Eau Claire Clubs
Eau Claire Clubs (also called Dirrties, Clübbérts, or simply Clubs) is similar to Dirty Clubs, with the most notable difference being that it is played with 4 players split into 2 partnerships, instead of “every player for themselves.” It follows the same general bidding, cardplay, and scoring rules as Dirty Clubs, with some exceptions. (E.g., Bottoms, Ace No Face, end-of-game scoring, terminology, et al.)
History
Eau Claire Clubs was popularized in the mid- to late-20th Century, most notably among the Eau Claire (Wis.) Memorial High School district, and especially among the Eau Claire MHS graduating classes of the late 1990s, as well as among members of the University Of Wisconsin-Eau Claire football team around the turn of the 21st Century. It was known to be played in MHS homerooms and study-halls as far back as 1996.
Eau Claire Clubs figured prominently into the painting of UW-Eau Claire dormitory rooms during the summer of 2000. The game was so popular during this time that paint-crew members commonly returned to their homes during lunch breaks to get in a quick noon-game, and they would even resort to playing online Euchre during coffee breaks. With labor production having decreased noticeably, university authorities clamped down on the game; and painting superintendent Bill "The Coz" Macosek, along with his enforcer known only as "Randelt", began patrolling the grounds in a Cushman utility vehicle to ferret out Clubs activity among crew members. Using such tactics as the Backdoor Sneak-In, the Double Back, the Window Peep, no-knock entries to locked rooms, and stealthy Cushman maneuvers, these Clubs antagonists forced the paint-crew card games underground, where they nonetheless continued unabated, Soviet-gulag style, aided by the fashioning of crude bootleg decks out of contraband loose-leaf paper and scavenged writing utensils.
Cards
A deck of 24 cards containing A, K, Q, J, 10, 9 of each suit (spades, hearts, diamonds, clubs)
The card rankings are the same as for Euchre:
Trump suit: “Jack” (a.k.a. right bower), “Jick” (a.k.a. left bower), A, K, Q, 10, 9
Side (non-trump) suits: A, K, Q, J*, 10, 9
.*The side suit of the same color as the trump suit is missing its jack, which is serving as the Jick
When playing the hand at High Card, aka notrump, there are no bowers — all four suits follow the ranking of A, K, Q, J, 10, 9
Dealing
Players each receive 5 cards. Cards are NOT dealt one at a time, but typically in groups of 1, 2, 3, or 4, until each player has 5 cards. For example, each player might receive 2 cards, then 3 more cards the next time around the table, for a total of 5 cards.
(The dealing pattern is commonly identified using basketball-defense parlance — e.g., the aforementioned pattern might be labeled as a “2-3 zone”, while a pattern of 4-then-1 might be labeled a “Box-And-One”.)
The first cards go to the player to the left of the dealer, and the deal proceeds clockwise around the table. Whichever player deals the current hand, the player to their left deals the next hand.
After all the cards are dealt, the dealer places the remaining 4 cards face-down, and then flips the top one up — this is the “up-card”. If the up-card is a club, then clubs are trump for that hand, and no bidding occurs. If the up-card is not a club, bidding proceeds as described in the Bidding section below. A key difference from Euchre is that the up-card never gets "picked up"; rather, it stays on the top of the pile for the entire hand.
Before the first hand of the game, a player from each partnership cuts into the deck. The player with the highest cut-card deals the first hand. (This matters because being the dealer confers a slight advantage, in that the dealer bids last.) Another method for deciding who deals first is to deal the cards one at a time, face-up and clockwise around the table — the first player to receive a black jack (or any other agreed-upon card) begins as dealer.
Bidding
If the up-card is NOT a club: Each player gets one bid, and one bid only. The player may pass, or bid for the partnership to take some number of tricks.
The player to the left of the dealer opens the bidding. The bid proceeds clockwise around the table. Besides ‘pass’, a player has 7 possible bids:
- 2 (this is a bid for the partnership to take 2 tricks in a trump-suit to be named later)
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 3HC (High Card) — this is a bid to take 3 tricks at high card, aka notrump
- 4HC
- 5HC
Subsequent players may pass, or they may outbid the high bidder thus far. A player may outbid their partner, if they so choose. The rules of outbidding are as follows:
- Any higher trump-suit bid beats any lower trump-suit bid (i.e., 5 beats 4 beats 3 beats 2)
- A bid of 3HC or 4HC is beaten by any trump-suit bid (i.e., 2+ beats 3HC or 4HC)
- A bid of 5HC is beaten by a trump-suit bid of 3 or more (i.e., 3+ beats 5HC)
After each player has bid (or passed), the contract is awarded to the partnership with the highest bid. For example, if the bidding went “4HC-2-Pass-3”, then the dealer’s partnership would be contracted to take 3 tricks.
