Unconditional love

Last updated December 27, 2024

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love. Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which has no bounds and is unchanging.

In Christianity, unconditional love is thought to be part of the Four Loves; affection, friendship, eros and charity.^[1] In ethology, or the study of animal behavior, unconditional love would refer to altruism, which in turn refers to the behavior by individuals that increases the biological fitness of another while decreasing the fitness of the individual committing the act. In psychology, unconditional love refers to a state of mind in which one has the goal of increasing the welfare of another, despite the lack of any evidence of benefit for oneself.^[2]^{[ citation needed ]}

Conditional love

Unlike unconditional love which represents a limitless and altruistic form of love, conditional love is based upon conditions or expectations of the lover being met and satisfied.^[3]

Conditional love, in some ways, is a way for the lover to diminish the autonomy and relatedness necessary in creating or developing intrinsic motivation.^[4] Unconditional love, on the other hand, is able to encourage the autonomy and relatedness that leads to personal growth.

Unconditional love should not be confused with unconditional dedication: unconditional dedication or "duty" refers to an act of the will irrespective of feelings (e.g. a person may consider that they have a duty to stay with someone); unconditional love is an act of the feelings irrespective of will.

Unconditional love does not separate the individual from their behavior. An individual may exhibit behaviors that are unacceptable in a particular situation. Unconditional love can remain since to love unconditionally is loving without placing judgment on the other. In loving unconditionally, we are meant to be understanding of their behaviors, and their right to individual expression.

Unconditional Love is not meant to be make one tolerant or passive, but instead, to accept how the other got where they are, and setting examples of living through acts of loving kindness to show others can find a feel good state. that unconditional love entails making a decision to see another's personal experiences as valid an worthwhile, without placing judgment on the other.

Loving another unconditionally is loving another regardless of what they still might need to learn on their life journey. Showing love unconditionally does not mean we put up with upsetting behaviors, but instead, we might choose take action by show examples of feel good behaviors in contast to the behavior that might be hurtful or uncomfortable, without deciding that they, as another conscious, valid human being is hurtful or uncomfortable.

Unconditional love is a profound feeling that may be directed to another, showing them that they are seen and cared for with a deep sense of humanity, acceptance, validity, and equality. Unconditional love is often expressed over time, time in the moment, or from any distance.

Humanistic psychology

Humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers spoke of an unconditional positive regard and dedication towards one single support. Rogers stated that the individual needed an environment that provided them with genuineness, authenticity, openness, self-disclosure, acceptance, empathy, and approval.^[5] Rogers proposed this idea of Unconditional Positive Regard not only in social and familial situations, but also encouraged getting the healthy loving environment in therapy situations as well. It is important that in face-to-face therapy settings this environment is fostered along with empathy and understanding for the individual. It is through unconditional positive regard that change happens because the individual can feel that openness, love, and ability to be themselves again which fosters a true desire to change for the right reasons.^[6]

Also, Abraham Maslow supported the unconditional love perspective by saying that in order to grow, an individual had to have a positive perspective of themselves.^[7] In Man's Search for Meaning, logotherapist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl draws parallels between the human capacity to love unconditionally and living a meaningful life. Frankl writes: "Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the essence of another human being unless he loves him. ... Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize ... potentialities."^[8] For Frankl, unconditional love is a means by which we enable and reach human potential.

Neurological basis

There has been some evidence to support a neural basis for unconditional love, showing that it stands apart from other types of love.

In a study conducted by Mario Beauregard and his colleagues, using an fMRI procedure, they studied the brain imaging of participants who were shown different sets of images either referring to "maternal love" (unconditional love) or "romantic love". Seven areas of the brain became active when these participants called to mind feelings of unconditional love. Three of these were similar to areas that became active when it came to romantic love. The other four active parts activated during the unconditional love portions of the experiment were different, showing certain brain regions associated with rewarding aspects, pleasurable (non-sexual) feelings, and human maternal behaviors. Through the associations made between the different regions, results show that the feeling of love for someone without the need of being rewarded is different from the feeling of romantic love.^[9]

Along with the idea of "mother love", which is commonly associated with unconditional love, a study found patterns in the neuroendocrine system and motivation-affective neural system. Using the fMRI procedure, mothers watched a video of themselves playing with their children in a familiar environment, like home. The procedure found part of the amygdala and nucleus accumbens were responsive on levels of emotion and empathy. Emotion and empathy (compassion) are descriptives of love, therefore it supports the idea that the neural occurrences are evidence of unconditional love.^[10]

