Dual-career commuter couples

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Commuter couples are a subset of dual-career couples who live apart in separate residences while both partners pursue careers. [1]

Contents

Gilbert and Rachlin address the difference between dual-earner families and dual-career families, distinguishing that dual-earner couples are those in which both spouses are earning for the family, but one or both of them consider their occupational involvement as a job. Jobs are unlike careers in that they do not require extensive training or commitment. In dual-earner couples, one spouse's work is generally considered secondary. Dual-career couples are families in which "both heads of household pursue careers and at the same time maintain a family life together". [2] Both have high degrees of commitment to their careers, and neither partner's career is thought to be more important than that of the other. [3]

Historical background

Statistics

In the United States, statistics from as early as 1989 report that 53% of married households were dual-earner couples. By 1996, the percent of dual-earner couples grew to 61%. According to data from 1989, approximately 7 million employees (15% to 20% of all dual-earner marriages) were classified as dual-career couples. [4] By 2003, U.S. workers take more than 400 million long-distance business trips (i.e., trips over 50 miles) each year. [5] Commuter marriages are on the rise, with recent estimates indicating that as many as 3 million Americans reside in different locations from their spouses. [6] Research on this phenomenon has generally focused on heterosexual couples.

Formation of commuter couples

The increase in women's career opportunities also increases the problems of couples pursuing two careers in the same place, and can cause conflict regarding which spouse's career should take precedence. [7] One major concern for dual-career couples is finding employment in the same geographic location. One partner usually compromises by taking a less desirable job so that the other can take a position that might further his or her career. However, if this compromise cannot be reached, the option of commuting can be the result, where both spouses enjoy highly desirable jobs at the sacrifice of maintaining separate residences. [8]

In the definition of dual-career commuter couples, the work pursued by each member of the couple requires 1) a high degree of commitment and special training with increasing degrees of responsibility (this includes students pursuing an advanced educational degree) and 2) that the couple maintain homes in separate geographic locations. Traveling sales or business workers, military personnel, migrant workers, and construction and trade workers who leave home for various lengths of time are not included in the definition. When couples share a home and one or both members commute long distances to work each day or couples immigrating at separate times, they are also not included in this definition. [2] [9]

The dyad of commuter couples is typically composed of the "commuter", who moves to a secondary residence for work, and the "noncommuter", who stays at the primary residence. [1] Other terms for the lifestyle are married-singles, commuter marriages, commuter families, commuter lifestyle, and commuter relationships.

Characteristics

Research reveals that most commuter couples have a high level of education and that both partners have professional or executive careers. Most are between the ages of 25 and 65, the mean age being mid- to late thirties. Forty to 50% of commuter couples have children, and more than 50% have been married for more than 9 years. [8] Most of commuter couples are with advanced degrees and are heavily involved in their careers. [10] The most attractive factor of a job for commuter couples is the job-education match. [11] Lindemann has found that factors making dual-career commuter relationships more likely include financial security, self-reliance, a lack of children, and adaptability. [12]

Advantages

Advantages of the commuting lifestyle are identified as 1) increased career opportunities, 2) professional autonomy, 3) increased independence, 4) increased appreciation of time together, 5) decreased focus on disagreements, and 6) decreased frequency of arguments. [13] [14] [15]

Disadvantages

Disadvantages of being commuting couples are 1) financial problems; 2) loneliness; 3) lack of personal and professional support system due to a lack of time to build and maintain these relationships; 4) negative attitudes from friends, family, coworkers, and society; 5) increased tension in marriage and the family; 6) decreased satisfaction with sex life; 7) missed important family moments and day-to-day experiences; and 8) lack of social life, hobbies, and individual projects. [13] [14] [15] [16]

