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Pickup artists (PUA) are people who seduce and seek sexual success through coercion. Predominantly heterosexual men, they often self-identify as the pickup community, and belong to a bigger community called the Manosphere. [1] The Manosphere is a large community of men who share the same ideology about masculinity. [2] This community exists through various channels, including internet newsletters, blogs, seminars and one-on-one coaching, forums, groups, and local clubs known as "lairs". [3]
The rise of "seduction science", "game", [4] or "studied charisma" has been attributed to modern forms of dating and social norms between sexes which have developed from a perceived increase in the equality of women in Western society and changes to traditional gender roles. [5] Commentators in the media have described "game" as sexist or misogynistic. [6]
Modern pickup artist practices have been traced to the 1967 publication of The Art of Erotic Seduction by rational emotive psychotherapist Albert Ellis and Roger Conway and the 1970 publication of How to Pick Up Girls! by Eric Weber. These how-to guides encourage men to meet women through the "pickup". [7]
Ross Jeffries taught workshops, promoted a collection of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) techniques called "seed seduction", and in 1991 published How to Get the Women You Desire into Bed. [8] Other exponents established themselves in roughly the same era but lacked contact with each other. In 1994, Lewis De Payne, then a student of Jeffries, founded the newsgroup alt.seduction.fast (ASF). [8] This spawned a network of other Internet discussion forums, email lists, blogs, and sites where seduction information and techniques could be shared. [8] [9] [ unreliable source? ]
Other pickup teachers emerged with competing methods, and became known within this community as "seduction gurus" or "gurus". [10] Their study groups gradually developed into meeting groups for the seduction community, known as "seduction lairs". [11] A lair typically involves an online forum and in-person group meetings. [12] In the late 1990s, Clifford Lee began his Cliff's List Seduction Letter as a central independent voice of the community. [13]
The community was brought to greater mainstream awareness with the 1999 film Magnolia , in which Tom Cruise portrayed a charismatic yet embittered and emotionally troubled pickup guru who was loosely modeled on Jeffries. [14] In 2005, journalist Neil Strauss published The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists , an exposé of the community which reached the New York Times Bestseller List and made pickup techniques known to a wider audience. [15] The community was further publicized with the television show The Pick Up Artist (2007–2008) on VH1. Neil Strauss then went on to write the fiction novel The Pickup Artist: A New and Improved Art of Seduction (2010) because women were picking up on PUA techniques.
More recent developments on pickup artistry include people on podcasts. One man known as Ice White wrote a novel called The Message Game: A Guide to Dating at the Touch of a Button. [16] Which is a collection of messages from dating apps that are supposed to help boost someones success in dating and sexual results.
Many pickup artists (commonly abbreviated PUA) work on their "game" by improving their understanding of psychology, their confidence, and self-esteem – collectively termed "inner game" – and their social skills and physical appearance (physical fitness, fashion sense, grooming) – collectively termed the "outer game". Many members of the community believe that one's "game" is refined through regular practice, [17] with the idea that the abilities needed to interact in this way with women can be improved.
The pickup community has a special terminology for describing "game" and male–female dynamics and social interaction. [10] Learned through study groups and products, this creates an insular community. Pickup terms are borrowed from everyday English vocabulary or from male-dominated fields like business, sports and the military, and can be quite opaque for the uninvolved. [18]
"Night game" refers to meeting women at night in bars and clubs, whereas "day game" refers to meeting women during the day in the street or shopping malls. Traditionally, night game has been associated with "indirect game", which is to delay showing interest in the women, whereas day game has been associated with "direct game", which is to declare your interest in the women upfront.
PUA Slang
Pickup artists have a plethora of slang that they use in their dialogues. "Approach anxiety" is a term used to describe the fear or hesitation to approach someone, in this case women. "Breaking Rapport" is to let the women know that the man is losing interest because of her behaviour. "Demonstration of higher value" when your value is increased due to an elevation in a skill. A lot of the slang used within the PUA community is directly related to physical intimacy such as "escalation" where there is more physical contact which could lead to sexual intimacy. [19]
The former pickup artist Roosh V, who has since recanted aspects of his past and converted to Oriental Orthodox Christianity, had self-published 14 books describing techniques for seducing women. [20] [21] According to Salon , such books are the "cash cow" of the pickup industry. [22] The culture surrounding pickup has spawned an entire industry servicing those who want to expand their seduction skills with consultations and in-field training. [23]
The media attention and rapid increase in pickup gurus have led to commercialization and competition. Gurus sell workshops, books, e-books, DVDs, CDs, online video courses, and video-call mentoring over the Internet.
