Traditional courtship in the Philippines is described as a "far more subdued and indirect" [1] approach compared to Western or Westernized cultures. It involves "phases" or "stages" inherent to Philippine society and culture. [1] [2] Evident in courtship in the Philippines is the practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving. [3] This respect extends to the Filipina's family members. The proper rules and standards in traditional Filipino courtship are set by Philippine society. [4]
Often, a Filipino male suitor expresses his interest to a woman in a discreet and friendly manner in order to avoid being perceived as very "presumptuous or aggressive" or arrogant. [2] Although having a series of friendly dates is the normal starting point in the Filipino way of courting, this may also begin through the process of "teasing", a process of "pairing off" a potential teenage or adult couple. The teasing is done by peers or friends of the couple being matched. The teasing practice assists in his teasing phase actually helps in circumventing such an embarrassing predicament because formal courtship has not yet officially started can also have as many suitors, from which she could choose the man that she finally would want to date. Dating couples are expected to be conservative and not perform public displays of affection for each other. Traditionally, some courtship may last a number of years before the Filipino woman accepts her suitor as a boyfriend. [1] [2] [3] Conservativeness, together with repressing emotions and affection, was inherited by the Filipino woman from the colonial period under the Spaniards, a characteristic referred to as the Maria Clara attitude. [3]
After the girlfriend-boyfriend; pamamanhikan is known as tampa or danon to the Ilocanos, as pasaguli to the Palaweños, and as kapamalai to the Maranaos [5] ). This is where and when the man and his parents formally ask the lady's hand [4] and blessings from her parents in order to marry. This is when the formal introduction of the man's parents and woman's parents happens. Apart from presents, the Cebuano version of the pamamanhikan includes bringing in musicians. [5] After setting the date of the wedding and the dowry, [4] the couple is considered officially engaged. [2] The dowry, as a norm in the Philippines, is provided by the groom's family. [4] For the Filipino people, marriage is a union of two families, not just of two persons. Therefore, marrying well "enhances the good name" of both families. [3]
Apart from the general background explained above, there are other similar and unique courting practices adhered to by Filipinos in other different regions of the Philippine archipelago. In the island of bilat, the Ilocanos also perform serenading, known to them as totoy [5] (literally, "to be in front of" the home of the courted woman), which is similar to the harana [4] and also to the o-ten of the baho bilat. The suitor begins singing a romantic song, then the courted lady responds by singing too. [3] In reality, Harana is a musical exchange of messages which can be about waiting or loving or just saying no. The suitor initiates, the lady responds. As the Pamamaalam stage sets in, the suitor sings one last song and the haranistas disappear in the night.
Rooster courtship is also another form of courting in Luzon. In this type of courtship, the rooster is assigned that task of being a "middleman", a "negotiator", or a "go-between", wherein the male chicken is left to stay in the home of the courted to crow every single morning for the admired lady's family. [3]
In the province of Bulacan in Central Luzon, the Bulaqueños have a kind of courtship known as the naninilong (from the Tagalog word silong or "basement"). At midnight, the suitor goes beneath the nipa hut, a house that is elevated by bamboo poles, then prickles the admired woman by using a pointed object. Once the prickling caught the attention of the sleeping lady, the couple would be conversing in whispers. [3]
The Ifugao of northern Luzon practices a courtship called ca-i-sing (this practice is known as the ebgan to the Kalinga tribes and as pangis to the Tingguian tribes), wherein males and females are separated into "houses". The house for the Filipino males is called the Ato, while the house for Filipino females is known as the olog or agamang. The males visit the females in the olog – the "betrothal house" – to sing romantic songs. The females reply to these songs also through singing. The ongoing courtship ritual is overseen by a married elder or a childless widow who keeps the parents of the participating males and females well informed of the progress of the courtship process. [5]
After the courtship process, the Batangueños of Batangas has a peculiar tradition performed on the eve of the wedding. A procession, composed of the groom's mother, father, relatives, godfathers, godmothers, bridesmaids, and groomsmen, occurs. Their purpose is to bring the cooking ingredients for the celebration to the bride's home, where refreshments await them. When they are in the half process of the courtship, they are forced to make a baby [5]