Religious perspective

Christianity

In Christianity, the term "unconditional love" can be used to indicate God's love for a person irrespective of that person. This comes from the concept of God sending His only Son, Jesus Christ down from heaven to earth to die on a cross in order to take the punishment for all of humanity's sins. If someone chooses to believe in this, commonly called "The Gospel", then Jesus' price on the cross pays for their sins so they can freely enter into heaven, and not hell. The term is not explicitly used in the Bible, and advocates for God's conditional or unconditional love, using different passages or interpretations to support their point of view, are both encountered due to the different facets of God's nature. The cross is interpreted as God's unconditional love for humankind, in that there is no way to earn one's way to heaven—one must simply believe. In Christianity, it all depends on Jesus, not the person's effort nor understanding. A passage in scriptures cites this "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—" Ephesians 2:8,9, NIV. God's discipline can be viewed as conditional based on people's choices, but His actual love through Jesus is unconditional, and this is where some may become confused. His salvation is a free gift, but His discipline, which is shaping of good character, can look more conditional. Ultimately, knowing God and free passage to heaven have already been supplied by a God of unconditional love, one can simply choose to believe in order to receive such love. The civil rights leader and Pastor, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was quoted as saying "I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality".^[11]

Buddhism

In Buddhism one of the most important concepts is called "bodhicitta".^[12] There are two kinds of Bodhicitta. They are relative and absolute bodhicitta.

In relative bodhicitta, one learns about the desire to gain the understanding of unconditional love, which in Buddhism is expressed as loving-kindness and compassion. The point is to develop bodhicitta for all living (sentient) beings.

Absolute bodhicitta is a more esoteric tantric teaching. Understanding the principle of loving-kindness and compassion is expressed when one treats all living beings as if one was or had been (in former lives) their own mother. One's mother will do anything for the benefit of her child. The most loving of all relationships may be that between a mother and her child. Of course, if all beings treated all other living beings as they would their own child, then there would be much less enmity in this world.

The importance of this cannot be overstated. At every moment one has the opportunity to make a choice how to act, and to be completely mindful of one's actions means that in every interaction with another being one will consciously act with loving-kindness and compassion toward every other being, no matter what the nature of that interaction.

Hinduism

Hinduism and Buddhism, the Sanskrit word "bhakti" is apparently^{[ weasel words ]} used by some^{[ by whom? ]} to refer to unconditional love, even though its root meaning seems to be "participate". Bhakti or bhakthi is unconditional^{[ citation needed ]} religious devotion of a devotee in worship of a divine.

Islam

In Islamic belief, unconditional love can only be directed to Allah.^[13] The highest spiritual attainment in Islam is related to the love of God. "Yet there are men who take (for worship) others besides God, as equal (with God): They love them as they should love God. But those of Faith are overflowing in their love for God."^[14]

O lovers! The religion of the love of God is not found in Islam alone.
In the realm of love, there is neither belief, nor unbelief.^[15]

In Islamic Sufism, unconditional love is the basis for the divine love Ishq-e-Haqeeqi, elaborated by many great Muslim saints to date. Prominent mystics explain the concept in its entirety and describe its hardcore reality.^{[ citation needed ]}

Rabia of Basra was the one who first set forth the doctrine of divine love known as ishq-e-haqeeqi ^[16] and is widely considered to be the most important of the early renunciants, one mode of piety that would eventually become labeled as Sufism.^[17]

She prayed:^[18]

O Lord, if I worship You because of Fear of Hell,
then burn me in Hell;

If I worship You because I desire Paradise,
then exclude me from Paradise;

But if I worship You for Yourself alone,
then deny me not your Eternal Beauty.

Ishq itself means to love God selflessly and unconditionally. For Rumi, "Sufism" itself is Ishq and not the path of asceticism (zuhd).^[19] According to Sultan Bahoo, Ishq means to serve God unconditionally by devoting one's entire life to Him and asking no reward in return.

Other religions

Neopaganism in general, and Wicca in particular, commonly use a traditional inspirational text Charge of the Goddess, which affirms that the Goddess's "law is love unto all beings".^{[ citation needed ]}

Mohism, China around 500 BCE, bases its entire premise on the supremacy of such an element, comparing one's duty to the indiscriminate generosity of "The Sky", or "Heaven", in contrast to Confucianism, which based its model of society on family love and duty. Later schools engaged in much debate on exactly how unconditional one could be in actual society (cf. "...who is my neighbour?" in "The Good Samaritan" story of Jesus of Nazareth).

Unitarian Universalism, though not having a set religious creed or doctrine, generally accepts the belief that all human beings are worthy and in need of unconditional love though charity in the community and spiritual understanding. The Unitarian Universalist Association explicitly argues this in the Seven Principles, where the "inherent worth and dignity" of all humans is a regularly cited source arguing for unconditional love.