Seduction gurus often target young men, or lonely men with lower self esteem. People who are awkward with little to no friends are the perfect target for these gurus in order to teach them "game." [24]
There are a variety of schools of thought that promote different pickup methods. These range from approaches that are very indirect and which stress starting with casual conversation, to methods in which attraction is communicated very openly and directly. [25] Pickup artists generally do not believe in relying on good looks, instinct, or society conventions, but in achieving success through empirical means. [26]
Pickup artists generally assume that men should assume a dominant mindset – leading and initiating contacts and the conversation in general – in order to be more masculinely attractive, and that women will not generally initiate contact. This presumption requires men to begin any interaction by approaching the woman. [27] Pickup artists often approach repetitively, alone or with a wingman. Strauss describes a pickup artist who conducted 125 approaches in one day. [28] The "Mystery Method" encourages approaching groups of strangers (a "set") and giving attention to all members of the group without initiating conversation with the "target" until attraction has been established. [29] One way to achieve attraction is by acting as a leader of men and already enjoying social proof from other women. In order to avoid appearing needy, one can use a "false time constraint", by pretending to leave the "set". Once the "target" has given indicators of interest (IOI), the pickup artist is free to show interest in the woman in return, by qualifying her on qualities he appreciates in her. Next, emotional connection is established with the woman through a series of venue changes, and talking about progressively deeper topics, such as involving vulnerability and plans for the future. During this time, the man escalates physical connection step by step via touching and "kinoing". After spending on average up to ~10 hours with the woman, sexual relationship may be initiated. However, according to PUA teachings, women have a tendency to avoid sex due to "last minute resistance", since historically getting pregnant has been more risky for women than for a men. On the other hand, men have a similar tendency to avoid approaching women in the first place due to "approach anxiety", in order to minimize potential perceived fallout from a rejection. [27]
The Jeffries version of pickup is based on neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), a theory that claims the existence of a connection between neurological processes, language, and behavioral patterns learned through experience. This version of pickup supposes that one can model a person to obtain their skills. However, scientific consensus is that NLP is a pseudoscience and its methods have no evidentiary base. [30] Later pickup gurus abandoned Jeffries's claims while continuing to employ the basic elements of NLP. [30] Strauss claims that NLP was quickly rendered obsolete by the rise of techniques based on social dynamics, such as those employed in attraction-comfort-seduction progressions. [29]
Negging is one of Erik von Markovik's most infamous techniques, and has been described as the practice of giving a woman a backhanded compliment to weaken her confidence and thereby render her more vulnerable to seduction. [31] Depriving the woman of obsequious validation and attention may influence her to actively seek such from the man who negs her. [32] Strauss states that the primary purpose of negging is for the man to disqualify himself as a potential suitor, thereby allowing for interaction on less loaded terms. Journalist Conor Friedersdorf condemned the use of negging by pick-up artists, but admitted that it did appear to be effective at generating attraction from some women. [33] [34] [35] [36]
"Pawning" is trading or discarding an unwanted woman as proof of the PUA's own social value, and "going caveman" is escalating physical contact while reducing verbal contact. [37]
One constellation of PUA techniques, called "last minute resistance" (LMR) tactics, is designed to convince a woman to have sex after she has indicated that she does not want to. This includes tactics from those which are mutually beneficial – such as being okay with the woman being on her period – to callous manipulation and rape. [38]
For people who are dubbed as socially awkward or loners being indoctrinated into a community that teaches you social techniques and gives you confidence tips is very beneficial. Some people have stated there was many benefits to their time in pickup artist bootcamps according to an article in psychology today. [24] People are able to learn social skills that can go beyond sex and seduction.
