Gray rape

Last updated

Gray rape, also spelled as grey rape, is a colloquial description of sexual intercourse for which consent is dubious, ambiguous or inadequately established and does not meet the legal definition of rape. [1] [2] [3] The term was popularized by Laura Sessions Stepp in her viral 2007 Cosmopolitan article "A New Kind of Date Rape", [4] which says gray rape is "somewhere between consent and denial and is even more confusing than date rape because often both parties are unsure of who wanted what". [5] The term "gray rape" has been criticized. Lisa Jervis, founder of Bitch magazine, argued that gray rape and date rape "are the same thing" and that the popularization of the gray rape concept constituted a backlash against women's sexual empowerment and risked rolling back the gains women had made in having rape taken seriously. [6]

Contents

Former chief of sex crimes for the Manhattan district attorney's office, Linda Fairstein, states that while "in the criminal justice system there's no such thing as gray rape, [it] is not a new term and not a new experience. For journalists, it may be, but for those of us who had worked in advocacy or law enforcement, this description of something being in a gray area has been around all the time." [2] ConsentEd, a Canadian nonprofit sexual education foundation, dismisses the idea of gray rape, stating that in rape, perpetrators know exactly what they are doing; rape is not an accident. [7]

Terminology

The concept was mentioned in Katie Roiphe's 1994 book The Morning After: Sex, Fear and Feminism on Campus [2] where she writes, "there is a gray area in which one person's rape may be another's bad night." [8] Roiphe "...argued that college campus feminists' activism against rape infantilized women by redefining ambiguously coercive sexual encounters as rape"; she claims that "...contemporary feminists' widening of the definition of rape is a puritanical infantilization of women in the guise of progressive politics." [9]

According to HuffPost writer Emma Gray, "gray sex" can be defined as "sex that feels violating even when it's not criminal"; Rachel Thompson states that "while these "experiences might not technically fall under a legal definition of sexual assault", we "...use the term "grey area" because we do not currently have the terminology to describe these experiences." [3] Elsie Whittington stated that this "...grey area is 'such a tricky topic' because 'we don't really have a language for talking about it.'" [3]

Katrina Margolis states that there "...is a space that lies between rape and consensual sex that remains unnamed and undiscussed." [10] Margolis states that when a woman has "...been drinking with a guy, and it gets past 2am, there is a certain expectation of sex if you end up together in a bedroom"; or, "after flirting, and inviting a guy home, I didn't exactly want to have sex, but it was easier [to say yes] than saying no, ... easier to just let it happen." [10]

Ashley C. Ford described a female roommate's experience with her boyfriends, which she describes as "just lay there and let them do it", such as "...when you come home and you're drunk, or you're too tired, or you don't feel like it, but he's there and he wants to, so you just...kinda...let him". [3] Ford "identified... the need for "more definitive language" to facilitate nuanced conversations about the "spectrum of harm" inflicted on women physically and psychologically as a result of these experiences." [3]

In a New York Times article entitled "When saying 'yes' is easier than saying 'no'", Jessica Bennett describes the "complex situation" of sexual encounters "...you thought you wanted, or maybe you actually never wanted, but somehow here you are and it's happening and you desperately want out, but you know that at this point exiting the situation would be more difficult than simply lying there and waiting for it to be over. In other words: saying yes when we really mean no", which have been termed "the point of no return", "gray zone sex", "begrudgingly consensual sex", "lukewarm sex", and "bad sex", an expression in which "bad" refers "not to the perceived pleasure of it, but to the way you feel in the aftermath." [11]

The term gray rape was used to describe the 1996 Brown University rape allegation involving students Adam Lack and Sara Klein. According to Lack he had consensual sex with Klein. Klein was apparently unaware the two had sex until days later after Lack asked about the experience. She said she did not remember the incident due to her consumption of alcohol, and five weeks later, filed charges. Lack said she not only gave consent, but was the one initiating and that he was unaware she was intoxicated. The charges were subsequently dropped, but Lack received academic discipline as a result. [2] [12]

