Jewish Community Memory Garden

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The Memory Garden is the first Jewish sacred space in the United States dedicated to expressing grief over infertility, pregnancy loss due to miscarriage or abortion, or stillbirth or death of a newborn. [1] Judaism has a complex definition of the beginning of life, and does not have a traditional ritual for mourning fetuses or newborns prior to the age of thirty days. [2] [3] [4] [5] The Memory Garden builds on existing traditions, following halakah (Jewish law), and acknowledges the need of expectant parents and other family members across all streams of Jewish practice to recognize the emotional toll these losses take. [1]

Contents

The Jewish Community Memory Garden is located in Colma, California, USA on the grounds of the Sinai Memorial Chapel Jewish funeral home's Eternal Home Cemetery, one of the few Jewish cemeteries serving the city of San Francisco and the nearby San Francisco Peninsula. [1] The Memory Garden was founded by Abby Porth and Debbie Findling, two Jewish women who experienced fertility losses. [6] [7]

Start of life and bereavement practices

Jewish tradition encompasses many textual debates about when life begins, but rabbinic tradition suggests that a fetus is part of the mother's body, rather than an independent life. [8] [9] The baby must draw breath on its own after birth to be considered an independent life. [10] Furthermore, Talmud indicates a newborn is not considered to have been born at full term, and subject to traditional burial and mourning practices, until it has survived for thirty days. [3] [5] [2] [4] [11] This is likely due to the thousands of years of high rates of miscarriage and infant mortality. [4] [12] [13] Commentator Rashi wrote that a stillborn child does not have a soul and Maimonides stated that ritual mourning is not performed for stillborn infants. [1] [14] Thus, many Jewish traditions dictate that mourning rituals such as sitting shiva, holding a public burial, and recognizing the yahrzeit (anniversary of a death) do not apply to a fetus or to a baby less than thirty days old. [4] [5]

Development

Abigail Porth and Debbie Findling began discussing the idea for the Memory Garden in 2009. [7] [15] Porth experienced a miscarriage and found that there were no practices within the Jewish community to help her mourn and recover. [7] She reached out to Findling, who had also experienced the stillborn birth of her first child and multiple subsequent miscarriages, with the idea of creating a space similar to the AIDS Memorial Grove. [7] They felt there was a strong community need for an externalized, visible space to mourn infertility or loss of a child through miscarriage, abortion, stillbirth, or infant mortality in the first month after birth. [15]

They also hoped to create educational and support materials for the larger Jewish community. When delivering her stillborn child, Findling had experienced a nurse saying an uninvited Christian prayer over Findling's baby; upon filing a complaint with the hospital, she was told that the Jewish community had not provided the hospital with guidelines for supporting Jewish parents experiencing fertility loss. [16] [1] Based on Findling's experiences, Porth and Findling also planned outreach trainings for therapists, preschools, social and medical care providers for supporting individuals experiencing infertility and fertility loss. [1] [7] [16] [17]

The two women began working with Bay Area Jewish Healing Center and some others who worked professionally with fertility and pregnancy loss in the Jewish community of the San Francisco Bay Area. [15] [6] [13] Together, they approached a local Jewish cemetery, Sinai Memorial Chapel. They hoped to purchase some land at the cemetery for their project. [15] The Board of the funeral home instead voted unanimously to cemetery provide the space for the garden at no cost. [15] [7]

The organizers ran focus groups, both of people who had personally experienced losses and of rabbis from different streams of observance. [7] [6] Spiritual leaders from many denominations of Judaism signed on to bring the project to fruition, including rabbis from the Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox movements. [7]

The $1.2 million project was supported by donors from across the Jewish community. [1] The Jewish Community Federation of San Francisco oversaw a fund to which the Jewish community could donate in support of the project, and the Taube Foundation for Jewish Life & Culture provided two matching grants. [7] [17]

While Porth and Findling originally aimed to be completed in 2016, [7] the project was stalled by some legal matters including right-of-way for the Bay Area Rapid Transit subway system and the need to move some electrical utility infrastructure. [6] Then, the COVID-19 pandemic delayed its official opening. [1] The Memory Garden was dedicated November 13, 2022, with participation from across the local Jewish community, including speeches from rabbis representing the Orthodox and Reform movements. [6]