Contributing factors

Role conflict

There has been inconsistent evidence in relation to role conflict in dual-career commuter couples. Role conflict, according to Biddle, is “the concurrent appearance of two or more incompatible expectations for the behavior of a person”, and when a person experiences role conflict, it can have negative effects on multiple aspects of their lives, including decreased job performance and decreased commitment to an organization. [17] In contrast to that definition, findings have shown that many commuters find their lifestyle beneficial in that it allows them to pursue their careers without having to deal with daily family distractions, and also gives them a sense of autonomy. This ability to compartmentalize the roles the individual plays may lead to more work life satisfaction, supported by findings that commuter couples generally had more work life satisfaction than dual-career couples in a single residence. [1] However, there are still challenges faced by commuter couples in their different roles. It would seem that such great compartmentalization can lead some individuals to struggle with balancing both their work and family roles and the responsibilities for each; [16] almost half of commuter couples studied by Anderson reported that they rarely felt that they had a good balance between job and family. Also, families who are commuters are thought to become more competent in their performance of all family-related tasks, suggesting that there is a less traditional division of labor between women and men. [8] However, Anderson and Spruill found that even in commuter couples, most traditional household tasks were still performed by women, while tasks such as household maintenance and lawn-mowing were performed by men. [8] These findings suggest that commuter couples may still be relatively traditional in their role divisions from a gender perspective.

Social comparison

According to Festinger (1954) and Social Comparison Theory, when there is no “objective” assessment for one's abilities or opinions, one will compare themselves to others who are seen to be similar. It is also said that when others have a difference in abilities or opinions, one who is comparing themselves will almost always move their idea of what abilities or opinions are appropriate closer to the comparison others’. [18] In line with this theory, it makes sense that commuter couples would try to compare themselves to other married couples, but it will often pose problems for them because their relationships do differ in many ways. When commuter couples compare themselves to “traditional marriages”, it can cause them a lot of discomfort. [19] This is also true for society's expectations of a commuter couple; if society compares them to “traditional couples”, they refrain from addressing important aspects of the relationship, and consequently lack a solid understanding. It was found that partners who felt that their peers thought that the commuting lifestyle was the beginning of a divorce experienced more stress. [16]

Adjusting versus established couples

"Adjusting" couples are generally younger with few or no children, and they experience the separation earlier in their relationship. It seems that younger women generally struggle more with the guilt that their male partners are disadvantaged in some way, and young men tend to feel a sense of loss in comparison to a traditional male partner. These couples often experience more stress over the conflict of whose career is “more important” than the stress of being apart.

"Established" couples are generally older, have been married longer, and have children. With these couples, much of the stress comes from childcare. Generally, in heterosexual marriages, husbands will feel some resentment in the increase in responsibilities for the children, while the wives feel guilty about their lessened involvement in their children's lives. [19]

Becoming a commuter couple

Attachment theory and perceived relationship quality

Attachment theory

In important romantic relationships, attachment refers to strong emotional bonding and the feeling of being secure. [20] To maintain the security feelings, individuals stay in a comfortable range of proximity to their partner. [21] Under certain circumstances, even separation due to planned travel evokes concerns of the partner's inaccessibility. [22] This inaccessibility may be associated with anxiety, loneliness, and yearning for the partner. Through psychological (e.g., internal representation), symbolic (e.g., pictures), or physical proximity gaining accessibility, individuals calm down and restore security.

Three different attachment styles are identified by attachment researchers: [23] secure, avoidant, and anxiety attached. Those who are securely attached have positive views of the self and their partner, and are confident when seeking proximity to the partner. Avoidant individuals, with two subtypes, generally suppress desires of seeking for partners. Specifically, dismissing-avoidant individuals have a positive self-worth, but have a negative view of the partner, and prefer low emotional involvement. Fearful-avoidants have negative views of both the self and the partner and fear rejection. In contrast, individuals with anxiety attachment styles are hyperactive, continuously seeking and attempting to maintain partner proximity. Those who have anxious attachment styles have negative self-views, and the partner is considered essential to self-worth but insufficiently accessible. The Relationship Questionnaire by Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) [24] and Experience in Close Relationship Scale by Brennan, Clark, and Shaver (1998) [25] are two commonly used measurements for attachment style. The Relationship Questionnaire assess attachment style by crossing the positive or negative view of self and partner. This questionnaire provides the categorical data, that means to categorize participants into four attachment styles without any scores. The Experience in Close Relationship Scale on the other hand, measures on a seven-point scale. People with lower scores are toward the attachment avoidance end, and people with higher scores are more likely to be attachment anxious style. This scale provides quantitative information about attachment style. Though the two scales can be used separately, they make up the categorical and interval part for each other. Thus, it is recommended to use both of them. [26] The combination of both scales have been proven valid in measuring attachment styles. [27]