Laura Sessions Stepp's Cosmopolitan article, "A New Kind of Date Rape", argued that gray rape is sometimes related to use of drugs and alcohol. [5] [13] Reina Gattuso states that women have sexual "experiences that feel violating yet ambiguous", which "challenge us to think of violence as a spectrum of power and coercion, rather than a simple dichotomy between "good sex" and "rape."" [9] Gattuso states that the "gray zone" "...idea has often functioned as a tactic to minimize or dismiss violence [in couples], and therefore evade accountability, by claiming that sex is inherently a murky, illegible realm." [9]

Feminist magazine Bust defines the expression "gray zone" as "sex that isn't completely consensual, but isn't sexual assault" or as an "unwanted sexual experience." [14] Amanda Sileo states that the "gray zone" was "...constructed by a society engulfed in rape culture and should not exist", because "open communication is missing from so many sexual encounters" and because "women feel too unsafe to speak up". [14] Sileo states that "If you've ever tried to put your finger up a straight guy's ass during sex, you'll know that they actually understand ongoing consent, withdrawal of consent and sexual boundaries very well. They act confused when it's our [women's] bodies." [14] Sileo states that during an encounter, "without the enthusiastic consent of your partner for a new sexual activity [when changing activities], you are no longer participating in consensual sex." [14]

Controversy and debate

The University of Florida stated that a "debate has erupted over a particular kind of encounter, one that may not be viewed as sexual assault but which constitutes something murkier than a bad date." [15]

In 2014, Washington and Lee University expelled a student identified only as John Doe for what was described as "gray rape" after he allegedly raped a woman identified as Jane Doe. According to the claim, Jane met John at a party in February 2014 where the two had sex; she did not ask him to stop at the time, but later regretted it, reportedly after seeing him kiss another woman. In the summer of 2014 while working at a women's clinic that helps sexual assault victims, Jane spoke with staff and later reassessed the encounter as rape. Within 21 days John was expelled from Washington and Lee. [16] [17] John Doe later sued the school. In 2015, Washington and Lee filed to dismiss the lawsuit, but Judge Norman K. Moon denied the motion to dismiss allowing John Doe to continue seeking damages from his expulsion believing that John had been the wrongly accused of sexual misconduct. Washington and Lee University ended up settling out of court with the student. [16] [18]

Some reject the idea of gray rape, saying that it promotes the myth that rape can be an accident. They say that consent is consent, and there is no gray area between consent and lack of consent. [7] [19] In Sara Alcid's 2013 article "Navigating Consent: Debunking the 'Gray Area' Myth", she argues that the "gray area" around sex and consent that "...we have come to know as an inevitable part of sex and consent is a product of our culture's less than healthy or communicative approach to sex"; Alcid states that "women's outfits...are [wrongly] perceived as an invitation for sex or a signal of pre-consent"; "[f]lirting and acting romantically interested in someone is commonly interpreted [incorrectly] as a desire to have sex"; the incorrect belief that dating confers "a permanent state of consenting to sex", and argues that being able to consent while pressured or intoxicated is a myth. [20]

Responses

Susuana Amoah, who founded the I Heart Consent Campaign, has called for more consent education, including on boundaries: "To avoid grey areas, it's important that people of all ages are educated about what sexual consent means and are able to have informed wider discussions about coercion, body language and abuse of power." [3]

Rachel Thompson has called for more "conversations of grey areas", noting the wide-ranging discussion over the short story "Cat Person" in New Yorker, which examined the "realm of bad sex" and the "reality of terrible sex and its emotional impact". [3] Conor Friedersdorf stated that "singling out individuals"—like Aziz Ansari—is not an "effective" way to explore "these thorny, noncriminal, nonworkplace flaws in sexual culture." Friedersdorf stated that it may be better to discuss the fictional portrayals of sex in movies and TV shows. [3]

Kate Margolis states that "[w]e need to get to the point where saying no is much, much easier. We need to make no-guilt-attached sexual refusal the norm" and it "should be easier to say, 'I don't really feel like having sex' without the addition of an adamant push, or a neighbor-alarming yell"; she says discussing these issues could "help men to distinguish between genuine enthusiasm and silent reluctance". [10]

See also

Related Research Articles

Consent occurs when one person voluntarily agrees to the proposal or desires of another. It is a term of common speech, with specific definitions as used in such fields as the law, medicine, research, and sexual relationships. Consent as understood in specific contexts may differ from its everyday meaning. For example, a person with a mental disorder, a low mental age, or under the legal age of sexual consent may willingly engage in a sexual act that still fails to meet the legal threshold for consent as defined by applicable law.

