Obsessive love

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Obsessive love or obsessive love disorder (OLD) is a proposed condition in which one person feels an overwhelming obsessive desire to possess and protect another person, sometimes with an inability to accept failure or rejection. Symptoms include an inability to tolerate any time spent without that person, obsessive fantasies surrounding the person, and spending inordinate amounts of time seeking out, making, or looking at images of that person. [1] [2]

Contents

Characteristics

Depending on the intensity of their attraction, obsessive lovers may feel entirely unable to restrain themselves from extreme behaviors such as acts of violence toward themselves or others. Obsessive love is thought[ by whom? ] to sometimes have its roots in childhood trauma and may begin at first sight; it may persist indefinitely, sometimes requiring psychotherapy. [3]

The disorder most commonly associated with obsessive love is borderline personality disorder. Other disorders that are most commonly associated with obsessive love include delusional disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other cluster B personality disorders. [4]

Psychology

Sigmund Freud considered that obsessive love might be underpinned by an unconscious feeling of hate for which it overcompensated - thereby explaining the sufferer's feeling of a need to protect the love object. [5] Later analysts saw obsessive love as driven more by narcissistic need, the preoccupation with the love-object offering defenses against worries and depressive feelings; [6] while Jungians see it as rooted in the projection of the inner self onto another person. [7]

In culture

Marcel Proust dissected (his own style of) obsessive love in À la recherche du temps perdu . [8]

Fatal Attraction shows Alex Forrest's obsessive love for Dan Gallagher after a brief affair. [9]

Bollywood films such as Darr , Anjaam , and Dastak each portray the main villains as obsessive lovers. [10]

You, a 2014 thriller novel by Caroline Kepnes, portrays obsessive love disorder. The novel was adapted into the first season of the Lifetime and Netflix television series You.

See also

Related Research Articles

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Codependency</span> Type of relationship where one person enables the others self-destructive tendencies

In psychology, codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Obsessive–compulsive personality disorder</span> Personality disorder involving orderliness

Obsessive–compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is a cluster C personality disorder marked by a spectrum of obsessions with rules, lists, schedules, and order, among other things. Symptoms are usually present by the time a person reaches adulthood, and are visible in a variety of situations. The cause of OCPD is thought to involve a combination of genetic and environmental factors, namely problems with attachment.

A love–hate relationship is an interpersonal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and hate—something particularly common when emotions are intense. The term is used frequently in psychology, popular writing and journalism. It can be applied to relationships with inanimate objects, or even concepts, as well as those of a romantic nature or between siblings and parents/children.

In psychoanalytic theory, a defence mechanism is an unconscious psychological operation that functions to protect a person from anxiety-producing thoughts and feelings related to internal conflicts and outer stressors.

An anal retentive person is a person who pays such attention to detail that it becomes an obsession and may be an annoyance to others. The term derives from psychoanalysis techniques employed by Sigmund Freud.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Infatuation</span> Intense but shallow attraction

Infatuation or being smitten is the state of being carried away by an unreasoned passion, usually towards another person for whom one has developed strong romantic feelings. Psychologist Frank D. Cox says that infatuation can be distinguished from romantic love only when looking back on a particular case of being attracted to a person. Infatuation may also develop into a mature love. Goldstein and Brandon describe infatuation as the first stage of a relationship before developing into a mature intimacy. Whereas love is "a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion to another person", infatuation is "a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something", a shallower "honeymoon phase" in a relationship. Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist, states that infatuation usually occurs at the start of relationships, is "...usually marked by a sense of excitement and euphoria, and it's often accompanied by lust and a feeling of newness and rapid expansion with a person". Phillips describes how the illusions of infatuations inevitably lead to disappointment when learning the truth about a lover. Adolescents often make people an object of extravagant, short-lived passion or temporary love.

A workaholic is a person who works compulsively. A workaholic experiences an inability to limit the amount of time they spend on work despite negative consequences such as damage to their relationships or health.

Scrupulosity is the pathological guilt/anxiety about moral or religious issues. Although it can affect nonreligious people, it is usually related to religious beliefs. It is personally distressing, dysfunctional, and often accompanied by significant impairment in social functioning. It is typically conceptualized as a moral or religious form of obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD). The term is derived from the Latin scrupus, a sharp stone, implying a stabbing pain on the conscience. Scrupulosity was formerly called scruples in religious contexts, but the word scruple now commonly refers to a troubling of the conscience rather than to the disorder.

In psychoanalysis, egosyntonic refers to the behaviors, values, and feelings that are in harmony with or acceptable to the needs and goals of the ego, or consistent with one's ideal self-image. Egodystonic is the opposite, referring to thoughts and behaviors that are conflicting or dissonant with the needs and goals of the ego, or further, in conflict with a person's ideal self-image.

According to proponents of the concept, sexual addiction, also known as sex addiction, is a state characterized by compulsive participation or engagement in sexual activity, particularly sexual intercourse, despite negative consequences. The concept is contentious; neither of the two major mainstream medical categorization systems recognise sex addiction as a real medical condition, instead categorizing such behavior under labels such as compulsive sexual behavior.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Self-destructive behavior</span> Behaviours that are harmful to the individual engaging in them

Self-destructive behavior is any behavior that is harmful or potentially harmful towards the person who engages in the behavior.