Perceived long-distance relationship quality

Secure attachment is related to positive relationship qualities (e.g., satisfaction; commitment). [23] Although it may seem counter-intuitive, long-distance relationships between securely attached individuals are perceived to be similar in relationship quality to relationships of securely attached individuals who are geographically close. Avoidant and anxious attachment style individuals who are involved in long-distance relationships perceive their relationship as lower quality than avoidant and anxious individuals in geographically close relationships. Commuter couples’ relationship quality are expected to differ based on the individuals’ attachment styles. [26] Recently, research found that commuter couples who meet on a monthly base (i.e., meet more than once a month) relationship quality was influenced by the separation. [28]

Decision-making processes

Some studies report that many couples do not go through an evaluation of the commuting lifestyle before they engage in it. [7] [8] [9] Although the dual-career commuter couples are generally a highly educated and sophisticated group of people, the majority of the couples studied did not use a systematic decision-making process. The commuter couples did not collect information, talk to other commuting couples, or review other alternatives in making their decision to commute. Instead, the couples simply accepted that commuting was necessary and then discussed what the details of the impending separation would entail. In addition, two thirds of the couples made no plans to reevaluate the effectiveness of their decision to commute. [7] [8] Despite these findings, there are couples who do go through a decision-making process. They are reported to have higher relationship satisfaction than those who did not go through a systematic decision-making process. [7]

Practical implications

For the individual, there are a few suggestions to be made in regards to becoming a dual-career couple based on implications of past research. First, the division of labor should be discussed and made clear to both spouses, so it each individual's expectations are apparent. The stability of the relationship should also be considered, as well as the possible reactions each individual might have in response to societal views. The expenses of traveling and each spouse's history of being alone (i.e., their attachment styles) should be considered as well. [14] Finally, couples should consider discussing the decision with other commuter couples to gain first-hand knowledge. [8] Organization, frequent communication, and rituals have been found to be three of the most important aspects of successfully maintaining a commuting lifestyle. [29]

Weekly organized meetings can provide an opportunity for the couple to practice communication, improve organization, take care of household responsibilities, and keep in touch about past and future events. [30] [31] Developing a set of rituals and schedules can help commuter couples ease the stress of departing and reuniting with each other. [32] Rituals such as daily phone calls, sharing dinner while talking on the phone, regular dependable visitation times, a predictable routine for reuniting and departing, special dinner dates for their first nights together, and leaving intimate messages and signs of affection have been found to be helpful for many commuter couples. [14] [16] These rituals help the couple establish a shared history that they can draw on during lonely moments.

See also

Related Research Articles

In social psychology, an interpersonal relation describes a social association, connection, or affiliation between two or more persons. It overlaps significantly with the concept of social relations, which are the fundamental unit of analysis within the social sciences. Relations vary in degrees of intimacy, self-disclosure, duration, reciprocity, and power distribution. The main themes or trends of the interpersonal relations are: family, kinship, friendship, love, marriage, business, employment, clubs, neighborhoods, ethical values, support and solidarity. Interpersonal relations may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement, and form the basis of social groups and societies. They appear when people communicate or act with each other within specific social contexts, and they thrive on equitable and reciprocal compromises.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Romance (love)</span> Type of love that focuses on feelings

Romance or romantic love is a feeling of love for, or a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Infidelity</span> Cheating, adultery, or having an affair

Infidelity is a violation of a couple's emotional or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and rivalry.