After the bidding auction concludes, the high bidder calls the trump suit. In the example above, the dealer would call the trump suit after bidding ‘3’.
The high bidder may call any trump suit, regardless of the suit of the up-card. (This is another difference from Euchre, where players cannot call trump in the suit of the up-card.)
“Sitting out”
After the contract is awarded, the defenders may elect to “sit out”. In this case, the bidding partnership earn points equal to their bid, and the defenders’ score remains the same. For example, the defenders might elect to sit out if they deem it likely that they will be set. If the defenders sit out, the hand is over, the score is adjusted, and the deal proceeds to the next hand.
There are 2 situations where a partnership is prohibited from sitting out:
- If they have sat out the 2 previous hands (i.e., a team cannot sit out 3 hands in a row)
- If their score is 3, 2, or 1
If the up-card IS a club: There is no bidding; instead, the hand is played with clubs as trump. Both partnerships must play — no sitting out. Players may not call Bottoms, Ace No Face, or 4 Of A Kind misdeal. The player to the left of the dealer leads to the opening trick. The cardplay proceeds as per the rules for when there is a trump suit.
Cardplay
If the opponents elect to play the hand (not sit out), the winning bidder leads to the opening trick. A common strategy is to lead trump and begin drawing out trumps — but, by no means is this always the best strategy.
When there is a trump suit: Cardplay is the same as in Euchre & most trick-taking card games — players must follow suit if they can, any trump is stronger than any non-trump, players may trump in or discard if they cannot follow suit, the trick-winner leads to the next trick, etc.
When the hand is played at High Card: Cardplay is the same as a notrump hand in bridge — card-rank is A-K-Q-J-10-9 [no bowers], the first card led to each trick is the “trump suit” for that trick, players must follow suit if they can, the trick-winner leads to the next trick, etc.
After the 5th and final trick of the hand, the partnership’s “trick total” for that hand equals the sum of the tricks taken by each partner.
Set (a.k.a. Setpie)
A partnership are set (a.k.a. “bumped”) if either of the following occurs:
- The partnership take zero tricks during the hand
- As bidders, the partnership’s trick total is lower than their bid (e.g., they bid 4 but only took 3 tricks)
In the event of a set (a.k.a. a “setpie”), the partnership’s score is increased by 5, up to a maximum of 20. Furthermore, there may be betting consequences associated with a set — this depends on the stakes of the particular game in question.
Scoring
The game begins with both partnerships at 15. The score is updated after each hand.
If the defenders’ trick-total is 1 or greater, their trick total is subtracted from their score. If the defenders’ trick-total is zero, they are “set”, and 5 points are added to their score, up to a maximum score of 20.
If the bidders made their bid, their trick total is subtracted from their score. For example, if a team bids 2 and ends up taking 4 tricks, then 4 is subtracted from their score.
If the bidders took fewer tricks than their bid, they are set, and 5 points are added to their score, up to a maximum of 20.
If the up-card was a club, and one partnership take all 5 tricks, then 5 points are subtracted from that partnership’s score — meanwhile, the other team is set, and 5 points are added to their score, up to a maximum of 20 points.
Winning
The winning side is the first partnership who achieve a score of zero (or negative).
If both partnerships reach zero on the same hand, then “bidder wins” — i.e., the win goes to whichever partnership were the bidders on the final hand. Thus, the winners are not always the team with the lowest score: For example, if the score were 2-1, and the team with 2 were to bid & make 2, the official score after the hand would be zero to negative-2 — however, because “bidder wins”, the team with zero would win the game.
If both partnerships reach zero on the same hand AND the final hand is played with a club as the up-card (i.e., no official bidder), then the winners are the team with the lower score after the hand. If the scores are tied after the hand, then the winners are the team with the higher trick-total on the final hand.
Bottoms
(NOTE: Disallowed if the up-card is a Club.)
If a player’s hand contains 3 cards of the same rank (e.g., three 9’s), the player may call “Bottoms”. Then, the player exchanges their 3 of a kind for the 3 cards on the bottom of the pile. The 3 of a kind are shown face-up, for all to see; and then they are placed face-up beneath the up-card.
