"Stay Together for the Kids" is a song recorded by American rock band Blink-182 for their fourth studio album, Take Off Your Pants and Jacket (2001). It was released as the third and final single from the album on February 19, 2002.[5] The track was composed primarily by guitarist Tom DeLonge, who based its lyrics on his parents' divorce and its effect on him.
The song received positive reviews from contemporary music critics, with many praising its tone and subject matter. It was a hit on rock radio in the United States, where it peaked at number seven on the Modern Rock Tracks chart in 2001.
Background
Tom DeLonge, the song's primary lyricist, seen here in the early 1990s.
"Stay Together for the Kids" is written about divorce from the point of view of a helpless child.[6] Its heavier sound was inspired by bands the group's members were listening to in the two weeks they wrote their fourth album, Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, such as Fugazi and Refused.[7] Primarily written by guitarist Tom DeLonge, the song is biographical in nature. He and bassist Mark Hoppus were growing up when their respective parents divorced.[7] For Hoppus, he was eight years old when he was sent to live with his father. "The thing you realize as you get older is that parents don’t know what the hell they’re doing and neither will you when you get to be a parent. You’ve just got to understand that people are human and they make mistakes," he said.[8] DeLonge remembered learning of his parents' divorce when he discovered scrape marks on the driveway of their home. "Right then, I knew my dad had dragged out his furniture single-handedly," he recalled.[9] He spoke on the song's inspiration in 2001:
I lived, ate, and breathed skateboarding. All I did all day long was skateboard. It was all I cared about. So I didn't notice too much [else going on]. When I got home [one] day, my dad's furniture was gone, my mom was inside crying and everything just erupted at that point. I was 18, sitting in my driveway when it all went down. My whole family life was deteriorating, so, I just moved out. So I just took everything from that day and put it into a song.[8][10]
Due to its tone and subject matter, it is considered one of the band's darker songs,[10][11] alongside "Adam's Song", their 2000 single revolving around suicide.[12] Hoppus told an interviewer at the time of the album's release that "There's always a song or two where we really try to really push ourselves [...] On this new record I think we've done a lot of different stuff that people wouldn't ever expect from us. [...] On the new one, it's 'Stay Together for the Kids.'"[7] DeLonge later confirmed he had received emails from fans thanking him for the song's message. "With "Stay Together", we get emails—just kid after kid after kid—saying, 'I know exactly what you're talking about! That song is about my life!'"[13] In 2002, divorce statistics were four times higher than their average just over thirty years prior, with over 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce.[13] "You look at statistics that 50 percent of parents get divorced, and you’re going to get a pretty large group of kids who are pissed off and who don’t agree with what their parents have done," said DeLonge.[9] "Stay Together" was the final song completed during the recording sessions; it was created one day before the album was handed off to the mixing engineer.[14]
Composition
"Stay Together for the Kids" is set in the time signature of common time, with a tempo of 72 beats per minute. It is composed in the key of D major with vocals spanning the tonal nodes of A3 to B5.[15][16] Hoppus and DeLonge split vocals on the song, with the former handling verses and the latter singing the choruses.[12] In the verses, the lyrics detail a marriage gone awry: "Rather than fix the problems/They never solve them/It makes no sense at all." The song fades out with DeLonge singing "It’s not right."[12]
Commercial performance
"Stay Together for the Kids" was released as a single and EP with live tracks and video extras.[17] It debuted on Billboard'sModern Rock Tracks chart in the issue dated September 22, 2001 at number 36,[18] before gradually rising to a peak of position seven in the issue dated November 24, 2001.[19] The single spent 26 weeks on the chart as a whole,[20] before appearing in the issue dated March 16, 2002.[21] It also peaked at number 16 and spent five weeks on the Bubbling Under Hot 100 Singles chart, which documents top singles that have yet to chart on the main chart, the Billboard Hot 100.[22] By June 2002, the song had accumulated over 80,000 spins on radio in the United States, and it received a BDS Certified Spin Award.[23] Outside of the US, the song charted in Germany, where it reached a peak of 73.[24]
Reception