Sexual obsessions are persistent and unrelenting thoughts about sexual activity. In the context of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), these are extremely common, and can become extremely debilitating, making the person ashamed of the symptoms and reluctant to seek help. A preoccupation with sexual matters, however, does not only occur as a symptom of OCD, they may be enjoyable in other contexts.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Compulsive behavior</span> Habit and impulse disorder

Compulsive behavior is defined as performing an action persistently and repetitively. Compulsive behaviors could be an attempt to make obsessions go away. Compulsive behaviors are a need to reduce apprehension caused by internal feelings a person wants to abstain from or control. A major cause of compulsive behavior is said to be obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD). "The main idea of compulsive behavior is that the likely excessive activity is not connected to the purpose to which it appears directed." There are many different types of compulsive behaviors including shopping, hoarding, eating, gambling, trichotillomania and picking skin, itching, checking, counting, washing, sex, and more. Also, there are cultural examples of compulsive behavior.

Splitting is the failure in a person's thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both perceived positive and negative qualities of something into a cohesive, realistic whole. It is a common defense mechanism wherein the individual tends to think in extremes. This kind of dichotomous interpretation is contrasted by an acknowledgement of certain nuances known as "shades of gray".

Primarily obsessional obsessive–compulsive disorder, also known as purely obsessional obsessive–compulsive disorder, is a lesser-known form or manifestation of OCD. It is not a diagnosis in the DSM-5. For people with primarily obsessional OCD, there are fewer observable compulsions, compared to those commonly seen with the typical form of OCD. While ritualizing and neutralizing behaviors do take place, they are mostly cognitive in nature, involving mental avoidance and excessive rumination. Primarily obsessional OCD takes the form of intrusive thoughts often of a distressing, sexual, or violent nature.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Obsessive–compulsive disorder</span> Mental and behavioral disorder

Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental and behavioral disorder in which an individual has intrusive thoughts and feels the need to perform certain routines (compulsions) repeatedly to relieve the distress caused by the obsession, to the extent where it impairs general function.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Love addiction</span>

Love addiction is a proposed model of pathological passion-related behavior involving the feeling of falling and being in love. A medical review of related behaviors in animals and humans concluded that current medical evidence does not have definitions or criteria on an addiction model for love addiction, but there are reported similarities to substance dependence, such as euphoria and desire in the stimuli, as well as anhedonia and negative levels of mood when away from the stimuli, intrusive thoughts on it, and disregard for adverse consequences. There has never been a reference to love addiction in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a compendium of mental disorders and diagnostic criteria published by the American Psychiatric Association.

Personal boundaries or the act of setting boundaries is a life skill that has been popularized by self help authors and support groups since the mid-1980s. Personal boundaries are established by changing one's own response to interpersonal situations, rather than expecting other people to change their behaviors to comply with your boundary. For example, if the boundary is to not interact with a particular person, then one sets a boundary by deciding not to see or engage with that person, and one enforces the boundary by politely declining invitations to events that include that person and by politely leaving the room if that person arrives unexpectedly. The boundary is thus respected without requiring the assistance or cooperation of any other people. Setting a boundary is different from issuing an ultimatum; an ultimatum is a demand that other people change their choices so that their behavior aligns with the boundary-setter's own preferences and personal values.

Inference-based therapy (IBT), also known as inference-based cognitive behavioral therapy (I-CBT), originated as a form of cognitive therapy developed for treating obsessive-compulsive disorder. IBT followed the observation that people with OCD often inferred danger on the basis of inverse inference. Later the model was extended to inferential confusion, where inverse inference leads to distrust of the senses and investment in remote possibility. In this model, individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder are hypothesized to put a greater emphasis on an imagined possibility than on what can be perceived with the senses, and to confuse the imagined possibility with reality. According to inference-based therapy, obsessional thinking occurs when the person replaces reality and real probabilities with imagined possibilities; the obsession is hypothesized to concern a doubt about a possible state of affairs.

References

  1. Susan Forward; Craig Buck (1 January 2002). Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go. Bantam Books. ISBN   978-0-553-38142-9.
  2. Moore JD (2006). Confusing Love with Obsession: When Being in Love Means Being in Control. Center City, MN: Hazelden Books.
  3. Derrow, Paula. (2014-01-14). "When normal love turns obsessive". Cosmopolitan. Retrieved 2017-03-18.
  4. What Is Obsessive Love Disorder?, from BetterHelp
  5. S Freud, Case Histories II (PFL 9) p. 118-9 and p. 70-1
  6. O Fenichel, The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis (London 1946) p. 382 and p. 533
  7. C Jung, Man and his Soul (London 1964) p. 191
  8. H Moss, The Magic Lantern of Marcel Proust (2012) p. 51
  9. The Fallout from 'Fatal Attraction', The Washington Post, October 16, 1987
  10. Pimprikar, Aabha; Jha, Geetanjali (Feb 2022), "Love Special - Mad in Love: Psychological Disorders" (PDF), Mind Matters (11){{citation}}: CS1 maint: date and year (link)

Further reading