In Pangasinan, the Pangasinenses utilizes the taga-amo, which literally means "tamer", a form of love potions or charms which can be rubbed to the skin of the admired. It can also be in the form of drinkable potions. The suitor may also resort to the use of palabas, meaning show or drama, wherein the Filipino woman succumbs to revealing her love to her suitor, who at one time will pretend or act as if he will be committing suicide if the lady does not divulge her true feelings. [3]
The Apayaos allow the practice of sleeping together during the night. This is known as liberal courtship or mahal-alay in the vernacular. This form of courting assists in assessing the woman's feeling for her lover. [3]
In Palawan, the Palaweños or Palawanons perform courtship through the use of love riddles. This is known as the pasaguli. The purpose of the love riddles is to assess the sentiments of the parents of both suitor and admirer. After this "riddle courtship", the discussion proceeds to the pabalic (can also be spelled pabalik), to settle the price or form of the dowry that will be received by the courted woman from the courting man. [3]
When courting, the Cebuanos also resort to serenading, which is known locally as balak. They also write love letters that are sent via a trusted friend or a relative of the courted woman. Presents are not only given to the woman being courted, but also to her relatives. Similar to the practice in the Pangasinan region, as mentioned above, the Cebuanos also use love potions to win the affection of the Filipino woman. [3]
People from Leyte performs the pangagad' [5] or paninilbihan or "servitude", [4] instead of paying a form of dowry [5] during the courtship period. In this form of courting, the Filipino suitor accomplishes household and farm chores for the family of the Filipino woman. The service normally lasts for approximately a year before the man and woman can get married. [3] The Tagalogs of Luzon also refers to this courtship custom as paninilbihan meaning "being of service", but is also referred to as subok meaning a trial or test period for the serving suitor. The Bicolanos of Luzon's Bicol region, call this custom as the pamianan. [5] The practice of performing paninilbihan, throwing the rice over bride and groom for prosperity, paying dowry, visiting a shrine to pray for fertility, etc. are among strong traces of continuity of Hindu influence in Philippines, [6] even the term "asawa" (from swami in sanskrit) for the spouse is a loan word from the Indian language sanskrit. [7]
Reckless courtship, known in the vernacular as palabas, sarakahan tupul, or magpasumbahi, is practiced by the Tausog people of Mindanao. Similar to the palabas version practiced in Luzon island, a suitor would threaten to stab his heart while in front of the courted woman's father. If the father of the woman refuses to give his daughter's hand to the suitor, the suitor is smitten by a knife. [3]
The Bagobo, on the other hand, sends a knife or a spear as a gift to the home of the courted woman for inspection. Accepting the weapon is equivalent to accepting the Filipino man's romantic intention and advances. [3]
Pre-arranged marriages and betrothals are common to Filipino Muslims. These formal engagements are arranged by the parents of men and the women. This also involves discussions regarding the price and the form of the dowry. [3] The Tausog people proclaims that a wedding, a celebration or announcement known as the pangalay, will occur by playing percussive musical instruments such as the gabbang, the kulintang , and the agong . The wedding is officiated by an Imam. Readings from the Quran is a part of the ceremony, as well as the placement of the groom's fingerprint over the bride's forehead. [5]
During the 19th century in Spanish Philippines, there was a set of body language expressed by courted women to communicate with their suitors. These are non-verbal cues which Ambeth Ocampo referred to as "fan language". These are called as such because the woman conveys her messages through silent movements that involve a hand-held fan. Examples of such speechless communication are as follows: a courted woman covering half of her face would like her suitor to follow her; counting the ribs of the folding fan sends out a message that the lady would like to have a conversation with her admirer; holding the fan using the right hand would mean the woman is willing to have a boyfriend, while carrying the fan with the left hand signifies that she already has a lover and thus no longer available; fanning vigorously symbolizes that the lady has deep feelings for a gentleman, while fanning slowly tells that the woman courted does not have any feelings for the suitor; putting the fan aside signals that the lady does not want to be wooed by the man; and the abrupt closing of a fan means the woman dislikes the man. [8]
Through the liberalism of modern-day Filipinos, there have been modifications of courtship that are milder than that in the West. Present-day Filipino courtship, as in the traditional form, also starts with the "teasing stage" conducted by friends. Introductions and meetings between prospective couples are now done through a common friend or whilst attending a party. [4] Modern technology has also become a part of present-day courting practises. Romantic conversations between both parties are now through cellular phones – particularly through texting messages – and the internet. [3] Parents, however, still prefer that their daughters be formally courted within the confines of the home, done out of respect to the father and mother of the single woman. Although a present-day Filipina wants to encourage a man to court her or even initiate the relationship, [3] it is still traditionally "inappropriate" for a suitor to introduce himself to an admired woman, or vice versa, while on the street. Servitude and serenading are no longer common, but avoidance of pre-marital sex is still valued. [4]