Design

The Memory Garden inhabits an open space adjoining the children's section of the cemetery. [15] In order to align with halakhah and traditional practice, the garden is a place of commemoration, but does not hold any graves or markers. [15] Designed by San Francisco landscape architecture firm MPA Design, [6] the space is surrounded by a grove of redwood trees, and features plants native to California. [1] In the center is a circular path around a ring of flowing water, 55 feet in diameter, [7] that is lined with stones. Within the water feature is a round grassy area. [1] The outer edge of the circle is engraved with the months of the year in both English and Hebrew. [6] [7] [12] [1] This circular center space symbolizes a womb and recalls the cyclical nature of Jewish tradition. [6] The water feature is lined with loose stones which visitors can remove and place on any month of the year that they wish to commemorate, analogous to the Jewish tradition of leaving visitation stones on grave markers to demonstrate mourning and bereavement. [6] [1]

Programs in the community

Beyond the physical Memory Garden itself, the Bay Area Healing Center and Jewish Family and Children's Services of San Francisco, the Peninsula, Marin & Sonoma Counties have developed a range of services and educational materials related to infertility and fertility loss. [17] [18] [15]

Related Research Articles

Calendar-based methods are various methods of estimating a woman's likelihood of fertility, based on a record of the length of previous menstrual cycles. Various methods are known as the Knaus–Ogino method and the rhythm method. The standard days method is also considered a calendar-based method, because when using it, a woman tracks the days of her menstrual cycle without observing her physical fertility signs. The standard days method is based on a fixed formula taking into consideration the timing of ovulation, the functional life of the sperm and the ovum, and the resulting likelihood of pregnancy on particular days of the menstrual cycle. These methods may be used to achieve pregnancy by timing unprotected intercourse for days identified as fertile, or to avoid pregnancy by avoiding unprotected intercourse during fertile days.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">In vitro fertilisation</span> Assisted reproductive technology procedure

In vitro fertilisation (IVF) is a process of fertilisation where an egg is combined with sperm in vitro. The process involves monitoring and stimulating a woman's ovulatory process, removing an ovum or ova from their ovaries and letting a man's sperm fertilise them in a culture medium in a laboratory. After the fertilised egg (zygote) undergoes embryo culture for 2–6 days, it is transferred by catheter into the uterus, with the intention of establishing a successful pregnancy.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Miscarriage</span> Natural death and expulsion of an embryo or fetus before its independent survival

Miscarriage, also known in medical terms as a spontaneous abortion, is the death and expulsion of an embryo or fetus before it can survive independently. The term miscarriage is sometimes used to refer to all forms of pregnancy loss and pregnancy with abortive outcomes before 20 weeks of gestation.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Stillbirth</span> Death of a fetus before or during delivery, resulting in delivery of a dead baby

Stillbirth is typically defined as fetal death at or after 20 or 28 weeks of pregnancy, depending on the source. It results in a baby born without signs of life. A stillbirth can often result in the feeling of guilt or grief in the mother. The term is in contrast to miscarriage, which is an early pregnancy loss, and sudden infant death syndrome, where the baby dies a short time after being born alive.

Recurrent miscarriage or recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) is the spontaneous loss of 2-3 pregnancies that is estimated to affect up to 5% of women. The exact number of pregnancy losses and gestational weeks used to define RPL differs among medical societies. In the majority of cases, the exact cause of pregnancy loss is unexplained despite genetic testing and a thorough evaluation. When a cause for RPL is identified, almost half are attributed to a chromosomal abnormality. RPL has been associated with several risk factors including parental and genetic factors, congenital and acquired anatomical conditions, lifestyle factors, endocrine disorders, thrombophila, immunological factors, and infections. The American Society of Reproductive Medicine recommends a thorough evaluation after 2 consecutive pregnancy losses, however, this can differ from recommendations by other medical societies. RPL evaluation be evaluated by numerous tests and imaging studies depending on the risk factors. These range from cytogenetic studies, blood tests for clotting disorders, hormone levels, diabetes screening, thyroid function tests, sperm analysis, antibody testing, and imaging studies. Treatment is typically tailored to the relevant risk factors and test findings. RPL can have a significant impact on the psychological well-being of couples and has been associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety, and stress. Therefore, it is recommended that appropriate screening and management be considered by medical providers.  

