Erotic sexual denial

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Erotic sexual denial is a popular form of sexual activity whereby sexual gratification for one or both partners is delayed or "denied" sexual experiences in order to increase erotic arousal and/or tension. [1] It is commonly used as sex play within the context of a mild dominance and submission relationship, though it can also be a solo practice. When used in the context of dominance and submission, the dominant partner is often encouraged to prioritize their own sexual pleasure over that of their submissive partner. The submissive partner receives gratification from providing sexual pleasure to their partner and from the feelings of vulnerability and tension that come from having their own sexual pleasure controlled by another. [2] The prohibited sexual experience can be narrowly or broadly defined for a specific or indeterminate length of time, depending on the practitioner. The experience withheld can be any favored or desired sexual activities, such as specific acts or positions, provided it is something the practitioner wants.

Contents

Orgasm control practices like edging are well-known varieties of erotic sexual denial in which a person is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without orgasm. [3] Edging often ends with a delayed orgasm, unlike the similar practice of orgasm denial which typically does not lead to orgasm. Chastity devices such as penile chastity cages, cock harnesses or chastity belts can be used as a physical barrier to restrict an individual's ability to self-pleasure during periods of sexual denial. Though not necessary to practice tease and denial, some practitioners find that these devices heighten feelings of submissiveness and empowerment between partners. [2] Another frequently mentioned variety is the use of dice or other games of chance by couples to determine how long a person is to be withheld oral and/or penetrative sex, etc., from their partner. Erotic sexual denial is commonly, but not exclusively, practiced in association with BDSM and sexual bondage.

Denial practices

Tie and tease

Bondage techniques are commonly used to restrain the person being sexually denied, allowing them to experience their powerlessness more intensely. [2] This practice is typically called "tie and tease" and can be thought of as extended tease and denial games. This practice is often an integral part of sexual denial. In discussions between BDSM partners, negotiation usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed to. Tie and tease activities are physically as well as psychologically intense, because the strong feelings of sexual frustration are escalated by the sensation of helplessness induced by bondage.

Tease and denial

Modern chastity cage for men Metal chastity cage.jpg
Modern chastity cage for men
Chastity piercing Oetang chastity.jpg
Chastity piercing

Tease and denial is a situation where a person is stimulated until they are close to orgasm, then stimulation is stopped, keeping the person on the brink of orgasm. It is sometimes referred to as "edging".[ citation needed ] This is similar to orgasm control, but without the promise of orgasm at the end.

If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a "ruined orgasm", [4] as opposed to being a "denied orgasm" (which can sometimes lead to "blue balls" for both men and women). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction ("blocked orgasm"). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.

Total denial

Pierced inner labia with chastity piercing Keuschheit.jpg
Pierced inner labia with chastity piercing

The practice of total sexual denial usually includes total avoidance of genital stimulation to the penis or vulva. This often involves the use of a physical barrier or device, such as a chastity belt or cage. Chastity belts or similar locking devices are available for all genders. Depending on the situation, sexual arousal may still be possible regardless of physical barriers to genital stimulation. This, however, depends on the belt used.

Male strap-on harness

A strap-on dildo may be worn by a male to still allow penetrative vaginal sex to the female while denying the male partner the ability to orgasm, and the male then may also wear a chastity device. [5] This is distinct from pegging, as the strap-on in this case replaces the penis of the male. This can be seen as a form of total denial if the strap-on replaces the penis throughout the whole duration of the play, or as a form of teasing if the strap-on is only used during foreplay. In the last case, the strap-on can be used to prolong penetrative sex and thus sexually satisfy the female partner in case the male suffers from premature ejaculation. [6] [7] [8]

As a form of control

Erotic sexual denial is sometimes used by a dominant to increase their control over a submissive. Because the submissive is kept in a state of sexual need and vulnerability, they are more likely to take a compliant stance with the dominant; failure to comply can result in additional teasing or an extended period of denial, among other punishments.