The player must call Bottoms before he bids/passes. Additionally, the “official” rule is that a player must call Bottoms before anybody else bids/passes — at the table, however, this rule is often loosened to allow judgment calls.
For example, if the player to the left of the dealer were to bid quickly, before the next player had even picked up his hand, and then the player in 2nd seat were to call Bottoms, it may be allowed. As with many/most borderline situations in Clubs, close calls are left to the discretion of the players at the table and any respected observers on hand.
Misdeal
In the situation of a misdeal, all cards are returned to the dealer, and the dealer shuffles & deals again. Besides the usual misdeal situations (cards dealt out of order, not all players received 5 cards, upturned card during the deal, missing cards, etc.), there are two special situations where a misdeal may occur:
4 Of A Kind (misdeal): If a player’s hand contains 4 of a kind (e.g., four 9’s), the player may call “misdeal”. The official timing-rules are the same as for Bottoms (i.e., must be called before anybody has bid/passed.) If the up-card is a club, then 4 Of A Kind misdeal is disallowed.
Ace No Face (misdeal): If a player’s hand contains 1+ aces and no face-cards, the player may call “Ace No Face”. This triggers a misdeal. The official timing-rules for Ace No Face are the same as for Bottoms. If the up-card is a club, then Ace No Face is disallowed.
Rules around Ace No Face vary from game to game, and they are perhaps the most hotly debated subject on the E.C. Clubs circuit. Often, they depend on the particular geographic location of where the game is played — some places commonly restrict Ace No Face to only the precise holding of A-10-10-9-9 (exactly one ace and no opportunity to call Bottoms); by contrast, other locales allow players to call Ace No Face on any hand with no face cards. For example, Clubs games played in the lower Third Ward of Eau Claire, Wis., commonly adhere to the more rigid, “A-10-10-9-9 only” variant — by contrast, games occurring elsewhere (notably, those held in the Memorial High School library during study hall, and also in the Washington Street neighborhoods of Eau Claire) are often less strict and allow a more liberal interpretation of Ace No Face. In the recent resurgence of E.C. Clubs in White Bear Lake, Minn., it remains to be seen what the standard house-rules will be.
The player's hand may afford the option to call either misdeal or Bottoms -- in this case, the decision is left to the player, who may elect to kill the hand then & there (via misdeal) or test Lady Luck by calling Bottoms.
Betting
Commonly there are stakes associated with winning the game, and also with each set. Circa the turn of the 21st Century, typical stakes were "Buck A Game, Fifty Cents A Set" -- i.e., $1.00 USD paid to the winners of the game, plus $0.50 USD paid for each setpie.
Notable Players
Mike "Vito" LaBarbera: One of the game’s earliest adopters & proponents, LaBarbera was/is regarded as a competent player who was also highly capable of throwing his opponents off their games with an obscure pop-cultural reference or other well-placed barb.
Thomas "Thos" Tessendorf: Known as a wild bidder and an even wilder personality, Tessendorf nonetheless held his own in many a Clubs game, and he was renowned for his steadfast commitment to the adage “He who hesitates is lost.”
Dave "Double D's" Dexter: A rationalist par excellence, Dexter specialized in situational Clubs analysis, and his cerebral approach as a partner was valued by many of the personalities on the turn-of-the-century Clubs circuit.
Eli "Calves" Rupnow: The quintessential “Clubs player’s Clubs player”, Rupnow revolutionized the art & science behind (among other things) the forcing endplay. Rupnow was known for “seeing everything” at the table and also for getting the best out of his partners -- for, if a partner were to give less than their best, the partner would soon face the relentless torrent of Rupnow’s seething psychological abuse. In more recent years as a Minnesota property-baron, he spearheaded the renaissance of E.C. Clubs.
Nate "Cizmonte" Cizek: A truly solid all-around player, Cizek (a.k.a. Monte, a.k.a. Ciz, a.k.a. Mont) had perhaps the purest card-game pedigree of all. Begat of the great Silver Fox, Cizek was destined to be (and indeed was) an uber-competent card player and also quick-witted at the table, a highly prized combination in the Clubs realm. Furthermore, the lower level of Cizek's home was the storied "Ciz Basement", one of the ancestral homelands of Eau Claire Clubs.