Open marriage is a form of non-monogamy in which the partners of a dyadic marriage agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual or romantic relationships, without this being regarded by them as infidelity, and consider or establish an open relationship despite the implied monogamy of marriage. There are variant forms of open marriage such as swinging and polyamory, each with the partners having varying levels of input into their spouse's activities.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Avoidant personality disorder</span> Personality disorder

Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) or anxious personality disorder is a Cluster C personality disorder characterized by excessive social anxiety and inhibition, fear of intimacy, severe feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, and an overreliance on avoidance of feared stimuli as a maladaptive coping method. Those affected typically display a pattern of extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and rejection, a belief that one is socially inept or personally unappealing to others, and avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire for it. It appears to affect an approximately equal number of men and women.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Breakup</span> Termination of an intimate relationship

A relationship breakup, breakup, or break-up is the ending of a relationship. The act is commonly termed "dumping [someone]" in slang when it is initiated by one partner. The term is less likely to be applied to a married couple, where a breakup is typically called a separation or divorce. When a couple engaged to be married breaks up, it is typically called a "broken engagement". People commonly think of breakups in a romantic aspect, however, there are also non-romantic and platonic breakups, and this type of relationship dissolution is usually caused by failure to maintain a friendship.

An open relationship is an intimate relationship that is sexually non-monogamous. An open relationship generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary emotional and intimate relationship between partners, who agree to at least the possibility of sexual or emotional intimacy with other people. The term "open relationship" is sometimes used interchangeably with the term polyamory, but the two concepts are not identical.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Attachment theory</span> Psychological ethological theory about human relationships

Attachment theory is a psychological and evolutionary framework concerning the relationships between humans, particularly the importance of early bonds between infants and their primary caregivers. Developed by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907–90), the theory posits that infants need to form a close relationship with at least one primary caregiver to ensure their survival, and to develop healthy social and emotional functioning.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Intimate relationship</span> Physical or emotional intimacy

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves emotional or physical closeness between people and may include sexual intimacy and feelings of romance or love. Intimate relationships are interdependent, and the members of the relationship mutually influence each other. The quality and nature of the relationship depends on the interactions between individuals, and is derived from the unique context and history that builds between people over time. Social and legal institutions such as marriage acknowledge and uphold intimate relationships between people. However, intimate relationships are not necessarily monogamous or sexual, and there is wide social and cultural variability in the norms and practices of intimacy between people.

Caring in intimate relationships is the practice of providing care and support to an intimate relationship partner. Caregiving behaviours are aimed at reducing the partner's distress and supporting their coping efforts in situations of either threat or challenge. Caregiving may include emotional support and/or instrumental support. Effective caregiving behaviour enhances the care-recipient's psychological well-being, as well as the quality of the relationship between the caregiver and the care-recipient. However, certain suboptimal caregiving strategies may be either ineffective or even detrimental to coping.

In psychology, the theory of attachment can be applied to adult relationships including friendships, emotional affairs, adult romantic and carnal relationships and, in some cases, relationships with inanimate objects. Attachment theory, initially studied in the 1960s and 1970s primarily in the context of children and parents, was extended to adult relationships in the late 1980s. The working models of children found in Bowlby's attachment theory form a pattern of interaction that is likely to continue influencing adult relationships.

Fear of commitment, also known as gamophobia, is the irrational fear or avoidance of long-term partnership or marriage. The term is sometimes used interchangeably with commitment phobia, which describes a generalized fear or avoidance of commitments more broadly.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Remarriage</span> Marriage following a previous marriage

Remarriage is a marriage that takes place after a previous marital union has ended, as through divorce or widowhood. Some individuals are more likely to remarry than others; the likelihood can differ based on previous relationship status, level of interest in establishing a new romantic relationship, gender, culture, and age among other factors. Those who choose not to remarry may prefer alternative arrangements like cohabitation or living apart together. Remarriage also provides mental and physical health benefits. However, although remarried individuals tend to have better health than individuals who do not repartner, they still generally have worse health than individuals who have remained continuously married. Remarriage is addressed differently in various religions and denominations of those religions. Someone who repeatedly remarries is referred to as a serial wedder.