Orgasm denial practices can allow the dominant to exercise control over many aspects of the submissive's life. As such, they are often (though not always) practiced as an extension or enhancement of a broader BDSM relationship, or as a means of establishing one. They can allow the dominant to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power, and the submissive can enjoy intense feelings of sexual objectification and submission to the dominant.

Orgasm denial can also be used to increase a submissive's tolerance for physical stimulation, as training in holding back an orgasm, or to allow the submissive to orgasm on command; as a way to maintain a heightened state of sexual arousal in the submissive, or as a means of erotic humiliation desired by either the submissive or the dominant.

Erotic humiliation can also help enforce the dominant's position in the relationship. Orgasm denial is often accompanied by other forms of erotic humiliation such as forcing the submissive to do chores, crossdress, or consume bodily fluids. These can be used as punishments, as conditions for release, or simply at the discretion of the dominant.

A metal type chastity cage, using an integrated lock instead of the standard padlock Integrated Lock Chastity Device.jpg
A metal type chastity cage, using an integrated lock instead of the standard padlock

See also

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Human sexual activity</span> Manner in which humans engage sexually

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Bondage (BDSM)</span> Consensual sexual binding or restraining

Bondage, in the BDSM subculture, is the practice of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory stimulation. A partner may be physically restrained in a variety of ways, including the use of rope, cuffs, bondage tape, or self-adhering bandage.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Male dominance (BDSM)</span> Erotic practice

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Female submission</span> Sexual activities with a female submissive partner

Female submission or femsub is an activity or relationship in which a woman submits to the direction of a sexual partner or has her body used sexually by or for the sexual pleasure of her partner. The expression is often associated with BDSM, where submission to such activity is usually voluntarily and consensual. Submission usually involves a degree of trust by the woman in her partner. The dominant partner is usually a man, but can also be another woman, or there can be multiple dominant partners simultaneously. The submissive woman may derive sexual pleasure or emotional gratification from relinquishing control to a trusted dominant partner.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual stimulation</span> Anything that causes a sexual response

Sexual stimulation is anything that leads to sexual arousal or orgasm. This thing can be physical or of other senses, and is known as a stimulus.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Discipline (BDSM)</span> BDSM practice

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Cock and ball torture</span> Form of sexual play

Cock and ball torture (CBT) is a sexual activity involving the application of pain or constriction to the male genitals. This may involve directly painful activities, such as genital piercing, wax play, genital spanking, squeezing, ball-busting, genital flogging, urethral play, tickle torture, erotic electrostimulation, kneeing or kicking. The recipient of such activities may receive direct physical pleasure via masochism, or emotional pleasure through erotic humiliation, or knowledge that the play is pleasing to a sadistic dominant. Many of these practices carry significant health risks.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Edging (sexual practice)</span> Orgasm control technique

Edging, sometimes also referred to as gooning or surfing, is a sexual technique whereby an orgasm is controlled. It is practiced alone or with a partner and involves the maintenance of a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period without reaching climax. Orgasm control involves either sex partner being in control of the other partner's orgasm, or a person delaying their own orgasm during sexual activity with a partner or through masturbation. Any method of sexual stimulation can be used to experience controlled orgasm.

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<span class="mw-page-title-main">Dominance and submission</span> Erotic roleplay involving the submission of one person to another

Dominance and submission (D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs, and rituals involving the submission of one person to another in an erotic episode or lifestyle. It is a subset of BDSM. This form of sexual contact and pleasure has been shown to please a minority of people.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Erotic humiliation</span> Consensual use of humiliation in a sexual context

Erotic humiliation or sexual humiliation is a consensual psychological humiliation performed in order to produce erotic excitement or sexual arousal. This can be for either the person(s) being humiliated and demeaned or the person(s) humiliating, or both. It is sometimes performed before spectators, including through pornography and webcam modeling. It may be part of BDSM and other sexual roleplay, or accompanied by the sexual stimulation of the genitals of one or both parties in the activity.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Strap-on dildo</span> Device used for sexual penetration or other sexual activity

