Narcissistic injury

Last updated

In psychology, narcissistic injury, also known as narcissistic wound or wounded ego, is emotional trauma that overwhelms an individual's defense mechanisms and devastates their pride and self-worth. In some cases, the shame or disgrace is so significant that the individual can never again truly feel good about who they are. This is sometimes referred to as a "narcissistic scar". [1] [2] [3]

Contents

Freud maintained that "losses in love" and "losses associated with failure" often leave behind injury to an individual's self-regard. [2]

Treatment

Adam Phillips has argued that, contrary to what common sense might expect, therapeutic cure involves the patient being encouraged to re-experience "a terrible narcissistic wound" – the child's experience of exclusion by the parental alliance – in order to come to terms with, and learn again, the diminishing loss of omnipotence entailed by the basic "facts of life". [4] [5]

Signals of narcissistic injury

A narcissistic injury will oftentimes not be noticeable by the subject at first sight. Narcissistic injuries, or narcissistic wounds, are likely a result of criticism, loss, or even a sense of abandonment. Those diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder will come off as excessively defensive and attacking when facing any sort of criticism. [6] While the average person would likely react by expressing vulnerability, a person dealing with a narcissistic wound will do the opposite, causing them to come off as narcissistic, despite feeling hurt inside. The reaction of a narcissistic injury is a cover-up for the real feelings of one who faces these problems. [7]

To others, a narcissistic injury may seem as if the person is gaslighting or turning the issue back onto the other person. A person may come off as manipulative and aggressive because they refuse to accept anything they are told that they do not want to hear. It is important for those dealing with narcissistic wounds to make it clear to those whom they attack with their words that this is indeed a disorder, rather than an act of insult towards another person. [8]

Children who are taught that failure leads to less love and affection are more likely to become obsessed with perfection and are more likely to develop narcissistic personality disorder. [9] The importance of self-love and unconditional love when raising children can help show them that their feelings are valid, no matter the situation, and regardless of how well or poorly they perform. [10]

Sigmund Freud's concept of what in his last book he called "early injuries to the self (injuries to narcissism)" [11] was subsequently extended by a wide variety of psychoanalysts. Karl Abraham saw the key to adult depression in the childhood experience of a blow to narcissism through the loss of narcissistic supply. [12] Otto Fenichel confirmed the importance of narcissistic injury in depressives [13] and expanded such analyses to include borderline personalities. [14]

Edmund Bergler emphasized the importance of infantile omnipotence in narcissism, [15] and the rage that follows any blow to that sense of narcissistic omnipotence; [16] Annie Reich stressed how a feeling of shame-fueled rage, when a blow to narcissism exposed the gap between one's ego ideal and reality; [17] while Jacques Lacan linked Freud on the narcissistic wound to Lacan on the narcissistic mirror stage. [18]

Finally, object relations theory highlights rage against early environmental failures that left patients feeling bad about themselves when childhood omnipotence was too abruptly challenged. [19]

  1. Becoming defensive. When a narcissist's feelings are hurt, they are likely to react with hostility and tend to hold grudges. This is due to having a poor understanding of the emotional responses towards others. They lack empathy when hurting others' feelings due to their thought processing. They do not like confrontation. It is their high ego that needs to be fulfilled but deep down the cause of it is due to insecurities within themselves. When a narcissist's wants are challenged, they can act out through anger. This can stem from experiences of abuse, so they project their internalized trauma onto others. [20]
  2. Narcissists lack self confidence, which projects on to relationships. Jealousy roots in neurotic insecurity. Examples of possessiveness include jealousy of a person's attention being taken away by another, and thoughts of worry that someone will take one's partner away. Their high sense of possessiveness root from a high degree of jealousy. Their possessiveness may lead them to be abusive towards their partners and friends, as well. [21]
  3. Withdrawal can trigger an emotional reaction when a narcissist experiences a major setback. This collapse competes against the external validation they think they are entitled to and in return causes them emotional pain that they express as rage. A setback causes them to feel intensely frustrated. [22]
  4. Extreme mood swings. Rages of outburst or silence are commonly seen in people with narcissistic personality disorder. Some experiences that can affect this are threats to their self-esteem or when they are not given the attention or wants they think they deserve. Mood swings may be triggered when a narcissist's perception is confronted with contrary beliefs and so may respond with anger. [23]
  5. Feelings of power imbalance. Narcissists tend to suffer from strong feelings of inferiority and so have a hard time convincing themselves that they have achieved enough. A narcissist only demands what they want without concern for the other. In a relationship, the partner of the narcissist may experience gaslighting, ghosting, and manipulation. [24] [25]

