Extramarital sex

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Extramarital sex occurs when a married person engages in sexual activity with someone other than their spouse. The term may be applied to the situation of a single person having sex with a married person.

Contents

Where extramarital sexual relations do not breach a sexual norm, it may be referred to as consensual non-monogamy (see also polyamory ). Where extramarital sexual relations do breach a sexual norm, it may be referred to as adultery or non-monogamy (sexual acts between a married person and a person other than the spouse), fornication (sexual acts between unmarried people), philandery, or infidelity . These terms imply moral or religious consequences, whether in civil law or religious law.

Prevalence

American researcher Alfred Kinsey found in his 1950-era studies that 50% of American males and 26% of females had extramarital sex. [1] Depending on studies, it was estimated that 26–50% of men and 21–38% of women, [2] or 22.7% of men and 11.6% of women had extramarital sex. [3] Other authors say that between 20% and 25% of Americans had sex with someone other than their spouse. [4] Durex's Global Sex Survey (2005) found that 44% of adults worldwide reported having had one-night extramarital sex and 22% had an affair. [5] According to a 2004 United States survey, [6] 16% of married partners have had extramarital sex, nearly twice as many men as women, while an additional 30% have fantasized about extramarital sex. According to a 2015 study by Durex and Match.com, Thailand and Denmark were the most adulterous countries based on the percentage of adults who admitted having an affair. [7] [8] A 2016 study by the Institute for Family Studies in the US found that black Protestants had a higher rate of extramarital sex than Catholics. [9] The 2022 General Social Survey found that of Americans engaging in extramarital sex, 50% identified as Protestant and 16% as Catholic. [10]

A 2018 US study found that 53.5% of Americans who admitted having extramarital sex did so with someone they knew well, such as a close friend. About 29.4% were with someone who was somewhat well-known, such as a neighbor, co-worker or long-term acquaintance, and the rest were with casual acquaintances. [11] The study also found some gender differences, such as that men are more likely than women to hold more favorable attitudes about extramarital sex, and that among those who reported having extramarital sex in the past year, about 12% of men had paid for sex (or to have received payment for sex) compared to 1% for women. [11] Some researchers have estimated that more than fifty million Americans may have engaged in adultery. [12]

Other studies have shown rates of extramarital sex as low as 2.5%. [2]

Engagement in extramarital sex has been associated with individuals who have a higher libido (sex drive) than their partner. [13]

Research has found that more that fifty percent of African men and women have engaged in extramarital sex, equating to more than a hundred million people. [14]

Religious views

Judaism

The Torah prescribes the death penalty through strangulation [15] for adultery, which is defined as sex with or by a female who is already married to another man. The Torah prescribes strict liability and punishment on the male, but liability and punishment on the female only if she was not raped (Leviticus 20:10). As a death penalty offence, two witnesses of good character had to testify in court for the case to be even considered by the judges against either or both the male and female. (Deuteronomy 19:15, and Mishnah Sanhedrin c.4)

Jewish law technically allowed men to have polygynous relationships (one man could have many wives) -although this was the very rare exception in practice, reserved only for kings, as well as for key biblical figures whose wives could not have children - so the marital status of the man was thus legally irrelevant. If a woman, however, is unmarried, a sexual relationship, though highly immoral and sinful from the religion's point of view, is not considered to be adultery, and therefore not punishable by death, but rather is considered fornication and punished by lashing.

Adultery provisions of the Mosaic law concerned itself with protecting the paternity of the potential offspring of husbands, so that the husband's family blood line is not adulterated and replaced with the genes of another male, thereby exterminating a husband's family's genetic lineage from that point onwards (genocide), which was a violation of the principal term of agreement and reason for entering a matrimonial contract with his wife, and a breach by a third party (the other man) of that same contract.

Any physical punishments for any offences (sins) were in effect at the times of Judges and the Holy Temple. In rabbinic Judaism, any physical punishment is prohibited by Judaism—as no proper judicial process can be provided until the Holy Temple is rebuilt by the Messiah. [16]

Christianity

Traditionalist Christianity teaches that extramarital sex is both immoral and sinful by nature. Scriptural foundations for this Biblical teaching are cited as following:

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate (eunuchs and homosexuals), nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. — 1 Corinthians 6:9–10 (Latin Vulgate):

Accordingly, a Catholic wedding strictly teaches that a husband and wife publicly promise fidelity to each other until death, which is the sole reason for the dissolution of a Sacramental Marriage. Consequentially, both Adultery and Divorce contradicts this nuptial promise by breach made to the covenant of Holy Mother Church.

