It's not you, it's me is a popular phrase used in the context of breaking up, and is intended to ease the dumpee's feeling in the knowledge that it was not their fault, but rather the fault of the dumper. The phrase was used by John Belushi to Candice Bergen in the S2 E10 December 11, 1976 skit of Saturday Night Live.
Merriam-Webster says that the phrase originated in newspaper articles written by Zachary Spence. Spence saw it being used in a sporting context in which players were "either apologizing for or boasting about their abilities". But the phrase morphed into a romantic context in the 1988 movie Casual Sex? in which it was used in the middle of a seduction scene. [1]
In 1989, a column written from the perspective of a sexually frustrated wife who uses the term "ran stateside in syndication", and in the same year an Australian comedian named Anthony Ackroyd deemed the line "unavoidably unoriginal". [1]
The phrase was popularized by a 1993 episode of Seinfeld in which George Costanza gets dumped by a woman who uses the phrase on him, a routine he claims to have invented (and he used on a woman in a 1991 episode titled "The Truth"). [1]
Psychology Today offered an expanded version which reads: "'It's not you, it's me.' 'I hope we can still be friends'", which adds an element of friendzoning to the situation. [2]
The phrase's purpose is to ease a break-up and put the onus on the person breaking up: "The person saying these words is taking responsibility for their inability to please you...It hurts them to hurt you." [3] The phrase may be used as a vague all-encompassing, dismissive alternative "because the truth makes them feel shallow and embarrassed." [2] An article in Thought Catalog used the phrase in terms of the "sad, honest truth [that] I don't deserve a woman as good as she". [4]
Merriam-Webster described it as a "much-reviled, often-used excuse". [1] The Huffington Post described it as "overworked and clichéd". [3] Psychology Today argues that "Opening with "It's not you, it's me" is just going put your partner on the defensive from the start." [2]
A double entendre is a figure of speech or a particular way of wording that is devised to have a double meaning, one of which is typically obvious, and the other often conveys a message that would be too socially unacceptable, or offensive to state directly.
Literal and figurative language is a distinction within some fields of language analysis, in particular stylistics, rhetoric, and semantics.
"Politics and the English Language" (1946) is an essay by George Orwell that criticised the "ugly and inaccurate" written English of his time and examined the connection between political orthodoxies and the debasement of language.
A modus operandi is an individual’s habits of working, particularly in the context of business or criminal investigations, but also generally. It is a Latin phrase, approximately translated as 'mode of operating'.
Honesty or truthfulness is a facet of moral character that connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Honesty also involves being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.
The incipit of a text is the first few words of the text, employed as an identifying label. In a musical composition, an incipit is an initial sequence of notes, having the same purpose. The word incipit comes from Latin and means "it begins". Its counterpart taken from the ending of the text is the explicit.
An eggcorn is the alteration of a phrase through the mishearing or reinterpretation of one or more of its elements, creating a new phrase having a different meaning from the original but which still makes sense and is plausible when used in the same context. The autological word "eggcorn" is itself an eggcorn, derived from acorn. Eggcorns often arise as people attempt to make sense of a stock phrase that uses a term unfamiliar to them, as for example replacing "Alzheimer's disease" with "old-timers' disease", or William Shakespeare's "to the manner born" with "to the manor born".
A spit-take is a comedic technique or reaction in which someone spits a drink, or sometimes food, out of their mouth as a reaction to a surprising or funny statement.
Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality. The expression, which derives from the title of the 1944 film Gaslight, became popular in the mid-2010s. Merriam-Webster cites deception of one's memory, perception of reality, or mental stability. According to a 2022 Washington Post report, it had become a "trendy buzzword" frequently used to describe ordinary disagreements, rather than those situations that align with the word's historical definition.
Truthiness is the belief or assertion that a particular statement is true based on the intuition or perceptions of some individual or individuals, without regard to evidence, logic, intellectual examination, or facts. Truthiness can range from ignorant assertions of falsehoods to deliberate duplicity or propaganda intended to sway opinions.
Lacrimae rerum is the Latin phrase for "tears of things." It derives from Book I, line 462 of the Aeneid, by Roman poet Virgil. Some recent quotations have included rerum lacrimae sunt or sunt lacrimae rerum meaning "there are tears of things."
Sonnet 41 is one of 154 sonnets written by the English playwright and poet William Shakespeare. It is a part of the Fair Youth section of the sonnets addressed to an unnamed young man. While the exact date of the composition is unknown, it was originally published in the 1609 Quarto along with the rest of the sonnets.
Hello is a salutation or greeting in the English language. It is first attested in writing from 1826.
A habit is a routine of behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously.
Relational transgressions occur when people violate implicit or explicit relational rules. These transgressions include a wide variety of behaviors. The boundaries of relational transgressions are permeable. Betrayal for example, is often used as a synonym for a relational transgression. In some instances, betrayal can be defined as a rule violation that is traumatic to a relationship, and in other instances as destructive conflict or reference to infidelity.
ain't is a negative inflection for am, is, are, has, and have in informal English. In some dialects, it is also used for do, does, did, and will. The development of ain't for the various forms of be, have, will and do occurred independently, at different times. The use of ain't for the forms of be was established by the mid-18th century and for the forms of have by the early 19th century.
"Alternative facts" was a phrase used by U.S. Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway during a Meet the Press interview on January 22, 2017, in which she defended White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer's false statement about the attendance numbers of Donald Trump's inauguration as President of the United States. When pressed during the interview with Chuck Todd to explain why Spicer would "utter a provable falsehood", Conway stated that Spicer was giving "alternative facts". Todd responded, "Look, alternative facts are not facts. They're falsehoods."
On August 28, 2014, United States President Barack Obama held a live press conference in which he discussed the prospect of escalating the U.S. military response to the Islamic State (ISIS) in Syria. For the conference, he wore a tan suit, which at the time was unusual for Obama. It received considerable attention, with whether it was appropriate for the subject matter of terrorism being discussed in the media. The issue remained prominent for several days, and was particularly widely discussed on television talk shows.
Doomscrolling or doomsurfing is the act of spending an excessive amount of time reading large quantities of news online. Doomscrolling can also be defined as the excessive consumption of vertical, short-form videos for a long period of time, without knowing the amount of time passed. It may leave the person with a feeling of tiredness or unproductiveness after doomscrolling. This phenomenon is most seen in teenagers and children. This can also be considered as a form of Internet addiction disorder. In 2019, a study by the National Academy of Sciences found that doomscrolling can be linked to a decline in mental and physical health.