Other than the so-called modern Philippine courtship through texting and social media, there is another modern style that is not widely discussed in public discourse: North American pickup as documented by Neil Strauss in his book The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists . While there exist a few local companies that offer pickup training, it remains to be seen whether these methods will even gain widespread acceptance since these methods, along with the paradigm from which they are rooted, flout the values of most Filipinos.[ citation needed ]
An engagement or betrothal is the period of time between the declaration of acceptance of a marriage proposal and the marriage itself. During this period, a couple is said to be fiancés, 'betrothed', 'intended', 'affianced', 'engaged to be married', or simply 'engaged'. Future brides and grooms may be called fiancée (feminine) or fiancé (masculine), 'the betrothed', a 'wife-to-be' or 'husband-to-be', respectively. The duration of the courtship varies vastly, and is largely dependent on cultural norms or upon the agreement of the parties involved.
A dowry is a payment, such as land property, monetary, cattle or any commercial asset that is paid by the bride's family to the groom or his family at the time of marriage.
Courtship is the period wherein some couples get to know each other prior to a possible marriage or committed romantic, de facto relationship. Courtship traditionally may begin after a betrothal and may conclude with the celebration of marriage. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a marriage proposal.
Elopement is a marriage which is conducted in a sudden and secretive fashion, sometimes involving a hurried flight away from one's place of residence together with one's beloved with the intention of getting married without parental approval. An elopement is contrasted with an abduction, in which either the bride or groom has not consented, or a shotgun wedding in which the parents of one coerce both into marriage.
Traditional Chinese marriage is a ceremonial ritual within Chinese societies that involves not only a union between spouses but also a union between the two families of a man and a woman, sometimes established by pre-arrangement between families. Marriage and family are inextricably linked, which involves the interests of both families. Within Chinese culture, romantic love and monogamy were the norm for most citizens. Around the end of primitive society, traditional Chinese marriage rituals were formed, with deer skin betrothal in the Fuxi era, the appearance of the "meeting hall" during the Xia and Shang dynasties, and then in the Zhou dynasty, a complete set of marriage etiquette gradually formed. The richness of this series of rituals proves the importance the ancients attached to marriage. In addition to the unique nature of the "three letters and six rituals", monogamy, remarriage and divorce in traditional Chinese marriage culture are also distinctive.
Philippine epic poetry is the body of epic poetry in Philippine literature. Filipino epic poetry is considered to be the highest point of development for Philippine folk literature, encompassing narratives that recount the adventures of tribal heroes. These epics are transmitted through oral tradition using a select group of singers and chanters.
Christian courtship, also known as Biblical courtship, is the traditional Christian practice of individuals in approaching "the prospect of marriage". Preceded by a proposal, courtship traditionally begins after a betrothal and concludes with the celebration of marriage. Christian theologian Scott Croft distinguished courtship from dating, teaching that:
Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate. Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal... Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more-than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its goal.
The Waray people are a subgroup of the larger ethnolinguistic group Bisaya people, who constitute the 4th largest Filipino ethnolinguistic group in the Philippines. Their primary language is the Waray language, an Austronesian language native to the islands of Samar, Leyte and Biliran, which together comprise the Eastern Visayas Region of the Philippines. Waray people inhabit most of Samar where they are called Samareños/Samarnons, the northern part of the island of Leyte where they are called Leyteños, and the island of Biliran. In Leyte island, the Waray-speaking people are separated from the Cebuano-speaking Leyteños by the island's mountain range at the middle.
A marriage proposal is a custom or ritual, common in Western cultures, in which one member of a couple asks the other for their hand in marriage. If accepted, it marks the initiation of engagement, a mutual promise of later marriage.