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Asherman's syndrome</span> Medical condition

Asherman's syndrome (AS) is an acquired uterine condition that occurs when scar tissue (adhesions) forms inside the uterus and/or the cervix. It is characterized by variable scarring inside the uterine cavity, where in many cases the front and back walls of the uterus stick to one another. AS can be the cause of menstrual disturbances, infertility, and placental abnormalities. Although the first case of intrauterine adhesion was published in 1894 by Heinrich Fritsch, it was only after 54 years that a full description of Asherman syndrome was carried out by Joseph Asherman. A number of other terms have been used to describe the condition and related conditions including: uterine/cervical atresia, traumatic uterine atrophy, sclerotic endometrium, and endometrial sclerosis.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Female infertility</span> Diminished or absent ability of a female to achieve conception

Female infertility refers to infertility in women. It affects an estimated 48 million women, with the highest prevalence of infertility affecting women in South Asia, Sub-Saharan Africa, North Africa/Middle East, and Central/Eastern Europe and Central Asia. Infertility is caused by many sources, including nutrition, diseases, and other malformations of the uterus. Infertility affects women from around the world, and the cultural and social stigma surrounding it varies.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Hydrosalpinx</span> Medical condition

A hydrosalpinx is a condition that occurs when a fallopian tube is blocked and fills with serous or clear fluid near the ovary. The blocked tube may become substantially distended giving the tube a characteristic sausage-like or retort-like shape. The condition is often bilateral and the affected tubes may reach several centimeters in diameter. The blocked tubes cause infertility. A fallopian tube filled with blood is a hematosalpinx, and with pus a pyosalpinx.

Health is the state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and a positive concept emphasizing social and personal resources, as well as physical capacities. This article lists major topics related to personal health.

<i>Mizuko kuyō</i> Japanese ceremony for those who have had a miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion

Mizuko kuyō (水子供養) meaning "water child memorial service", is a Japanese Buddhist ceremony for those who have had a miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion. It is also practiced in Thailand and China. This practice has become particularly visible since the 1970s with the creation of shrines devoted solely to this ritual. Reasons for the performance of these rites can include parental grief, desire to comfort the soul of the fetus, guilt for an abortion, or even fear of retribution from a vengeful ghost.

In Judaism, views on abortion draw primarily upon the legal and ethical teachings of the Hebrew Bible, the Talmud, the case-by-case decisions of responsa, and other rabbinic literature. While all major Jewish religious movements allow or encourage abortion in order to save the life of a pregnant woman, authorities differ on when and whether it is permitted in other cases.

Infertility in polycystic ovary disease (PCOS) is a hormonal imbalance in women that is thought to be one of the leading causes of female infertility. Polycystic ovary syndrome causes more than 75% of cases of anovulatory infertility.

Nina Beth Cardin is a rabbi, author, and environmental activist. In 1978, she founded the Jewish Women’s Resource Center.

The Mariposa Trust is a charity in the United Kingdom founded by Zoë Clark-Coates, to support people who have suffered baby loss, in pregnancy, at birth or in infancy. It holds public Services of Remembrance, of any or no religious faith, across the UK to acknowledge the loss of a baby by their families, and by arranging specialist support divisions to help people with their associated grief and trauma. It is one of the organizations that supports baby loss awareness week.

Childbirth in Ghana is often seen as a joyous occasion in Ghanaian society, as children represent wealth, status, and the continuation of a lineage. Pregnant women are often given special privileges and are considered to be beautiful, fragile, and vulnerable to evil spirits. Therefore, women may seek guidance from a religious or spiritual diviner to protect their fetus or to increase their chances of conceiving. For example, the Akan may carry akuaba dolls, a fertility symbol, during pregnancy to ensure that they will birth a healthy and beautiful baby that resembles the doll's exaggerated features.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Miscarriage and grief</span>

Miscarriage and grief are both an event and subsequent process of grieving that develops in response to a miscarriage. Almost all those experiencing a miscarriage experience grief. This event is often considered to be identical to the death of a child and has been described as traumatic. "Devastation" is another descriptor of miscarriage. Grief is a profound, intensely personal sadness stemming from irreplaceable loss, often associated with sorrow, heartache, anguish, and heartbreak. Sadness is an emotion along with grief, on the other hand, is a response to the loss of the bond or affection was formed and is a process rather than one single emotional response. Grief is not equivalent to depression. Grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, and philosophical dimensions. Bereavement and mourning refer to the ongoing state of loss, and grief is the reaction to that loss. Emotional responses may be bitterness, anxiety, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust and blaming others; these responses may persist for months. Self-esteem can be diminished as another response to miscarriage. Not only does miscarriage tend to be a traumatic event, women describe their treatment afterwards to be worse than the miscarriage itself.

Mental disorders can be a consequence of miscarriage or early pregnancy loss. Even though women can develop long-term psychiatric symptoms after a miscarriage, acknowledging the potential of mental illness is not usually considered. A mental illness can develop in women who have experienced one or more miscarriages after the event or even years later. Some data suggest that men and women can be affected up to 15 years after the loss. Though recognized as a public health problem, studies investigating the mental health status of women following miscarriage are still lacking. Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can develop in women who have experienced a miscarriage. Risks for developing PTSD after miscarriage include emotional pain, expressions of emotion, and low levels of social support. Even if relatively low levels of stress occur after the miscarriage, symptoms of PTSD including flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, dissociation and hyperarousal can later develop. Clinical depression also is associated with miscarriage. Past responses by clinicians have been to prescribe sedatives.

