Gold star (LGBT slang)

Last updated

In LGBT slang, a "gold star lesbian" is a lesbian who has never had sex with a man, and a "gold star gay" is a gay man who has never had sex with a woman. The terms can be joking, sincerely held identities, or stereotypes within the LGBT community. When used sincerely, the terms have been criticised as exclusionary towards bisexuality and other experiences of gender and sexuality, and as stigmatising survivors of sexual violence.

Contents

The related term "gold star asexual" refers not to past sexual experience, but to a hypothetical asexual person whose asexuality cannot be attributed to trauma, disability or other external factors.

Gold star gay and lesbian

The term gold star lesbian can position women who have never had sex with men as "more authentic", as they are not "contaminated" by men, according to Lucy Jones in Dyke/Girl (2012). [1] It can be used as a humorous rejection of heterosexuality. [2] In Cosmopolitan , Marianne Eloise wrote that the term can be a source of pride or comfort to some lesbians, including those with traumatic experiences of masculinity, but that it has cissexist implications. [3] It can also be derogatory towards bisexual women. [1]

Shelby and Dolan, in Lesbian Women and Sexual Health (2014), reported that gold star lesbian can be used by lesbians to stigmatise other women who have past or present sexual relationships with men. [4] The social psychologist Petra Boynton, in an opinion column for The Daily Telegraph , said it is a "toxic label" that excludes bisexual women, diversity within sexuality and gender, victims of sexual violence and other life experiences. Boynton said it can also be used as "a slur against lesbians". [5] Elizabeth Pearce, in her PhD thesis documented people identifying as femme lesbians who were met dismissively by other lesbians, whether through lack of a "gold star" or disbelief that they were a "gold star lesbian". [6]

John Paul Brammer, in his memoir ¡Hola Papi! How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons (2021), described gold star gay as a "prolific" phrase in gay circles, and associated it with a "performative disgust" for women's genitalia or bodies that can "reduce women". Brammer rejected the term for treating a part of his past—his high school relationship with a girlfriend—as "disposable". [7]

In Feminist Studies , Nan Alamilla Boyd analysed lesbian history as "the history of an idea rather than a group of people", and considered the concept "gold star lesbian" (or "lifelong lesbian") to hold "a lot of ideological weight". Boyd commented that the homophile movement predates the identity "lesbian", but that the idea of a lifelong lesbian later became useful to particular communities. [8] In a PhD thesis, Caroline Lippy said that "gold star lesbian" is a "community stereotype" reflective of communication or empathy barriers between some lesbians: a "gold star lesbian" may be unable to provide empathy or advice to a lesbian with wider sexual experiences. [9]

Gold star asexual

The term gold star asexual, coined in 2010 by a blogger, refers to an asexual person who is able-bodied, sociable and in all other ways considered "normal". It is a hypothetical ideal of a person whose asexuality will not be dismissed, as it could not be attributed to trauma or other factors. The term is a response to prejudice that being sexual is better than being asexual. Unlike other gold star terms, it does not indicate anything about past sexual activity. [10] [11] [12]

Example usages

Andy Cohen has identified with the term gold star gay; in his memoir Superficial (2016), he recounts a story about his attitude towards a threesome with a heterosexual couple in light of his pride for being a "gold star gay". [13] In an article by the BBC, the BBC described the lesbian pornographic actor Lily Cade as a "gold star lesbian", in connection with her refusal to have sex with transgender women. [14] In "Emergency Contact" (2017), a season 9 Will & Grace episode, the term platinum star gay is jokingly used by a character to indicate that he is not only a "gold star gay", but was born via Caesarean section. [15]

According to women quoted in Cosmopolitan, the term gold star lesbian had declined in popularity by 2021, but reflected a still-existing concept. [3]

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Heterosexuality</span> Attraction between people of the opposite sex or gender

Heterosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between people of the opposite sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, heterosexuality is "an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions" to people of the opposite sex. It "also refers to a person's sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions." Someone who is heterosexual is commonly referred to as straight.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual orientation</span> Pattern of romantic or sexual attraction

Sexual orientation is an enduring personal pattern of romantic attraction or sexual attraction to persons of the opposite sex or gender, the same sex or gender, or to both sexes or more than one gender. Patterns are generally categorized under heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality, while asexuality is sometimes identified as the fourth category.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexuality and gender identity-based cultures</span> Variety of communities and subcultures

Sexuality and gender identity-based cultures are subcultures and communities composed of people who have shared experiences, backgrounds, or interests due to common sexual or gender identities. Among the first to argue that members of sexual minorities can also constitute cultural minorities were Adolf Brand, Magnus Hirschfeld, and Leontine Sagan in Germany. These pioneers were later followed by the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis in the United States.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Kinsey scale</span> Scale for measuring sexual orientation

The Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale, is used in research to describe a person's sexual orientation based on one's experience or response at a given time. The scale typically ranges from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to a 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. In both the male and female volumes of the Kinsey Reports, an additional grade, listed as "X", indicated "no socio-sexual contacts or reactions" (asexuality). The reports were first published in Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) by Alfred Kinsey, Wardell Pomeroy, and others, and were also prominent in the complementary work Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953).