The two-body problem is a dilemma for life partners often referred to in academia, relating to the difficulty of both spouses obtaining jobs at the same university, narrow specialism, or within a reasonable commuting distance from each other.

Theories of love can refer to several psychological and sociological theories:

Marriage and health are closely related. Married people experience lower morbidity and mortality across such diverse health threats as cancer, heart attacks, and surgery. There are gender differences in these effects which may be partially due to men's and women's relative status. Most research on marriage and health has focused on heterosexual couples, and more work is needed to clarify the health effects on same-sex marriage. Simply being married, as well as the quality of one's marriage, has been linked to diverse measures of health. Research has examined the social-cognitive, emotional, behavioral and biological processes involved in these links.

Attachment and health is a psychological model which considers how the attachment theory pertains to people's preferences and expectations for the proximity of others when faced with stress, threat, danger or pain. In 1982, American psychiatrist Lawrence Kolb noticed that patients with chronic pain displayed behaviours with their healthcare providers akin to what children might display with an attachment figure, thus marking one of the first applications of the attachment theory to physical health. Development of the adult attachment theory and adult attachment measures in the 1990s provided researchers with the means to apply the attachment theory to health in a more systematic way. Since that time, it has been used to understand variations in stress response, health outcomes and health behaviour. Ultimately, the application of the attachment theory to health care may enable health care practitioners to provide more personalized medicine by creating a deeper understanding of patient distress and allowing clinicians to better meet their needs and expectations.

The Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation (VSA) Model is a framework for conceptualizing the dynamic processes of marriage, created by Benjamin Karney and Thomas Bradbury. The VSA Model emphasizes the consideration of multiple dimensions of functioning, including couple members’ enduring vulnerabilities, experiences of stressful events, and adaptive processes, to account for variations in marital quality and stability over time. The VSA model was a departure from past research considering any one of these themes separately as a contributor to marital outcomes, and integrated these separate factors into a single, cohesive framework in order to best explain how and why marriages change over time. In adherence with the VSA model, in order to achieve a complete understanding of marital phenomenon, research must consider all dimensions of marital functioning, including enduring vulnerabilities, stress, and adaptive processes simultaneously.

A duocentric social network is a type of social network composed of the combined network members of a dyad. The network consists of mutual, overlapping ties between members of the dyad as well as non-mutual ties. While an explicit conceptualization of duocentric social networks appeared for the first time in an academic publication in 2008, the history of the analysis dates back to at least the 1950s and has spanned the fields of psychology, sociology, and health.

Relationship science is an interdisciplinary field dedicated to the scientific study of interpersonal relationship processes. Due to its interdisciplinary nature, relationship science is made-up of researchers of various professional backgrounds within psychology and outside of psychology, but most researchers who identify with the field are psychologists by training. Additionally, the field's emphasis has historically been close and intimate relationships, which includes predominantly dating and married couples, parent-child relationships, and friendships & social networks, but some also study less salient social relationships such as colleagues and acquaintances.