Embryo loss is the death of an embryo at any stage of its development which in humans, is between the second through eighth week after fertilization. Failed development of an embryo often results in the disintegration and assimilation of its tissue in the uterus, known as embryo resorption. Loss during the stages of prenatal development after organogenesis of the fetus generally results in the similar process of fetal resorption or miscarriage. Embryo loss often happens without an awareness of pregnancy, and an estimated 40 to 60% of all embryos do not survive.

Reproductive loss, sometimes reproductive grief, describes a potential emotional response to unsuccessful attempts at human reproduction or family-building. These experienced losses may include involuntary childlessness generally, pregnancy loss from all causes, perinatal death, stillbirth, infecundity and infertility from all causes, failed attempts to conceive, failed fertility treatments, failed gestational surrogacy procedures, and losses related to all dimensions of the adoption process. Responses to miscarriage, stillbirth, selective reduction and neonatal death are a subtype of reproductive loss called perinatal bereavement.

Infertility and childlessness stigmas are social and cultural codes that identify the inability to have children as a disgraceful state of being. Broadly speaking, in many cultures, "Demonstrating fertility is necessary to be considered a full adult, a real man or woman, and to leave a legacy after death," and thus the failure to make this demonstration is penalized. Both male infertility and female infertility can be stigmatized, however, in many traditional cultures, women are held responsible for child-rearing and thus for pregnancy or the lack thereof. Infertility and childlessness stigmas are related to disability or physical-deformity stigmas and violation-of-group-norm stigmas. Infertility is a "deeply intimate matter, often deemed as taboo to discuss publicly."

No one wants to tell their mother-in-law.

References

  1. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 "A Jewish Way to Remember". Tablet Magazine. 2020-07-22. Retrieved 2022-12-18.
  2. 1 2 Lamm, M. (2000). The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning. United Kingdom: Jonathan David Publishers.
  3. 1 2 Rosner, F. (2001). Biomedical ethics and Jewish law. United States: KTAV Publishing House.
  4. 1 2 3 4 Shurpin, Yehuda. "Why Are Stillborns' Graves Unmarked?". Chabad. Retrieved 2022-12-22.
  5. 1 2 3 Lieber, Chavie (2013-03-05). "When a Jewish infant dies". Jewish Telegraphic Agency. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  6. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Mirsky, Maya (2022-11-15). "Memory Garden is first Jewish place in U.S. to mourn pregnancy loss". J. Retrieved 2022-12-18.
  7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Zimmer, Jessica (2016-05-21). "Memory Garden to Provide a Place to Mourn Infertility and Fertility Loss". Potrero View. Retrieved 2022-12-18.
  8. ↑ Mikva, Rachel (7 September 2021). "When does life begin? There's more than one religious view". The Conversation. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  9. ↑ Schenker, Joseph G. (June 2008). "The beginning of human life". Journal of Assisted Reproduction and Genetics. 25 (6): 271–276. doi:10.1007/s10815-008-9221-6. ISSN   1058-0468. PMC   2582082 . PMID   18551364.
  10. ↑ National Council of Jewish Women. "Judaism and Abortion" (PDF). National Council of Jewish Women. Retrieved 2022-12-22.
  11. ↑ Wolfson, R. (2005). A Time to Mourn, a Time to Comfort: A Guide to Jewish Bereavement. United States: Jewish Lights Pub. p. 35-36.
  12. 1 2 "San Francisco Memory Garden". Hasidah. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  13. 1 2 "How Jewish Rituals Helped Me Mourn My Miscarriage". The Forward. 2019-10-25. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  14. ↑ "Mishneh Torah, Mourning 1:9". www.sefaria.org. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  15. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Silvers, Emma (2012-11-09). "Memory Garden: Soon, a place for mourning parents to reflect and meditate". J. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  16. 1 2 "Debbie Findling and Abby Porth—JFCS' Healing Services and the World's First Memory Garden". JFCS. 2019-04-01. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  17. 1 2 3 Taube, Tad (2019-04-23). "Memory Garden will be a place of healing for grieving parents". J. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  18. ↑ "Memory Garden Services for Pregnancy and Infant Loss". JFCS. 2019-02-28. Retrieved 2022-12-23.

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