Plot
It is lunchtime in Walmington-on-Sea. Mainwaring, Wilson and Pike are in the British Restaurant, ordering their lunch. Wilson orders toad in the hole, and Mainwaring and Pike order the fish and potato pie, but when they find out that the fish is snoek, they soon change their minds. Walker enters and gives the dinner ladies knicker elastic in exchange for a steak.
As they sit, Jones enters in his old Sudanese uniform, and informs Mainwaring that he is off to the 42nd annual reunion for the veterans of the Battle of Omdurman. He gives Mainwaring and Wilson a gory account of the battle, spreading mothballs everywhere and putting Wilson and Mainwaring off their food. Mainwaring is even further put off when he eats one of the mothballs, which landed in Walker's pickle pot.
That evening, Frazer brings in a new recruit for the platoon, George Clarke, who is very loyal and trustworthy, as he stood Frazer several pints in the bar at The Anchor the previous Thursday. Clarke tells Mainwaring that he joined the army in 1897 and, like Jones, served at the Battle of Omdurman. Wilson and Mainwaring are shocked at the coincidence, especially when Clarke mentions that he was in the Warwickshire Regiment alongside Jones and gives an accurate description of Jones. Mainwaring decides to wait until tomorrow to see if it is the same man.
Jones arrives, tired, the next evening, and Frazer, Pike and Walker follow him into the office, where Godfrey is fitting Clarke with his uniform. Clarke immediately recognises Jones and seems very civil until his tone of voice turns hostile. Mainwaring quickly organises the parade, and Frazer announces his suspicions about their relationship.
Later, Frazer rings someone on the telephone and tells them that after a couple of pints, Clarke told him that he and Jones were captured by the "Fuzzy Wuzzies". He then told Frazer that Jones managed to escape and left Clarke to die. The rumour soon spreads, and Walker is torn between his friendship with Frazer and his friendship with Jones.
Jones, meanwhile, receives malicious letters that contain two and a half white feathers, and saying that he should not have left Clarke in the desert, and that Walmington-on-Sea is "no place for a coward". Jones has had enough and leaves on a mysterious errand. As he leaves, he says to himself "I've got to do something I should have done a long time ago. I've got to do it, it's the only way."
At the next parade, Mainwaring is determined to get to the bottom of the incident. Clarke tells Mainwaring that they were captured and Jones begged for mercy, and after he allegedly left Clarke in the desert, a native rescued him. Clarke remarks the native must have saved his life, even if he did pinch his wallet. Jones creeps into the office and tells the true story of what happened (this is shown as a flashback to Sudan in 1898 where the Dad's Army characters play similar characters in Jones's story).
Jones explains that a few days before the Battle of Omdurman, he and Clarke were part of a patrol sent out by General Kitchener to find out the strength of the Mahdi's army. It was led by Colonel Smythe (Wilson), with a young raw second Lieutenant called Franklin (Pike), who was the Colonel's nephew. There was also Sergeant Ironside (Mainwaring), "a nasty, coarse fellow who kept giving us the rough side of his tongue", and a young merry joking Cockney, Private Green (Walker).
As they travelled through the desert, they met an old fakir (Godfrey), who warned them that when the sun sets, they would all be dead. When Ironside gave him "a mouthful of coarse abuse", the fakir was outraged and said something to them in Arabic. Jones did not understand it at the time, but later he learned "it was a curse upon us all".
Suddenly, a fusillade of shots rang out, and the patrol were quick to respond. They took cover behind a large rocky hill and an enemy cavalry charge began. When Franklin was injured after falling off his horse, Smythe suggested that two men should go for help. Jones volunteered, and Smythe told him to take Private Clarke with him. By morning, their water bottles were empty. They stopped for a rest and were captured by two Dervishes (Frazer and Hodges). Jones was about to attack when Clarke begged for mercy. They pegged him out in the desert and took Jones with them.
When the Dervishes stopped and began to cook a meal, they had an argument and started fighting between each other, giving Jones the chance to free himself. One of the Dervishes ran off, and the other (Hodges) was scared by a burning branch that Jones thrust in his face, and the Dervish begged him, in Arabic, to "put that light out" (which is Hodges' catchphrase in real life). Jones put on his robes and took his horse. By the time he returned, Clarke was unconscious from the heat and thirst. Carrying him on his horse, they met up with a large relief column.