References

  1. 1 2 3 Bunker, B. B., Zubek, J. M., Vanderslice, V. J., & Rice, R. W. (1992). Quality of life in dual-career families: Commuting versus single-residence couples. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 399-407.
  2. 1 2 Rapoport, R., Rapoport, R. N., & Bumstead, J. M. (Eds.). (1978). Working couples. New York: Harper & Row.
  3. ↑ Gilbert, L. A., & Rachlin, V. (1987). Mental health and psychological functioning of dual-career families. The Counseling Psychologist, 15(1), 7-49.
  4. ↑ Reed, C. M., & Bruce, W. M. (1993). Dual-career couples in the public sector: A survey of personnel policies and practices. Public Personnel Management.
  5. ↑ the U.S. Bureau of Transportation Statistics, 2003.
  6. ↑ Bergen, K. M., Kirby, E., & McBride, M. C. (2007). "How do you get two houses cleaned?": Accomplishing family caregiving in commuter marriages. Journal of Family Communication, 7, 287-307.
  7. 1 2 3 4 Anderson, E. A. (1992). Decision-making style: Impact on satisfaction of the commuter couples' lifestyle. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 13(1), 5-21.
  8. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Anderson, E. A., & Spruill, J. W. (1993). "The dual-career commuter family: A lifestyle on the move". Marriage & Family Review, 19(1-2), 131-147.
  9. 1 2 Gerstel, N., & Gross, H. E. (1984). Commuter marriages: A study of work and family. New York: Guilford.
  10. ↑ van der Klis, M., & Mulder, C. H. (2008). Beyond the trailing spouse: the commuter partnership as an alternative to family migration. Journal of Housing and the Built Environment, 23(1), 1-19.
  11. ↑ Jackson, A. P., Brown, R. P., & Patterson-Stewart, K. E. (2000). African Americans in Dual-Career Commuter Marriages: An Investigation of Their Experiences. The Family Journal, 8, 22-36.
  12. ↑ Lindemann, Danielle J. (2019). Commuter spouses : new families in a changing world. Ithaca [New York]. ISBN   978-1-5017-3120-4. OCLC   1051775204.{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: location missing publisher (link)
  13. 1 2 Groves, M. M., & Horm-Wingerd, D. M. (1991). Commuter marriages: Personal, family and career issues. Sociology and social research, 75(4), 212-217.
  14. 1 2 3 4 Magnuson, S., & Norem, K. (1999). Challenges for higher education couples in commuter marriages: Insights for couples and counselors who work with them. The Family Journal, 7(2), 125-134.
  15. 1 2 Winfield, F. E. (1985). Commuter marriage: Living together apart. New York: Columbia University Press.
  16. 1 2 3 4 Jackson, A. P., Brown, R. P., & Patterson-Stewart, K. E. (2000). African Americans in dual-career commuter marriages: An investigation of their experiences. The Family Journal, 8(1), 22-36.
  17. ↑ Biddle, B. J. (1986). Recent development in role theory. Annual Review of Sociology, 67-92.
  18. ↑ Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human relations, 7(2), 117-140.
  19. 1 2 Gross, H. E. (1980). Dual-career couples who live apart: Two types. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 567-576.
  20. ↑ Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base. New York: Basic.
  21. ↑ Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Vol. I: Attachment. New York, Basic Books.
  22. ↑ Bowlby, J. (1973). Attachment and loss: Vol. II: Separation. New York: Basic Books.
  23. 1 2 Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. New York: Guilford.
  24. ↑ Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L. M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61, 226–244.
  25. ↑ Brennan, K. A., Clark, C. L., & Shaver, P. R. (1998). Self-report measurement of adult attachment: An integrative overview. In J. A. Simpson & W. S. Rholes (Eds.), Attachment theory and close relationships (pp. 46–76). New York: Guilford.
  26. 1 2 Pistole, M. C., Roberts, A. & Chapman, M. L. (2010). Attachment, relationship maintenance, and stress in long distance and geographically close romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(4), 535-552.
  27. ↑ Levy, K. N., Blatt, S. J., & Shaver, P. R. (1998). Attachment styles and parental representations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(2), 407.
  28. ↑ Van der Klis, M. & Karsten, L. (2009). Commuting partners, dual residences and the meaning of home. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 29, 235-245.
  29. ↑ Rotter, J. C., Barnett, D. E., & Fawcett, M. L. (1998). On the road again: Dual-career commuter relationships. The Family Journal, 6(1), 46-48.
  30. ↑ Bettner, B. L., & Lew, A. (1992). Raising kids who can: Using family meetings to nurture responsible, cooperative, caring, and happy children. New York: Harper Perennial.
  31. ↑ Gerhart-Brooks, D. R., & Lyle, R. R. (1999). The family meeting: Facilitating dialogue with divorced families. Journal of Family Psychotherapy, 10(2), 77-82.
  32. ↑ Johnson, S. E. (1987). Weaving the Threads: Equalizing Professional and Personal Demands Faced by Commuting Career Couples. Journal of the National Association of Women Deans, Administrators, and Counselors, 50(2), 3-10.
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