Perfectionism

Narcissists are often pseudo-perfectionists and create situations in which they are the center of attention. The narcissist's attempts at being seen as perfect are necessary for their grandiose self-image. If a perceived state of perfection is not reached, it can lead to guilt, shame, anger or anxiety because the subject believes that they will lose the admiration and love of other people if they are imperfect. [26]

Because some children are raised to believe that love is conditional, obsession with being perfect becomes routine for them. As a result, when failing in any aspect of life, the child will feel as if they are no longer accepted, causing a narcissistic injury.

Examples of reasons why children would show narcissistic injury due to perfectionism include failing exams, losing in competitions, being denied acceptance, disagreement in conversation with others, and constructive criticism. [27]

Behind such perfectionism, self psychology would see earlier traumatic injuries to the grandiose self. [28]

Research findings indicate that grandiose narcissists uphold a version of perfection, expect unreasonable things from others, and work toward unrealistic ambitions. The findings also imply that vulnerable narcissists intentionally foster an idea of infallibility while concealing flaws in order to appease others' perceived demands. [29]

Criticism

Wide dissemination of psychiatrist Heinz Kohut's concepts[ which? ] may at times have led to their trivialization. Neville Symington points out that "You will often hear people say, 'Oh, I'm very narcissistic,' or, 'It was a wound to my narcissism.' Such comments are not a true recognition of the condition; they are throw-away lines. To really recognize narcissism in oneself is profoundly distressing and often associated with denial." [30]

See also

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Narcissistic personality disorder</span> Personality disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental disorder characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a diminished ability to empathize with other people's feelings. Narcissistic personality disorder is one of the sub-types of the broader category known as personality disorders. It is often comorbid with other mental disorders and associated with significant functional impairment and psychosocial disability.

Projection is a psychological phenomenon where feelings directed towards the self are displaced towards other people.

In psychoanalysis, egosyntonic refers to the behaviors, values, and feelings that are in harmony with or acceptable to the needs and goals of the ego, or consistent with one's ideal self-image. Egodystonic is the opposite, referring to thoughts and behaviors that are conflicting or dissonant with the needs and goals of the ego, or further, in conflict with a person's ideal self-image.

A god complex is an unshakable belief characterized by consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, or infallibility. The person is also highly dogmatic in their views, meaning the person speaks of their personal opinions as though they were unquestionably correct. Someone with a god complex may exhibit no regard for the conventions and demands of society, and may request special consideration or privileges.

In law, an entitlement is a provision made in accordance with a legal framework of a society. Typically, entitlements are based on concepts of principle ("rights") which are themselves based in concepts of social equality or enfranchisement.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Narcissism</span> Personality trait of self-love of a perceived perfect self

Narcissism is a self–centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Ego ideal</span> Freudian concept

In Freudian psychoanalysis, the ego ideal is the inner image of oneself as one wants to become. It consists of "the individual's conscious and unconscious images of what he would like to be, patterned after certain people whom ... he regards as ideal."

Splitting is the failure in a person's thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both perceived positive and negative qualities of something into a cohesive, realistic whole. It is a common defense mechanism wherein the individual tends to think in extremes. This kind of dichotomous interpretation is contrasted by an acknowledgement of certain nuances known as "shades of gray".

Psychoanalytic theory posits that an individual unable to integrate difficult feelings mobilizes specific defenses to overcome these feelings, which the individual perceives to be unbearable. The defense that effects this process is called splitting. Splitting is the tendency to view events or people as either all bad or all good. When viewing people as all good, the individual is said to be using the defense mechanism idealization: a mental mechanism in which the person attributes exaggeratedly positive qualities to the self or others. When viewing people as all bad, the individual employs devaluation: attributing exaggeratedly negative qualities to the self or others.

In psychoanalytic theory, narcissistic supply is a pathological or excessive need for attention or admiration from codependents, or such a need in the orally fixated, that does not take into account the feelings, opinions or preferences of other people.

In psychology, grandiosity is a sense of superiority, uniqueness, or invulnerability that is unrealistic and not based on personal capability. It may be expressed by exaggerated beliefs regarding one's abilities, the belief that few other people have anything in common with oneself, and that one can only be understood by a few, very special people. The personality trait of grandiosity is principally associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but also is a feature in the occurrence and expression of antisocial personality disorder, and the manic and hypomanic episodes of bipolar disorder.

