized homophobia. [12]

In 2002, a study was conducted in Australia on 26 gay men who had previously been married to women, and found that 50% thought they were gay before they married and 85% identified as gay after their marriage. [13] The study found that the most common reasons these men got married were that it "seemed natural" (cited by 65.4%) and that they "wanted children and family life" (cited by 65.4%). [13]

Joe Kort, a counselor specializing in mixed-orientation marriages, has noted that often, men who later come out as gay "genuinely love their wives. They fall in love with their wives, they have children, they're on a chemical, romantic high, and then after about seven years, the high falls away and their gay identity starts emerging. They don't mean any harm." [14] Some hide their orientation from their spouse, while others tell their spouse before marriage. [15] Some people identify as exclusively heterosexual in behavior and fantasies before marriage, but grow toward a more homosexual orientation during marriage. [16]

A 2008 study on men who have sex with men while married to women found that such men do so for a variety of reasons and do not always consider themselves to be gay; for some, "their heterosexual interests and behaviors remain primary." Of the 201 men in the study, 9 identified as heterosexual, 77 as bisexual, and 115 as homosexual. [17]

A lesser-known but growing aspect of this category is couples where one of the partners is transgender and transitions during the relationship. [18]

Lavender marriage

A mixed-orientation marriage of convenience can serve to conceal one or both partners' sexual orientation, sometimes for purposes of maintaining or advancing their career, especially a highly public career. Such cases are sometimes called lavender marriages in popular writing. [19] "Beard" is a slang term for a person who knowingly or unknowingly helps conceal someone's sexual orientation in this manner.

Supports for those in mixed-orientation marriages

In the wake of the 2005 film Brokeback Mountain , which features two cowboys who are married to women and fall in love with each other, a 2006 New York Times article reported that "although precise numbers are impossible to come by, 10,000 to 20,000 wives of gay husbands have contacted online support groups, and increasing numbers of them are women in their 20s or 30s." [14] OurPath (previously the Straight Spouse Network), a volunteer-run peer-to-peer support organization for straight people in mixed-orientation marriages, has more than 50 local support groups in the United States and affiliated support groups in Canada, Australia, India, and Britain. OurPath responds to an average of 145 new support requests each month. [20]

Amity Pierce Buxton, a long-time advocate for straight partners in mixed-orientation marriages and an early researcher in this area, noted that "peers provide the most support, while therapists are often unfamiliar with sexual orientation, mixed orientation couples, or societal attitudes that impact mixed orientation families." [21]

In media

The theme of mixed-orientation marriages in literature dates back at least to 1889 with the publication of A Marriage Below Zero by Alfred J. Cohen (writing under the pseudonym Chester Allan Dale). Cohen's heterosexual female narrator was married to a homosexual man. Cohen believed that women should be aware of the sexual orientation of a potential husband so they would avoid marrying a homosexual man. [22] Lesbian pulp fiction sometimes included women who were married to men exploring their attraction to other women. Other examples of the theme include the book Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx, later a feature film, which features two married cowboys who fall in love with each other.

Brokeback Mountain helped bring the issue of mixed-orientation marriages to public attention, [14] but several other movies had already dealt with the issue. Talk shows, such as Oprah, have also addressed mixed-orientation marriages, [23] as did TLC's controversial 2015 reality show My Husband's Not Gay , which was about gay Mormon men married to women. [24] Some of the movies and TV shows that feature mixed-orientation marriages include:

See also

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Heterosexuality</span> Attraction between people of the opposite sex or gender

Heterosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between people of the opposite sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, heterosexuality is "an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions" to people of the opposite sex; it "also refers to a person's sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions." Someone who is heterosexual is commonly referred to as straight.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual orientation</span> Pattern of romantic or sexual attraction

Sexual orientation is an enduring personal pattern of romantic attraction or sexual attraction to persons of the opposite sex or gender, the same sex or gender, or to both sexes or more than one gender. Patterns are generally categorized under heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality, while asexuality is sometimes identified as the fourth category.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Biphobia</span> Aversion to bisexual people

Biphobia is aversion toward bisexuality or people who are identified or perceived as being bisexual. Similarly to homophobia, it refers to hatred and prejudice specifically against those identified or perceived as being in the bisexual community. It can take the form of denial that bisexuality is a genuine sexual orientation, or of negative stereotypes about people who are bisexual. Other forms of biphobia include bisexual erasure.

Heterosexism is a system of attitudes, bias, and discrimination in favor of heterosexuality and heterosexual relationships. According to Elizabeth Cramer, it can include the belief that all people are or should be heterosexual and that heterosexual relationships are the only norm and therefore superior.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Homosexuality and psychology</span> Homosexuality as viewed by the field of psychology

The field of psychology has extensively studied homosexuality as a human sexual orientation. The American Psychiatric Association listed homosexuality in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in 1952, but that classification came under scrutiny in research funded by the National Institute of Mental Health. That research and subsequent studies consistently failed to produce any empirical or scientific basis for regarding homosexuality as anything other than a natural and normal sexual orientation that is a healthy and positive expression of human sexuality. As a result of this scientific research, the American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973. Upon a thorough review of the scientific data, the American Psychological Association followed in 1975 and also called on all mental health professionals to take the lead in "removing the stigma of mental illness that has long been associated" with homosexuality. In 1993, the National Association of Social Workers adopted the same position as the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association, in recognition of scientific evidence. The World Health Organization, which listed homosexuality in the ICD-9 in 1977, removed homosexuality from the ICD-10 which was endorsed by the 43rd World Health Assembly on 17 May 1990.

