 | The examples and perspective in this article deal primarily with England and France and do not represent a worldwide view of the subject.(March 2020) |
A mistress is a woman who is in a relatively long-term sexual and romantic relationship with someone who is married to a different person. [1] [2]
A mistress is usually in a long-term relationship with a person who is married to someone else and is often referred to as "the other woman". Generally, the relationship is stable and at least semi-permanent, but the couple do not live together openly. The relationship is often, but not always, secret. There is often also the implication that the mistress is sometimes "kept" –i.e., her lover is paying all or some of her living expenses. [3]
Historically the term "mistress" denoted a "kept woman", who was maintained in a comfortable, or even lavish, lifestyle by a wealthy man so that she would be available for his sexual pleasure. Such a woman could move between the roles of a mistress and a courtesan depending on her situation and environment. Whereas the word "lover" was used when the illicit female partner was married to another man.
In modern contexts, the word "mistress" is used primarily to refer to the female lover, married or unmarried, of a person who is married, without the kept woman aspects. In the case of an unmarried person, "mistress" is not usually used. Instead, when the woman is unmarried, it is common to speak of a "girlfriend" or a "partner", and when the woman is married, she is called their "lover".
The term "mistress" was originally used as the neutral feminine counterpart to "mister" or "master". In referring to those of higher social status, it meant the woman married to the owner, or renter, of the house, and was a term of deferential respect. [4]
The historically best known and most-researched mistresses are the royal mistresses of European monarchs, for example, Agnès Sorel, Diane de Poitiers, Barbara Villiers, Nell Gwyn and Madame de Pompadour. [5] The keeping of a mistress in Europe was not confined to royalty and nobility, but permeated down through the social ranks, essentially to any man who could afford to do so. Any man who could afford a mistress could have one (or more), regardless of social position. A wealthy merchant or a young noble might have had a kept woman. Being a mistress was typically an occupation for a younger woman who, if she were fortunate, might go on to marry her lover or another man of rank. [6]
The ballad "The Three Ravens" (published in 1611, but possibly older) extolls the loyal mistress of a slain knight, who buries her dead lover and then dies of the exertion, as she was in an advanced stage of pregnancy. The ballad-maker assigned this role to the knight's mistress ("leman" was the term common at the time) rather than to his wife. [7] [8]
In the courts of Europe, particularly Versailles and Whitehall in the 17th and 18th centuries, a mistress often wielded great power and influence. A king might have numerous mistresses but have a single "favourite mistress" or "official mistress" (in French, maîtresse-en-titre ), as with Louis XV and Madame de Pompadour. The mistresses of both Louis XV (especially Madame de Pompadour) and Charles II were often considered to exert great influence over their lovers, the relationships being open secrets. [9] Other than wealthy merchants and kings, Alexander VI is but one example of a Pope who kept mistresses. [10] While the extremely wealthy might keep a mistress for life (as George II of Great Britain did with "Mrs Howard", even after they were no longer romantically linked), such was not the case for most kept women. [11]
In 1736, when George II was newly ascendant, Henry Fielding (in Pasquin ) has his Lord Place say, "[...] but, miss, every one now keeps and is kept; there are no such things as marriages now-a-days, unless merely Smithfield contracts, and that for the support of families; but then the husband and wife both take into keeping within a fortnight". [12]
Occasionally the mistress is in a superior position both financially and socially to her lover. As a widow, Catherine the Great was known to have been involved with several successive men during her reign; but, like many powerful women of her era, in spite of being a widow free to marry, she chose not to share her power with a husband, preferring to maintain absolute power alone. [13]
In literature, D. H. Lawrence's 1928 novel Lady Chatterley's Lover portrays a situation where a woman becomes the mistress of her husband's gamekeeper. [14] Until recently, a woman's taking a socially inferior lover was considered much more shocking than the reverse situation.