A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Typically, narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and are threatened by their children's growing independence. This results in a pattern of narcissistic attachment, with the parent considering that the child exists solely to fulfill the parent's needs and wishes. A narcissistic parent will often try to control their children with threats and emotional abuse. Narcissistic parenting adversely affects the psychological development of children, affecting their reasoning and their emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes. Personal boundaries are often disregarded with the goal of molding and manipulating the child to satisfy the parent's expectations.

The concept of excessive selfishness has been recognized throughout history. The term "narcissism" is derived from the Greek mythology of Narcissus, but was only coined at the close of the nineteenth century.

Healthy narcissism is a positive sense of self that is in alignment with the greater good. The concept of healthy narcissism was first coined by Paul Federn and gained prominence in the 1970s through the research of Heinz Kohut and Otto Kernberg. It developed slowly out of the psychoanalytic tradition, and became popular in the late twentieth century.

The true self and the false self are a psychological dualism conceptualized by English psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. Winnicott used "true self" to denote a sense of self based on spontaneous authentic experience and a feeling of being alive, having a real self with little to no contradiction. "False self", by contrast, denotes a sense of self created as a defensive façade, which in extreme cases can leave an individual lacking spontaneity and feeling dead and empty behind an inconsistent and incompetent appearance of being real, such as in narcissism.

Narcissistic leadership is a leadership style in which the leader is only interested in themself. Their priority is themselves – at the expense of their people/group members. This leader exhibits the characteristics of a narcissist: arrogance, dominance and hostility. It is a sufficiently common leadership style that it has acquired its own name. Narcissism is most often described as unhealthy and destructive. It has been described as "driven by unyielding arrogance, self-absorption, and a personal egotistic need for power and admiration".

Narcissistic mortification is "the primitive terror of self dissolution, triggered by the sudden exposure of one's sense of a defective self ... it is death by embarrassment". Narcissistic mortification is a term first used by Sigmund Freud in his last book, Moses and Monotheism, with respect to early injuries to the ego/self. The concept has been widely employed in ego psychology and also contributed to the roots of self psychology.

In social psychology, collective narcissism is the tendency to exaggerate the positive image and importance of a group to which one belongs. The group may be defined by ideology, race, political beliefs/stance, religion, sexual orientation, social class, language, nationality, employment status, education level, cultural values, or any other ingroup. While the classic definition of narcissism focuses on the individual, collective narcissism extends this concept to similar excessively high opinions of a person's social group, and suggests that a group can function as a narcissistic entity.

In psychology, narcissistic withdrawal is a stage in narcissism and a narcissistic defense characterized by "turning away from parental figures, and by the fantasy that essential needs can be satisfied by the individual alone". In adulthood, it is more likely to be an ego defense with repressed origins. Individuals feel obliged to withdraw from any relationship that threatens to be more than short-term, avoiding the risk of narcissistic injury, and will instead retreat into a comfort zone. The idea was first described by Melanie Klein in her psychoanalytic research on stages of narcissism in children.

Narcissistic defenses are those processes whereby the idealized aspects of the self are preserved, and its limitations denied. They tend to be rigid and totalistic. They are often driven by feelings of shame and guilt, conscious or unconscious.