The Order of Waldensians were accused of expressing approval of adultery in certain rare circumstances. [17]

In contrast, some select modernist Protestant denominations, such as the Episcopalian sect today hold liberal and progressive views on extramarital sex and relations, adhering to their own personal interpretations of the Holy Bible and its relevancy to modern lifestyles.

Islam

Traditional interpretations of Islamic law (or Sharia) prescribe severe punishments for zina , or extramarital sex, by both men and women. Premarital sex could be punished by up to 100 lashes, while adultery is punishable by stoning. The act of sexual penetration must, however, be attested by at least four male Muslim witnesses of good character, the accused has a right to testify in court, the suspect's word or testimony is required to hold the most weight in the eyes of the judge(s), punishments are reserved to the legal authorities and the law states that false accusations are to be punished severely. [18] The former regulations also make some Muslims believe, that the process's goal was to eventually abolish the physical penalties relating to acts of fornication and adultery that were already present within many societies around the world when Islamic teachings first arose. According to this view, the principles are so rigorous in their search for evidence, that they create the near impossibility of being able to reach a verdict that goes against the suspect in any manner. [19]

Hinduism

Hinduism condemns extramarital sex as sin. [20] According to the Hindu Dharmashastra texts, any sexual act outside of the accepted marriage, including physical, mental, and emotional adultery, are denounced. Various Hindu texts state the occurrences of Hindu gods engaging in extramarital sex. While these narratives state such situations to occur, research has noted that the term has been created by humans. This means that humans who hold Hindu beliefs should restrain from such acts. [21]

Law

Extramarital sex is legal in most jurisdictions, but laws against adultery are more common. In the United States, for example, Virginia prosecuted John Bushey for adultery in 2004. [22] Other states allow jilted spouses to sue their ex-partners' lovers for alienation of affections. [22]

Extramarital sex is illegal in some Muslim-majority countries, including Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, [23] Afghanistan, [24] [25] [26] Egypt, [27] Iran, [26] Kuwait, [28] Maldives, [29] Morocco, [30] Oman, [31] Mauritania, [32] United Arab Emirates, [33] [34] Qatar, [35] Sudan, [36] and Yemen. [37]

Attitudes toward extramarital sex

A person's attitude towards extramarital sex is associated with their likelihood of engaging in extramarital sex. [38] While some extramarital sex is deceptive, other forms are open and spouses share an understanding of its engagement. Extramarital sex poses a problem to marriage when it violates expectations of fidelity. [39] The theory behind fidelity is thought to be a combination of moral standards and social exchange processes. The latter is based on the investment model of commitment and interdependence theory. [40]

Motivations

Motivations behind the act of extramarital sex vary. Feelings can be more difficult to control than behavior. People may engage in the act due to feelings of dissatisfaction emotionally/physically in the marriage and imbalance in the relationship resource-wise. The intimacy vs passion argument provides reason such that it can revive passionate arousal. This contrasts to the marriage of the committed partner as they may feel they have them well understood, with little passion between them. However, an opportunity to engage in extramarital sex must also be present, where the risks are weighed less than the reasons to engage. [39]

Factors

Factors that are negatively associated with a spouse engaging with extramarital sex are (1) strong moral standards, (2) considering the effect(s) on the children, (3) fundamental anxieties, specifically the fear of being alone, and (4) not wanting to hurt other people, specifically the extramarital partner. Of these factors, moral standards and fundamental anxieties are more likely to accurately gauge a spouse not pursuing extramarital sex. [40]

Gender Differences

Men are noted to find sexual infidelity more hurtful than emotional infidelity. [39] In terms of behavior, men are more likely to report having extramarital sex. Possible explanations for this span from the evolutionary perspective which indicates that it is a genetic advantage for men to have multiple partners. [38]

While both men and women were equally likely to have extramarital sex with a close personal friend, a long-term acquaintance, or someone not within those categories, it was noticed that men are more likely to have a extramarital sex with a casual date or hook-up. Men were significantly more likely to report having paid for extramarital sex. [40]

Impacts

The identity of the extramarital sexual partner can impact the marriage of the partner who engaged in such behavior, thereby increasing the risk of destabilizing it. The gender of the spouse engaging in the extramarital sex does not matter – the resulting increased risk of disruption on the marriage is the same. [39] Relationships with an extramarital sexual partner who is a close friend as well as this behavior in general is associated with marriage dissolution. [41]