Sexual identity refers to one's self-perception in terms of romantic or sexual attraction towards others, though not mutually exclusive, and can be different to romantic identity. Sexual identity may also refer to sexual orientation identity, which is when people identify or dis-identify with a sexual orientation or choose not to identify with a sexual orientation. Sexual identity and sexual behavior are closely related to sexual orientation, but they are distinguished, with identity referring to an individual's conception of themselves, behavior referring to actual sexual acts performed by the individual, and sexual orientation referring to romantic or sexual attractions toward persons of the opposite sex or gender, the same sex or gender, to both sexes or more than one gender, or to no one.

LGBT slang, LGBT speak, queer slang, or gay slang is a set of English slang lexicon used predominantly among LGBTQ+ people. It has been used in various languages since the early 20th century as a means by which members of the LGBTQ+ community identify themselves and speak in code with brevity and speed to others. The acronym LGBT was popularized in the 1990s and stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender. It may refer to anyone who is non-heterosexual or non-cisgender, instead of exclusively to people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. To recognize this inclusion, a popular variant, LGBTQ, adds the letter Q for those who identify as queer or are questioning their sexual or gender identity.

A lavender marriage is a male–female mixed-orientation marriage, undertaken as a marriage of convenience to conceal the socially stigmatised sexual orientation of one or both partners. The term dates from the early 20th century and is used almost exclusively to characterize certain marriages of public celebrities in the first half of the 20th century, primarily before World War II, when public attitudes made it impossible for a person acknowledging homosexuality to pursue a public career, notably in the Hollywood film industry. One of the earliest uses of the phrase appeared in the British press in 1895, at a time when the colour of lavender was associated with homosexuality.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Demographics of sexual orientation</span> Prevalence of different types of sexual orientation

Obtaining precise numbers on the demographics of sexual orientation is difficult for a variety of reasons, including the nature of the research questions. Most of the studies on sexual orientation rely on self-reported data, which may pose challenges to researchers because of the subject matter's sensitivity. The studies tend to pose two sets of questions. One set examines self-report data of same-sex sexual experiences and attractions, while the other set examines self-report data of personal identification as homosexual or bisexual. Overall, fewer research subjects identify as homosexual or bisexual than report having had sexual experiences or attraction to a person of the same sex. Survey type, questions and survey setting may affect the respondents' answers.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Attraction to transgender people</span> Romantic or sexual attraction to transgender people

Sexual attraction to transgender people has been the subject of scientific study and social commentary. Psychologists have researched sexual attraction toward trans women, trans men, cross dressers, non-binary people, and a combination of these. Publications in the field of transgender studies have investigated the attraction transgender individuals can feel for each other. The people who feel this attraction to transgender people name their attraction in different ways.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBT stereotypes</span> Stereotypes around LGBTQ people and communities

LGBT stereotypes are stereotypes about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people are based on their sexual orientations, gender identities, or gender expressions. Stereotypical perceptions may be acquired through interactions with parents, teachers, peers and mass media, or, more generally, through a lack of firsthand familiarity, resulting in an increased reliance on generalizations.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Homosexuality</span> Sexual attraction or behavior between members of the same sex or gender

Homosexuality is a sexual attraction, romantic attraction, or sexual behavior between members of the same sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality is "an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions" exclusively to people of the same sex or gender. It "also refers to a person's sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions."

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Bisexual erasure</span> Dismissing or misrepresenting bisexuals in the public perception

Bisexual erasure, also called bisexual invisibility, is the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or re-explain evidence of bisexuality in history, academia, the news media, and other primary sources.

A relationship between handedness and sexual orientation has been suggested by a number of researchers, who report that heterosexual individuals are somewhat more likely to be right-handed than are homosexual individuals.

Closeted and in the closet are metaphors for LGBT people who have not disclosed their sexual orientation or gender identity and aspects thereof, including sexual identity and sexual behavior. This metaphor is associated and sometimes combined with coming out, the act of revealing one's sexuality or gender to others, to create the phrase "coming out of the closet".

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Same-sex relationship</span> Romantic or sexual relationship between people of the same sex

A same-sex relationship is a romantic or sexual relationship between people of the same sex. Same-sex marriage refers to the institutionalized recognition of such relationships in the form of a marriage; civil unions may exist in countries where same-sex marriage does not.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Bisexuality</span> Sexual attraction to people of any gender

Bisexuality is a romantic or sexual attraction or behavior toward both males and females, to more than one gender, or to both people of the same gender and different genders. It may also be defined to include romantic or sexual attraction to people regardless of their sex or gender identity, which is also known as pansexuality.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Outline of LGBT topics</span> Overview of and topical guide to LGBT topics

The following outline offers an overview and guide to LGBT topics.