References

  1. ↑ "The Narcissistic Wound". Psychology Today . Retrieved 2022-08-10.
  2. 1 2 Freud, Sigmund (1991) [1915]. On Metapsychology. London, England: Penguin UK. p. 291. ISBN   978-0140138016.
  3. ↑ Lavender, Neil J. (January 10, 2014). "The Narcissistic Wound: The first cut is always the deepest". Psychology Today . Retrieved 10 January 2014.
  4. ↑ Phillips, Adam (1998). The Beast in the Nursery. New York City: Vintage. pp. 99–110. ISBN   978-0375700477.
  5. ↑ "The Facts of Life | Issue 84 | Philosophy Now". philosophynow.org. Retrieved 2022-08-10.
  6. ↑ "Narcissistic personality disorder - Symptoms and causes". Mayo Clinic .
  7. ↑ Millon, Theodore; Millon, Carrie M.; Grossman, Seth; Meagher, Sarah; Ramnath, Rowena (2004). Personality Disorders in Modern Life. Hoboken, New Jersey: John Wiley and Sons. ISBN   978-0-471-23734-1.
  8. ↑ "What Is a Narcissistic Injury?". Psych Central. January 26, 2022. Retrieved July 25, 2022.
  9. ↑ Zamostny, Kathy P.; Slyter, Susan L.; Rios, Peggy (October 1993). "Narcissistic Injury and Its Relationship to Early Trauma, Early Resources, and Adjustment to College" (PDF). Journal of Counseling Psychology . Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association. 40 (4): 501–510. doi:10.1037/0022-0167.40.4.501 . Retrieved September 9, 2022.
  10. ↑ Goodwin, Cara (April 27, 2022). "Raising a Child With High Self-Esteem but Not Narcissism". Psychology Today . Retrieved September 9, 2022.
  11. ↑ Freud, Sigmund (1939). Moses and Monotheism . New York: Knopf Doubleday. p. 120. ISBN   978-1578989379.
  12. ↑ Fenichel, Otto (1946). The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis. Abingdon, England: Routledge. p. 404. ISBN   978-1134617647.
  13. ↑ Fenichel, p. 405
  14. ↑ Fenichel, p. 451
  15. ↑ Cooper, Arnold M. (2006). "The Narcissistic-Masochistic Character". In Cooper, Arnold M. (ed.). Contemporary Psychoanalysis in America . Washington DC: American Psychiatric Publishing. p.  116. ISBN   1-58562-232-X.
  16. ↑ Bergler, Edmund (1970). Halliday, Jon; Fuller, Peter (eds.). The Psychology of Gambling. London, England: International Universities Press. pp. 176, 182. ISBN   978-0823655700.
  17. ↑ O'Connell, Mark (2013). John Banville's Narcissistic Fictions. London, England: Palgrave Macmillan. p. 115. ISBN   978-1349348343.
  18. ↑ Murray, Timothy; Smith, Alan K. (1998). Repossessions: Psychoanalysis and the Phantasms of Early Modern Culture. Minneapolis, Minnesota: University of Minnesota Press. p. xiv. ISBN   978-0816629602.
  19. ↑ Casement, Patrick (1996). Further Learning from the Patient. Abingdon, England: Routledge. pp. 86, 131–32. ISBN   978-0415823937.
  20. ↑ "Understanding Narcissistic Injury". Choosing Therapy. Retrieved 2022-08-10.
  21. ↑ Burgemeester, Alexander (August 22, 2020). "Why Do Narcissists Get Jealous? The Narcissist and Jealousy". The Narcissistic Life. Retrieved 2022-08-10.
  22. ↑ Casabianca, Sandra Silva; Coelho, Steph (October 13, 2021). "From Pain to Rage: The Signs of Narcissistic Collapse". Psych Central . Retrieved August 10, 2022.
  23. ↑ "Narcissistic Rage: Triggers, Causes, & How to Respond". Choosing Therapy. Retrieved 2022-08-10.
  24. ↑ "What Is a Superiority Complex?". WebMD . Retrieved August 10, 2022.
  25. ↑ Gaba, Sherry (June 21, 2021). "The Effects of Narcissistic Supply in a Toxic Relationship". Psychology Today . Retrieved August 10, 2022.
  26. ↑ Sorotzkin, Benzion (April 18, 2006). "The Quest for Perfection: Avoiding Guilt or avoiding shame?". Psychology Today . New York City: Sussex Publishers. Archived from the original on March 9, 2008.
  27. ↑ "What Is a Narcissistic Injury?". Psych Central. 2022-01-26. Retrieved 2022-07-25.
  28. ↑ Arnold M. Cooper, "Introduction" in Arnold M. Cooper ed., Contemporary Psychoanalysis in America (2006) p. xxxiv
  29. ↑ Smith, Martin M.; Sherry, Simon B.; Chen, Samantha; Saklofske, Donald H.; Flett, Gordon L.; Hewitt, Paul L. (2016-10-01). "Perfectionism and narcissism: A meta-analytic review" (PDF). Journal of Research in Personality. 64: 90–101. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2016.07.012. ISSN   0092-6566.
  30. ↑ Symington, Neville (1993). Narcissism: A New Theory. Abingdon, England: Routledge. p. 10. ISBN   978-1855750470.

Further reading

This page is based on this Wikipedia article
Text is available under the CC BY-SA 4.0 license; additional terms may apply.
Images, videos and audio are available under their respective licenses.