The damaging effect of extramarital sex on marriages is undeterred by the quality of the marriage, the length of the marriage, attitude toward divorce by the recipient spouse, advice from third parties, and the presence of children in the household. The effect on more religious couples is noted to be very strong as well, though if the wife is in the workforce the effect of extramarital sex on the marriage is noted to be weaker. [39]

See also

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Chastity</span> Ethic concept of temperance related to sexuality

Chastity, also known as purity, is a virtue related to temperance. Someone who is chaste refrains either from sexual activity that is considered immoral or from any sexual activity, according to their state of life. In some contexts, for example when making a vow of chastity, chastity means celibacy.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Marriage</span> Culturally recognised union between people

Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognised union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws. It is nearly a cultural universal, but the definition of marriage varies between cultures and religions, and over time. Typically, it is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged or sanctioned. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing sexual activity. A marriage ceremony is called a wedding, while a private marriage is sometimes called an elopement.

Adultery is extramarital sex that is considered objectionable on social, religious, moral, or legal grounds. Although the sexual activities that constitute adultery vary, as well as the social, religious, and legal consequences, the concept exists in many cultures and shares some similarities in Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Adultery is viewed by many jurisdictions as offensive to public morals, undermining the marriage relationship.

Promiscuity is the practice of engaging in sexual activity frequently with different partners or being indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners. The term can carry a moral judgment. A common example of behavior viewed as promiscuous by many cultures is the one-night stand, and its frequency is used by researchers as a marker for promiscuity.

An affair is a union of more than two people in one romantic and sexual relationship, [soul tie], passionate attachment in which at least one of its participants has betrayed their partner with a third person or more people.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Infidelity</span> Cheating, adultery, or having an affair

Infidelity is a violation of a couple's emotional or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and rivalry.

Open marriage is a form of non-monogamy in which the partners of a dyadic marriage agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual or romantic relationships, without this being regarded by them as infidelity, and consider or establish an open relationship despite the implied monogamy of marriage. There are variant forms of open marriage such as swinging and polyamory, each with the partners having varying levels of input into their spouse's activities.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Premarital sex</span> Sexual activity before marriage

Premarital sex is sexual activity which is practiced by people before they are married. Premarital sex is considered a sin by a number of religions and also considered a moral issue which is taboo in many cultures. Since the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, it has become accepted by certain liberal movements, especially in Western countries. A 2014 Pew study on global morality found that premarital sex was considered particularly unacceptable in "Muslim Majority Countries", such as Malaysia, Jordan and Pakistan, each having over 90% disapproval, while people in Western European countries were the most accepting, with Spain, Germany, and France expressing less than 10% disapproval.

<i>Zina</i> Islamic legal term referring to unlawful sexual intercourse

Zināʾ (زِنَاء) or zinā is an Islamic legal term referring to unlawful sexual intercourse. According to traditional jurisprudence, zina can include adultery, fornication, prostitution, rape, sodomy, incest, and bestiality. Zina must be proved by testimony of four Muslim eyewitnesses to the actual act of penetration, confession repeated four times and not retracted later. The offenders must have acted of their own free will. Rapists could be prosecuted under different legal categories which used normal evidentiary rules. Making an accusation of zina without presenting the required eyewitnesses is called qadhf (القذف), which is itself a hudud offense.

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Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people in the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan face severe challenges not experienced by non-LGBT residents. Afghan members of the LGBT community are forced to keep their gender identity and sexual orientation secret, in fear of violence and the death penalty. The religious nature of the country has limited any opportunity for public discussion, with any mention of homosexuality and related terms deemed taboo.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Husband</span> Male spouse; man who is married

A husband is a man involved in a marital relationship, commonly referred to as a spouse. The specific rights, responsibilities, and societal status attributed to a husband can vary significantly across different cultures and historical periods, reflecting a global perspective on this role.

The term emotional affair describes a type of relationship between people. The term often describes a bond between two people that mimics or matches the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship while not being physically consummated. An emotional affair is sometimes referred to as an affair of the heart. An emotional affair may emerge from a friendship, and progress toward greater levels of personal intimacy and attachment.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Situational sexual behavior</span> Sexual behavior that differs from that which the person normally exhibits

Situational sexual behavior is a type of sexual behavior which differs from that which the person normally exhibits, due to a social environment that in some way permits, encourages, or compels the behavior in question. This can include situations where a person's preferred sexual behavior may not be possible, so rather than refraining from sexual activity completely, they may engage in substitute sexual behaviors.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">HIV/AIDS in Malawi</span> Impact of the immunodeficiency virus in the African nation

