Bachelorette party

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An American bachelorette party, with the bride-to-be wearing a veil, at left Bachelorette party, Canandaigua, NY, May 2014.jpg
An American bachelorette party, with the bride-to-be wearing a veil, at left

A bachelorette party (United States and Canada) or hen night (UK, Ireland and Australia) is a party held for a woman (the bride or bride-to-be) who will soon be married. While Beth Montemurro concludes that the bachelorette party is modelled after the centuries-old stag night in the US, [1] which is itself historically a dinner given by the bridegroom to his friends shortly before his wedding, Sheila Young argues that its British counterpart evolved from a number of earlier pre-wedding traditions for women (Ribbon Girl, Pay Off, Bosola, Taking Out, Jumping the Chanty, to name but a few) whose origins are obscure but which have been around for at least a century in factories and offices across the UK. [2] Despite its reputation as "a sodden farewell to maiden days" or "an evening of debauchery", these events can simply be parties given in honor of the bride-to-be, in the style that is common to that social circle. [1]

Contents

Terminology

The term bachelorette party or simply bacholerette is common in the United States and Canada. In the United Kingdom and Ireland it is known as a hen(s) party, hen(s) night or hen(s) do, while the terms hens party or hens night are common in Australia and New Zealand. The term stagette is occasionally used in Canada. [3] It may also be referred to as a girls' night out or kitchen tea (South Africa in particular) or other terms in other English-speaking countries.

Other pre-wedding celebrations, such as bridesmaids luncheons, are often held instead of bachelorette parties due to the latter's association with licentiousness in some countries since the 1980s. [4] [5]

History

Before its usage as a term for a pre-wedding party, hen party was used in the United States as a general term for an all-female gathering, usually held at a hostess's residence. In 1897, The Deseret News noted that a hen party was a "time honored idea that tea and chitchats, gossip smart hats, constitute the necessary adjuncts to these particular gatherings". [6] In 1940 Eleanor Roosevelt was described as hosting a Christmas-time hen party for cabinet wives and "ladies of the press". [7] [8] [9]

The bachelorette party is consciously modeled after the centuries-old bachelor's party, [1] [10] which is itself historically a black tie dinner given by the bridegroom, [11] or sometimes his father, [12] shortly before his wedding.

Modern adaptations

A woman dancing on the bar at a bachelorette party in the US Hen party in San Francisco, USA-1Aug2010.jpg
A woman dancing on the bar at a bachelorette party in the US

The practise of giving a party to honour the bride-to-be goes back for centuries. However, certain American bachelorette party customs involving licentiousness among some social groups may have begun during the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It was uncommon until at least the mid-1980s, [5] and the first book on planning bachelorette parties was published only in 1998. [10]

Those uncomfortable with these modern customs of debauchery often celebrate the night before their wedding with a combined stag and doe party, a custom that has become increasingly popular. [5] It has been surveyed that women are more likely to cheat on hen parties in England than their stag equivalents. [13]

The phrase "hen party" mirrors the male "stag party" in referencing social stereotypes of each gender at the party. [14]

Since the 1980s, many parties in honor of the bride-to-be that were labeled as bachelorette parties often involved displays of sexual freedom philosophy, such as trading intimate secrets, getting drunk, and watching male strippers. [5] Parties that honored the bride-to-be without them avoided that label. [10] Now, however, the term is used for a wide variety of parties. [15] [16]

Bachelorette parties became especially popular around the turn of the 21st century and frequently appeared in the news. [17]

In 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic, there was a rise in "virtual" hen parties with the bride-to-be's celebrating her 'last night of freedom' with her bridesmaids around the world via videotelephony apps such as Zoom and Houseparty. [18]

Entertainment

Topless butlers serving guests at a hen party Naked butlers with a hen party, Bristol 2013.jpg
Topless butlers serving guests at a hen party

Many different kinds of entertainment are selected, depending on what the organizers think will best please their guest of honor. While proposing a toast to the bride-to-be is common at most bachelorette parties, some center on drinking games. While notions of a bachelorette party as a night of drunken debauchery have persisted in some social circles since the 1980s, [5] it is becoming widely seen in America as an opportunity for female bonding. [15] According to etiquette expert Peggy Post, "Whatever entertainment is planned, it should not embarrass, humiliate, or endanger the honoree or any of the guests." [1]

