Jon Bovi is a Bon Jovi opposite band played by Will Forte and Jason Sudeikis. All of their songs consist of popular hits, usually but not always by Bon Jovi, with the lyrics reversed; for example, "Your love is like bad medicine/Bad medicine is what I need," becomes, "Your hate is like good medicine/Good medicine is not what I need."
After debuting in a 2006 sketch with Jaime Pressly, all subsequent Jon Bovi appearances were on Weekend Update.
Jon Bovi audition in the office of record executive Jackie Downs (Pressly), performing take-offs of Bon Jovi's "Wanted: Dead or Alive" ("Unwanted: Alive or Dead") and "Bad Medicine" ("Good Medicine"), Usher's "Yeah" ("No"), and Mötley Crüe's "Girls, Girls, Girls" ("Boys, Boys, Boys"). She signs them to a 50-year recording contract. Over the cover of their album Jon Bovi Does Not Sing The Hits Of Scorpions, we hear Jon Bovi's version of Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane" ("Roll Me Like a Pleasant Day").
A Christmas-themed sketch that was cut from a dress rehearsal was reenacted on the Late Night with Seth Meyers segment "Second-Chance Theater" on February 13, 2019.
Two Gay Guys
Portrayed by Fred Armisen and Bill Hader, the "Two Gay Guys from New Jersey" appear on Weekend Update to comment about current events. They embody many stereotypes of New Jersey residents, similar to the characters of The Sopranos (including dropping hints about Mafia connections and activities). They wear matching track suits and gold medallions. The couple interact with each other like good friends, while sprinkling their conversations with reminders that they are in a homosexual relationship.
As "a same-sex couple from Jersey", the guys comment on the New Jersey Supreme Court ruling that gay couples deserve the same rights as married couples.
As "two gay guys from New Jersey who are in the military," the guys comment on the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy, which President Obama had recently announced he would end.
Andy Samberg plays a terrible, yet acclaimed, white rapper. Each sketch takes place in a recording studio where Blizzard Man is asked to come in and work with a major rap star.
Blizzard Man collaborates with guest star 2 Chainz (as himself)
Aunt Linda
Portrayed by Kristen Wiig, Aunt Linda is Amy Poehler's (fictitious) aunt, who appears on Weekend Update to give almost entirely negative reviews of recent films. But instead of allocating the films a star rating or thumbs up, she reviews each film with her own catchphrases, such as "Whaaat?" or "Oh, brother!" For example, when reviewing Ocean's Thirteen, she gives it "13 Ghaas!" and a "Puhhhleez!"
Her reason for disliking the film is often due to her own misunderstandings, such as when she thought Happy Feet was supposed to be a live action film, or when she thought Ocean's Thirteen was going to be the thirteenth film in the series.
She sometimes ends her appearances by praising a film that you wouldn't expect her to like, such as when she praised Saw III and was asked by Amy Poehler "you went to see Saw?" and Aunt Linda responded, "See it! I liked it so much I kidnapped Tobin Bell and forced him to play a game with me!"
Wiig writes Aunt Linda's appearances with Paula Pell. The character originated when Wiig was performing with the Groundlings, as she described in an interview:
It was a woman who was on the plane who was watching the in-flight movie, which was The Matrix, and she was so confused by it. She didn’t understand anything and she just kept talking to the people, like, "What is going on?" I tried it as a sketch at SNL five times. It went to dress maybe three times, and finally someone was like, "Why don’t you try her at Update?" so that's how she eventually got on the show.[1]
Wiig, in her episode of Inside the Actors Studio, revived the Aunt Linda character in a review of Citizen Kane, which she criticized for its length, lack of color, and twist ending. When asked to name a film she liked, Aunt Linda replied: "Jumanji."[2]
Bronx Beat
Blunt, disgusted Bronx housewives Betty Caruso (Amy Poehler) and Jodi Deitz (Maya Rudolph) host a talk show. In most of this sketch's iterations, the ladies fawn over an attractive male guest.
Whitaker and Kristen Wiig play Joseph Humphries & Cora Reynolds, two doctors promoting a blood drive; Betty and Jodi insist the doctors are in love with each other.
Laurie plays Jeffrey Billings, a butcher who opened a new shop. Betty and Jodi are fascinated by his English accent and insist he say words like "schedule" and "vitamin."
Musical guest Katy Perry plays Maureen DiCicco, a provocatively dressed library volunteer (in reference to recent real-life criticism of Perry for appearing on Sesame Street in a low-cut dress).
There are no guests in the studio, so the show's crew members Lou & Tony (Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake, in a cameo) sit down with Betty and Jodi.
MacGyver (cameo by Richard Dean Anderson) is revealed to be MacGruber's father. Five weeks earlier, MacGruber and MacGyver had appeared together in a series of Super Bowl commercials (promoting Pepsi) that resembled MacGruber sketches.
Danny Hoover, portrayed by Andy Samberg, is a sick child who joins the broadcast hosts of a live sporting event as a guest through an organization such as the Make-A-Wish Foundation. His first play-by-play comment is apt and gets praise from the hosts. He then continues to make that same comment after each successive play, despite it no longer making sense. The hosts get increasingly agitated at his absurd commentary and in their annoyance eventually call into question the severity of his medical condition.
Danny joins an Inside the NBA broadcast with Charles Barkley (himself) and Kevin Harlan (Jason Sudeikis).