Having a notorious reputation outside the community, the PUA movement has been described as sexist, [39] misogynistic, [40] [41] [42] and pseudoscientific. [43] [44] [45] Roosh V has been called hateful and a misogynist for his views on women and sex by the Southern Poverty Law Center, [40] [41] [42] and accused of rape advocacy and multiple instances of rape depicted in his books. [46] [47] [48]
Feminist BDSM writer and activist Clarisse Thorn, author of Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser: Long Interviews with Hideous Men, criticizes the PUA community as frequently "absurd and sexist" and "pushy and problematic", saying that it encourages adversarial gender roles. However, she also argues that PUA tactics are worth understanding because they are not unique to the PUA community, but instead represent society-wide beliefs and patterns and strategies of human sexual behaviour. [38] Other dating coaches, such as Sebastian Harris, publicly speak against the misogynistic tendencies of pickup artists. [49] The UCLA Center for the Study of Women argues that PUA culture is misogynistic, and exists on a continuum of sexist behaviours and attitudes that includes rape and murder. [50]
Pickup artists have received mixed to negative responses from the press and general public, with many regarding both the practice and theory as immoral, sexist, and ineffective.[ citation needed ] In 2014, following widely supported public petitions, US-based PUA speaker and instructor Julien Blanc was denied entry to both the United Kingdom and Australia after he published YouTube videos explaining and demonstrating behaviors such as grabbing women by the throat and forcing their heads toward his crotch. [51] [52] [53]
An article in the Houston Press claimed that pickup artist activity "isn't the lechfest it might sound like". The article quotes the webmaster of confidentup.com defending the community: "It's no more deceptive than push-up bras or heels or going to the gym to work out...This isn't just a game of words and seduction, it's an overall life improvement." [54] Strauss says, "I really think all of these routines and manipulations are just a way for a guy to get his foot in the door so that if a woman connects with him, she can still choose him" and that pickup techniques "can be used for good or evil". [17] [55] He argues that "women are incredibly intuitive – the creepy guys with bad intentions don't do nearly as well as the guys who love and respect women". [56]
An article in San Francisco Magazine recounts the experience of the blogger "Dolly" with pickup artists. According to the article, Dolly was:
...put off by PUAs at first. But after she met more, including two from San Francisco, she wrote a letter to the Village Voice defending them, in response to the paper’s negative article on the subject in March. "PUAs try to create a fun, positive, and exciting experience for the woman," Dolly wrote. "The credo many follow is 'Leave her better than you found her.' What’s so bad about that? That they want to get laid, too? Guess what? Guys have always wanted sex and will continue to want sex. You can’t fault them for finally discovering methods that are successful." [57]
After spending three days immersed in a Mystery Method Corp (now Love Systems) seminar, journalist Gene Weingarten expressed his uneasiness about "a step by step tutorial for men in how to pick up women, make them comfortable in your presence, and bed them, ideally within seven hours of your first meeting". He became concerned about the ethics of an institutionally taught skill of seduction, practicing pick-up lines, acting genuine and unguarded, and gently persuading a stranger toward having sex. [58]
Journalist Hugo Rifkind participated in a similar seminar by Strauss. Rifkind describes initially struggling with pickup techniques, eventually learning to attract women's interest, and then feeling guilty. When he attracts a woman's attention, "she is – quite honestly – looking at me like I'm the most fascinating person she's ever met. As a human being and, perhaps more crucially, as somebody with a girlfriend, I feel like absolute scum." [59]
An article published by The Guardian suggests that modern day pickup artists have strayed away from the mutuality of what pickup artistry used to be when it was first introduced. Male pickup artists now use tactics such as insulting or pestering women in order to wilt their confidence. [60]
An academic paper on the community, published in 2012 by Eric C. Hendriks in the journal Cultural Analysis , details the value system guiding successful pickup artists based on an international study including participant observation of boot camp and "lair" meetings in Germany. The article argues that the values of successful practitioners of the "Venusian arts" are informed by an intertwining of "hedonistic goals and diffused forms of innerworldly asceticism". According to Hendricks, the hedonistic goal of sexual satisfaction interacts in a complex fashion with a set of "disciplinarian and ascetic values", and the author stresses that these disciplinarian and ascetic values are central to the value system of performant practitioners, even though the marketing of gurus often promises an easy, effortless "quick fix". [61]
Andrew King's cultural history of the pickup artist in the journal Sexuality & Culture argues that, as a genre, the growth of PUA philosophy parallels the rise of feminism in academic and popular culture – and in some ways can be seen as a critique of its limitations, particularly the idea of gender egalitarianism. [62]
Consistent with this line of thinking, psychologist Petra Boynton has stated that there is "no evidence of effectiveness" for any claims by pickup artists. [63] On the other hand, a 2012 academic review article in Evolutionary Psychology by Nathan Oesch and Igor Miklousic argues that many of the principles advocated by the community – including generating attraction, establishing rapport, and achieving mutual seduction – appear to have a degree of evidence-based support in social, physiological, and evolutionary psychology. [64]
An insult is an expression, statement, or behavior that is often deliberately disrespectful, offensive, scornful, or derogatory towards an individual or a group. Insults can be intentional or unintentional, and they often aim to belittle, offend, or humiliate the target. While intentional insults can sometimes include factual information, they are typically presented in a pejorative manner, intended to provoke a negative emotional response or have a harmful reaction effect when used harmfully. Insults can also be made unintentionally or in a playful way but could in some cases also have negative impacts and effects even when they were not intended to insult.
In sexuality, seduction means enticing someone else into sexual intercourse or other sexual activity. Strategies of seduction include conversation and sexual scripts, paralingual features, non-verbal communication, and short-term behavioural strategies.
In popular culture, the friend zone is a relational concept, describing a situation in which one person in a mutual friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with the other person, while the other does not. The person whose romantic advances were rejected is then said to have "entered" the friend zone, with the sense that they are stuck there. The friendzone has a strong presence on the Internet; for example, on Facebook, dating sites, and other social media platforms. However, over time the term has expanded into middle schools, high schools, and colleges where young people are discovering their identities when it comes to dating and romance.
