A bridal shower is a gift-giving party held for a bride-to-be in anticipation of her wedding.
The history of the custom is rooted not necessarily for the provision of goods for the upcoming matrimonial home, but to provide goods and financial assistance to ensure the wedding may take place.
The custom of the bridal shower is said to have grown out of earlier dowry practices, when a poor woman's family might not have the money to provide a dowry for her, or when a father refused to give his daughter her dowry because he did not approve of the marriage.[ citation needed ] In such situations, friends of the woman would gather together and bring gifts that would compensate for the dowry and allow her to marry the man of her choice.
The earliest stories about these events have been known to originate in Brussels, Belgium around 1860. A frequently quoted legend traces the origin of this practice to the 16th or 17th Century Netherlands. However, there are also parallels with many dowry practices and the United States colonial or hope chest (trousseau) custom. [1]
A related custom practised in medieval England was the Bride Ale: in Langland's Piers Plowman (§ B.II.45) there is a reference to a bruydale. This was a feast held before the wedding day, at which the bride made beer and sold it to the guests at a high price.
In the United States, bridal showers started in urban areas in the 1890s mainly among the upper middle classes. By the 1930s, bridal showers had spread to rural America. [2]
The earliest use of this sense of the word in print may be in the Grand Rapids Michigan Evening Press 22 June 4, 1904: "The ‘shower parties’ that through mistaken hospitality the wedded couple are forced to attend ..." and may derive from the custom in Victorian times for the presents to be put inside a parasol, which when opened would "shower" the bride-to-be with gifts. [3]
Many different customs have developed in different regions and social groups, but the basic format has been relatively unchanged for generations, and emphasizes traditional gender roles. Sociologists like Beth Montemurro write that the ritual of the bridal shower "socializes women into the hyper-feminized traditional wife role," with its emphasis on the future role of the bride-to-be as family cook, homemaker, and sexual partner. [4] Historian Elizabeth Pleck echoes this dynamic in pointing out that traditional shower gifts were "for the bedroom or the kitchen." [5] But this role is more of an homage to the mothers and grandmothers than a reflection of how the bride-to-be will actually behave in the marriage. [6]
Although the format has remained relatively consistent, there have been some significant changes. An etiquette guide from the 1920s suggested showers should be "purely spontaneous and informal," with guests arriving unannounced at the bride-to-be's home, while a planning guide from the 1950s suggests more complex themes and games. [4]
Showers are often held during the afternoon or evening, but not generally as luncheons or dinner parties. They commonly take place four to six weeks before the wedding. [7]
Due to the prior history of showers being "purely spontaneous and informal", showers have not developed the same formal etiquette that has developed with respect to weddings. Invitations may be issued informally, by mail, telephone, or e-mail.
As showers are explicitly a gift-giving occasion, everyone who attends the shower is expected to bring a small gift. [8] People who decline the invitation for any reason are not expected to send a gift or otherwise participate in the party. The hosts are expected to hand over gifts, or favors. These can be small gifts like chocolate coins that have been personalized with the name of the bride and the date of the event or a simple thank-you message.
Food can be served at bridal showers. Treats such as cake and candy buffets can also be served for guests.
Hosting the bridal shower falls to one or more close friends of the bride, often one or more of the bridesmaids. Close family members traditionally did not host bridal showers, however, it has become commonplace for mothers of the bride and groom or other members of the family to host or contribute to the event. [9] Some organizations, such as social clubs or religious groups, host bridal showers for every member who is being married.
Guests are chosen from among the bride's personal friends, family, and other well-wishers.
The number of guests and their relationship to the bride varies widely. In Canada, among some immigrant communities parties in community halls with upwards of 300 guests were normal, while other cultures emphasized intimate parties with only close friends and relatives. [10]
Though many cultures have events before the wedding, bridal showers are most common in the United States and Canada.
In the United Kingdom, bridal showers have been described as a "consumerist American idea" with "limited acceptability". [11] In the UK, wedding presents are normally selected from a list provided by the couple, and delivered either at the wedding or by the shop, and sometimes displayed at the wedding. Nonetheless, bridal showers are sometimes held, and shower-planning services are frequently offered by wedding planners.
In Australia and New Zealand, a custom related to the North American bridal shower, known as a Kitchen Tea, was traditionally held before the wedding. During a Kitchen Tea, female friends and family members would gather at the bride's family home for an afternoon tea, where they would give kitchen-related gifts to the bride. Recently, the influence of American culture has seen a rise in the prevalence of American-style bridal showers as opposed to the traditional Kitchen Tea.
In India, Mehndi is a bridal-centric pre-wedding event where the bride's female friends and family gather to prepare the bride for the wedding. In the event the bride's traditional henna tattoos are made. [12]
In Denmark and Germany, the only pre-wedding events commonly held is a bachelorette party for the bride and a bachelor party for the groom.
