Passionate and companionate love

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In the psychological literature, a distinction is often made between two types of love. [1] Hatfield and Walster define: [1]

Contents

Passionate love is also called romantic love in some literature, [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] and is sometimes called being "in love" [2] or compared to infatuation [6] [1] [7] and limerence. [1] [8]

Companionate love is compared to strong liking or friendship love, [2] and is sometimes called attachment. [6] [9] Companionate love is sometimes considered the same as the attachment referred to by attachment theory [5] or different [2] depending on the author.

Passionate and companionate love follow different mechanics, [2] and evolutionary theories suggest they exist for different purposes. [3] [5]

Characteristics

In the Passionate Love Scale (PLS) form, Elaine Hatfield & Susan Sprecher define the components of passionate love as: [1] [10]

  1. Cognitive
    1. Intrusive thinking; preoccupation with the thoughts of the partner.
    2. Idealization of the loved one and the relationship.
    3. Desire for knowledge: to know and be known by the partner.
  2. Emotional
    1. Attraction to the other; pleasant feelings for the other when things go well.
    2. Ambivalence or negative feelings (emptiness, anxiety, despair) when things go awry.
    3. Longing for reciprocity.
    4. Desire for "complete union," permanency.
    5. Physiological (sexual) arousal.
  3. Behavioral
    1. Actions aimed at determining the other's feelings.
    2. Serving and helping the other.

Passionate love is more intense in the early stage of a relationship and often fades over time. [6] Companionate love is felt less intensely and often follows after passionate love in a relationship. [4] [8] Both passionate and companionate love contribute to relationship satisfaction. [2]

Note that while Elaine Hatfield originally described passionate love as having a component of sexual attraction, [1] contemporary authors generally agree that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are separate things. [3] [9] [5] [11] People are motivated to initiate and maintain a pair-bond in a way that's different from the sex drive. [12] [3] [5] [11] [13]

Duration

Passionate love is said to last about 12 to 18 months [14] or 18 months to 3 years, [4] depending on the estimate. Companionate love is thought to decrease very slowly over the course of several decades. [6]

A popular hypothesis suggests that passionate love turns into companionate love over time in a relationship, [1] [2] but other accounts suggest that while companionate love takes longer to develop, it is important at the beginning of a relationship as well. [2] [5]

Causal conditions

A number of theories exist about the causal conditions surrounding these types of love (i.e. who people feel a certain love towards and when), [2] but authors generally agree that passionate and companionate love follow different mechanics. [2] [3] [5]

Companionate love generally increases with liking and familiarity, but the circumstances surrounding passionate love are more complicated. [2] [15] Studies show that love and conflict can sit side-by-side in a relationship, [2] and passionate love in particular is even said to be amplified by negative emotions. [16] [17]

Liking

According to Ellen Berscheid, companionate love "follows the pleasure-pain principle; we like those who reward us and dislike those who punish us." [2] Examples of factors include similarity, familiarity, expressions of self-esteem and validation one's self-worth, physical attraction and mutual self-disclosures. [2] Also, while passionate love is often said to come before companionate love, [4] [5] Berscheid suggests that companionate love can also be a component in the development of passionate love. [2]

Sexual desire

Authors disagree on the role sexual desire plays in the development of romantic love. [2] [18] [11] [5]

Passionate love is often associated with sexual desire, [2] [1] for example Berscheid suggests that one possible account of passionate love is "a felicitous combination of companionate love and sexual desire." [2] However, Lisa Diamond has suggested that while sexual desire is often a causal component, passionate love can occur outside the context of sexual desire. [11] Diamond's argument rests on various reports and historical accounts, as well as an evolutionary argument that the brain systems underlying romantic love evolved independent of sexual orientation. [11]

Helen Fisher has argued that passionate love is related to the phenomenon of mammalian courtship attraction, or mate choice, and that people have certain preferences for choosing a preferred mating partner that determine who they fall in love with. [18] However, Fisher argues this is distinct from the sex drive, although they are interrelated. [12] [3] [18]

Emotional arousal

Berscheid writes that emotional arousal, for example happy surprises, contributes to eliciting passionate feelings. [2] Surprise and uncertainty tend to be more of a characteristic of new relationships because more established partners tend to behave as expected, thus rarely generating this sort of arousal. [2]

Elaine Hatfield has even suggested that negative or mixed emotions can amplify feelings of passionate love. [19] In A New Look at Love, she writes "Passion demands physical arousal and unpleasant experiences are just as arousing as pleasant ones." [20] Hatfield cites animal studies, such as one study in which puppies that were inconsistently either rewarded or maltreated were the most attracted to and dependent on their trainer. People who behave consistently generate little emotion, she says, and "What would generate a spark of interest, however, is if our admiring friend suddenly started treating us with contempt—or if our arch enemy started inundating us with kindness." [21]