Neil Darrow Strauss, also known by the pen names Style and Chris Powles, is an American author and journalist. His book The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, describes his experiences in the seduction community in an effort to become a "pickup artist." He is a contributing editor at Rolling Stone and also wrote regularly for The New York Times.
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists is a 2005 non-fiction book written by investigative reporter Neil Strauss as a chronicle of his journey and encounters in the seduction community.
Wingman is a role that a person may take when a friend needs support with approaching potential romantic partners. People who have a wingman can have more than one wingman. A wingman is someone who is on the "inside" and is used to help someone with intimate relationships. In general, one person's wingman will help them avoid attention from undesirable prospective partners or attract desirable ones, or both.
The Art of Seduction (2001) is the second book by American author Robert Greene. The book examines social power through the lens of seduction and was an international bestseller.
Dating coaches offer coaching and related products and services to improve their clients' success in dating and relationships. Through discussion, role-playing, behaviour modelling, and other forms of direction, a dating coach trains clients to meet and attract romantic partners. Dating coaches may focus on topics important to the art of dating: interpersonal skills, flirting, psychology, sociology, compatibility, fashion and recreational activities. As dating coaches are unlicensed, their methods vary widely.
Keys to the VIP (A Professional League for Players) is a reality television comedy game show that aired on the Comedy Network and Fuse TV. The game involved two self-proclaimed players competing against each other to pick up women in a real bar. The two contestants went against each other in rounds to complete different objectives all related to seducing women. Hidden cameras recorded all the action that occurred, with four "expert" pick up artists judging to decide which of the two contestants did better picking up women during a round. The winner was the contestant that wins at least two out of the three rounds, and went on to win a party in a private VIP room with a select group of friends.
The Pickup Artist is an American reality television dating themed game show that aired on VH1. The show was hosted by pickup artist Mystery and his wings J-Dog and James Matador, with Tara Ferguson replacing J-Dog in season 2. The first season featured eight male contestants that had previously been unsuccessful in love and relationships. Throughout the show the contestants are tutored in the art of the "pickup" as taught by Mystery and his wings. In each episode the men were given challenges that involved picking women up in different situations, such as on a bridge during the day or in a nightclub. As the show progressed the men were instructed to pick up women of varying levels of difficulty, such as in the second to last challenge of the first season where the men had to pick up a stripper, described by Mystery as "the ultimate challenge." The winner of the first season was Alvaro "Kosmo" Orlando.
JT Tran, also known as The Asian Playboy, is a dating coach and pickup artist as well as dating advice columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. He is also the founder, CEO and lead instructor of a company that offers pickup artist called ABCs of Attraction courses to men.
Rules of the Game is a how-to book about dating and seduction published in 2007 by American writer Neil Strauss. A follow-up to his autobiographical work The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, Rules of the Game was also a New York Times Best-Seller.
Daryush Valizadeh, also known as Roosh Valizadeh, Roosh V and Roosh Vorek, is a former alt-right American blogger and pickup artist. Valizadeh wrote on his personal blog and also owned the Return of Kings website, Roosh V Forum, where he published articles by himself and others on related subjects. Valizadeh has self-published more than a dozen dating and travel guides, most of which discuss picking up and having relations with women in specific countries. His advice, his videos and his writings have received widespread criticism, including accusations of misogyny, antisemitism, homophobia, and having ties to the alt-right.
Paul Jeffrey Ross, known by the pseudonym Ross Jeffries, is an American author and pick-up artist.
The manosphere is a diverse collection of websites, blogs, and online forums promoting masculinity, misogyny, and opposition to feminism. Communities within the manosphere include men's rights activists (MRAs), incels, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), pick-up artists (PUA), and fathers' rights groups. While the specifics of each group's beliefs sometimes conflict, they are generally united in the belief that society is biased against men due to the influence of feminism, and that feminists promote misandry, or hatred of men. Acceptance of these ideas is described as "taking the red pill", a metaphor borrowed from the film The Matrix.
Julien Blanc, also known as "JulienHimself", is a motivational speaker on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and Twitter.
Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists.
Alpha male and beta male are pseudoscientific terms for men derived from the designations of alpha and beta animals in ethology. They may also be used with other genders, such as women, or additionally use other letters of the Greek alphabet. The popularization of these terms to describe humans has been widely criticized by scientists.
Men Going Their Own Way is an anti-feminist, misogynistic, mostly online community advocating for men to separate themselves from women and society, which they believe has been corrupted by feminism. The community is a part of the manosphere, a collection of anti-feminist websites and online communities that also includes the men's rights movement, incels, and pickup artists.
Misogynist terrorism is terrorism that is motivated by the desire to punish women. It is an extreme form of misogyny—the policing of women's compliance to patriarchal gender expectations. Misogynist terrorism uses mass indiscriminate violence in an attempt to avenge nonconformity with those expectations or to reinforce the perceived superiority of men.