Josh "Dud" Dudzik: Dudzik's game is best summed up by the line from The Big Lebowski: "Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear, well, he eats you." When Dudzik was on, things were good; and when he wasn't, well, they weren't. Dudzik frequently partnered with Tessendorf, in a pairing that presented unparalleled potential for perdition -- however, on that rare night when both were clicking, they ran hotter than the sun and put many an opponent to shame.
Justin "Boortzy" Boortz: Showed more than a few flashes of genuine Clubs talent; however, his career was cut short by his decision to fall in love and settle down. (A decision for which he may, admittedly, be much the better for having made.)
Justin “Mills” Miller: A 2-sport athlete who, beside playing Clubs, also moonlighted as a defensive back for the UW-Eau Claire football team, Miller was a pioneer in the art & science of, shall we say, “performance-enhancing drugs”. A relative latecomer to the game, Miller’s illustrious career began in 1999 and spanned the storied “504 Wash” era — however, his reputation was tarnished by his role in the Great Yahoo! Euchre Cheating Scandal Of 2000.
Erik “Fergy” Ferguson: “The Pride Of Eyota, Minnesota”, Ferguson was drafted into the Clubs scene at almost the same time as Miller, and in his heyday could hang with the best that the E.C. Clubs circuit had to offer. Also a member of the UW-Eau Claire football team, in 2003 he not only set the Blugold single-season record for receptions, but also set the Eau Claire Clubs single-game record for most times asking “Wait, so what’s trump?”
Austin “Crow” Crow: One-half of the “Woodbury Duet” (along with Miller), Crow was a staple of the E.C. Clubs circuit at the turn of the 21st Century. Along with Ferguson, Miller, and LaBarbera, Crow played on the UWEC Blugold football teams of the early 2000s, and he forged his Clubs skillset in the fiery crucible of 504 Wash. He is notable for not only his cunning demeanor at the table, but also his status as history’s most talented Clubs player who was also a firecrotch.
Matthew “Schmear’ya” O’Meara: A member of the fabled ECMHS Class of ’99, and a linchpin of numerous Big Rivers Conference-champion Old Abes athletic teams, O’Meara for many years danced on the periphery of the E.C. Clubs scene despite possessing ample Clubs abilities. Stemming from the Great Early-Morning Beer Theft Of 2002 (which was a long time ago and never happened anyway), O’Meara and Dexter had something of a falling-out, but it’s believed that the two have since reconciled.
Terminology / Parlance Of Our Times
Setpie: Set
Bloody Bottoms: When the 3 undealt cards are all red ones, this is known as Bloody Bottoms
“Vee play”: A common refrain made by the non-bidding partnership (and popularized by Vito La Barbera), in the style & tone of Teddy K.G.B., to indicate that they will not be sitting out the hand (and may in fact be primed to set the contract)
“Nossing”: A.k.a., “nothing” — also spoken in the style & tone of Teddy K.G.B. and popularized by La Barbera, a term to highlight the opponents’ failure to take a trick and/or play the hand competently. (Variant: “You get nossing!!”)
“Alligator’s Blood”: When a player makes an especially cagey bid or play, they may be said to have alligator’s blood
Table-Talk: Unscrupulous communication during a hand, made with the intent of gaining an unfair advantage. Table-talk is not limited to verbalizations; it may also include gestures, expressions, body-language, etc. Table-talk is grounds for a misdeal or other penal measures — though, the level at which table-talk is deemed excessive varies greatly from game to game.
Ciz Basement: The most famous venue for Eau Claire Clubs games during the 1990s heyday, Ciz Basement (a.k.a. “the basement”) was located at 471 Roosevelt Ave., in the lower Third Ward of Eau Claire, Wis. In addition to being the site of some of the most famous Eau Claire Clubs games of all time, the property also played host to all documented engagements of Garageball.
504 Wash: A.k.a., 504 Washington Street. The temporary homeland of LaBarbera, Miller, Ferguson, and Crow, 504 Wash exceeded Ciz Basement in popularity during the years 2000-2002, and it played host to the lion’s share of Clubs games in the Eau Claire area during that period.
Rupnow's Van: Just as the Republican Party was founded on March 20, 1854, at the Little White Schoolhouse in Ripon, Wisconsin, the modern Clubbbies Renaissance began on November 15th, 2024, at the storied Rupnow's Van in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. 'Twas there that the Old Ones gathered and resurrected the treasured pastime. Only time will tell just how far this goes...