Smaller parties, typically with only close friends and sisters, may involve a night or weekend away, or a private tour such as visiting wineries or art galleries. When held in a private venue, such as the hostess's home, the party may take any form that pleases the hostesses and honors the bride-to-be. Dinners and cocktail parties, which provide comfortable opportunities for participants to talk or to give intimate advice to the bride-to-be, are common. [1] Other hostesses choose a themed party, such as a "pamper party", with guests indulging in spa treatments, or a cooking class. [19] [20]

In the 21st century, many companies sell products aimed at the organizers of bachelorette parties, including packs of themed games, pre-printed invitations, decorations, novelties, and sex toys. A common theme of parties is male nudity or partial nudity. In North America, it is common in some social circles to hire a male stripper or attend a male strip club. Life drawing parties featuring a nude male model might also be held. If things go south, suggesting herbal remedies or a change in environment aid in proceeding to the arrangements leading to the altar. [21]

In the UK, a naked butler has become a common theme and a popular hen party idea. The naked butler is often dressed in just a collar, dickie bow, cuffs and a short apron or trunks. He will wait on the hen and her party including serving drinks and food as well as hosting or taking part in hen party games and entertainment. An extension of this concept that has also become popular in the UK is the hiring of a naked chef to cater for the guests often accompanied by a naked butler to serve the food and drinks.

Organization

Participants are typically all women. Bridesmaids, if any, are typically invited, as are the bride's close friends. [1] Sisters of the bride are also often invited, while mothers, aunts, teenagers, etc. are sometimes invited depending on the nature of the event at the discretion of the planner and bride-to-be.[ citation needed ]

This party is typically hosted by one or more members of the wedding party, although it is possible for any friend to host a party in honor of the bride-to-be. Formally, a party in honor of the bride-to-be is never hosted by the bride-to-be, [22] although she may participate in its planning. While it is normally the duty of a hostess to pay for the entertainment she gives her guests, it is common in most English-speaking countries for participants to share the costs of this event. [1] Whether the bride-to-be pays her share, or whether her share is divided between other participants is determined by the organizers and the bride-to-be during the early stages of the planning process.

Participating in a bachelorette party is always optional, and many brides decline these parties altogether. [1] Neither bridesmaids nor other friends can be required either to attend or to pay for any part of this party. [23]

Since it is derived from a formal dinner, a bachelorette party is often held in the evening, [11] usually about a week (or at least a few days) before the wedding, [1] and usually includes dinner, although alternative approaches are not uncommon. [1]

Role of alcohol

In the early 21st century, some bachelorette parties rivaled the drunkenness seen in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties. [24]

However, sober bachelorette parties are not unusual. [24] Many brides and guests are staying sober in recovery from alcoholism or are not drinking alcoholic beverages due to pregnancy or health issues, for religious reasons, or because they do not want to drink alcohol. [25] Sober parties focus on building relationships and activities beyond hanging out at a place that serves alcohol. [24]

Location

Many bachelorette parties are held at home or at a nearby restaurant. Some people turn a bachelorette party into a weekend trip to another city. Some cities, such as Austin for people in the southwestern US and Nashville for people in the Upper Midwest, are relatively popular with U.S. bridal parties that are seeking a weekend destination and can afford to pay hundreds of dollars per person for the experience. [26] Other people will travel farther to cities such as Las Vegas. In the UK, parties in relatively inexpensive European destinations such as Latvia and the Canary Islands are popular.