Related Research Articles

Altruism is the principle and practice of concern for the well-being and/or happiness of other humans or animals largely independent of that person's opinion of or reaction to oneself. While objects of altruistic concern vary, it is an important moral value in many cultures and religions. It may be considered a synonym of selflessness, the opposite of self-centeredness.

Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, or the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure. An example of this range of meanings is that the love of a mother differs from the love of a spouse, which differs from the love of food. Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of strong attraction and emotional attachment.

Agape is "the highest form of love, charity" and "the love of God for [human beings] and of [human beings] for God". This is in contrast to philia, brotherly love, or philautia, self-love, as it embraces a profound sacrificial love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance.

Kindness is a type of behavior marked by acts of generosity, consideration, rendering assistance, or concern for others, without expecting praise or reward in return. It is a subject of interest in philosophy, religion, and psychology.

Empathy is generally described as the ability to take on another person's perspective, to understand, feel, and possibly share and respond to their experience. There are more definitions of empathy that include but are not limited to social, cognitive, and emotional processes primarily concerned with understanding others. Often times, empathy is considered to be a broad term, and broken down into more specific concepts and types that include cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, somatic empathy, and spiritual empathy.

Compassion is a social feeling that motivates people to go out of their way to relieve the physical, mental, or emotional pains of others and themselves. Compassion is sensitivity to the emotional aspects of the suffering of others. When based on notions such as fairness, justice, and interdependence, it may be considered partially rational in nature.

Sympathy is the perception of, understanding of, and reaction to the distress or need of another life form.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Unconditional election</span> Calvinist doctrine

Unconditional election is a Calvinist doctrine relating to predestination that describes the actions and motives of God prior to his creation of the world, when he predestined some people to receive salvation, the elect, and the rest he left to continue in their sins and receive the just punishment, eternal damnation, for their transgressions of God's law as outlined in the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. God made these choices according to his own purposes apart from any conditions or qualities related to those persons.

Person-centered therapy (PCT), also known as person-centered psychotherapy, person-centered counseling, client-centered therapy and Rogerian psychotherapy, is a form of psychotherapy developed by psychologist Carl Rogers and colleagues beginning in the 1940s and extending into the 1980s. Person-centered therapy seeks to facilitate a client's actualizing tendency, "an inbuilt proclivity toward growth and fulfillment", via acceptance, therapist congruence (genuineness), and empathic understanding.

Pity is a sympathetic sorrow evoked by the suffering of others. The word is comparable to compassion, condolence, or empathy. It derives from the Latin pietas. Self-pity is pity directed towards oneself.

Chesed is a Hebrew word that means 'kindness or love between people', specifically of the devotional piety of people towards God as well as of love or mercy of God towards humanity. It is frequently used in Psalms in the latter sense, where it is traditionally translated as "loving kindness" in English translations.

Religious views on love vary widely between different religions.

Tonglen is a Buddhist practice that involves breathing in the suffering of others and breathing out peace and healing. Its purpose is to cultivate compassion.

In psychology, self-compassion is extending compassion to one's self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. American psychologist Kristin Neff has defined self-compassion as being composed of three main elements – self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Love of God can mean either love for God or love by God. Love for God (philotheia) is associated with the concepts of worship, and devotions towards God.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Chesed (Kabbalah)</span> Fourth emanation in Kabbalah

Chesed is one of the ten sefirot on the kabbalistic Tree of Life. It is given the association of kindness and love, and is the first of the emotive attributes of the sephirot.

In psychology, empathic accuracy is a measure of how accurately one person can infer the thoughts and feelings of another person.

Divine grace is a theological term present in many religions. It has been defined as the divine influence which operates in humans to regenerate and sanctify, to inspire virtuous impulses, and to impart strength to endure trial and resist temptation; and as an individual virtue or excellence of divine origin.

Humanity is a virtue linked with altruistic ethics derived from the human condition. It signifies human love and compassion towards each other. Humanity differs from mere justice in that there is a level of altruism towards individuals included in humanity more so than in the fairness found in justice. That is, humanity, and the acts of love, altruism, and social intelligence are typically individual strengths while fairness is generally expanded to all. Humanity is one of six virtues that are consistent across all cultures.

