| Series | Episode | Original Aired Date | Secretary | Song | Discussion Points |
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| 1 | 1 | 2000-05-28 | Karen - IT Consultant | King of the Road (Orange Book, Song 7), | Dave's 36th Birthday, IT = I Try, Soccer Six, Insatiable pigs, Robert De Niro, Mike Reid |
| 1 | 2 | 2000-05-29 | Paul - Penguin Keeper | Oh, Pretty Woman (Orange Book, Song 14) | Gladiators, Toilet signs, beards, African penguins, what the director does, using star status to get women |
| 1 | 3 | 2000-05-30 | Simon - Sales Rep | Je t'aime (Orange Book, Song 17) | Dave's cat, naked with a tortoise, "even this", "little tablet you stick up your...", "Fit old bird where frank bottled it", lack of female input in the show |
| 1 | 4 | 2000-05-31 | Ally - Frank's longtime friend/stalker (also a nanny) | Sugar, Sugar (Orange Book, Song 8) | Yorkshire viewers, Tennis with Les Dennis, Meeting Frank's stalker ally, Frank's stalker's book of Frank photos, Stalking, News at Ten, who misses it, Private v Public school, EastEnders spoiler |
| 1 | 5 | 2000-06-05 | Shelly - in the Deli | At the hop (Orange Book, Song 25) | Daniella Westbrooke's nose, Rainforest Cafe, Frank owns a bit of the rainforest, naked on stage |
| 1 | 6 | 2000-06-06 | Arron Shakespeare - Freelance Librarian | Prince Charming (Orange Book, Song 7) | Cocaine users, the Arron and Alan show, Camp School, London Beefeaters, Ronan Keating, Coronation Street spoiler, |
| 1 | 7 | 2000-06-07 | Laurie JPS - Art Student | Day Dream Believer (Orange Book, Song 2) | Boy or girl, British Library, piercings, Insomnia |
| 1 | 8 | 2000-06-11 | Will - Secretary for a website | Kung Fu Fighting (Orange Book, Song 14) | Baldness and Hair loss, Dave's dad, Coronation Street spoiler, bucket in the bedroom, adult swimming lessons, sued by a psychic, the Royals |
| 1 | 9 | 2000-06-12 | Shine - Student of Chemistry | Somethin' Stupid (Orange Book, Song 21) | Guessing celebs, Boris Yeltsin, Frank and Dave's old flat in Kilburn, Stoke Newington |
| 1 | 10 | 2000-06-13 | Bruce - Film maker | Three Coins in the Fountain (Orange Book, Song 9) | (Blind Date (British game show)) party, Roy from the gym, Bruce gets burnt twice, Who would play you in a film, Dave's gossip on Prince Edward affair, "Oh do you princess Margaret", Dave's bad taste missile joke, Should parents smack children, Lemsip for Bruce, Should same sex couples chose sex of unborn children |
| 1 | 11 | 2000-06-14 | Bill - Civil Servant at Ministry of Agriculture | December, 1963 (Orange Book, Song 11) | Gordon Moore's gum dying toothpaste, Keith Chegwin, Brighton nudist beach, tosser says tosser, Close encounters |
| 1 | 12 | 2000-06-15 | Jess - Student of film TV and drama | The Lion Sleeps Tonight (Orange Book, Song 16) | Massage, frank and Dave swap with audience, "So if I did this... Streaker" |
| 2 | 1 | 2001-01-14 | Jamie - Homebase Logistics | Baggy Trousers (Blue Book - Song 4) | Deaf people, Debra Bailey, bald Bruce Forsyth, "Don't be a winner - vote for skinner", giraffe sounds (part 1) |
| 2 | 2 | 2001-01-15 | Ruth - Drama Therapy Student | Memories Are Made of This (Orange Book, Song 7) | Judaism, Drama therapy, masturbation at work, Castaway film, Archipelago restaurant, acupressure, |
| 2 | 3 | 2001-01-17 | Travis - Performing Arts Student/Barman | Waterloo (Blue Book, Song 16) | Hat hair, Frank's girlfriend, Travis on the pull, Jewdo, Vengaboys, |
