Theyby

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Theyby (plural theybies) and non-binary baby are neologisms for a baby or child raised in a way that is gender-neutral, allowing children to explore their own gender and expression on their own terms, and also referring to the accompanying parenting style. The terms and movement were initially popularized in 2018, [1] [2] preceding several reports of babies in 2017 being born without being assigned a gender. [3] [4] [5] The practice of raising babies as gender neutral has been reported as early as 2009 [6] and 2011. [7] The term theyby, however, was first used in 2017. The term is a blend of the pronoun 'they' and 'baby'. Until children raised as theybies figure out their gender and pronouns, they are referred to by the parents using they/them pronouns. [1] [8]

Contents

Origins and motivations

In many modern civilizations, a binary gender classification exists and is generally enforced from birth. [9] In recent years, there has been increasing scrutiny of gendered socialization in parenting communities, with some questioning the extent to which the gender binary is innate versus just being the only option presented. [10] Parents of theybies' motivations for choosing to raise their child this way include supporting gender diversity, improving self-discovery of gender, reducing sexism, and reducing the developmental effects of gender stereotypes on children. [1] [9] [11] Additionally, many assert that "what their child has 'between their legs'" is not relevant to their gender presentation and is, simply, "nobody's business". [12]

Some parents of children who are LGBT subscribe to a "born this way" view on sexual orientation and gender identity, contrasting the belief that parenting choices can "make" children non-heterosexual. [10] This argument has been echoed by parents who practice gender-neutral parenting, they use this view to emphasize their children may or may not necessarily identify as LGBT when they are old enough to know on their own who they are, as they believe identity is innate and not changed by their upbringing. [10]

The varying degrees to which parents attempt to reduce the effects of gendered socialization can depend on how hostile their community is when confronted with those who choose to parent outside the gender binary. LGBT parents report higher levels of anxiety when making the decision to raise their child as a theyby or to allow them to explore gender from a young age. [10] This is due to the higher scrutiny these parents face from critics who believe that being raised by two parents who are the same gender will "make" a child gay. [10] These parents have also acknowledged that in some situations they even go against their personal beliefs about gender-neutrality for their children or are inconsistent with their resistance of stereotypes due to their feeling of higher scrutinization. [10]

Associated parenting style

Aside from not disclosing their child's biological sex at birth (the most literal practice of raising a theyby), there are a variety of approaches of differing vigilances that parents have adopted when introducing gender neutrality into their parenting. The majority of parents who have shared their experiences with gender-neutral parenting or raising a theyby report that they believe in a child-centered approach to parenting. [1]

One of the most common ways gender-neutral parenting has been practiced is through varying children's toy options. [10] The vast majority of children's toys are strictly separated by gender, with different skills being prioritized between the two. Toys marketed as "for girls" tend to focus on encouraging domesticity, vanity, and general emotional awareness. [13] Alternatively, toys "for boys" most often focus on increasing spatial reasoning skills, encouraging physicality, and normalizing aggression. [13] By encouraging only specific skillsets for each gender, they both end up having gaps in life skills that make their options later in life more limited. This has contributed to the current societal norm of men working and generally being in positions of more power, and women taking care of their children and handling domestic duties. [10] [13] To combat these gaps, parents have started offering their children some toy options that are gender-neutral and some toys geared towards each gender, all framed as equally preferable choices. [10] This variety of options is often offered in other important aspects of childhood development such as clothing and extracurricular activities. [10]

In the United States, various states have passed legislation allowing for gender-neutral identifiers on birth certificates, including:

Notes
California [14] Gender neutral designation permitted at birth
Colorado [15] Initial birth certificates must say "Male" or "Female". [16] However, an amended birth certificate can be issued to change the "sex designation" to "X". For minors, a sex designation change request must be endorsed by "a professional medical or mental health care provider licensed in good standing" stating that the person has undergone appropriate treatment "for the purpose of gender transition" or that the person "has an intersex condition". [16]
Connecticut [17] [18] Requires some documentation of treatment clinically appropriate for the purpose of gender transition (surgery is not required)
D.C. [19] Requires some documentation of treatment clinically appropriate for the purpose of gender transition (surgery is not required)
Illinois [20] [21] Requires some documentation of treatment clinically appropriate for the purpose of gender transition (surgery is not required)
Maine [22] Gender neutral designation permitted at birth
Michigan [23] [24] No gender-neutral option is provided on the form for birth registration. [23] However, the "sex designation" can later be requested to be changed to "X". For minors, younger than 14, a parent or a legal guardian must consent to the change.
Nevada [25]
New Jersey [26]
New Mexico [27]
New York [28]
Ohio [29] Court order required to initiate change
Oregon [30]
Rhode Island [31]
Utah [32] Court order required to initiate change
Vermont [33]
Washington [34] No gender-neutral option is provided on the form for birth registration. [35] However, the "sex designation" can later be requested to be changed to "X". For minors, a sex designation change request must be endorsed by a "licensed health care provider or licensed mental health care provider, whose scope of practice allows them to determine that the requested change is consistent with the minor's identity". [36]

It is also possible to receive a "U" gender marker for babies in Canada. [9]

Criticism

There has been criticism towards the concept of theybies, [37] [38] including from Christian organizations. [39] [40] Common criticisms include that it is a selfish choice on the part of the parent, equating a choice on gender to be a choice of anatomy, that it is harmful to keep the gender "secret" from other people, and the possibility of increased child bullying. [41] [42]

Although the principle and reports do not set an age limit before children can decide their gender, some critics consider an age limit before children can choose their gender a key component of theybies, and suggest that such an age limit is unethical. [42]

See also

Related Research Articles

Heteronormativity is the concept that heterosexuality is the preferred or normal sexual orientation. It assumes the gender binary and that sexual and marital relations are most fitting between people of opposite sex.

Gender neutrality, also known as gender-neutralism or the gender neutrality movement, is the idea that policies, language, and other social institutions should avoid distinguishing roles according to people's sex or gender. This is in order to avoid discrimination arising from the impression that there are social roles for which one gender is more suited than another. The disparity in gender equality throughout history has had a significant impact on many aspects of society, including marketing, toys, education and parenting techniques. In order to increase gender neutrality in recent years, there has been a societal emphasis on utilizing inclusive language and advocating for equality.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Transgender rights in Canada</span> Rights of transgender individuals in Canada

Transgender rights in Canada, including procedures for changing legal gender and protections from discrimination, vary among provinces and territories, due to Canada's nature as a federal state. According to the 2021 Canadian census, 59,460 Canadians identify as transgender. Canada was ranked third in Asher & Lyric's Global Trans Rights Index in 2023.

In the United States, the rights of transgender people vary considerably by jurisdiction. In recent decades, there has been an expansion of federal, state, and local laws and rulings to protect transgender Americans; however, many rights remain unprotected, and some rights are being eroded. Since 2020, there has been a national movement by conservative/right-wing politicians and organizations to target transgender rights. There has been a steady increase in the number of anti-transgender bills introduced each year, especially in Republican-led states.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ rights in New Jersey</span>

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people in the U.S. state of New Jersey have the same legal rights as non-LGBTQ people. LGBT individuals in New Jersey enjoy strong protections from discrimination, and have had the same marriage rights as heterosexual people since October 21, 2013.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ rights in Massachusetts</span>

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people in the U.S. state of Massachusetts enjoy the same rights as non-LGBTQ people. The U.S. state of Massachusetts is one of the most LGBTQ-supportive states in the country. In 2004, it became the first U.S. state to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples after the decision in Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, and the sixth jurisdiction worldwide, after the Netherlands, Belgium, Ontario, British Columbia, and Quebec.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ rights in New York</span>

