A soulmate is a person with whom one feels a deep or natural affinity. [1] This connection is often associated with love, romance, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility, and may also involve trust and comfort. [2]
In contemporary usage, the term soulmate typically refers to a romantic or platonic partner with whom one shares a particularly strong bond. [3] It is frequently used to suggest the closest relationship a person can have, and is sometimes understood as an exclusive or lifelong connection. [4] Believers in the concept often describe soulmates as individuals who make each other feel “complete,” reflecting the idea that two souls are destined to unite. [5]
The earliest recorded use of the term soulmate in English appears in a letter by Samuel Taylor Coleridge dated 1822. [6]
One of the earliest literary uses of the term soulmate in a Jewish context is associated with the 16th-century devotional poem Yedid Nefesh (“Beloved of the Soul”), recited by many Jewish communities during the third Sabbath meal (seudah shlishit). The opening line, “Yedid Nefesh, Av HaRachaman” (“Soulmate, Father of Compassion”), expresses a metaphorical union between the worshipper’s soul and God. The poem was first published in Sefer Charedim in Venice in 1588 and is traditionally attributed to Rabbi Elazar ben Moshe Azikri (1533–1600), though some scholars propose alternative authorship by Rabbi Israel ben Moses Najara or Rabbi Moses ben Jacob Cordovero. Rabbi Jacob Emden’s 18th-century prayer book records the poem’s title as “Song of Awakening of the Soul Toward the Love of the Blessed Name.”
In rabbinic and mystical literature, the concept of bashert (Yiddish: “destined one”) conveys the idea of a divinely ordained partner. The Talmud (Sotah 2a) states that “forty days before the formation of a child, a heavenly voice proclaims whose daughter he will marry.” [7] Kabbalistic writings elaborate that a soul is divided before birth into male and female halves, which are reunited in marriage. [8] The Baal Shem Tov is quoted as saying: “From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven, and when two souls destined to be together meet, the streams of light join and a brighter light goes forth from the united being.” [7]
In Jewish folklore and later Kabbalistic writings, Adam is sometimes described as having had a first wife, Lilith, who was created from the same dust as him. According to this tradition, Lilith left Adam after refusing to submit to him, insisting instead on equality derived from their identical origin. [9] In contrast, Eve is portrayed as Adam’s destined companion. Some rabbinic commentaries hold that her creation from Adam’s body symbolized an indissoluble union, with one interpretation suggesting that Adam was originally a dual-faced being divided at her creation. [10]
A midrashic tradition states that in early generations, each male child was born with a twin sister destined to be his spouse. This belief extended to Cain and Abel, and later to Jacob and Esau, whose companions were identified in some commentaries with Rachel and Leah. [10]
A lesser-known folktale concerns King Solomon, who, fearing that one of his daughters was destined to marry a poor man, secluded her in a tower deep within a forest. In the story, a bird of prey delivers her fated partner to the tower, where the two fall in love. The tale concludes with Solomon recognizing the young man’s scholarly virtues despite his lack of wealth, thereby fulfilling the destined match. [10]
In Plato’s Symposium , the comic playwright Aristophanes presents a myth to explain the origin of love. According to his account, humans were originally androgynous beings with four arms, four legs, and a single head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them in half, condemning each to spend their lives searching for its missing counterpart. [11] Aristophanes describes this longing for unity as the source of human desire, stating that “love calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.” [12]
In yogic teachings, relationships are sometimes described in terms of twin flames, a concept in which spiritual union occurs when the energy centers ( chakras ) of two individuals are aligned. The Indian philosopher Osho taught that when the seven chakras of a man and woman are in harmony, their souls are bonded in a way that creates a feeling of unity. [13]
In Hindu mythology, the relationship between Rama and Sita in the epic Ramayana is often cited as an example of ideal love and devotion. According to the narrative, the demon king Ravana abducts Sita and holds her captive in Lanka. Rama, aided by his ally Hanuman, wages a battle to defeat Ravana and rescue her, symbolizing fidelity, sacrifice, and the redemptive power of love. [14]