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Pansexuality</span> Sexual attraction to people regardless of sex or gender identity

Pansexuality is sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people of all genders, or regardless of their sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are not determining factors in their romantic or sexual attraction to others.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Biphobia</span> Aversion to bisexual people

Biphobia is aversion toward bisexuality or people who are identified or perceived as being bisexual. Similarly to homophobia, it refers to hatred and prejudice specifically against those identified or perceived as being in the bisexual community. It can take the form of denial that bisexuality is a genuine sexual orientation, or of negative stereotypes about people who are bisexual. Other forms of biphobia include bisexual erasure. Biphobia may also avert towards other sexualities attracted to multiple genders such as pansexuality or polysexuality, as the idea of being attracted to multiple genders is generally the cause of stigma towards bisexuality.

Sexual identity refers to one's self-perception in terms of romantic or sexual attraction towards others, though not mutually exclusive, and can be different from romantic identity. Sexual identity may also refer to sexual orientation identity, which is when people identify or dis-identify with a sexual orientation or choose not to identify with a sexual orientation. Sexual identity and sexual behavior are closely related to sexual orientation, but they are distinguished, with identity referring to an individual's conception of themselves, behavior referring to actual sexual acts performed by the individual, and sexual orientation referring to romantic or sexual attractions toward persons of the opposite sex or gender, the same sex or gender, to both sexes or more than one gender, or to no one.

Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by minimal homosexual activity in an otherwise primarily heterosexual orientation, which may or may not distinguish it from bisexuality. It has been characterized as "mostly straight". Although sometimes equated with bi-curiosity to describe a broad continuum of sexual orientation between heterosexuality and bisexuality, other authors distinguish heteroflexibility as lacking the "wish to experiment with ... sexuality" implied by the bi-curious label. The corresponding situation in which homosexual activity predominates has also been described, termed homoflexibility.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Demographics of sexual orientation</span> Prevalence of different types of sexual orientation

Obtaining precise numbers on the demographics of sexual orientation is difficult for a variety of reasons, including the nature of the research questions. Most of the studies on sexual orientation rely on self-reported data, which may pose challenges to researchers because of the subject matter's sensitivity. The studies tend to pose two sets of questions. One set examines self-report data of same-sex sexual experiences and attractions, while the other set examines self-report data of personal identification as homosexual or bisexual. Overall, fewer research subjects identify as homosexual or bisexual than report having had sexual experiences or attraction to a person of the same sex. Survey type, questions and survey setting may affect the respondents' answers.

Monosexuality is romantic or sexual attraction to members of one sex or gender only. A monosexual person may identify as heterosexual or homosexual. In discussions of sexual orientation, the term is chiefly used in contrast to asexuality and plurisexuality. It is sometimes considered derogatory or offensive by the people to whom it is applied, particularly gay men and lesbians. In blogs about sexuality, some have argued that the term "monosexuality" inaccurately claims that homosexuals and heterosexuals have the same privilege. However, some have used the term "monosexual privilege", arguing that biphobia is different from homophobia.

A sexual minority is a demographic whose sexual identity, orientation or practices differ from the majority of the surrounding society. Primarily used to refer to lesbian, gay, bisexual, or non-heterosexual individuals, it can also refer to transgender, non-binary or intersex individuals.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">LGBTQ stereotypes</span> Stereotypes around LGBTQ people and communities

LGBTQ stereotypes are stereotypes about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people based on their sexual orientations, gender identities, or gender expressions. Stereotypical perceptions may be acquired through interactions with parents, teachers, peers and mass media, or, more generally, through a lack of firsthand familiarity, resulting in an increased reliance on generalizations.