"Stay Together for the Kids" received positive reviews from contemporary music critics. Rob Sheffield of Rolling Stone deemed the song "bleak," describing it as a "broken-family snapshot."[25] Eric Aiese of Billboard wrote that the song "remains compelling throughout," suggesting it could be a "MacArthur Park" or "Hey Jude" within the band’s catalogue.[12]Slant Magazine's Aaron Scott called it "the best track on the album," writing, "The surprising content about a marriage that is resisting divorce will certainly appeal to a generation of youth subjected to a massive divorce epidemic. Blink hints at something here, but resists saying anything concrete."[26]
John J. Miller of the National Review included the song at number 17 in "Rockin' the Right: The 50 Greatest Conservative Rock Songs", describing it as "a eulogy for family values by an alt-rock band whose members were raised in a generation without enough of them".[27]
William Shaw of Blender compared the song to then-popular songs by rock bands about divorce, such as Papa Roach ("Broken Home"), Staind ("For You") and Nickelback ("Too Bad"), commenting, "The ’90s had Generation X — have we ended up with Generation Whine?" He interviewed DeLonge, who remarked in response to divorce's effect on children, "Is this a damaged generation? Yeah, I’d say so."[9]
Music video
The music video for "Stay Together for the Kids" depicts the band performing inside a suburban house as it is gradually demolished, serving as a visual metaphor for a broken home and the effects of family conflict. It was directed by Samuel Bayer, a prominent director known for his work on iconic 1990s videos by bands like Metallica and Nirvana. The band sought to make the video a statement, and the label afforded the band a high budget to make the video stand out. For the location, the band selected a house in Orange County that was slated for demolition and assembled a team of leading artists and set designers to oversee the shoot. The production employed high-end cinematography and special effects. For example, it utilized a technique developed for Saving Private Ryan that rattled the film cameras to intensify the visual impact of the wrecking ball striking the house.[28]
Filming coincided with the September 11 attacks, which dramatically affected the production.[29][30]:87 The band and crew watched news coverage intermittently while filming, noting disturbing visual parallels between their video footage and the real-life destruction occurring in New York City. Concerned that the imagery could be misconstrued,[31] Hoppus initially advised against releasing the video at all, but the label insisted on receiving a return on their investment. MCA suggested re-editing the video to clarify its metaphorical intent, and added a statistic to open the clip: "50 percent of American households are destroyed by divorce."[32] The band were displeased with these additions; Hoppus called the statistic "laughably ham-handed" in his book.[28]
The video's release coincided with a period of heightened sensitivity following the attacks, during which some songs and albums were censored or altered to avoid controversy. MTV, which was based in New York, outright refused to air the original video. The video ended up being entirely reshot with the same production crew,[30]:90 with the crumbling home swapped to an empty mansion.[33] It removes the wrecking ball, and replaces it with teenagers causing minor destruction, and swaps debris for leaves and trash to maintain the visual metaphor. The two videos were first released on The Urethra Chronicles II: Harder, Faster Faster, Harder, a 2002 home video on the band.[34] The first video has since widely become available online on sites like YouTube.[32]
Legacy
"Stay Together for the Kids" resonated with children of divorce and became something of an anthem for family conflict. In a 2002 Guardian feature, journalist William Shaw describes how the song connected deeply with teenagers whose parents had separated.[35]Stereogum ranked it among the band's ten best songs, with writer Pranav Trewn analyzing the song's emphasis on emotional immediacy over nuance or resolution, suggesting that its lack of mature perspective authentically captures childhood trauma.[36] In the documentary Pursuit of Tone, DeLonge observes that "I think we hit on something that sounded like adolescents lashing out over being caught in the middle of a storm that they had no control of [...] I think that’s what’s great about rock ‘n’ roll. It’s not about the music as much as it’s about the emotion, and the emotion is what resonates with people."[37]
Beyond its original context, the song has continued to be used in settings that reflect war and instability; for example, a soldier is shown playing it on acoustic guitar during the War in Afghanistan near the end of the documentary Restrepo (2010).[38]
↑ Take Off Your Pants and Jacket (2013 Vinyl Reissue) (liner notes). Blink-182. US: Geffen / Universal Music Special Markets. 2013. SRC025/SRC026/SRC027/SRC028.{{cite AV media notes}}: CS1 maint: others in cite AV media (notes) (link)
↑ Barker, Travis; Edwards, Gavin (2015). Can I Say: Living Large, Cheating Death, and Drums, Drums, Drums. William Morrow. p.158. ISBN978-0-062-31942-5.
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