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Couples living apart together (LAT) have an intimate relationship but live at separate addresses. [1] [2] It includes couples who wish to live together but are not yet able to, as well as couples who prefer to (or must) live apart, for various reasons.
In the early 2000s, LAT couples account for around 10% of adults in Britain (excluding those who live with family), and over a quarter of all those not married or cohabiting. Similar figures are recorded for other countries in northern Europe, including Belgium, France, Germany, the Netherlands, Norway and Sweden. [3] [4] Research suggests similar or even higher rates in southern Europe, although there LAT couples often remain in parental households. [5] In Australia, Canada and the US representative surveys indicate that between 6% and 9% of unmarried adults has a partner who lives elsewhere. [6] [7] [8] LAT is also increasingly understood and accepted publicly, is seen by most as good enough for partnering, and subject to the same expectations about commitment and fidelity as marriage or cohabitation. [5]
Within Asia, "walking marriages" have been increasingly common in Beijing. Guo Jianmei, director of the center for women's studies at Beijing University, told a Newsday correspondent, "Walking marriages reflect sweeping changes in Chinese society." A "walking marriage" refers to a type of temporary marriage formed by the Mosuo of China, in which male partners live elsewhere and make nightly visits. [9] A similar arrangement in Saudi Arabia, called misyar marriage, also involves the husband and wife living separately but meeting regularly. [10]
Some researchers have seen living apart together as a historically new family form. From this perspective LAT couples can pursue both the intimacy of being in a couple and at the same time preserve autonomy. [3] Some LAT couples may even de-prioritize couple relationships and place more importance on friendship. [11] Alternatively, others see LAT as just a 'stage' on the way to possible cohabitation and marriage. In this view LATs are not radical pioneers moving beyond the family, rather they are cautious and conservative, and simply show a lack of commitment. [12] In addition many may simply be modern versions of 'steady' or long term boy/girlfriends. [13]
Research using more comprehensive data suggests LAT couples are a heterogeneous social category with varying motivations for living apart. [5] About a third see their relationship as too early for cohabitation, while others are prevented from living together, although they wish to do so, because of constraints like housing costs or (more rarely) job location. Many, however, prefer not to live together even though they have a long term relationship and could do so if they wanted. In practice motivations are often complex, for example one partner might wish to preserve the family home for existing children while the other might welcome autonomous time and space. Sometimes 'preference' can have a defensive motivation, for example the emotional desire to avoid the recurrence of a failed or unpleasant cohabiting relationship. Overall, LAT couples may be 'gladly apart'; 'regretfully apart' or, for many, undecided and ambivalent where they experience both advantages and disadvantages. [14]
People living apart from their partner can be found in all age groups, although they are on average younger than cohabiting and married couples. [12] [15] In Britain almost 50% of LAT couples are in the youngest age group (18–24) although significant proportions are found in the 25–55 age group. Non-parents (those without current dependent children) are significantly more likely than parents to live apart from their partner. LAT couples are also found in all socio-economic groups, and in Britain show little difference to the class profile of the population as a whole.
Living in LAT relationships means different things at different stages of the life course. Many LAT relationships among young adults and among adults with co-resident, dependent children are temporary and involuntary. [16] However, Living Apart Together in Later Life (LLAT) are generally a stable alternative to living with a partner. [16] Among older persons, priorities shift as the responsibilities of raising children and paid work diminish and a limited future increases a preference for effectively rich relationships. LLAT is well suited to this process. The low level of organization of LLAT relationships and the absence of many of the commitments and ties that characterize marriage put the focus on the emotional side of the relationship. [17] Gender also shapes the appeal of LLAT. Swedish research showed that older women were significantly more motivated to live apart together to secure independence and avoid a traditional gendered division of labor. [18] A segment of the middle-aged and empty nest population also values the independence and autonomy offered by LAT relationships. These couples may have previously been married, experienced negative outcomes from cohabitation, or are challenging traditional social norms [19] .