The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex. It covers every aspect of sexual identity including gender expression, orientation, relationship to the body, relationship-style choice, and reproductive rights. Sex-positivity is "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation." It challenges societal taboos and aims to promote healthy and consensual sexual activities. The sex-positive movement also advocates for comprehensive sex education and safe sex as part of its campaign. The movement generally makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference.

Sexual misconduct is misconduct of a sexual nature which exists on a spectrum that may include a broad range of sexual behaviors considered unwelcome. This includes conduct considered inappropriate on an individual or societal basis of morality, sexual harassment and/or criminal sexual assault.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Katie Roiphe</span> American author

Katie Roiphe is an American author and journalist. She is best known as the author of the non-fiction book The Morning After: Sex, Fear, and Feminism on Campus (1993). She is also the author of Last Night in Paradise: Sex and Morals at the Century's End (1997), and the 2007 study of writers and marriage, Uncommon Arrangements. Her 2001 novel Still She Haunts Me is an imagining of the relationship between Charles Dodgson and Alice Liddell, the real-life model for Dodgson's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. She is also known for allegedly planning to name the creator of the Shitty Media Men list in an article for Harper's Magazine.

Sex-positive feminism, also known as pro-sex feminism, sex-radical feminism, or sexually liberal feminism, is a feminist movement centering on the idea that sexual freedom is an essential component of women's freedom. They oppose legal or social efforts to control sexual activities between consenting adults, whether they are initiated by the government, other feminists, opponents of feminism, or any other institution. They embrace sexual minority groups, endorsing the value of coalition-building with marginalized groups. Sex-positive feminism is connected with the sex-positive movement. Sex-positive feminism brings together anti-censorship activists, LGBT activists, feminist scholars, producers of pornography and erotica, among others. Sex-positive feminists believe that prostitution can be a positive experience if workers are treated with respect, and agree that sex work should not be criminalized.

Date rape is a form of acquaintance rape and dating violence. The two phrases are often used interchangeably, but date rape specifically refers to a rape in which there has been some sort of romantic or potentially sexual relationship between the two parties. Acquaintance rape also includes rapes in which the victim and perpetrator have been in a non-romantic, non-sexual relationship, for example as co-workers or neighbors.

Sexual ethics is a branch of philosophy that considers the ethics or morality of sexual behavior. Sexual ethics seeks to understand, evaluate and critique interpersonal relationships and sexual activities from social, cultural, and philosophical perspectives. Some people consider aspects of human sexuality, such as gender identification and sexual orientation, as well as consent, sexual relations and procreation, as giving rise to issues of sexual ethics.

Rape is a type of sexual assault involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without their consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority, or against a person who is incapable of giving valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, has an intellectual disability, or is below the legal age of consent. The term rape is sometimes used interchangeably with the term sexual assault.

Maouloud Baby v. State of Maryland is a Maryland state court case relating to the ability to withdraw sexual consent.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual script theory</span> Theory in sociology