Gender roles in non-heterosexual communities are a topic of much debate; some people believe traditional, heterosexual gender roles are often erroneously enforced on non-heterosexual relationships by means of heteronormative culture and attitudes towards these non-conformative relationships.

While LGBT people are often defined by society for their lack of heterosexual relationships, heterosexual relationships among them are fairly common.

References

  1. 1 2 Vencill, Jennifer A.; Wiljamaa, Sarah J. (2016). "From MOM to MORE: Emerging Research on Mixed Orientation Relationships". Current Sexual Health Reports. 8 (3): 206–212. doi:10.1007/s11930-016-0081-2. ISSN   1548-3592. S2CID   148327010.
  2. ↑ "Asexual Visibility and Education Network". Archived from the original on 2018-12-24. Retrieved 2015-03-22.
  3. ↑ "Sexual Compromise & Support". 5 December 2012. Archived from the original on 2018-12-24. Retrieved 2015-03-23.
  4. ↑ "Is it fair for an asexual person married to a sexual person to insist on a monogamous relationship?". 8 April 2012. Archived from the original on 2018-12-24. Retrieved 2015-03-22.
  5. 1 2 3 Mark, Kristen P.; Vowels, Laura M.; Bunting, Amanda M. (2020). "The Impact of Bisexual Identity on Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction of Mixed Sex Couples". Journal of Bisexuality. 20 (2): 119–140. doi:10.1080/15299716.2020.1734137. ISSN   1529-9716. S2CID   216243076.
  6. 1 2 Mark, Kristen (January 22, 2021). "Am I Enough for My Bisexual Partner? | Psychology Today". Psychology Today. Retrieved 2022-02-27.
  7. ↑ Hsieh, Ning; Liu, Hui (2019). "Bisexuality, Union Status, and Gender Composition of the Couple: Reexamining Marital Advantage in Health". Demography. 56 (5): 1791–1825. doi:10.1007/s13524-019-00813-2. ISSN   0070-3370. JSTOR   45218062. PMC   7039402 . PMID   31538315.
  8. 1 2 San Francisco Human Rights Commission LGBT Advisory Committee. (March 2011). Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations. San Francisco, CA.
  9. ↑ Mark, Kristen; Rosenkrantz, Dani; Kerner, Ian (2014). ""Bi"ing into monogamy: Attitudes toward monogamy in a sample of bisexual-identified adults". Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity. 1 (3): 263–269. doi:10.1037/sgd0000051. ISSN   2329-0390.
  10. ↑ Stack, Peggy Fletcher (August 5, 2006), "Gay, Mormon, married", The Salt Lake Tribune , archived from the original on June 21, 2013
  11. ↑ "No Easy Victory". Christianity Today . March 11, 2002. Archived from the original on June 19, 2021. Retrieved April 10, 2009.
  12. ↑ Ross, Michael W. (1983). The Married Homosexual Man: A Psychological Study. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul.
  13. 1 2 Daryl J. Higgins PhD (2002) Gay Men from Heterosexual Marriages, Journal of Homosexuality, 42:4, 13.
  14. 1 2 3 Butler, Katy (March 7, 2006). "Many Couples Must Negotiate Terms of 'Brokeback' Marriages". New York Times . Archived from the original on December 24, 2018. Retrieved February 22, 2017.
  15. ↑ Moore, Carrie A. (March 30, 2007). "Gay LDS men detail challenges". Deseret Morning News . Archived from the original on March 13, 2008. Retrieved July 11, 2008.
  16. ↑ Coleman E (1985). "Bisexual women in marriages". J. Homosex. 11 (1–2): 87–99. doi:10.1300/J082v11n01_08. PMID   4056398.
  17. ↑ Malcolm, James P. (2008). "Heterosexually Married Men Who Have Sex with Men: Marital Separation and Psychological Adjustment". The Journal of Sex Research. 45 (4): 350–357. doi:10.1080/00224490802398316. ISSN   0022-4499. JSTOR   20620382. PMID   18937126. S2CID   24197522.
  18. ↑ "TransGenderPartners.com". TransGenderPartners.com. Retrieved 10 March 2023.
  19. ↑ "Lavender marriage". Archived from the original on September 27, 2006. Retrieved May 21, 2021.
  20. ↑ "History". OurPath. Retrieved 2022-02-28.
  21. ↑ Buxton AP (2005). "A Family Matter: When a Spouse Comes Out as Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual". J GLBT Family Studies. 1 (2): 49–70. doi:10.1300/J461v01n02_04. ISSN   1550-428X. S2CID   142502027.
  22. ↑ Fletcher, Lynne Yamaguchi (1992) The First Gay Pope and Other Records. Boston, Alyson Publications. ISBN   1-55583-206-7. p. 93
  23. ↑ My Husband is gay
  24. ↑ Neil Genzlinger (January 7, 2015). "Where Being in Denial Is Right at Home". New York Times . Retrieved May 18, 2015.
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