| 2 | 4 | 2001-01-19 | Kelly - Customer Services | Baby One More Time (Blue Book, Song 15) | Carol Vorderman, golf, suits, dogs, anxiety attacks, Rod Stewart |
| 2 | 5 | 2001-01-21 | Harriet M - Secretary | Lost in Music (Orange Book, Song 11) | Unfortunate background, Quantity surveyor, Who wants to be a millionaire, Blind date question, Daisy chain, Conga |
| 2 | 6 | 2001-01-22 | Chris Long - Photographic Portrait Assistant | I Only Want to Be with You (Blue Book - Song 5) | Dave's jacket, the aids, Skoda, Dave's arrest, giraffe sounds (part 2) |
| 2 | 7 | 2001-01-24 | Charles - Liberal Arts student | Crazy (Blue Book - Song 10) | Frank has a cold, Peter Mandelson's resignation, Dave's uses the f word on live TV, gay code, Dave's birthplace, Jimmy Savile, Chinese New Year, Frank's pants |
| 2 | 8 | 2001-01-26 | Bonnie - Secretary | A Night To Remember (Orange book, Song 12) | Church of England priest, Basil Brush, Prince Naseem Hamed, A1, Dave's dad, snooker with Steve Davis, Paul McKenna, "a gentleman never tells", most embarrassing moment on TV |
| 2 | 9 | 2001-01-28 | Bernie - Youth Worker | What a Wonderful World (Orange book song 5) | Frank's birthday, Grecian 2000, Gary Newman, Meeting women online, wigs, Frank and Dave's worst jobs, turkey eggs (part 1), call my muff |
| 2 | 10 | 29/01/2001 | Gemma - Student of Leisure Management and Sport | Killing Me Softly (Orange book song 4) | Love bite appreciation society, West End of London, tramps and rent boys, Stephen Hawking, Chad, Izal toilet paper (from school), penny chews, turkey eggs (part 2) |
| 2 | 11 | 31/01/2001 | Gareth - Advertising | The 'In' Crowd (Orange Book, Song 12) | Cat therapist, Noel Edmonds, Tax, "when ur hand is hard ur meat is done" |
| 2 | 12 | 02/02/2001 | Rachel- Advertising | Big Spender (Blue Book, Song 12) | Spontaneous applause, signing on, Newsnight, Rent, Cilla Black, "describe each other in 5 words", phobias |
| 3 | 1 | 14/03/2002 | Shema Stanley - Marketing | American Pie (Red Book, Song 8) | Unplanned goes international, Continuity problems, Hosting the Brit Awards, Kurt Cobain and Ken Dodd, One armed Zippy |
| 3 | 2 | 21/03/2002 | Rob - Student of special effects | Old Man River (Red Book, Song 7) | Romford births, Special effects, German Three Lions, Most famous person in phone book, Up the auntie, Likely lads, Alistair McGowan, Ex-partners, Bono vs George Bush |
| 3 | 3 | 28/04/2002 | Susannah - Sales Manager | Bachelor Boy (Yellow Book, Song 8) | Smell of burning, Dave's jacket, London marathon, the show is pre recorded, Beckham's hair, the futures bright "the Fuchsia's Orange", celebrity freebies, Friends Reunited (part 2), dog looks like frank, Jewish Dwarf, George Formby |
| 3 | 4 | 04/04/2002 | Angela Barrel | Shake Rattle and Roll (Yellow Book, Song 4) | Mobile Phones, George Formby, Dreadlocks, Friends Reunited (part 2), Liam Gallagher in a Jewish chip shop, Jordan giving birth, Through the Keyhole, Charles Dickens' business card, Janine Butcher |
| 3 | 5 | 11/04/2002 | Motti Coleman - Gap Year at a Finance Company | Crying (song) (Red Book, Song 2) | Paul Daniels, In court with Boris Becker, Kylie Minogue, severed head in a bag, writer of erotic tales, dogs see in black and white |