The U.S. state of New York has generally been seen as socially liberal in regard to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBTQ) rights. LGBT travel guide Queer in the World states, "The fabulosity of Gay New York is unrivaled on Earth, and queer culture seeps into every corner of its five boroughs". The advocacy movement for LGBT rights in the state has been dated as far back as 1969 during the Stonewall riots in New York City. Same-sex sexual activity between consenting adults has been legal since the New York v. Onofre case in 1980. Same-sex marriage has been legal statewide since 2011, with some cities recognizing domestic partnerships between same-sex couples since 1998. Discrimination protections in credit, housing, employment, education, and public accommodation have explicitly included sexual orientation since 2003 and gender identity or expression since 2019. Transgender people in the state legally do not have to undergo sex reassignment surgery to change their sex or gender on official documents since 2014. In addition, both conversion therapy on minors and the gay and trans panic defense have been banned since 2019. Since 2021, commercial surrogacy has been legally available within New York State. In 2024, the Constitution of New York was amended to explicitly ban discrimination on the basis of gender identity and sexual orientation.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ rights in Illinois</span>

Illinois is seen as one of the most progressive states in the U.S. in regard to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) rights and often viewed as one of the most liberal states in the Midwestern United States. Same-sex sexual activity has been legal since 1962, after Illinois became the first U.S. state to repeal its sodomy laws. Same-sex marriage was banned by statute in 1996, but has since been legalized after a law allowing such marriages was signed by Governor Pat Quinn on November 20, 2013 and went into effect on June 1, 2014. Civil unions have been recognized since 2011, and same-sex couples are also allowed to adopt. Additionally, discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity is banned in employment, housing, credit and public accommodations, and conversion therapy on minors has been outlawed since 2016.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ rights in Connecticut</span>

The establishment of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) rights in the U.S. state of Connecticut is a recent phenomenon, with most advances in LGBT rights taking place in the late 20th century and early 21st century. Connecticut was the second U.S. state to enact two major pieces of pro-LGBT legislation; the repeal of the sodomy law in 1971 and the legalization of same-sex marriage in 2008. State law bans unfair discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity in employment, housing and public accommodations, and both conversion therapy and the gay panic defense are outlawed in the state.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ rights in Pennsylvania</span>

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people in the U.S. state of Pennsylvania enjoy most of the same rights as non-LGBTQ people. Same-sex sexual activity is legal in Pennsylvania. Same-sex couples and families headed by same-sex couples are eligible for all of the protections available to opposite-sex married couples. Pennsylvania was the final Mid-Atlantic state without same-sex marriage, indeed lacking any form of same-sex recognition law until its statutory ban was overturned on May 20, 2014.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ rights in Rhode Island</span>

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people in the U.S. state of Rhode Island have the same legal rights as non-LGBTQ people. Rhode Island established two types of major relationship recognition for same-sex couples, starting with civil unions on July 1, 2011, and then on August 1, 2013 with same-sex marriage. Discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity is outlawed within the state namely in the areas of employment, housing, healthcare and public accommodations. In addition, conversion therapy on minors has been banned since 2017.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ rights in Idaho</span>

Lesbian, gay, bisexual transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people in the U.S. state of Idaho face some legal challenges not experienced by non-LGBTQ people. Same-sex sexual activity is legal in Idaho, and same-sex marriage has been legal in the state since October 2014. State statutes do not address discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity; however, the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling in Bostock v. Clayton County established that employment discrimination against LGBTQ people is illegal under federal law. A number of cities and counties provide further protections, namely in housing and public accommodations. A 2019 Public Religion Research Institute opinion poll showed that 71% of Idahoans supported anti-discrimination legislation protecting LGBTQ people, and a 2016 survey by the same pollster found majority support for same-sex marriage.

Transgender disenfranchisement is the prevention by bureaucratic, institutional and social barriers, of transgender individuals from voting or participating in other aspects of civic life. Transgender people may be disenfranchised if the sex indicated on their identification documents does not match their gender presentation, and they may be unable to update necessary identity documents because some governments require individuals to undergo sex reassignment surgery first, which many cannot afford, are not medical candidates for, or do not want.