As divorce became more socially acceptable, it was easier for men to divorce their wives and marry the women who, in earlier years, might have been their mistresses. The practice of having a mistress continued among some married men, especially the wealthy. Occasionally, men married their mistresses. The late Sir James Goldsmith, on marrying his mistress, Lady Annabel Birley, declared, "When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy". [15]
In both John Cleland's 1748 novel Fanny Hill and Daniel Defoe's 1722 Moll Flanders , as well as in countless novels of feminine peril, the distinction between a "kept woman" and a prostitute is all-important. [16] [17]
Defenders of the practice of mistresses referred to the practice in the ancient Near East of keeping a concubine; they frequently quoted verses from the Old Testament to show that mistress-keeping was an ancient practice that was, if not acceptable, at least understandable. [18] John Dryden, in Annus Mirabilis , suggested that the king's keeping of mistresses and production of bastards was a result of his abundance of generosity and spirit. [19] In its more sinister form, the theme of being "kept" is never far from the surface in novels about women as victims in the 18th century in England, whether in the novels of Eliza Haywood or Samuel Richardson (whose heroines in Pamela and Clarissa are both put in a position of being threatened with sexual degradation and being reduced to the status of a kept object). [20]
With the Romantics of the early 19th century, the subject of "keeping" becomes more problematic, in that a non-marital sexual union can occasionally be celebrated as a woman's free choice and a noble alternative. Mary Ann Evans (better known as George Eliot) defiantly lived "in sin" with a married man, partially as a sign of her independence of middle-class morality. Her independence required that she not be "kept". [21] [22]
Concubinage is an interpersonal and sexual relationship between two people in which the couple does not want, or cannot, enter into a full marriage. Concubinage and marriage are often regarded as similar, but mutually exclusive.
Courtesan, in modern usage, is a euphemism for a kept mistress or prostitute, particularly one with wealthy, powerful, or influential clients. The term historically referred to a courtier, a person who attended the court of a monarch or other powerful person.
A wife is a woman in a marital relationship. A woman who has separated from her partner continues to be a wife until their marriage is legally dissolved with a divorce judgment. On the death of her partner, a wife is referred to as a widow. The rights and obligations of a wife to her partner and her status in the community and law vary between cultures and have varied over time.
Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, Marquise de Pompadour, commonly known as Madame de Pompadour, was a member of the French court. She was the official chief mistress of King Louis XV from 1745 to 1751, and remained influential as court favourite until her death.
A love triangle or eternal triangle is a scenario or circumstance, usually depicted as a rivalry, in which two people are pursuing or involved in a romantic relationship with one person, or in which one person in a romantic relationship with someone is simultaneously pursuing or involved in a romantic relationship with someone else. A love triangle typically is not conceived of as a situation in which one person loves a second person, who loves a third person, who loves the first person, or variations thereof.
Daniel Deronda is a novel written by English author George Eliot, first published in eight parts (books) February to September 1876. It was the last novel she completed and the only one set in the Victorian society of her day. The work's mixture of social satire and moral searching, along with its sympathetic rendering of Jewish proto-Zionist ideas, has made it the controversial final statement of one of the most renowned Victorian novelists.
Group marriage or conjoint marriage is a marital arrangement where three or more adults enter into sexual, affective, romantic, or otherwise intimate short- or long-term partnerships, and share in any combination of finances, residences, care or kin work. Group marriage is considered a form of polygamy. While academic usage has traditionally treated group marriage as a marital arrangement, more recent usage has expanded the concept to allow for the inclusion of non-conjugal unions. Colloquial usage of group marriage has also been associated with polyamory and polyamorous families.
Spinster is a term referring to an unmarried woman who is older than what is perceived as the prime age range during which women usually marry. It can also indicate that a woman is considered unlikely to ever marry. The term originally denoted a woman whose occupation was to spin. A synonymous term is old maid. The closest equivalent term for males is "bachelor" or "confirmed bachelor", but this generally does not carry the same connotations in reference to age and perceived desirability in marriage.
Demi-monde is a French 19th-century term referring to women on the fringes of respectable society, and specifically to courtesans supported by wealthy lovers. The term is French for "half-world", and derives from an 1855 play called Le Demi-Monde, by Alexandre Dumas fils, dealing with the way that prostitution at that time threatened the institution of marriage. The demi-monde was the world occupied by elite men and the women who entertained them and whom they kept.