One reason that bridal parties travel to a different city is because they want to behave differently than they normally would, but they do not want to deal with the social repercussions that might ensue if friends, family members, or professional acquaintances saw them doing this. [26] When large numbers of bachelor and bachelorette parties choose the same cities, this can produce extra jobs and new businesses to cater to them, but it also draws complaints from local residents who are faced with the disruption and public service costs caused by the seasonal influx of noisy parties and drunken visitors. [26] Stag parties caused so much disruption in Riga, Latvia that the city formed a police group specifically to deal with bachelor and bachelorette parties. [27]

Alternatives

A more traditional alternative is the bridesmaids luncheon, hosted by friends of the bride's mother or mothers of the bridesmaids, usually given the day before the wedding. Attendees include the bridesmaids, their mothers and close female friends and relatives; the event is often multi-generational including mothers and even grandmothers of the bride and groom. At a bridesmaids luncheon, the bride often presents a small gift to each bridesmaid. The purpose of the luncheon is for the bride to thank her attendants and includes presenting them with bridesmaid gifts. This is also the time when the bridesmaids' gift, if any, is customarily given to the bride. If there is a cake, it may contain symbolic good luck charms.

If a significant aspect of the party is presenting small gifts to the bride-to-be, then the event is properly called a bridal shower. For the convenience of the bride-to-be, bridal showers are usually held earlier than a bachelorette party. [28]

Canada

In Canada a stag and doe party, also called a "Jack and Jill", "buck and doe" or "hag" (hen + stag) party, is a fundraising party that includes both men and women. These parties are held by couples wishing to distance themselves from the licentiousness associated with many post-1980s bachelorette parties and are becoming increasingly popular, especially as a means to financially support a wedding.

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Party</span> Gathering of invited guests

A party is a gathering of people who have been invited by a host for the purposes of socializing, conversation, recreation, or as part of a festival or other commemoration or celebration of a special occasion. A party will often feature food and beverages, and often conversation, music, dancing, or other forms of entertainment.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Wedding</span> Ceremony where people are united in marriage

A wedding is a ceremony where two people are united in marriage. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of marriage vows by a couple, presentation of a gift, and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or celebrant. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers, or readings from religious texts or literature are also commonly incorporated into the ceremony, as well as superstitious customs.

A white wedding is a traditional formal or semi-formal wedding originating in Great Britain.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Wedding reception</span> Party after a wedding

A wedding reception is a party usually held after the completion of a marriage ceremony as hospitality for those who have attended the wedding, hence the name reception: the couple receive society, in the form of family and friends, for the first time as a married couple. Hosts provide their choice of food and drink, although a wedding cake is popular.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Bride</span> Woman who is about to be married

A bride is a woman who is about to be married or who is a newlywed.

Bridesmaids are members of the bride's party in a Western traditional wedding ceremony. A bridesmaid is typically a young woman and often a close friend or relative. She attends to the bride on the day of a wedding or marriage ceremony. Traditionally, bridesmaids were chosen from unwed young women of marriageable age. Bridesmaids are often required to get bob haircuts in some Nordic cultures.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Bachelor party</span> Party held by a man who is about to get married

A bachelor party, also known as a stag weekend, stag do or stag party, or a buck's night, is a party held/arranged by the man who is shortly to enter marriage.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Groomsman</span> Participant in Western wedding ceremonies

A groomsman or usher is one of the male attendants to the groom in a wedding ceremony. Usually, the groom selects close friends and relatives to serve as groomsmen, and it is considered an honor to be selected. From his groomsmen, the groom usually chooses one to serve as best man.

A stag and doe party, stag and drag party, buck and doe party, a jack and jill party, or a wedding social is a Canadian party and fundraiser for an engaged couple.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Bridal shower</span> Party where a bride-to-be is given gifts

A bridal shower is a gift-giving party held for a bride-to-be in anticipation of her wedding.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Party favor</span> Small gift given to the guests at a party or wedding reception

A party favor is a small gift given to the guests at a party as a gesture of thanks for their attendance, a memento of the occasion, or simply for fun.

Etiquette rules in the United States and Canada generally apply to all individuals, unlike cultures with more formal class structures, such as those with nobility and royalty.

Iranian wedding, also known as Persian wedding, consists of traditions that go back to Zoroastrianism, which was the main religion of pre-Islamic Iran, and although the concepts theories of marriage have been changed by Islamic traditions, the ceremonies have remained more or less the same as they were originally in pre-Islamic Iran. Although modern-day Iran is a multi-ethnic country, Iranian wedding traditions are observed by the majority of ethnic groups in Iran.