Discrimination against non-binary people, people who do not identify exclusively as male or female, may occur in social, legal, or medical contexts.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Intersex human rights</span> Human rights for intersex people

Intersex people are born with sex characteristics, such as chromosomes, gonads, or genitals, that, according to the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, "do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies."

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Legal recognition of intersex people</span>

Intersex people are born with sex characteristics, such as chromosomes, gonads, or genitals that, according to the United Nations Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, "do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies".

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Discrimination against intersex people</span>

Intersex people are born with sex characteristics, such as chromosomes, gonads, or genitals that, according to the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, "do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies". "Because their bodies are seen as different, intersex children and adults are often stigmatized and subjected to multiple human rights violations".

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Legal recognition of non-binary gender</span>

Multiple countries legally recognize non-binary or third gender classifications. These classifications are typically based on a person's gender identity. In some countries, such classifications may only be available to intersex people, born with sex characteristics that "do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies."

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Intersex and LGBT</span> Relationship between different sex and gender minorities

Intersex people are born with sex characteristics that "do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies". They are substantially more likely to identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) than endosex people. According to a study done in Australia of Australian citizens with intersex conditions, participants labeled 'heterosexual' as the most popular single label with the rest being scattered among various other labels. According to another study, an estimated 8.5% to 20% experiencing gender dysphoria. Although many intersex people are heterosexual and cisgender, and not all of them identify as LGBTQ+, this overlap and "shared experiences of harm arising from dominant societal sex and gender norms" has led to intersex people often being included under the LGBT umbrella, with the acronym sometimes expanded to LGBTI. Some intersex activists and organisations have criticised this inclusion as distracting from intersex-specific issues such as involuntary medical interventions.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Intersex rights in the United States</span> Overview of intersex peoples rights in the United States of America

Intersex people in the United States have some of the same rights as other people, but with significant gaps, particularly in protection from non-consensual cosmetic medical interventions and violence, and protection from discrimination. Actions by intersex civil society organizations aim to eliminate harmful practices, promote social acceptance, and equality. In recent years, intersex activists have also secured some forms of legal recognition. Since April 11, 2022 US Passports give the sex/gender options of male, female and X by self determination.