Living apart as a couple is increasingly understood and accepted. By 2006, in Britain, a majority (54 per cent) agreed that "a couple do not need to live together to have a strong relationship", with only 25 per cent disagreeing. [20] By 2000 about one fifth of people aged 16–44 in Britain described 'living together apart' as their 'ideal relationship', compared to over 40 per cent for exclusive marriage and just under 20 per cent for unmarried cohabitation. [21]
Attitudinally, LATs couples themselves resemble cohabitants in a 'young partners' group, as opposed to a more conservative 'older married' majority. [22] Controlling for age LATs appear to be somewhat more liberal than other relationship categories for issues that directly affect them, for example about the effect of independence in relationships. However, for other controversial 'family' issues (like acceptance of same-sex partnership or of single motherhood) being a LAT in itself makes little difference, rather it is the relative traditionality of older married people that stands out compared to generally younger, and more liberal, unmarried cohabitants and LAT couples.
Famous and celebrity couples have been cited from the 19th century to the 21st century. For example, a 2007 Times article [23] names Woody Allen and Mia Farrow (then living either side of Central Park, New York City), Margaret Drabble and Michael Holroyd (married 36 years as of 2018, separate homes), Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton and their two children (two houses next door to each other in Hampstead, London), and Booker prizewinner Arundhati Roy and husband Pradip Krishen (with separate homes in Delhi, India).
In the 1840s, the famous composer Frédéric Chopin and the female novelist George Sand had an "unusual" relation that would be called LAT nowadays. The LAT relationship between philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre (1905–1980) and the feminist writer Simone de Beauvoir (1908–1986) is often cited (although was exceptional in that Sartre apparently had other contemporaneous, if temporary, liaisons). It is important to remember, however, that it is not just the rich and famous who live apart together, LAT is common amongst ordinary people in all social groups. The documentary Two's a Crowd documents a New York City couple that was forced to give up a LAT relationship because of the economic downturn of the late 2000s. The film depicts how the couple tries to set up two separate "apartments" within one, after they are forced to move in with each other. [24]
Cohabitation is an arrangement where people who are not married, usually couples, live together. They are often involved in a romantic or sexually intimate relationship on a long-term or permanent basis. Such arrangements have become increasingly common in Western countries since the late 20th century, being led by changing social views, especially regarding marriage, gender roles and religion.
In social psychology, an interpersonal relation describes a social association, connection, or affiliation between two or more persons. It overlaps significantly with the concept of social relations, which are the fundamental unit of analysis within the social sciences. Relations vary in degrees of intimacy, self-disclosure, duration, reciprocity, and power distribution. The main themes or trends of the interpersonal relations are: family, kinship, friendship, love, marriage, business, employment, clubs, neighborhoods, ethical values, support and solidarity. Interpersonal relations may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement, and form the basis of social groups and societies. They appear when people communicate or act with each other within specific social contexts, and they thrive on equitable and reciprocal compromises.
Common-law marriage, also known as non-ceremonial marriage, sui iuris marriage, informal marriage, de facto marriage, or marriage by habit and repute, is a marriage that results from the parties' agreement to consider themselves married and subsequent cohabitation, rather than through a statutorily defined process. Not all jurisdictions permit common law marriage, but will typically respect the validity of such a marriage lawfully entered in another state or country.
Premarital sex is sexual activity which is practiced by people before they are married. Premarital sex is considered a sin by a number of religions and also considered a moral issue which is taboo in many cultures. Since the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, it has become accepted by certain liberal movements, especially in Western countries. A 2014 Pew study on global morality found that premarital sex was considered particularly unacceptable in "Muslim Majority Countries", such as Malaysia, Jordan and Pakistan, each having over 90% disapproval, while people in Western European countries were the most accepting, with Spain, Germany, and France expressing less than 10% disapproval.
A long-distance relationship (LDR) or long-distance romantic relationship is an intimate relationship between partners who are geographically separated from one another. Partners in LDRs face geographic separation and lack of face-to-face contact. LDRs are particularly prevalent among college students, constituting 25% to 50% of all relationships. Even though scholars have reported a significant number of LDRs in undergraduate populations, long-distance relationships continue to be an understudied phenomenon.