Returning to the present, Jones says that Clarke was sent to a military hospital and he never saw him again. Mainwaring is puzzled as to why Jones did not tell them the truth before. Jones reveals that when he returned to Clarke, he thought he was dead. Whilst searching through Clarke's wallet to send home among his personal effects, Jones found a photograph of the Colonel's wife, meaning that Clarke and she had been having an affair. Jones tells them that he could not have told them this before for fear of slurring the Colonel's name.
Jones reveals he has recently been at Somerset House in London and now knows that the Colonel and his wife are dead, so he could tell all, and burn the letters that she and Clarke sent to each other. Mainwaring is upset that Jones has been treated as a coward and is incensed at Clarke, so he decides to confront him. Upset for their treatment of Jones as well, the platoon is also angry at Clarke. However, Wilson reveals that Clarke went outside. As they go after him, Hodges arrives, and tells them that Clarke has resigned and left by train and will post his uniform back. Jones proceeds to burn the letters with Walker's cigarette lighter, and Hodges screams at him to "put that light out".
"The Man and the Hour" is the first episode of the British television sitcom Dad's Army. It was written by Jimmy Perry and David Croft, and was first broadcast on 31 July 1968. It was later adapted for radio.
"The Deadly Attachment" is the first episode of the sixth series of the British television sitcom Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Wednesday, October 31, 1973. It is arguably one of the best-known episodes of the series because of the comic aspects of a rare encounter between the platoon and the Germans. A scene in which a German officer demands to know Private Pike's name, and Captain Mainwaring says, "Don't tell him, Pike!" has been judged as one of the top three greatest comedy moments of British television.
"Battle of the Giants!" is the first special Christmas episode of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 27 December 1971. The episode was recorded 19 October 1971.
"Menace from the Deep" is the tenth episode of the third series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Thursday 13 November 1969.
"Man Hunt" is the twelfth episode of the third series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Thursday 27 November 1969.
"The Big Parade" is the first episode of the fourth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Friday 25 September 1970.
"Don't Forget the Diver" is the second episode of the fourth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 2 October 1970.
"Sgt – Save My Boy!" is the fourth episode of the fourth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Friday 16 October 1970.
"Mum's Army" is the ninth episode of the fourth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Friday 20 November 1970.
"A Soldier's Farewell" is the third episode of the fifth series of the British television sitcom Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 20 October 1972.
"Asleep in the Deep" is the first episode of the fifth series of the British television sitcom Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 6 October 1972. The title may have come from the song, Asleep in the Deep that is referenced by Private Walker in the episode.
"Keep Young and Beautiful" is the second episode of the fifth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 13 October 1972.
"If the Cap Fits..." is the sixth episode of the fifth series of the British television sitcom Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 10 November 1972.
"The Honourable Man" is the fifth episode of the sixth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 28 November 1973.
"Getting the Bird" is the fourth episode of the fifth series of the British television situation comedy Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 27 October 1972.
Dad's Army is a 1971 British war comedy film and the first film adaptation of the BBC television sitcom Dad's Army (1968–1977). Directed by Norman Cohen, it was filmed between series three and four and was based upon material from the early episodes of the television series. The film tells the story of the Home Guard platoon's formation and their subsequent endeavours at a training exercise. The film version of the television series comprises the following cast members: Arthur Lowe, John Le Mesurier, Clive Dunn, John Laurie, Arnold Ridley, Ian Lavender and James Beck.
"Round and Round Went the Great Big Wheel" is the twelfth episode of the fifth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army that was originally transmitted on 22 December 1972.
"Wake Up Walmington" is the first episode of the ninth and final series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on 2 October 1977.
"Cornish Floral Dance" is the third Christmas Night with the Stars sketch from the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Christmas Day 1970, and again for the Royal Variety Performance of 1975. The latter still exists. The first version does not, although extracts and the soundtrack survive. It was recorded on 4 December 1970.
"Present Arms" is the first episode of the second BBC Radio 4 series of the British television sitcom Dad's Army. It was originally broadcast on 24 December 1974, as a Christmas Special. "Present Arms" was compiled for radio from two television episodes, "Battle of the Giants!" and "Shooting Pains", and ran for a duration of 60 minutes, twice the length of a normal radio episode.