Intimacy

Another theory is that passion occurs when a rapid increase in intimacy occurs. [2] A similar theory, by Arthur Aron & Elaine Aron, states that passion occurs in the context of a rapid self-expansion of the self and the inclusion of the qualities of the beloved into one's self-concept. [2] With both of these theories, it's predicted that passion wanes in a relationship as partners get to know each other and the increase in intimacy tends to stabilize. [2]

Biology

Passionate and companionate love are thought to be interrelated, but involve different brain systems and serve different purposes. [3] [5] Passionate love is thought to have evolved for mate choice [18] or to initiate a pair bond, [5] while companionate love is for maintaining a pair bond, [5] maintaining close proximity and affiliative behaviors. [3]

Passionate love is primarily associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine. [3] [18] [5] Companionate love is primarily associated with the neuropeptide oxytocin, [3] [5] and sometimes vasopressin [3] and endogenous opioids. [5]

Passionate love is sometimes compared to an addiction, [1] [14] although there are differences. [22] People in the early stages of romantic love share similar traits with addicts (for example, feeling rushes of euphoria, or craving for their beloved), [14] but this tends to wear off over time, while the condition of a drug addiction tends to worsen. [22] Anthropologist Helen Fisher has suggested romantic love is a "positive addiction" (i.e. not harmful) when reciprocated and a "negative addiction" when unrequited or inappropriate. [14]

Infatuation and attachment

A 2012 study by Sandra Langeslag and others determined that while the PLS is commonly used to measure passionate love, some of the questions actually measure companionate love as well. [7] Langeslag developed a questionnaire to measure slightly different constructs, which she refers to as infatuation and attachment: [7] [9]

Infatuation is the overwhelming, amorous feeling for one individual that is typically most intense during the early stage of love (i.e., when individuals are not (yet) in a relationship with their beloved or are in a new relationship). Attachment, on the other hand, is the comforting feeling of emotional bonding with another individual that takes some time to develop, often in the context of a romantic relationship.

Infatuation is analogous to passionate love, [6] and the questionnaire asks about: [7]

Attachment is analogous to companionate love, [6] and the questionnaire asks about: [7]

Infatuation and attachment co-occur, so one can feel them together at the same time, or feel infatuation strongly and attachment weakly and vice versa. [7] Langeslag found that infatuation is more associated with negative emotion than attachment, and tends to decrease after entering a relationship, while attachment tends to increase. [7] Participants who were not in a relationship scored the highest on infatuation. [7]

See also

Related Research Articles

Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure. An example of this range of meanings is that the love of a mother differs from the love of a spouse, which differs from the love for food. Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of strong attraction and emotional attachment.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Limerence</span> Romantic love, the state of being in love, lovesickness or even love madness

Limerence is a state of mind which results from romantic feelings for another person, and typically includes intrusive, melancholic thoughts, or tragic concerns for the object of one's affection as well as a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and to have one's feelings reciprocated.

In social psychology, an interpersonal relation describes a social association, connection, or affiliation between two or more persons. It overlaps significantly with the concept of social relations, which are the fundamental unit of analysis within the social sciences. Relations vary in degrees of intimacy, self-disclosure, duration, reciprocity, and power distribution. The main themes or trends of the interpersonal relations are: family, kinship, friendship, love, marriage, business, employment, clubs, neighborhoods, ethical values, support and solidarity. Interpersonal relations may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement, and form the basis of social groups and societies. They appear when people communicate or act with each other within specific social contexts, and they thrive on equitable and reciprocal compromises.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Jealousy</span> Emotion

Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Romance (love)</span> Type of love that focuses on feelings

Romance or romantic love is a feeling of love for, or a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Infatuation</span> Intense but shallow attraction

Infatuation or being smitten is the state of being carried away by an unreasoned passion, usually towards another person for whom one has developed strong romantic feelings. Psychologist Frank D. Cox says that infatuation can be distinguished from romantic love only when looking back on a particular case of being attracted to a person. Infatuation may also develop into a mature love. Goldstein and Brandon describe infatuation as the first stage of a relationship before developing into a mature intimacy. Whereas love is "a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion to another person", infatuation is "a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something", a shallower "honeymoon phase" in a relationship. Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist, states that infatuation usually occurs at the start of relationships, is "...usually marked by a sense of excitement and euphoria, and it's often accompanied by lust and a feeling of newness and rapid expansion with a person". Phillips describes how the illusions of infatuations inevitably lead to disappointment when learning the truth about a lover. Adolescents often make people an object of extravagant, short-lived passion or temporary love.