Within the esoteric religious movement of Theosophy, Helena Blavatsky and later writers described the soul as originally androgynous, embodying both male and female aspects. In some interpretations, these souls later divided into separate genders, a process linked symbolically to karmic consequences or estrangement from the divine. Each half was believed to reincarnate separately, with the ultimate aim of reunion once karmic debts had been resolved. [15] Edgar Cayce, the American mystic influenced by Theosophy, adapted this idea in his own teachings, framing it as the spiritual quest for one’s “other half.” [16]
In New Age thought, the concept of soulmates has been further developed by spiritual teachers such as Mark L. Prophet and Elizabeth Clare Prophet. [17] They define a soulmate as a distinct soul with whom an individual has shared multiple lifetimes in different roles—including those of friend, colleague, or spouse—brought together for the purpose of mutual growth or a shared mission. [18] The Prophets emphasize that soulmates are not necessarily a single destined partner, but rather one of many spiritual companions encountered over successive reincarnations. They describe the bond as one of “parallel and mutual evolution,” capable of manifesting in romantic or fraternal forms. [18]
In contemporary spiritual and metaphysical beliefs, the terms soulmate and twin flame are sometimes used interchangeably, though they are regarded as distinct concepts in many traditions. A soulmate is typically understood as a person with whom one shares a deep and meaningful bond, which may be romantic or platonic; multiple soulmates are believed to exist across an individual’s lifetime.
By contrast, a twin flame is described in New Age and esoteric teachings as the other half of a single soul, separated into two bodies. The relationship is often characterized as uniquely spiritual, with each partner thought to reflect or “mirror” the other’s emotional and spiritual challenges, thereby facilitating personal growth and healing. Unlike soulmates—whose relationships may be temporary—twin flames are commonly presented as destined to reunite, though such union is said to require significant inner development and the resolution of personal barriers. [19]
In Jewish thought, the concept of a divinely ordained partner is expressed through the term bashert (Yiddish: “destined one”). Classical sources state that all souls stand before God in pairs before entering the world, and that the “Holy One” unites these couples as intended matches. [20] This idea is sometimes compared to the notion of “twin flames” in later spiritual traditions, though interpretations vary across Jewish texts.
Prayer is regarded as one means of seeking one’s bashert. [21] In the Hebrew Bible, Eliezer prays for divine guidance in finding a wife for Isaac (Genesis 24), while later rabbinic tradition recounts that Leah prayed to alter her destined match after learning that her intended partner was Esau; she was instead joined with Jacob. [10] In some Jewish communities, additional devotional practices developed around this belief, including praying at the tombs of revered sages, or reciting the Song of Songs and selected Psalms (31, 32, 70, 72, and 124) for forty consecutive days. [22] [23]
Although bashert conveys the idea of a destined partner, Jewish ethical teaching emphasizes that destiny is shaped by free will. Rabbinic sources caution that a person who fails to cultivate good character (middot) may lose the merit of their destined partner to another who is more deserving. [24] [25]
It is a practice amongst Orthodox Jews to avoid looking at things that trigger sexual thoughts or actions. In relation, it is argued that Joseph was deserving of marrying his bashert because he did not stare at her or fantasize about her. [26]
Among some Orthodox traditions, the practice of shmiras einayim (guarding one’s eyes) is observed to avoid gazes or thoughts that may lead to sexual temptation. Commentators link this to the biblical Joseph, who is portrayed as worthy of his destined spouse because he refrained from immoral thoughts or actions. [26]
Charitable acts (tzedakah) are also encouraged in Jewish ethical teachings, with some authorities associating righteousness with increased merit in finding one’s destined partner.
Psychologists and relationship researchers have argued that the belief in a single predestined soulmate can create unrealistic expectations and hinder relationship satisfaction. Such views suggest that framing love as a matter of destiny may discourage individuals from developing practical skills in communication and conflict resolution, while increasing the likelihood of disappointment when partners fail to meet idealized standards. [4] [27] [28]
In religious contexts, the idea of a divinely ordained partner has also been debated. While traditions within Judaism and Hinduism include references to destined unions, other commentators within these faiths emphasize personal choice, moral responsibility, and free will in relationships rather than predestination.