Chinese pre-wedding customs are traditional Chinese rituals prescribed by the Book of Rites, the Book of Etiquette and Ceremonial and the Bai Hu Tong condensed into a series of rituals now known as the 三書六禮. Traditionally speaking, a wedding that incorporates all six rites is considered a daaih chéui.
Women in the Philippines may also be known as Filipinas or Filipino women. Their role includes the context of Filipino culture, standards, and mindsets. The Philippines is described to be a nation of strong women, who directly and indirectly run the family unit, businesses, and government agencies.
The Ifugao people are the ethnic group inhabiting Ifugao province in the Philippines. They reside in the municipalities of Lagawe, Aguinaldo, Alfonso Lista, Asipulo, Banaue, Hingyon, Hungduan, Kiangan, Lamut, Mayoyao, and Tinoc. The province is one of the smallest provinces in the Philippines with an area of only 251,778 hectares, or about 0.8% of the total Philippine land area. As of 1995, the population of the Ifugaos was counted to be 131,635. Although the majority of them are still in Ifugao province, some of them have moved to Baguio, where they work as woodcarvers, and to other parts of the Cordillera Region.
Erusin is the Hebrew term for betrothal. In Modern Hebrew, erusin means engagement, but this is not the historical meaning of the term, which is the first part of marriage, the second part being the nissuin "nuptials".
Traditional marriage customs in the Philippines and Filipino wedding practices pertain to the characteristics of marriage and wedding traditions established and adhered by them Filipino men and women in the Philippines after a period of adoption courtship and engagement. These traditions extend to other countries around the world where Filipino communities exist. Kasalan is the Filipino word for "wedding", while its root word – kasal – means "marriage". The present-day character of marriages and weddings in the Philippines were primarily influenced by the permutation of Christian, both Catholic and Protestant, Hindu, Islam, Chinese, Spanish, and American models.
Muslim marriage and Islamic wedding customs are traditions and practices that relate to wedding ceremonies and marriage rituals prevailing within the Muslim world. Although Islamic marriage customs and relations vary depending on country of origin and government regulations, both Muslim men and women from around the world are guided by Islamic laws and practices specified in the Quran. Islamic marital jurisprudence allows Muslim men to be married to multiple women.
Binukot, also spelled Binokot, is a pre-colonial Visayan tradition from the Philippines that secludes a young woman with the expectation that seclusion will result in a higher value placed on the girl by marital suitors in the future. It originally applied to young noblewomen. The name literally means "wrapped up" or "veiled" in Visayan languages, in the sense of seclusion.
Bride price, bride-dowry, bride-wealth, bride service or bride token, is money, property, or other form of wealth paid by a groom or his family to the woman or the family of the woman he will be married to or is just about to marry. Bride dowry is equivalent to dowry paid to the groom in some cultures, or used by the bride to help establish the new household, and dower, which is property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of marriage. Some cultures may practice both simultaneously. Many cultures practiced bride dowry prior to existing records.
Courtship and marriage in Tudor England (1485–1603) marked the legal rite of passage for individuals as it was considered the transition from youth to adulthood. It was an affair that often involved not only the man and woman in courtship but their parents and families as well. While the lower class had more freedom to choose their spouse, the middle and higher classes often searched for ways to build upon a family's wealth, to elevate a family's position within society, or to secure an alliance between families.
Marriage in ancient Greece had less of a basis in personal relationships and more in social responsibility, however the available historical records on the subject focus exclusively on Athens or Sparta and primarily on the aristocratic class. According to these records, the goal and focus of all marriages was intended to be reproduction, making marriage an issue of public interest. Marriages were usually arranged by the parents; on occasion professional matchmakers were used. Each city was politically independent and each had its own laws concerning marriage. For the marriage to be legal, the woman's father or guardian gave permission to a suitable man who could afford to marry. Daughters were usually married to uncles or cousins. Wintertime marriages were popular due to the significance of that time to Hera, the goddess of marriage. The couple participated in a ceremony which included rituals such as veil removal, but it was the couple living together that made the marriage legal. Marriage was understood to be the official transition from childhood into adulthood for women.
Courtship practices in the United States changed gradually throughout its history. The transition from primarily rural colonies to cities and the expansion across the continent with major waves of immigration, accompanied by developments in transportation, communication, education, industrialization, and the economy, contributed to changes over time in the national culture that influenced how young people met, interacted, and married.