The Dakota Fanning Show
Precocious child actress Dakota Fanning (Amy Poehler) hosts her own talk show, which she describes as "the only forum for child actors to discuss cinema, theater, politics, philosophy, and the cultural zeitgeist at large." The highly intellectual Dakota has trouble relating to her guests; for example, while talking to Dylan and Cole Sprouse about their sitcom The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, Dakota says the word "hotel" "invokes images of [the film] Hotel Rwanda, about the Rwandan genocide", prompting Dylan Sprouse to say, "Dakota, you're scaring us." Her references are frequently lost on the show's cheerful bandleader, Reggie Hudson (Kenan Thompson), leading her to make condescending remarks such as "If it isn't in the check-out line at Wal-Mart, Reggie hasn't read it." Dakota herself often professes to be "not familiar" with popular entertainment such as Family Guy, ESPN, or Harry Potter. Kristen Wiig appears as Dakota's mother, whom she addresses as Catherine, despite her mother's requests to call her Mom.
Poehler also played Dakota Fanning in a sketch on the September 29, 2007, episode, where she presented a Kid's Choice Award (while commenting, "It's so weird that they asked me, Dakota Fanning, to present the award for Best TV Show, because I don't even own a TV!").
Page appears as Miley Cyrus. Dakota introduces a new segment, "Kids Speak," where she goes out to ask kids on the street their opinions on issues such as "Did Stalin bring down the Soviet Union? Or was it an experiment doomed to fail?" and "Bonjour tristesse: masterpiece or overrated?"
Song Memories
Four buddies (Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Will Forte and the host) hear a favorite old song playing and sing along to the chorus together, while sharing disturbing memories during the verses. Most sketches end with the group performing a non-sequitur activity (e.g. staging a robbery, accidental gun discharge, Tea Party protest) and a stylized "The End". The final sketch ends with guests Mumford & Sons leading the cast into the audience for a sing-along. Andy Samberg replaced Forte in the "Wild World" sketch featuring Ed Helms and Kenan Thompson replaced him in the "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away" sketch featuring Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Bill Hader plays Vinny Vedecci, the rude, sexist host of an Italian talk show; that week's SNL guest plays themselves as a guest on the show. Vedecci welcomes the guest and begins speaking to them in rapid Italian, prompting the guest to admit they don't speak Italian. Vedecci speaks angrily (in Italian) to his director (Fred Armisen), who is seen at a table offstage eating spaghetti with his silent assistant (Will Forte and later Paul Brittain). Vedecci proceeds to ask the guest weird questions in broken English. He sometimes leads the conversation to another celebrity (who may or may not have anything to do with the guest), and proceeds to interrupt the interview with a brief, perfect imitation of that celebrity. Often, Vedecci's young son (Bobby Moynihan) will run on-stage to ask the guest an incomprehensible question; the guest's flummoxed response leads the boy to begin wailing until his father pacifies him with a cigarette or other adult vice.
Vedecci brings up Peter Falk (for no apparent reason) and does an imitation of Falk as Columbo. He shows a clip of Scrubs dubbed in Italian and turned into a drama. Two puppets appear, and Vedecci encourages Braff to kiss one; when he does, the puppet vomits in Braff's face.
Bon Jovi's home state of New Jersey lead Vedecci and the director to imitate Silvio Dante and Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos. Vedecci shows a clip from a children's cigarette commercial featuring Bon Jovi's song "Blaze of Glory". Bon Jovi mentions that his grandmother spoke Italian, but none of the words Vedecci has used sound familiar.
Vedecci discusses LaBeouf's films—confusing Transformers with transsexuals—and shows a clip from Temple of Doom in which Vedecci has dubbed Italian. He then prompts LaBeouf to say Harrison Ford’s iconic line from Raiders of the Lost Ark: “I hate snakes!” Snakes are supposed to drop from the ceiling, but do not fall until later, during a question about the film Disturbia.[3]
Vedecci comments that Rogen is "very strange-looking," and in Italy is known as the "Bear Man." His Italian films are called "Attack of the Bear Man" (Knocked Up), "Police Bear Man" (Observe and Report), and "Bearman and Miri Make a Porno" (Zack and Miri Make a Porno). Vedecci does an impression of Rogen and then attempts to capture him using a bear trap.[4]
Vedecci refers to David Letterman's recent infidelity scandal, then takes a moment to apologize to the 87 female staffers he's slept with. Barrymore discusses her new film, Whip It, leading Vedecci to harass her into singing the Devo song with him and the director.
De Niro and the director perform De Niro impressions and Vedecci says the director's was better. Vedecci's son wants to act out a scene from a De Niro film, but is too drunk. Vedecci introduces the deer from The Deer Hunter, who he says wants revenge, and De Niro kills the deer only to discover it was a man in costume. Vedecci then tricks De Niro into doing lines from Taxi Driver.[5]
This sketch also appeared in the dress rehearsal for the April 21, 2007, episode, hosted by Scarlett Johansson, but was cut for the live broadcast.
Penelope
Each installment of this sketch takes place at a party or gathering of some sort. Kristen Wiig plays Penelope, a guest at the party who speaks in a shaking, nervous voice, compulsively twirls her curly brown hair around her fingers and is obsessed with one-upping or even two-upping any anecdote that any other guest at the party tells about themselves.
In each sketch, one party guest, usually the episode's host, becomes fed up with Penelope's one-upmanship and begins a tit-for-tat one-upmanship battle with Penelope which becomes increasingly absurd, in the style very reminiscent of the classic Four Yorkshiremen sketch. The first installment of the sketch simply ended with the character played by episode host, Peyton Manning, angrily storming off, leaving Penelope alone, muttering to herself. However, in most subsequent installments, after her one-upmanship rival stormed off in disgust, Penelope would do one of the absurd things she had claimed to be able to do in the one-upmanship battle (such as turning invisible, becoming black and white, or shrinking herself so small that she could use a stalk of celery as a raft), causing the viewer to wonder if, in fact, all of her statements were true.
Thanksgiving charity meal event. At the end, Penelope shrinks to miniature size and relaxes on a piece of celery in a pot of soup.
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