References

  1. 1 2 3 4 Compton, Julie (July 20, 2018). "'Boy or girl?' Parents raising 'theybies' let kids decide". NBC News. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  2. ↑ Morris, Alex (2018-04-03). "Is It Possible to Raise Your Child Entirely Without Gender From Birth?". The Cut. Retrieved 2022-05-04.
  3. ↑ Gann, Jen (2017-07-06). "A Canadian Baby Might Be the First Without a Gender Assigned at Birth". The Cut. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  4. ↑ "Transgender Parent Gives Birth To First Baby Without An Assigned Gender". True Activist. 2017-07-13. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  5. ↑ "A Newborn's Gender Was Declared Non-Binary For the First Time". Kveller. 2017-07-05. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  6. ↑ "Swedish parents keep 2-year-old's gender secret". The Local Sweden. 2009-06-23. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  7. ↑ "Baby Storm five years later: Preschooler on top of the world". The Toronto Star. 2016-07-11. ISSN   0319-0781 . Retrieved 2022-05-04.
  8. ↑ "Five Ways To Show Up For Theybies and Their Parents - Ms. Magazine". msmagazine.com. 18 December 2019. Retrieved 2022-05-04.
  9. 1 2 3 Matei, Adrienne (2020-07-08). "Raising a theybie: the parent who wants their child to grow up gender-free". The Guardian. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  10. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Averett, K. H. (2016). The Gender Buffet: LGBTQ Parents Resisting Heteronormativity. Gender & Society, 30(2), 189–212. doi : 10.1177/0891243215611370
  11. ↑ "Theybies: Some parents raising their babies gender-neutral". FOX 11 Los Angeles. 2019-03-03. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  12. ↑ Rahilly, E. P. (2015). The Gender Binary Meets the Gender-Variant Child: Parents’ Negotiations with Childhood Gender Variance. Gender & Society, 29(3), 338–361. doi : 10.1177/0891243214563069
  13. 1 2 3 Long, C. (2020, June 24). "Raising baby grey" explores the world of gender-neutral parenting. The New Yorker. Retrieved September 17, 2022.
  14. ↑ "California Gender Recognition Act (SB 179)". LGBT Resource Center. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  15. ↑ "Identity Documents & Birth Certificates". One Colorado. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  16. 1 2 "Colorado House Bill 19-1039" (PDF).
  17. ↑ "Connecticut". National Center for Transgender Equality. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  18. ↑ "State Vital Records Office FAQs". CT.gov - Connecticut's Official State Website. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  19. ↑ "D.C. Law 20-37. JaParker Deoni Jones Birth Certificate Equality Amendment Act of 2013. | D.C. Law Library". code.dccouncil.us. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  20. ↑ "Gender Reassignment". dph.illinois.gov. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  21. ↑ "Gender Neutral Designation on Illinois Birth Certificates – Equality Illinois" . Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  22. ↑ "Rule Chapters for the Department of Health and Human Services". www.maine.gov. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  23. 1 2 "Michigan". National Center for Transgender Equality. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  24. ↑ "CORRECT A BIRTH RECORD - FAQ's". www.michigan.gov. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  25. ↑ "Nevada". National Center for Transgender Equality. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  26. ↑ "Department of Health | Vital Statistics | Amend Sex Designation to Reflect Gender Identity on a Birth Certificate". www.nj.gov. Retrieved 2022-10-09.
  27. ↑ "Gender Designation Change". www.nmhealth.org. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  28. ↑ "Changing Your Name or Gender Marker Under the Gender Recognition Act". New York Civil Liberties Union. 2021-06-25. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  29. ↑ "Legal Name and Gender Marker Changes". LGBTQ at Ohio State. Archived from the original on 2021-09-19. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  30. ↑ "Oregon Health Authority : House Bill 2673 : Vital Records and Certificates : State of Oregon". www.oregon.gov. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  31. ↑ "Changes to Sex Field on Birth Certificate: Department of Health". health.ri.gov. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  32. ↑ "Utah among growing number of states issuing gender-neutral IDs". NBC News. 18 March 2019. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  33. ↑ "Bill Status H.628 (Act 88)". legislature.vermont.gov. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  34. ↑ "Sex Designation Change on a Birth Certificate". Washington State Department of Health. Retrieved 2022-10-07.
  35. ↑ "Washington State Birth Filing Form" (PDF). Washington State Department of Health . January 2019. Retrieved November 14, 2022.
  36. ↑ "Request to Change Sex Designation on a Birth Certificate for a Minor" (PDF). Washington State Department of Health . July 2022. Retrieved November 14, 2022.
  37. ↑ Pappas, Stephanie (2011-05-25). "The Truth About Genderless Babies". livescience.com. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  38. ↑ Larsen, Jessica (2017-07-21). "15 Opinions On Not Assigning A Baby's Gender At Birth". BabyGaga. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  39. ↑ Showalter, Brandon (2018-07-24). "Raising Kids as 'Theybies' Assaults Reality, God's Creation; Harms Children, Scholars Say". The Christian Post. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  40. ↑ Hawkins, John (2020-01-26). "'Woke' Parents Are Now Raising Gender Neutral 'Theybies'". Brass Pills. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  41. ↑ Meckler, Mark (2018-07-26). "Dangerous Trend Alert: Parents Raising 'Theybies' - Keeping Gender Secret". Citizens for Self-Governance. Retrieved 2022-04-27.
  42. 1 2 "'This Is Straight-Up Child Abuse': Parents Raising 'Theybies' Not 'Babies,' Letting Kids Choose Their Gender". CBN News. 2018-07-26. Retrieved 2022-05-04.
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