Covert incest

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Covert incest is a form of non-physical sexual abuse. The term could also refer to enmeshment, although the failure to separate the two have been pointed out as problematic.

Contents

Examples of covert incest could be the parent sharing intimate, graphic details of their own sex life to the child, practicing voyeurism, exhibitionism, inappropriate sharing of images, and similar behaviors that, while still being sexual abuse, are described as covert for their intangible nature. Covert incest is often difficult to detect.

Covert incest is often used synonymously with the controversial term emotional incest. Emotional incest, more often described as enmeshment or "surrogate spouse syndrome", refers to a type of harmful relationship in which a parent looks to their child for the emotional support that would be normally provided by another adult. [1] This term describes interactions between a parent and child that are exclusive of sexual abuse. [1]

Concept

Covert incest was defined in the 1980s [2] as an emotionally abusive [3] relationship between a parental figure and child that does not involve incest or sexual intercourse, though it involves similar interpersonal dynamics as a relationship between sexual partners. [2] [4] [5] Defining such relationships as "incest" has led to criticism of the concept for dramatically loosening the definition of incest, making child abuse seem more prevalent than it actually is [6] [7] [8] and being overused and unsubstantiated. [9]

Covert incest is described as occurring when a parent is unable or unwilling to maintain a relationship with another adult and forces the emotional role of a spouse onto their child instead. [3] The child's needs are ignored and instead the relationship exists solely to meet the needs of the parent [1] [6] and the adult may not be aware of the problems created by their actions. [10]

The effects of covert incest are thought to mimic actual incest, though to a lesser degree. [11] Kenneth Adams, who originated the concept, describes the victims as having anger or guilt towards parents and problems with self-esteem, addiction, and sexual and emotional intimacy. [12] Psychotherapist Roni Weisberg-Ross has noted that the term may not be particularly useful, since it can lead to attributing nearly any possible dysfunctional relationship or problem, becoming "a catchall, watered-down diagnosis". Ross also criticizes the term for its emphasis on children meeting parents' "unmet needs", noting that children often meet the emotional or other needs of parents, with relationship boundaries frequently blurring and no definition of when this leads to permanent damage or harm. [9]

Jungian analyst and author Marion Woodman describes covert incest as "unboundaried bonding" in which the parent or parents use the child as a mirror to support their needs, rather than mirroring the child in support of the child's emotional development. [13]

Alcoholism and other substance addictions are also associated with the occurrence of covert incest. [14] [15]

See also

Related Research Articles

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Parentification or parent–child role reversal is the process of role reversal whereby a child or adolescent is obliged to support the family system in ways that are developmentally inappropriate and overly burdensome. For example, it is developmentally appropriate for even a very young child to help adults prepare a meal for the family to eat, but it is not developmentally appropriate for a young child to be required to provide and prepare food for the whole family alone. However, if the task is developmentally appropriate, such as a young child fetching an item for a parent or a teenager preparing a meal, then it is not a case of parentification, even if that task supports the family as a whole, relieves some of the burden on the parents, or is not the teenager's preferred activity.

Enmeshment is a concept in psychology and psychotherapy introduced by Salvador Minuchin to describe families where personal boundaries are diffused, sub-systems undifferentiated, and over-concern for others leads to a loss of autonomous development. According to this hypothesis, by being enmeshed in parental needs, trapped in a discrepant role function, a child may lose their capacity for self-direction; their own distinctiveness, under the weight of "psychic incest"; and, if family pressures increase, may end up becoming the identified patient or family scapegoat.

References

  1. 1 2 3 Johnson, R. Skip. "Was Part of Your Childhood Deprived by Emotional Incest?". BPDFamily.com . Retrieved June 10, 2014.
  2. 1 2 Jacobson M (2001). "Child sexual abuse and the multidisciplinary team approach: contradictions in practice". Childhood. 8 (2): 231. doi:10.1177/0907568201008002006. S2CID   144138225.
  3. 1 2 Friel DL & Friel JC (1988). Adult children: the secrets of dysfunctional families. Deerfield Beach, Fla: Health Communications. ISBN   0-932194-53-2.
  4. ↑ Love PG (1991). The Emotional Incest Syndrome : What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life. London: Bantam. ISBN   0-553-35275-X.
  5. ↑ Woititz, JG (1993). The Intimacy Struggle. HCI. p. 61. ISBN   1-55874-277-8.
  6. 1 2 Pendergrast, Mark (1996). Victims of memory: sex abuse accusations and shattered lives. Hinesburg, Vt: Upper Access. ISBN   0-942679-18-0 . Retrieved April 17, 2008.
  7. ↑ Bjorklund, David F. (2000). False-memory creation in children and adults: theory, research, and implications. Hillsdale, N.J: L. Erlbaum. ISBN   0-8058-3169-X.
  8. ↑ Kaminer, Wendy (1993). I'm dysfunctional, you're dysfunctional: the recovery movement and other self-help fashions. New York: Vintage Books. p.  27. ISBN   0-679-74585-8.
  9. 1 2 Weisberg-Ross, Roni (January 1, 2012). "Covert/Emotional Incest - How Real Is It?". Ezine. Retrieved June 5, 2017.
  10. ↑ Gartner RB (1999). Betrayed as boys: psychodynamic treatment of sexually abused men. New York: Guilford Press. ISBN   1-57230-644-0 . Retrieved April 17, 2008.
  11. ↑ Herman, JL; Hirschman L (2000). Father-daughter incest . Harvard University Press. p.  125. ISBN   0-674-00270-9.
  12. ↑ Adams K (1991). Silently Seduced : When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest. HCI. ISBN   1-55874-131-3 . Retrieved April 14, 2008.
  13. ↑ Woodman, Marion (1993). Conscious Femininity: Interviews with Marion Woodman. Inner City Books. p.  139. ISBN   0-919123-59-7.
  14. ↑ Potter-Efron, RT; Potter-Efron PS (1990). Aggression, Family Violence, and Chemical Dependency . Haworth Press. pp.  133–135. ISBN   0-86656-964-2.
  15. ↑ Barnard, CP (1990). Families With an Alcoholic Member: The Invisible Patient. Human Sciences Press. pp.  139. ISBN   0-89885-479-2.
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