Valmont is a 1989 romantic drama film directed by Miloš Forman and starring Colin Firth, Annette Bening, and Meg Tilly. Based on the 1782 French novel Les Liaisons dangereuses by Choderlos de Laclos, and adapted for the screen by Jean-Claude Carrière, the film is about a scheming widow (Merteuil) who bets her ex-lover (Valmont) that he cannot corrupt a recently married honorable woman (Tourvel). During the process of seducing the married woman, Valmont ends up falling in love with her. Earlier, Merteuil learns her secret lover (Gercourt) has discarded her and is about to marry her cousin's daughter- the virginal 15 year old Cécile. As revenge, the jilted Merteuil employs Valmont to seduce Cécile before her marriage to Gercourt.
Plaçage was a recognized extralegal system in French and Spanish slave colonies of North America by which ethnic European men entered into civil unions with non-Europeans of African, Native American and mixed-race descent. The term comes from the French placer meaning "to place with". The women were not legally recognized as wives but were known as placées; their relationships were recognized among the free people of color as mariages de la main gauche or left-handed marriages. They became institutionalized with contracts or negotiations that settled property on the woman and her children and, in some cases, gave them freedom if they were enslaved. The system flourished throughout the French and Spanish colonial periods, reaching its zenith during the latter, between 1769 and 1803.
Alexandrine-Jeanne Le Normant d'Étiolles was a member of French nobility as the daughter of Madame de Pompadour, the maîtresse-en-titre of King Louis XV of France.
Indiana is a novel about love and marriage written by Amantine Aurore Dupin; it was the first work she published under her pseudonym George Sand. Published in April 1832, the novel blends the conventions of romanticism, realism and idealism. As the novel is set partly in France and partly in the French colony of Réunion, Sand had to base her descriptions of the colony, where she had never been, on the travel writing of her friend Jules Néraud.
Pauline Félicité de Mailly-Nesle (1712–1741), marquise de Vintimille, was the second of the five famous de Nesle sisters, four of whom would become mistresses of King Louis XV of France. She was his mistress between 1739 and 1741.
A girlfriend is a woman who is a friend, acquaintance or partner to the speaker, usually a female companion with whom one is platonically, romantically, or sexually involved. In a romantic context, this normally signifies a committed relationship where the individuals are not married. Other titles, for example "wife" or "partner", usually signify that the individuals are legally married. The analogous term for men is "boyfriend", which almost always implies romantic involvement.
Man and Wife was Wilkie Collins's ninth published novel, first published in 1870. It is the second of his novels in which social questions provide the main impetus of the plot. Collins increasingly used his novels to explore social abuses, which according to critics tends to detract from their qualities as fiction. The social issue which drives the plot is the state of Scots marriage law; at the time the novel was written, any couple who were legally entitled to marry and who asserted that they were married, either before witnesses or in writing, were regarded in Scotland as being legally married.
Mr. Limberham; or, the Kind Keeper was written by John Dryden in 1677, shortly after completing his best known work All for Love; first performed on 11 March 1678, 'The Kind Keeper' closed after only three performances and has been described as 'his most abject failure.' Dryden later removed 'objectionable material' from the original, before submitting the manuscript for publication, hence the date of 1680.
Béatrix de Choiseul, Duchess of Gramont was a French salonnière and bibliophile. She was known for her close relationship to her brother the Duke of Choiseaul and credited with an influential position at court during his tenure as minister in 1758–1770. She is also known for her attempt to become the official mistress of Louis XV in the 1760s, and her succeeding feud with Madame du Barry.
Charlotte Rosalie de Choiseul-Beaupré née de Romanet (1733–1753), was a French courtier, mistress to Louis XV of France in 1752. She was the king's Petite maîtresse, not his Maîtresse-en-titre.
Concubinatus was a monogamous union, intended to be of some duration but not necessarily permanent, that was socially and to some extent legally recognized as an alternative to marriage in the Roman Empire. Concubinage became a legal concern in response to Augustan moral legislation that criminalized adultery and imposed penalties on some consensual sexual behaviors outside marriage.
Women adored him and he adored women. He married three times and had numerous mistresses. (Yet another Jimmyism: 'When you marry your mistress you create a job vacancy.') He was loyal, in his own way, to all of them, and all of them were loyal to him. He had eight children by four different women, and never have I seen a more closely knit family.