Sexual script theory states that all social behavior, including sexual behavior, is socially scripted. The theory was introduced by sociologists John H. Gagnon and William Simon in their 1973 book Sexual Conduct. Its basic principle states that all social behavior, including sexual behavior, is socially scripted. Furthermore, it is the approved norms abouthow individuals in a relationship may embrace one another, embody, and react to each other via the process of socialization. The idea is that sexual scripts are guidelines for appropriate sexual behavior and sexual encounters. Sexual behavior and encounters become behavior that is learned as well as instinctive. Each partner in consensual encounters acts as if they are an actor in a play or film following a script, rather than acting on impulse alone. Therefore people in a relationship may draw upon this idea when thinking about their own sexual experiences or when participating in sexual acts themselves. Research on sexual scripts and sexual script theory has concluded that sexual scripts are gendered. In most western cultures, the way a society is set up and its rules help shape how people act. For example, marriage laws and vows, as well as laws against certain sexual behaviors or relationships, all play a part in guiding people's behavior. It's customary for the male to indicate, or at least present, a greater initial enthusiasm in sexual relations in a typical male-female romantic relationship. It may raise doubts about his masculinity, sexual prowess, and fertility if he doesn't show off a great deal of passion early in the relationship. On the other hand, the woman can start to question her own sexual appeal. This is due to the misconception that males are usually eager to get sexually excited, thus it could be detrimental to her self-esteem if he shows no sign of interest. She should be cautious not to come across as overly eager to engage in sexual activity, even if it is believed that she will be open to a sexual connection.

Sexual consent is consent to engage in sexual activity. In many jurisdictions, sexual activity without consent is considered rape or other sexual assault.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Jaclyn Friedman</span> American writer and activist (born 1971)

Jaclyn Friedman is an American feminist writer and activist known as the co-editor of Yes Means Yes: Visions of Sexual Power and a World Without Rape and Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change the World, the writer of Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All and What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide To Sex and Safety, a campus speaker on issues of feminism, sexual freedom and anti-rape activism, and the founder and former executive director of Women, Action & The Media.

Campus sexual assault is the sexual assault, including rape, of a student while attending an institution of higher learning, such as a college or university. The victims of such assaults are more likely to be female, but any gender can be victimized. Estimates of sexual assault, which vary based on definitions and methodology, generally find that somewhere between 19–27% of college women and 6–8% of college men are sexually assaulted during their time in college.

Feminist views on BDSM vary widely from acceptance to rejection. BDSM refers to bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and Sado-Masochism. In order to evaluate its perception, two polarizing frameworks are compared. Some feminists, such as Gayle Rubin and Patrick Califia, perceive BDSM as a valid form of expression of female sexuality, while other feminists, such as Andrea Dworkin and Susan Griffin, have stated that they regard BDSM as a form of woman-hating violence. Some lesbian feminists practice BDSM and regard it as part of their sexual identity.

Feminist views on sexuality widely vary. Many feminists, particularly radical feminists, are highly critical of what they see as sexual objectification and sexual exploitation in the media and society. Radical feminists are often opposed to the sex industry, including opposition to prostitution and pornography. Other feminists define themselves as sex-positive feminists and believe that a wide variety of expressions of female sexuality can be empowering to women when they are freely chosen. Some feminists support efforts to reform the sex industry to become less sexist, such as the feminist pornography movement.

Unacknowledged rape is defined as a sexual experience that meets the legal definition of rape, but is not labeled as rape by the victim. Instead, the victim may label the experience as "bad sex", a "miscommunication", or a regrettable hook-up. This response is more frequently recognized among victims of acquaintance rape, date rape or marital rape.

<i>Ceci Nest Pas Un Viol</i>

Ceci N'est Pas Un Viol is a work of performance art by American artist Emma Sulkowicz. Released on 3 June 2015, the work consists of a website hosting an eight-minute video, introductory text and an open comments section. The video shows Sulkowicz having sex with an anonymous actor in a dorm room at Columbia University in New York City. It was directed by artist Ted Lawson in early 2015, while Sulkowicz was in the final year of a visual-arts degree at Columbia.

Rape myths are prejudicial, stereotyped, and false beliefs about sexual assaults, rapists, and rape victims. They often serve to excuse sexual aggression, create hostility toward victims, and bias criminal prosecution.