A strap-on dildo is a dildo designed to be worn, usually with a harness, during sexual activity. Harnesses and dildos are made in a wide variety of styles, with variations in how the harness fits the wearer, how the dildo attaches to the harness, as well as various features intended to facilitate stimulation of the wearer or a sexual partner. Strap-on dildos are most frequently used by lesbian women, but can be used by people of any gender or sexuality.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sensation play</span> Erotic activities meant to impart physical sensations

Sensation play, also known as sensual play or sensory play, is an act where senses are engaged in various ways to heighten erotic pleasure and induce sensuality. As an activity, it is meant to impart pleasurable and arousing sensations upon a partner, usually during an intimate interaction.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Chastity belt (BDSM)</span> Device to prevent sexual activity in BDSM play

Chastity belts are a type of chastity device used in BDSM as part of the practice of orgasm denial, to prevent the wearer from engaging in certain types of sexual activity without the permission of the dominant, who acts as "keyholder", possessing the key that unlocks the chastity belt. Without access to the key, the wearer usually cannot take off the chastity belt or device. Dominants may also enjoy long-distance chastity with their sub by keeping the key in a third location that the chastity wearer cannot access by themself.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Male submission</span> Sexual activities with male submissive partner

Male submission or malesub is a situation in BDSM and other sexual activities in which the submissive partner is male. A 2015 study indicates that 46.6% of men who are active in BDSM expressed a preference for a submissive role, 24% consider themselves to be switches and 29.5% prefer the dominant role.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Feminization (activity)</span> Submissive sexual practice

Feminization or feminisation, sometimes forced feminization, and also known as sissification, is a practice in dominance and submission or kink subcultures, involving reversal of gender roles and making a submissive male take on a feminine role, which includes cross-dressing. Subsets of the practice include "sissy training" and variations thereof, where the submissive male is "trained" to become feminine.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Breast torture</span> BDSM sexual activity

Breast torture is a BDSM activity in which sexual stimulation is provided through the intentional application of physical pain or constriction to the breasts, areolae or nipples of a submissive. It is a popular activity among the kink community. The recipient of such activities may wish to receive them as a result of masochism or they may have a desire to please a dominant who is sadistic. Those involved may also be motivated by breast fetishism. Mild breast torture such as light impact play on the breasts is also occasionally used outside of the BDSM context to provide stimulation and pleasure during conventional sex.

The following outline is provided as an overview of and topical guide to human sexuality:

References

  1. Reagene, Dominic Paul (2014). BDSM & Fetish Dictionary of Kink, 2nd Edition. New York: Muze Management Publishing. p. 46. ISBN   978-1-5070-3399-9.
  2. 1 2 3 Hsieh, Carina (13 June 2018). "8 Things You Need to Know About Orgasm Denial". Cosmopolitan.
  3. Reagene, Dominic Paul (2014). BDSM & Fetish Dictionary of Kink, 2nd Edition. New York: Muze Management Publishing. p. 82. ISBN   978-1-5070-3399-9.
  4. Hsieh, Carina; Varina, Rachel (31 July 2019). "Everything You Need to Know About Ruined Orgasms". Cosmopolitan. Archived from the original on 10 October 2019. Retrieved 17 September 2019.
  5. Zenn, Saskia. "Male Dildo Harness - A guide for Men how to wear a strap-on". Tickleberry. Archived from the original on 31 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  6. "Beginners Guide: Purchasing Your First Strap-On Harness". Gritty Woman. 30 March 2014. Archived from the original on 9 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  7. Savage, Dan (2 June 2017). "Savage Love Letter of the Day: He's Perfect, But a Premie". The Stranger. Archived from the original on 30 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  8. Rose (18 August 2014). "Rose Answers: Premature Ejaculation 101". Pure Pleasure Shop. Archived from the original on 30 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.[ unreliable source? ]

Further reading