The Rules

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The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
The rules.jpg
The Rules book cover
AuthorAvanana
Cover artistDiane Luger
LanguageEnglish
SubjectRelationships, Dating
GenreSelf-help
Publisher Grand Central Publishing,
(Warner Books)
Publication date
February 14, 1995
Publication placeUnited States
Media typePrint
Pages192
ISBN 0-446-51813-1
OCLC 30915354
646.7/7-20
LC Class HQ801. F44 1995
Followed byThe Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By 

The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a self-help book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, originally published in 1995. [1] [2]

Contents

The book suggests rules that a woman should follow in order to attract and marry the man of her dreams; these rules include that a woman should be "easy to be with but hard to get". [3] The underlying philosophy of The Rules is that women should not aggressively pursue men, but rather, should encourage the men to pursue them. A woman who follows The Rules is called a Rules Girl. [2]

Reaction

The book generated much discussion upon its release. Some audiences considered it useful and motivational, while others felt that it was outdated, [3] anti-men and antifeminist, [4] or a how-to guide that teaches women to play games that toy with men. [5] Psychology lecturer and therapist Meg-John Barker claims that the emergence of seduction communities happened "almost as a direct response to this hard-to-get femininity". [6] Others noted that Fein was an accountant and Schneider a freelance journalist without professional qualification in the subject matter. Fein married and divorced and has recently remarried. Schneider has been married for over 21 years. The authors admitted they were not professionals in an appearance on NBC's The Today Show .[ citation needed ]

They have countered the criticism regarding their credentials by citing the results of actually following The Rules, [7] though there is no body of evidence to support this.[ citation needed ]

Subsequent books

The book was followed by The Rules II, The Rules for Marriage, The Rules for Online Dating, and All the Rules. In The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By, published in 1997, Fein and Schneider proclaim, "If he doesn't call, he's not that interested. Period!" (p. 60). In 2001 the follow-up book The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work was released in the midst of Fein's legal separation from her husband to whom she had been married for sixteen years. [8] Fein commented on her divorce by saying that she had "married the right man" for her at that stage in her life. Her argument was that after having written a best seller and raising two children, she and her husband discovered they were two different people from the young couple that fell in love. Fein married for the second time in 2008; she had followed The Rules to attract her second husband, with the exception that they dated for three years rather than two (as “The Rules II” advises) before becoming engaged. [9]

The 35 Rules

These are the rules as named in the original book.

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References

  1. Fein, Ellen; Schneider, Sherrie (1995). The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right . Warner Books. ISBN   0-446-51813-1.
  2. 1 2 Gerston, Jill (1996-06-07). "So Many Rules, So Little Time". The New York Times . Retrieved 2008-06-08. it will appear as the No.1 paperback on the New York Times best-seller list for advice, how-to, and miscellaneous books
  3. 1 2 Gleick, Elizabeth (1996-09-30). "Playing Hard To Get". Time Magazine . Archived from the original on May 26, 2007. Retrieved 2008-06-08. "This is pretty old-fashioned stuff," says Brown, editor of Cosmopolitan
  4. "The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work.(Review)". Library Journal . 2001-05-15. Retrieved 2008-06-08. When it first came out, critics attacked The Rules (1996) for being anti-feminist
  5. Razer, Helen (2004-01-15). "The Perky Pursuit of Mr Right". The Age . Retrieved 2008-06-08. The Rules is a set of tricks and gimmicks about acting in a false way to attract men
  6. Barker, Meg (2013). Rewriting The Rules. New York: Routledge. p. 77. ISBN   978-0-415-51762-1.
  7. "Playing hard to get is still the best way to get married, 'The Rules' book says - book 'The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right' by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider". Jet . Johnson Publishing. 1996-10-21. Archived from the original on 2008-10-12. Retrieved 2008-06-08.
  8. Witchel, Alex (2001-05-06). "COUNTERINTELLIGENCE; 'Rules' Books Sell Millions, But Mr. Right Takes a Hike". The New York Times . Retrieved 2008-06-08. Though the publisher is moving full speed ahead with a first printing ... Ms. Fein ... has filed for a legal separation from her husband of 16 years
  9. Brady, Lois Smith (August 9, 2008). "Vows: Ellen Fein and Lance Houpt". The New York Times . Retrieved January 22, 2012.