A lingerie party is a type of personal selling-based party plan for selling women's lingerie products. A social event, like a Tupperware party, is used to display products to guests, and then to take orders for the products. These parties are usually held in lingerie stores, but they have become popular as home parties held at the sales consultant's house. Traditionally, they are held for specific occasions like bridal showers or birthdays and customers include mostly women. However, men and/or couples can also be invited to some events.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Palóc</span> People of Hungary

The Palóc are a subgroup of Hungarians in Northern Hungary and southern Slovakia. While the Palóc have retained distinctive traditions, including a very apparent dialect of Hungarian, the Palóc are also ethnic Hungarians by general consensus. Although their origins are unclear, the Palóc seem to have some sort of connections with the Khazar, Kabar, Pechenegs, Cuman and especially with the Avar tribes. The writings of Kálmán Mikszáth gave new prominence to the people in 1882 with his work The Good People of Palóc. The Palóc village of Hollókő was proclaimed a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1987 because of its preservation of traditional Palóc architecture and land use. Two branches of the Palócs can be distinguished based on their place of residence and customs: the western and the eastern (Barkó) Palócs, although the folk customs of both branches are mixed with remnants of ancient inner Asian beliefs and Christianity. They can be further grouped based on their dialect.The residence of the Palócs extends to the often-mentioned Palócföld (Palócland), which used to belong to Hont and Gömör and Kishont counties, and today it covers partly Slovakian and partly Hungarian areas : Cserhát, Mátra, Bükk mountains and north of these horizontal basin and the Ipoly Valley - nearly 150 settlements.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Engagement party</span>

An engagement party, also known as a betrothal party or fort, is a party held to celebrate a couple's recent engagement and to help future wedding guests to get to know one another. Traditionally, the bride's parents host the engagement party, but many modern couples host their own celebration.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Saber arch</span>

A saber arch is a wedding tradition in which sabers or swords are used to salute a newly married couple. The bride and groom pass under an honorary arch of sabers, typically when exiting the building in which the wedding ceremony took place. The tradition is in use worldwide.

In the United States and Canada, weddings follow traditions often based on religion, culture, and social norms. Most wedding traditions in the United States and Canada were assimilated from other, generally European, countries. Marriages in the U.S. and Canada are typically arranged by the participants and ceremonies may either be religious or civil. There is a tradition that the prospective bridegroom ask his future father-in-law for his blessing.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Wedding superstitions</span> Overview about superstitions

A wedding is a celebratory ceremony where two people are brought together in matrimony. Wedding traditions and customs differ across cultures, countries, religions, and societies in terms of how a marriage is celebrated, but are strongly symbolic, and often have roots in superstitions for what makes a lucky or unlucky marriage. Superstition is often linked to practices involving luck, fate or prophecy, and while many weddings are now more focused on celebratory traditions, many are still practiced, and numerous well-known wedding traditions have roots in superstitions from previous ages. A common example of a superstition involves no one seeing the bride in her wedding dress until the ceremony.

References

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  15. 1 2 Hughes, Kathleen; Gerin, Carolyn (2004). Anti-Bride Etiquette Guide: The Rules — And How to Bend Them. San Francisco: Chronicle Books. pp.  90, 92. ISBN   0-8118-4458-7. Squealing girls and strip clubs full of dancing, oily-chested men with socks stuffed in their banana hammocks are becoming a thing of the past. Bonding with your gals is what the bachelorette party is all about, not calling attention to how drunk and tarty you look in public.
  16. Fox, Sue (2007). Etiquette For Dummies. For Dummies. p. 294. ISBN   978-0-470-10672-3. Bachelor and bachelorette trends vary from coast to coast and are changing fast in many social circles. Most every type of party is acceptable...
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  23. Martin, Judith (1999). Miss Manners on Weddings. New York: Crown Publishers. pp.  136–137. ISBN   0-609-60431-7. Contrary to rumor, bridesmaids are not obliged to entertain in honor of the bride, nor to wear dresses they cannot afford.
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