Gay is a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual. The term originally meant 'carefree', 'cheerful', or 'bright and showy'.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Bisexual erasure</span> Dismissing or misrepresenting bisexuals in the public perception

Bisexual erasure, also called bisexual invisibility, is the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or re-explain evidence of bisexuality in history, academia, the news media, and other primary sources.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Questioning (sexuality and gender)</span> Process of self-exploration

The questioning of one's sexual orientation, sexual identity, gender, or all three is a process of exploration by people who may be unsure, still exploring, or concerned about applying a social label to themselves for various reasons. The letter "Q" is sometimes added to the end of the acronym LGBT ; the "Q" can refer to either queer or questioning.

A mixed-orientation marriage is a marriage between partners of differing sexual orientations. The broader term is mixed-orientation relationship, sometimes shortened to MOR or MORE.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Bisexuality</span> Sexual attraction to people of any gender

Bisexuality is a romantic or sexual attraction or behavior toward both males and females, to more than one gender, or to both people of the same gender and different genders. It may also be defined to include romantic or sexual attraction to people regardless of their sex or gender identity, which is also known as pansexuality.

Christian denominations have a variety of beliefs about sexual orientation, including beliefs about same-sex sexual practices and asexuality. Denominations differ in the way they treat lesbian, bisexual, and gay people; variously, such people may be barred from membership, accepted as laity, or ordained as clergy, depending on the denomination. As asexuality is relatively new to public discourse, few Christian denominations discuss it. Asexuality may be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the four variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, and pansexuality.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Outline of LGBTQ topics</span>

The following outline offers an overview and guide to LGBTQ topics:

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Allosexuality</span> Person who experiences sexual attraction

Allosexuality is the ability to experience sexual attraction and the lack of identification with asexuality. Someone who experiences allosexuality is allosexual, sometimes shortened to allo. Other terms to describe non-asexual people include zedsexual, or simply sexual.

References

  1. 1 2 Jones, Lucy (2012). Dyke/Girl: Language and Identities in a Lesbian Group. Palgrave Macmillan. ISBN   9781137271341.
  2. ↑ Mason, Derritt (2013). "The Queer Art of Imperfection". English Studies in Canada. 39 (2/3): 13–15. doi:10.1353/esc.2013.0028. S2CID   142996705. ProQuest   1506457261.
  3. 1 2 Eloise, Marianne (26 January 2021). "Gold star lesbian: What's the deal with the term 'gold star lesbian'?". Cosmopolitan . Retrieved 22 December 2021.
  4. ↑ Shelby, R Dennis; Dolan, Kathleen (2014). Lesbian Women and Sexual Health: The Social Construction of Risk and Susceptibility. Routledge. p. 34. ISBN   9781317718192.
  5. ↑ Boynton, Petra (4 July 2017). "I had sex with a man – can I still be a lesbian?". The Daily Telegraph . ProQuest   1915690615.
  6. ↑ Pearce, Elizabeth (2012). The Intersection of Femme Gender and Lesbian Identity Development (PhD). Alliant International University.
  7. ↑ Brammer, John Paul (1 June 2021). "How to Kiss Your Girlfriend". Esquire . Retrieved 22 December 2021.
  8. ↑ Boyd, Nan Alamilla (2013). "The History of the Idea of the Lesbian as a Kind of Person". Feminist Studies . 39 (2): 362–365. doi:10.1353/fem.2013.0042. S2CID   245658207. ProQuest   1508764643.
  9. ↑ Lippy, Caroline (2011). Lean on me: informal social networks and the prevention of intimate partner violence in sexual minority communities (PhD). Georgia State University.
  10. ↑ Cerankowski, Karli June; Milks, Megan (2014). Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives. Routledge. pp. 145, 158. ISBN   9781134692460.
  11. ↑ Chen, Angela (2020). Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Beacon Press. p. 97. ISBN   9780807013793.
  12. ↑ SJ Dodd, ed. (2021). The Routledge International Handbook of Social Work and Sexualities. Taylor & Francis. p. 43. ISBN   9781000408614.
  13. ↑ Agard, Chancellor (15 November 2016). "Andy Cohen talks almost losing gold star gay status in threesome". Entertainment Weekly . Retrieved 22 December 2021.
  14. ↑ Andersson, Jasmine (5 November 2021). "How a BBC article on trans women and lesbians became the eye of the storm in a transphobia row". i . Retrieved 22 December 2021.
  15. ↑ Kirkland, Justin (12 October 2017). "Will & Grace recap: 'Emergency Contact'". Entertainment Weekly . Retrieved 22 December 2021.

Further reading

See also

This page is based on this Wikipedia article
Text is available under the CC BY-SA 4.0 license; additional terms may apply.
Images, videos and audio are available under their respective licenses.