| 3 | 6 | 18/04/2002 | Sukanya - HR Consultant | Delilah (Yellow Book, Song 9) | Elvis ladies, Loud lady, Dave's trousers, Dress to left or right, Patrick auditions for Secretary but never tells the Frank story, EastEnders’ little Mo, liposuction, Frank's ring, Beckham's foot, Marilyn Monroe, |
| 3 | 7 | 25/04/2002 | Sharon - Teacher | Mambo No. 5 (Red Book, Song 5) | The Vagina Monologues, Billy Elliot, gayometer, gay animals, new theme tune |
| 3 | 8 | 02/05/2002 | Trevor - Retired Writer | Seasons in the Sun (Red Book, Song 13) | Shark attack, Rear of the Year, Jaffa Cakes, Chris Collins, lion ladies and bloke lions, film of Frank's life, drunk stories |
| 3 | 9 | 09/05/2002 | Morne Morais - unknown | Evergreen (Yellow Book, Song 13) | Hand buzzer Joy buzzer, side of the bed, dreams coming true, Stars in Their Eyes, Name That Tune |
| 3 | 10 | 16/05/2002 | Claire and Sarah - unknown | Can't Get You Out of My Head (Red book, Song 5) | Twins, eBay, Star Wars premiere, Frank and Dave recreate sitcoms, Atomic Kitten and a Lightsaber |
| 3 | 11 | 23/05/2002 | Andy and Becky - unknown | I’ve Got You Under My Skin I've Got You Under My Skin (Red Book, Song ?) | Unmitigated success, Angus Deayton/ Have I Got News for You, ITV Digital Monkey, "Vilhelm's your uncle", Kimonos for Goalposts documentary, Frank gets the penthouse windup, Insomnia, Swinging, Posh and Becks party, David Blaine, being a woman for a day, eating dogs, |
| 3 | 12 | 30/05/2002 | Andy - English student | Three Lions (ad lib - not from the book) | Big Brother, alcoholics v celebrities, Frank's Institute of Cancer Research billboard, Lennox Lewis vs. Mike Tyson, Three Lions |
| 4 | 1 | 29/01/2003 | Sonya - NHS Clinical Coding/Security | I Will Always Love You (Purple Book, Song 6) | "Happy Birthday to you", Olivia Newton-John fan club, Koala Bears, Charlotte church, Frank's new dog, London olympics, marathon walking, Frank's upside down mouth |
| 4 | 2 | 05/02/2003 | Charlie - Nurse | The Impossible Dream (Orange Book, Song 2) | Sound activated bedside lamp, Michael Jackson, the Matthew Kelly comment, tunes, coronation street, coudoroy, Vera lynne, gulf war, green 3 |
| 4 | 3 | 12/02/2003 | Emma - Receptionist | Pearl's a Singer (Orange Book, Song 2) | Martin bash ire, Atkins diet, performance enhancing LG drugs, wedding photos, Mike skinner, Colin power, Orange 1 |
| 4 | 4 | 19/02/2003 | Ashley - Student of media | I Say a Little Prayer (Green Book, Song 16) | the Fonz, Gary Coleman, Alex furguson, David Beckham is Frank Spencer, Jack the Ripper, Ashley's joke, congestion charge, celeb daq, piles, Ashley peacock from coronation street, 2001 census |
| 4 | 5 | 26/02/2003 | Daniel - graphic designer | Fever (Green Book, Song 10) | A crow is a black bird but not a blackbird, Matthew Kelly, ant and dec, paid to go to the football with Tony the Tiger, eastenders, coronation street |
| 4 | 6 | 05/02/2003 | Laura - Secretary | Paranoid (Purple Book, Song 19) | frog marching, children's books, Nancy Delano/barbar dean at the football story, afternoon detective shows, sushi girls in Japan |
| 4 | 7 | 12/03/2003 | Siobhan - Singer | Do You Really Want To Hurt Me (Green Book, Song 18) | STDs, Operatunity, Nessun Dorma, Johnny Vaughan, gulf war, coronation street, Richard hill man, celebrity driving school |
| 4 | 8 | 19/03/2003 | Ryan - Student | I Walk The Line (Green Book, Song 7) | American conscription, invention of glasses, Elton John's outfits, Barium enemas, cold feet, George formby |