Non-consensual condom removal, or "stealthing", is the practice of a person removing a condom during sexual intercourse without consent, when their sex partner has only consented to condom-protected sex. Purposefully damaging a condom before or during intercourse may also be referred to as stealthing, regardless of who damaged the condom.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Rape in Islamic law</span> Sexual violation as interpreted in Islamic theological jurisprudence

In Islam, human sexuality is governed by Islamic law, also known as Sharia. Accordingly, sexual violation is regarded as a violation of moral and divine law. Islam divides claims of sexual violation into 'divine rights' and 'interpersonal rights' : the former requiring divine punishment and the latter belonging to the more flexible human realm.

References

  1. ↑ Shira Tarrant (12 May 2009). Men and Feminism: Seal Studies. Seal Press. p. 105. ISBN   978-1-58005-258-0.
  2. 1 2 3 4 Chan, Sewell (2007-10-10). "'Gray Rape': A New Form of Date Rape?". The New York Times City Room. Retrieved 2016-07-22.
  3. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Thompson, Rachel (24 January 2018). "We urgently need to talk about the grey areas of bad sexual encounters". mashable.com. Mashable. Retrieved 2 June 2018.
  4. ↑ Smith, Erika W. "What Do We Mean By "Grey Rape"?". www.refinery29.com. Retrieved 2020-09-01.
  5. 1 2 Laura Sessions Stepp (2007-09-11). "A New Kind of Date Rape". Cosmopolitan. Retrieved 2016-07-22.
  6. ↑ Friedman, Jaclyn (2008). Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape. Seal Press. pp.  163–169. ISBN   978-1580052573.
  7. 1 2 "Sexual Violence Myths: Grey Rape". consented.ca. Archived from the original on 2018-09-29. Retrieved 2016-07-22.
  8. ↑ Roiphe, Katie (1993). The Morning After: Sex, Fear and Feminism on Campus . New York: Little, Brown and Company. p.  54. ISBN   978-0-316-75432-3.
  9. 1 2 3 Gattuso, Reina (11 April 2018). "Is there a gray zone in consent?". feministing.com. Feministing. Retrieved 2 June 2018.
  10. 1 2 3 Margolis, Katrina (16 October 2015). "It should be easier to say 'I don't feel like having sex'". thetab.com. The Tab. Retrieved 2 June 2018.
  11. ↑ Jimenez-David, Rina (20 December 2017). "Yes, no and sex". opinion.inquirer.net. Inquirer. Retrieved 2 June 2018.
  12. ↑ Goldstein, Daisy (2004-09-22). "He said, she can't remember: the Adam Lack case". Brown Daily Herald. Retrieved 2016-07-22.
  13. ↑ Clark-Flory, Tracy (2007-08-29). "Casual hookups cause "gray rape"?". Salon. Retrieved 2016-07-22.
  14. 1 2 3 4 Sileo, Amanda. "On Consent And The "Gray Zone"". bust.com. Bust. Retrieved 2 June 2018.
  15. ↑ "NEW YORK TIMES – NAVIGATING SEX IN THE 'GRAY ZONE'". titleix.ufl.edu. University of Florida. Archived from the original on 6 March 2019. Retrieved 2 June 2018.
  16. 1 2 Stanford, Julianne (2015-08-10). "Male student – expelled over 'gray rape' claim – can sue college, judge rules". The College Fix. Retrieved 2016-07-22.
  17. ↑ Johnson, KC (2015-01-26). "The 'Rape' Disaster at Washington and Lee". Minding The Campus. Retrieved 2016-07-22.
  18. ↑ Schow, Ashe (2016-02-08). "Washington and Lee settles lawsuit by student expelled for sexual assault". Washington Examiner. Retrieved 2016-07-22.
  19. ↑ Jerrold S. Greenberg; Clint E. Bruess; Sara B. Oswalt (19 February 2016). Exploring the Dimensions of Human Sexuality. Jones & Bartlett Learning. p. 1250. ISBN   978-1-284-11474-4.
  20. ↑ Alcid, Sara (4 January 2017). "Navigating Consent: Debunking the "Gray Area" Myth". everydayfeminism.com. Everyday Feminism. Retrieved 2 June 2018.
This page is based on this Wikipedia article
Text is available under the CC BY-SA 4.0 license; additional terms may apply.
Images, videos and audio are available under their respective licenses.