An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves emotional or physical closeness between people and may include sexual intimacy and feelings of romance or love. Intimate relationships are interdependent, and the members of the relationship mutually influence each other. The quality and nature of the relationship depends on the interactions between individuals, and is derived from the unique context and history that builds between people over time. Social and legal institutions such as marriage acknowledge and uphold intimate relationships between people. However, intimate relationships are not necessarily monogamous or sexual, and there is wide social and cultural variability in the norms and practices of intimacy between people.
Sociology of the family is a subfield of the subject of sociology, in which researchers and academics study family structure as a social institution and unit of socialization from various sociological perspectives. It can be seen as an example of patterned social relations and group dynamics.
In psychology and sociology, social inertia or cultural inertia is the resistance to change or the permanence of stable relationships possibly outdated in societies or social groups. Social inertia is the opposite of social change.
Co-parenting is an enterprise undertaken by parents who together take on the socialization, care, and upbringing of children for whom they share equal responsibility. The co-parent relationship differs from an intimate relationship between adults in that it focuses solely on the child. The equivalent term in evolutionary biology is bi-parental care, where parental investment is provided by both the mother and father.
Remarriage is a marriage that takes place after a previous marital union has ended, as through divorce or widowhood. Some individuals are more likely to remarry than others; the likelihood can differ based on previous relationship status, level of interest in establishing a new romantic relationship, gender, culture, and age among other factors. Those who choose not to remarry may prefer alternative arrangements like cohabitation or living apart together. Remarriage also provides mental and physical health benefits. However, although remarried individuals tend to have better health than individuals who do not repartner, they still generally have worse health than individuals who have remained continuously married. Remarriage is addressed differently in various religions and denominations of those religions. Someone who repeatedly remarries is referred to as a serial wedder.
Common-law relationships in Manitoba are government-sanctioned relationships available to both same-sex and different-sex unmarried couples in the Canadian province of Manitoba. While not as extensive as the rights and benefits of marriage, these relationships provide some important benefits to unmarried couples. Registration is voluntary; many of the laws apply automatically to any couple in the province after living together for several years.
Marriage in the United States is a legal, social, and religious institution. The marriage age is set by each state and territory, either by statute or the common law applies. An individual may marry without parental consent or other authorization on reaching 18 years of age in all states except in Nebraska and Mississippi In Puerto Rico the general marriage age is also 21. In all these jurisdictions, these are also the ages of majority. In Alabama, however, the age of majority is 19, while the general marriage age is 18. Most states also set a lower age at which underage persons are able to marry with parental or judicial consent. Marriages where one partner is less than 18 years of age are commonly referred to as child or underage marriages.
Cohabitation in the United States is loosely defined as two or more people, in an intimate relationship, who live together and share a common domestic life but are neither joined by marriage nor a civil union.
Cohabitation in India is legal. It is prevalent mostly among the people living in metro cities in India.
The term singleton describes those who live in a single-person household, especially those who prefer the lifestyle of living alone. It was popularized by the Bridget Jones novels and films, but it is also used in sociology.
Fertility factors are determinants of the number of children that an individual is likely to have. Fertility factors are mostly positive or negative correlations without certain causations.
Philip N. Cohen is an American sociologist. He is a Professor of Sociology at the University of Maryland, College Park, and director of SocArXiv, an open archive of the social sciences.
Marriage and health are closely related. Married people experience lower morbidity and mortality across such diverse health threats as cancer, heart attacks, and surgery. There are gender differences in these effects which may be partially due to men's and women's relative status. Most research on marriage and health has focused on heterosexual couples, and more work is needed to clarify the health effects on same-sex marriage. Simply being married, as well as the quality of one's marriage, has been linked to diverse measures of health. Research has examined the social-cognitive, emotional, behavioral and biological processes involved in these links.
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Michael Paul Johnson is Emeritus Professor of Sociology, Women’s Studies, and African and African American Studies at Penn State, where he taught sociology and women’s studies for over thirty years and was designated an Alumni Teaching Fellow, Penn State’s highest teaching award. He is an internationally recognized expert on domestic violence, invited to speak at conferences and universities throughout the United States and around the world.
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