| 4 | 9 | 26/03/2003 | Nicola - Fashion Designer | Feel (Orange Book, Song 2) | Language barriers, all bran, Sudan Hussain lookalikes, frugal Frank, torture, stairlifts, dwarfs, Dave's visit to Autswith, green 3 |
| 4 | 10 | 02/04/2003 | Natalie - Personal Assistant | Yellow (Purple Book, Song 17) | Desert navigation, Why rubber ducks are yellow, Coldplay, Tan Lines, Army Regiments |
| 4 | 11 | 09/04/2003 | Pip - Erotic Novelist | Spirit in the Sky (Purple Book, Song 19) | West Ham v West Brom, Gulf war leafleting, London Marathon, getting hit in the boobs/balls |
| 4 | 12 | 16/04/2003 | Craig - DJ | Ziggy Stardust (Purple Book, Song 10) | Audience clothing, bowling alley DJ’ing, ginger twins back again, Tatoo (band), "touch", throstle tattoo, Frank spotted in gay bar/comedy club, Anne Robinson, Carry on Cat-Flap, Dave's cave |
| 5 | 1 | 28/06/2005 | Anthony - "young lad" | Beyond the Sea (Red Book, Song 3) | Walk in baths, hoodie ban, Paris Hilton sex tape, first aid course, tramp mask, childcare, Make poverty history, Room 101, Crazy Frog, Big Brother |
| 5 | 2 | 05/07/2005 | Lauren - Student | Magic Moments (Blue Book, Song 11) | Live 8, shotgun, ringtones, Anal Sex Aid, "I was asking the clever one", 2012 Olympic bid, serial killers |
| 5 | 3 | 12/07/2005 | Lynn and Sian - mother and daughter | Love and Marriage (Red Book, Song 7) | Frank will never say "anyway" again, lilt, olympics, vampires v werewolf’s, hecklers, rude children’s books and sinister nursery rhymes, Law, where do you go to get doves, smuggling sand and stones |
| 5 | 4 | 19/07/2005 | Pat - Student of Media Technology | Love Me For A Reason (Red Book, Song 8) | Dave can't get past security, holiday in London, Tom Cruise, Frank’s hair, Frank’s story of Dave’s wet patch |
| 5 | 5 | 26/06/2005 | Keith - Courier | The Tide Is High (Blue Book, Song 7) | JNF quiz, Sittingbourne, ducks |
| 5 | 6 | 02/08/2005 | Lauren - Supervisor at Cinema | Since You've Been Gone (Blue Book, Song 3) | Barry the gardener’s password, groupies, catchphrases, Celebrity Mingers |
| 5 | 7 | 09/08/2005 | Sarah Baddiel - David’s Mother | Two Become One (Blue Book, Song 10) | Norwich City fans, Dave’s family tree, Kinga from Big Brother, demographic of unplanned TV audience, how to sneeze, celebrity shark bait, knickers |
| 5 | 8 | 16/08/2005 | Kerry - IT company employee | Fat Bottom Girls (Red Book, Song 5) | Weighing yourself, who's interesting, Frank’s watch, James Bond, public proposals, Zamo |
| 5 | 9 | 23/08/2005 | Vinit - not a professional David Baddiel lookalike | Aint That A Kick In The Head (Red Book, Song 2) | O Levels, Phil Mitchell, grant Mitchell, Ross kemp, martin kemp, Gary kemp, chaz and Dave, claims that Frank and Dave refused autograph, Jewish ginger man |
| 5 | 10 | 30/08/2005 | Lisa - Secretary | Que Sera Sera (Blue Book, Song 2) | This is your life, patent, Chewbacca, Countdown, kiss and tell stories |
| 5 | 11 | 06/09/2005 | Terry - Recruitment Agent | How I Wrote The Elastic Man (Blue Book, Song 8) | skimpy dressing gown, real v fake breasts, return of the ginger twins, ginger people, camera man’s phone, dunking biscuits, baldness, sex with a radiator |
| 5 | 12 | 14/09/2005 | Kelly - Singer | Hocus Pocus (Blue Book, Song 2) | Which fish, funeral song, sloppy seconds |
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