The Omoluwabi or Omoluabi is a set of cultural principles that's native to the Yoruba people, embodying the essence of civilized behavior and virtue attribute towards every aspect of life. This timeless philosophy is deeply rooted in Yoruba tradition and serves as a guiding principle for the Yoruba People to strive for excellence in their personal and communal lives. Omoluwabi demonstrates and exhibits the inherent virtue and value of Iwapele which signifies a set of values such as integrity, respect, self-control, humility, humanity, empathy, responsibility, courage, perseverance, knowledge, education and hard work, which collectively define a person of good moral character. As a guiding principle, Omoluwabi has the power to inspire individuals to become active participants in their communities, cultivating a culture of inclusivity, empathy, and collective growth. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, the timeless wisdom of Omoluwabi serves as a beacon, reminding us of the importance of living a life of purpose, integrity, and character.

References

↑ Lewis, C. S. (1960). The Four Loves. Ireland: Harvest Books. ISBN 0-15-632930-1.
↑ "Unconditional Love: What It Is and How to Find It". Psych Central. 17 May 2016. Retrieved 31 July 2024.
↑ Haines, Jolene E.; Schutte, Nicola S. (2023). "Parental conditional regard: A meta-analysis". Journal of Adolescence. 95 (2): 195–223. doi: 10.1002/jad.12111 . ISSN 0140-1971. PMID 36345118.
↑ Ryan, Richard M; Deci, Edward L., eds. (2017-02-14). Self-Determination Theory: Basic Psychological Needs in Motivation, Development, and Wellness. doi:10.1521/978.14625/28806. ISBN 978-1-4625-3896-6.
↑ Rogers, C. (1973). The Interpersonal Relationship: The Core of Guidance. In, Raymond M. Maslowski, Lewis B. Morgan (Eds.), Interpersonal Growth and Self Actualization in Groups (pp. 176–189). MSS Information Corporation. ISBN 0842202897.
↑ Bozarth, Jerold D. (2013), "Unconditional positive regard", The Handbook of Person-Centred Psychotherapy & Counselling, London: Macmillan Education UK, pp. 180–192, doi:10.1007/978-1-137-32900-4_12 (inactive 1 November 2024), ISBN 978-0-230-28049-6 , retrieved 2022-07-07{{citation}}: CS1 maint: DOI inactive as of November 2024 (link)
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↑ Frankl, Viktor. "Man's Search for Meaning". www.sonoma.edu. Retrieved 2016-09-23.
↑ Beauregard, Mario; Courtemanche, Jérôme; Paquette, Vincent; St-Pierre, Évelyne Landry (2009-05-15). "The neural basis of unconditional love". Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging. 172 (2). Elsevier: 93–98. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003. ISSN 0925-4927. PMID 19321316. S2CID 5810242 . Retrieved 2011-12-30.
↑ Atzil, Shir; Talma Hendler; Ruth Feldman (2011). "Specifying the neurobiological basis of human attachment: Brain, hormones, and behavior in synchronous and intrusive mothers". Neuropsychopharmacology. 36 (13): 2603–2615. doi:10.1038/npp.2011.172. PMC 3230500 . PMID 21881566.
↑ "Martin Luther King's ringing call for freedom". Kansas City Star. Kansas City. 2012-01-16. Retrieved 2012-04-10.
↑ Edelglass, William (2004). "The Concept of Bodhicitta in Santideva's Bodhicaryavatara (review)" (PDF). Philosophy East and West. 54 (1): 95–99. doi:10.1353/pew.2003.0051. ISSN 1529-1898. S2CID 144162196.
↑ Editors Evangelical Quarterly (2013-04-30). "Evangelical Quarterly: An International Review of Bible and Theology". Evangelical Quarterly. 85 (4): 379–384. doi:10.1163/27725472-08504018. ISSN 0014-3367.
↑ Quran 2:165.
↑ Rumi's Quatrain no. 768, translated by Gamard & Farhadi. Versions of this quatrain have been made by Shahram Shiva, "Hush: Don't Tell God", p. 17 and by Azima Kolin (based on Mafi), "Rumi: Whispers of the Beloved", p. 71. [`âshiq to yaqîn dân, ke musulmân na-bûd dar maZhab-é `ishq, kufr-o îmân na-bûd].
↑ Margaret Smith, Rabi'a The Mystic and Her Fellow-Saints in Islam, Cambridge Library Collection, 1928.
↑ Hanif, N. (2002). Biographical Encyclopaedia of Sufis: Central Asia and Middle East. Sarup & Sons. pp. 108–110. ISBN 9788176252669.
↑ Khushwant Singh (12 February 2013). The Freethinker's Prayer Book: And some word to live by. Aleph Book Company. p. 35. ISBN 978-93-82277-87-3.
↑ Seyed Ghahreman Safavi, Simon Weightman (October 2009). Rumi's Mystical Design: Reading the Mathnawi Book One. SUNY Press. ISBN 978-1-438-42796-6.