Interpersonal attraction, as a part of social psychology, is the study of the attraction between people which leads to the development of platonic or romantic relationships. It is distinct from perceptions such as physical attractiveness, and involves views of what is and what is not considered beautiful or attractive.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Intimate relationship</span> Physical or emotional intimacy

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves emotional or physical closeness between people and may include sexual intimacy and feelings of romance or love. Intimate relationships are interdependent, and the members of the relationship mutually influence each other. The quality and nature of the relationship depends on the interactions between individuals, and is derived from the unique context and history that builds between people over time. Social and legal institutions such as marriage acknowledge and uphold intimate relationships between people. However, intimate relationships are not necessarily monogamous or sexual, and there is wide social and cultural variability in the norms and practices of intimacy between people.

The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, "the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a commitment component."

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Passion (emotion)</span> Feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something

Passion denotes strong and intractable or barely controllable emotion or inclination with respect to a particular person or thing. Passion can range from eager interest in, or admiration for, an idea, proposal, or cause; to enthusiastic enjoyment of an interest or activity; to strong attraction, excitement, or emotion towards a person. It is particularly used in the context of romance or sexual desire, though it generally implies a deeper or more encompassing emotion than that implied by the term lust, often incorporating ideas of ecstasy and/or suffering.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Helen Fisher (anthropologist)</span> Canadian anthropologist (born 1945)

Helen Elizabeth Fisher is an American anthropologist, human behaviour researcher, and self-help author. She is a biological anthropologist, is a senior research fellow, at The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University, and a member of the Center For Human Evolutionary Studies in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University. Prior to Rutgers University, she was a research associate at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City.

The biology of romantic love has been explored by such biological sciences as evolutionary psychology, evolutionary biology, anthropology and neuroscience. Specific chemical substances such as oxytocin and dopamine are studied in the context of their roles in producing human experiences, emotions and behaviors that are associated with romantic love.

New relationship energy also commonly known as Honeymoon Phase is a state of mind experienced at the beginning of sexual and romantic relationships, typically involving heightened emotional and sexual feelings and excitement. NRE begins with the earliest attractions, may grow into full force when mutuality is established, and can fade over months or years. The term indicates contrast to those feelings aroused in an "old" or ongoing relationship.

Ellen S. Berscheid is an American social psychologist who is currently a Regents professor at the University of Minnesota, where she earlier had earned her PhD in 1965. Berscheid conducted research on interpersonal relationships, emotions and moods, and social cognition. Berscheid wrote books, articles and other publications to contribute to the field of Social Psychology. She was involved in controversy surrounding the funding for her research on why people fall in love. In addition to her position at the University of Minnesota as a Psychology and Business professor; she has also held a position at Pillsbury. She has received awards for her contributions to social psychology, including The Presidential Citation and the Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award from the American Psychological Association.

Definitions of sexual desire are broad and understandings of sexual desire are subjective. However, the development of various ways of measuring the construct allows for extensive research to be conducted that facilitates the investigation of influences of sexual desire. Particular differences have been observed between the sexes in terms of understanding sexual desire both with regard to one's own sexual desires, as well as what others desire sexually. These beliefs and understandings all contribute to how people behave and interact with others, particularly in terms of various types of intimate relationships.

Theories of love can refer to several psychological and sociological theories:

Even though intimacy has been broadly defined in terms of romantic love and sexual desire, the neuroanatomy of intimacy needs further explanation in order to fully understand their neurological functions in different components within intimate relationships, which are romantic love, lust, attachment, and rejection in love. Also, known functions of the neuroanatomy involved can be applied to observations seen in people who are experiencing any of the stages in intimacy. Research analysis of these systems provide insight on the biological basis of intimacy, but the neurological aspect must be considered as well in areas that require special attention to mitigate issues in intimacy, such as violence against a beloved partner or problems with social bonding.

Elaine Hatfield is an American social psychologist. She has been credited, alongside Ellen S. Berscheid, as the pioneer of the scientific study of love. She is employed as a professor in the psychology department of the University of Hawaii.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Colour wheel theory of love</span> Idea created by psychologist John Alan Lee

The colour wheel theory of love is an idea created by the Canadian psychologist John Alan Lee that describes six love styles, using several Latin and Greek words for love. First introduced in his book Colours of Love: An Exploration of the Ways of Loving (1973), Lee defines three primary, three secondary, and nine tertiary love styles, describing them in the traditional colour wheel. The three primary types are Eros, Ludus, and Storge, and the three secondary types are Mania, Pragma, and Agape.

