Sexual roleplay is roleplay that has a strong erotic element. It may involve two or more people who act out roles in order to bring to life a sexual fantasy[1] and may be a form of foreplay and be sexually arousing. Many people regard sexual roleplay as a means of overcoming sexual inhibitions. It may take place in the real world, or via an internet forum, chat-room, video-game, or email—allowing for physically or virtually impossible erotic interests to be enacted.
How seriously the play is taken depends on the participants, and the scenario may be anywhere from simple and makeshift to detailed and elaborate, including costumes and a script. The role-play may involve a fantasy based on any social role and could incorporate any kind of sexual fetish desired by the participants. Examples include items of clothing experienced as erotic or one or more participants being nude. The role-play may involve elements of dominance and submission including sexual bondage and erotic humiliation.
Depending on the play scenario, the roleplay may be before spectators, and bystanders may be unknowing participants in a roleplay. For example, the roleplay may involve house guests or may be taken out of a couple's home and into, say, a bar, street, park etc. A role may require, for example, one or both partners to flirt with a stranger, or for one partner to seduce the other partner's friend, etc. It may also call for one or both partners to, say, strip in a car or park.
The popularity of the Internet has also allowed for online sexual encounters, known as cybersex, which may involve roleplay. In a 2015 US survey, up to 22% of respondents stated that they had performed sexual role play in their lifetime.[2]
BDSM
Many of the most common sexual roleplays involve a power differential and form part of the dominance and submission aspect of BDSM. Roles can be general designations of power positions, or very specific, detailed fantasies. Some people, such as those living the Gorean lifestyle make use of an entire imaginary world. The controlling player is often called the top or dominant while the controlled individual is called the bottom or submissive. It can be considered dangerous and therefore a safeword is advised to continue the safety of other(s) in such acts.
Importance of Safewords
Discussing and having safe words are crucial in sexual roleplay. A safe word[3] is a tool and method designed for use in kink spaces to keep all participants as safe as possible. These safe words are to indicate a immediate stop, a need to slow down or to check in. There isn’t just one type of safe word, there can also be verbal and non-verbal safe words. When deciding on a verbal safe word, it is important that it is a unrelated word or term. Reason for this is that during sexual roleplay there could be some consensual non-consent. That means that while all people involved in the scene have enthusiastically consented to everything that will happen, they are playing a fantasy of non-consent, which can make the normal “no”, “stop” or “don’t” ineffective as safe words. So, having a unrelated safe word like apple, unicorn or something one wouldn’t normally say during sex.
How to Bring it Up
Discussing[4] our desires and fantasies with our partner can be very nerve raking and may feel like you are setting yourself up for being embarrassed, laughed at or being rejected harshly. But don't be afraid to share your likes or dislikes or share things that you are curious on trying with them. Always go slow when beginning a conversation about a new and potentially controversial subject. Begin by letting your partner know that you enjoy what you already have going on in their sex lives but would like to try something new. Make sure you word it in a way that doesn't sound like you are pushing them to like it or try it. Introducing sexual roleplay is not a sign that your relationship is bad or makes your relationship worse, in fact it is the opposite. It can indicate trust and safety. It is also seen as therapeutic in many ways for most people and can make your relationship better and stronger.
Benefits of Sexual Roleplay
Sexual roleplay offers benefits[5] like boosting intimacy and excitement by introducing novelty, enhancing communication and trust, allowing exploration of fantasies in a safe space, building sexual confidence, and strengthening the relationship by breaking the usual routine and fostering deeper connection. It helps partners step out of their daily roles to discover new aspects of themselves and each other, improving emotional regulation, self-awareness and trust in the relationship. It keeps things fresh and interesting, build trust, find more satisfaction. It can also build ones self-confidence[6] and self-esteem[7], especially if dressing up/costumes are involved in the roleplay.
Examples of scenarios
Uniform fetish: A Japanese woman dressed as a school student.
Common scenarios include:
Burglary
Doctor/Nurse/Patient: medical fetishism where the participants play the roles of doctor, nurse, or patient, e.g., enema play.[8]
Escort – Client: one partner assumes the role of paid escort for an encounter.
Executive – Secretary: one partner assumes the role of a business executive while the other takes the role of their secretary.
Handyman – Housewife: the tradesman enters the housewife's home initially with the intent of carrying out plumbing/maintenance work.
Master – Slave: the slave is required to comply with all demands of the master.
Photographer – Model: this allows one partner to photograph the other as a precursor to sexual interaction.
Stripper – Client: one participant performs a striptease for the other.
Teacher – Student: the student dresses for the part and must do as they are told, or are punished.
Circus master - Lion: the lion is given a demand and must do it for the sake of entertainment.
Sex doll - Doll owner: the sex doll must stay still and be obedient.
Pilot – flight attendant: One partner takes on the role of the pilot while the other plays a seductive flight attendant.
Mechanic – client: While one partner plays the mechanic the other takes on the role of the client. The client tries to pay the mechanic via seduction.
Soldier – girlfriend: A returning soldier is surprised by his girlfriend in a stunning lingerie set.[9]
Other scenarios include:
Ageplay: where an individual acts and/or treats another as if they were a different age. The practice can be regressive, in which the goal is to re-experience childhood, or sexual, recreating a sexual relationship with people of the pretended ages. Generally this can involve someone pretending to be younger than they actually are, but more rarely can involve assuming an older role.
Animal roleplay: where a player is treated as a non-human animal such as a dog, pony, or cat.
Authority figure/Misbehaving Adult: where a player takes on the role of an authority figure and blackmails or humiliates his or her partner into sexual activity.
Gender-play: where one or more players take on roles of another gender.
Incest fantasy: also known as incest play, where two or more play the role of family members.
Owner/Inanimate object: such as the bottom being human furniture.
Prison fetish: situational play set in a prison environment. Given real life prisons are same-sex communities, this fetish does lend itself to male on male or female on female activities and settings. Opposite gender play is also possible between inmates and guards or when the setting includes a co-ed facility/institution. Prison play is also an expansion of the uniform fetish by use of inmate, guard, and staff uniforms.
Torturer/Captive prisoner: where one player is a captor who abuses the other, can also include ravishment and kidnap scenarios.
Uniform fetishism: one participant dresses in uniform (for instance as a school student, cheerleader, French maid, etc.), while the other participant plays an authority figure (e.g., a parent, teacher, coach, police officer). Can also include scenarios with both participants in uniforms.
Supernatural Seductions: One participant takes the role of a predatory vampire, incubus, succubus or witch and seduces, enthralls or claims the other participant as their victim.
Rape play involves acting out a scene simulating coercive or forced sex. As with all types of play, communication, consent and safety is important. Not to be confused with consensual non-consent.
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