A wedding is a ceremony where two people are united in marriage. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, races, religions, denominations, countries, social classes, and sexual orientations. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of marriage vows by a couple, presentation of a gift, and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or celebrant. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers, or readings from religious texts or literature are also commonly incorporated into the ceremony, as well as superstitious customs.
A white wedding is a traditional formal or semi-formal wedding originating in Great Britain.
A wedding reception is a party usually held after the completion of a marriage ceremony as hospitality for those who have attended the wedding, hence the name reception: the couple receive society, in the form of family and friends, for the first time as a married couple. Hosts provide their choice of food and drink, although a wedding cake is popular.
A bride is a woman who is about to be married or who is a newlywed.
A dowry is a payment, such as property or money, paid by the bride's family to the groom or his family at the time of marriage. Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price or bride service is a payment by the groom, or his family, to the bride, or her family, dowry is the wealth transferred from the bride, or her family, to the groom, or his family. Similarly, dower is the property settled on the bride herself, by the groom at the time of marriage, and which remains under her ownership and control.
Bridesmaids are members of the bride's party at some Western traditional wedding ceremonies. A bridesmaid is typically a young woman and often the bride's close friend or relative. She attends to the bride on the day of a wedding or marriage ceremony. Traditionally, bridesmaids were chosen from unwed young women of marriageable age.
A baby shower is a party centered on gift-giving to celebrate the delivery or expected birth of a child. It is a rite of passage that celebrates through giving gifts and spending time together.
A groomsman or usher is one of the male attendants to the groom in a wedding ceremony. Usually, the groom selects close friends and relatives to serve as groomsmen, and it is considered an honor to be selected. From his groomsmen, the groom usually chooses one to serve as best man.
Music is often played at wedding celebrations, including during the ceremony and at festivities before or after the event. The music can be performed live by instrumentalists or vocalists or may use pre-recorded songs, depending on the format of the event, traditions associated with the prevailing culture and the wishes of the couple being married.
A bachelorette party or hen night is a party held for a woman who will soon be married. While Beth Montemurro concludes that the bachelorette party is modelled after the centuries-old stag night in the US, which is itself historically a dinner given by the bridegroom to his friends shortly before his wedding, Sheila Young argues that its British counterpart evolved from a number of earlier pre-wedding traditions for women whose origins are obscure but which have been around for at least a century in factories and offices across the UK. Despite its reputation as "a sodden farewell to maiden days" or "an evening of debauchery", these events can simply be parties given in honor of the bride-to-be, in the style that is common to that social circle.
A stag and doe party, stag and drag party, buck and doe party, a jack and jill party, or a wedding social is a Canadian party and fundraiser for an engaged couple.
Etiquette rules in the United States and Canada generally apply to all individuals, unlike cultures with more formal class structures, such as those with nobility and royalty.
Personal wedding websites are websites that engaged couples use to aid in planning and communication for their wedding. The websites are used to communicate with guests about their wedding and inform them of the location, date, time, and gift registry. Each wedding website is different, and a couple has to pick what is best for them. The websites can be free but may sometimes cost a fee. However, most couples find that the website fee is less costly than hiring a wedding planner, as wedding planners can cost as much as 15% of the total wedding cost. Criticism of wedding websites include that invitations from websites are too informal for the occasion.
Chinese pre-wedding customs are traditional Chinese rituals prescribed by the 禮記 (láih gei, the 儀禮 (yìh láih and the 白虎通 condensed into a series of rituals now known as the 三書六禮. Traditionally speaking, a wedding that incorporates all six rites is considered a daaih chéui.
Polterabend is a German and to a lesser extent Polish, Austrian and Swiss wedding custom in which, on the night before the wedding, the guests break porcelain to bring luck to the couple's marriage. The belief in the effectiveness of this custom is expressed by the old adage: "Shards bring luck". The expression is derived from a time when the word "shard" referred to the unbroken clay pots of pottery makers, and not just the broken pieces. It was said that a full jar was a lucky thing to have, therefore the expression "shards bring luck".
An engagement party, also known as a betrothal party or fort, is a party held to celebrate a couple's recent engagement and to help future wedding guests to get to know one another. Traditionally, the bride's parents host the engagement party, but many modern couples host their own celebration.
Icingtons are traditional wedding figurines made entirely of icing sugar. Icingtons are distinguishable from other wedding figurines by their organic soft look. They are placed on top of the wedding cake as a visual and symbolic mechanism.
In the United States and Canada, weddings follow traditions often based on religion, culture, and social norms. Most wedding traditions in the United States and Canada were assimilated from other, generally European, countries. Marriages in the U.S. and Canada are typically arranged by the participants and ceremonies may either be religious or civil. There is a tradition that the prospective bridegroom ask his future father-in-law for his blessing.
A wedding cake topper is a small model that sits on top of a wedding cake, normally a representation of the couple in formal wedding attire.
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