Relationship science is an interdisciplinary field dedicated to the scientific study of interpersonal relationship processes. Due to its interdisciplinary nature, relationship science is made-up of researchers of various professional backgrounds within psychology and outside of psychology, but most researchers who identify with the field are psychologists by training. Additionally, the field's emphasis has historically been close and intimate relationships, which includes predominantly dating and married couples, parent-child relationships, and friendships & social networks, but some also study less salient social relationships such as colleagues and acquaintances.

References

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  2. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 Berscheid, Ellen (2010). "Love in the Fourth Dimension". Annual Review of Psychology . 61: 1–25. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100318. PMID   19575626.
  3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Fisher, Helen (October 2002). "Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment". Archives of Sexual Behavior . 31 (5): 413–419. doi:10.1023/A:1019888024255. PMID   12238608. Archived from the original on 18 February 2024. Retrieved 18 February 2024.
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  5. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Bode, Adam (16 October 2023). "Romantic love evolved by co-opting mother-infant bonding". Frontiers in Psychology . 14. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1176067 . PMC   10616966 . PMID   37915523.
  6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 Langeslag, Sandra (13 February 2023). "Is it love or infatuation? This relationship questionnaire will help you tell" (web). Today (American TV program) . Retrieved 5 June 2024.
  7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Langeslag, Sandra; Muris, Peter; Franken, Ingmar (25 Oct 2012). "Measuring Romantic Love: Psychometric Properties of the Infatuation and Attachment Scales". The Journal of Sex Research . 50 (8): 739–747. doi:10.1080/00224499.2012.714011. PMID   23098269.
  8. 1 2 Lehr, Nick (10 October 2016). "Limerence: The potent grip of obsessive love" (web). CNN . Archived from the original on 31 May 2023. Retrieved 5 May 2024.
  9. 1 2 3 Langeslag, Sandra (2024). "Refuting Six Misconceptions about Romantic Love". Behavioral Sciences. 14 (5): 383. doi: 10.3390/bs14050383 . PMC   11117554 . PMID   38785874.
  10. ↑ Hatfield, E. & Sprecher, S. The passionate love scale. In Fisher, T. D., C. M. Davis, W. L. Yaber, & S. L. Davis (Eds.) Handbook of sexuality-related measures: A compendium (3rd Ed.). (pp. 466-468). Thousand Oaks, CA: Taylor & Francis.
  11. 1 2 3 4 5 Diamond, Lisa (Jan 2003). "What does sexual orientation orient? A biobehavioral model distinguishing romantic love and sexual desire". Psychological Review . 110 (1): 173–92. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.110.1.173. PMID   12529061.
  12. 1 2 Fisher, Helen (March 1998). "Lust, attraction, and attachment in mammalian reproduction". Human Nature . 9 (1): 23–52. doi:10.1007/s12110-998-1010-5. PMID   26197356. Archived from the original on 18 February 2024. Retrieved 18 February 2024.
  13. ↑ Diamond, Lisa (June 2004). "Emerging Perspectives on Distinctions Between Romantic Love and Sexual Desire". Current Directions in Psychological Science . 13 (3): 1–25. doi:10.1111/j.0963-7214.2004.00287.x.
  14. 1 2 3 4 Fisher, Helen; Xu, Xiaomeng; Aron, Arthur; Brown, Lucy (9 May 2016). "Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction? How the Fields That Investigate Romance and Substance Abuse Can Inform Each Other". Frontiers in Psychology . 7: 687. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00687 . PMC   4861725 . PMID   27242601.
  15. ↑ Hatfield & Walster 1985 , pp. 80–105
  16. ↑ Hatfield & Walster 1985 , pp. 103–105
  17. ↑ Fisher, Helen (2004). Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Henry Holt and Company. ISBN   978-0-8050-7796-4. Archived from the original on 23 May 2024. Retrieved 5 May 2024.
  18. 1 2 3 4 5 Fisher, Helen; Aron, Arthur; Brown, Lucy (13 Nov 2006). "Romantic love: a mammalian brain system for mate choice". Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society . 361 (1476): 2173–2186. doi:10.1098/rstb.2006.1938. PMC   1764845 . PMID   17118931.
  19. ↑ Hatfield, Elaine; Walster, G. William (1985). A New Look at Love. University Press of America. ISBN   9780819149572 . Retrieved 3 July 2024.
  20. ↑ Hatfield & Walster 1985 , p. 104
  21. ↑ Hatfield & Walster 1985 , p. 104
  22. 1 2 Zou, Zhiling; Song, Hongwen; Zhang, Yuting; Zhang, Xiaochu (22 September 2016). "Romantic Love vs. Drug Addiction May Inspire a New Treatment for Addiction". Frontiers in Psychology . 7: 1436. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01436 . PMC   5031705 . PMID   27713720.
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