As of 2012, approximately 1,100,000 people in Malawi are HIV-positive, which represents 10.8% of the country's population. Because the Malawian government was initially slow to respond to the epidemic under the leadership of Hastings Banda (1966–1994), the prevalence of HIV/AIDS increased drastically between 1985, when the disease was first identified in Malawi, and 1993, when HIV prevalence rates were estimated to be as high as 30% among pregnant women. The Malawian food crisis in 2002 resulted, at least in part, from a loss of agricultural productivity due to the prevalence of HIV/AIDS. Various degrees of government involvement under the leadership of Bakili Muluzi (1994–2004) and Bingu wa Mutharika (2004–2012) resulted in a gradual decline in HIV prevalence, and, in 2003, many people living in Malawi gained access to antiretroviral therapy. Condoms have become more widely available to the public through non-governmental organizations, and more Malawians are taking advantage of HIV testing services.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sex and gender roles in the Catholic Church</span>

Sex and gender roles in the Roman Catholic Church have been the subject of both intrigue and controversy throughout the Church's history. The cultural influence of the Catholic Church has been vast, particularly upon Western society. Christian concepts, introduced into evangelized societies worldwide by the Church, had a significant impact on established cultural views of sex and gender roles. Human sacrifice, slavery, infanticide and polygamy practiced by cultures such as those of the Roman Empire, Europe, Latin America and parts of Africa came to an end through Church evangelization efforts. Historians note that Catholic missionaries, popes and religious were among the leaders in campaigns against slavery, an institution that has existed in almost every culture and often included sexual slavery of women. Christianity affected the status of women in evangelized cultures like the Roman Empire by condemning infanticide, divorce, incest, polygamy and marital infidelity of both men and women. Some critics say the Church and teachings by St. Paul, the Church Fathers, and scholastic theologians perpetuated a notion that female inferiority was divinely ordained, while current Church teaching considers women and men to be equal, different, and complementary.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Thou shalt not commit adultery</span> One of the Ten Commandments

"Thou shalt not commit adultery" is found in the Book of Exodus of the Hebrew Bible. It is considered the sixth commandment by Roman Catholic and Lutheran authorities, but the seventh by Jewish and most Protestant authorities. What constitutes adultery is not plainly defined in this passage of the Bible, and has been the subject of debate within Judaism and Christianity. The word fornication means illicit sex, prostitution, idolatry and lawlessness.

Forbidden relationships in Judaism are intimate relationships which are forbidden by prohibitions in the Torah or rabbinical injunctions.

Promiscuity tends to be frowned upon by many societies that expect most members to have committed, long-term relationships. Among women, as well as men, inclination for sex outside committed relationships is correlated with a high libido, but evolutionary biology as well as social and cultural factors have also been observed to influence sexual behavior and opinion.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Fornication</span> Name for pre-marital sexual intercourse

Fornication is generally consensual sexual intercourse between two people not married to each other. When one or more of the partners having consensual sexual intercourse is married to another person, it is called adultery. John Calvin viewed adultery to be any sexual act that is outside the divine model for sexual intercourse, which includes fornication.

Adultery laws are the laws in various countries that deal with extramarital sex. Historically, many cultures considered adultery a very serious crime, some subject to severe punishment, especially in the case of extramarital sex involving a married woman and a man other than her husband, with penalties including capital punishment, mutilation, or torture. Such punishments have gradually fallen into disfavor, especially in Western countries from the 19th century. In countries where adultery is still a criminal offense, punishments range from fines to caning and even capital punishment. Since the 20th century, criminal laws against adultery have become controversial, with most Western countries repealing them.

References

  1. ↑ The Kinsey Institute. Data from Alfred Kinsey's Studies Archived 2010-07-26 at the Wayback Machine . Published online.
  2. 1 2 Choi, K.H., Catania, J.A., & Dolcini, M.M. (1994). Extramarital sex and HIV risk behavior among U.S. adults: Results from the national AIDS behavioral survey. American Journal of Public Health, 84, 12, pp. 2003-2007.
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  4. ↑ Atkins, D.C., Baucom, D.H. and Jacobson, N.S. (2001). Understanding Infidelity: Correlates in a National Random Sample. Journal of Family Psychology, 15, 4, pp. 735-749
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  11. 1 2 According to research from the University of Colorado Boulder's Department of Psychology and Neuroscience, reported at Extramarital sex partners likely to be close friends, men more apt to cheat: study
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  15. ↑ Mishnah Sanhedrin c.11, 1
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  22. 1 2 Appel, Jacob M. (18 March 2010). "Hate the Husband? Sue the Mistress!". The Huffington Post.
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  38. 1 2 Labrecque, Lindsay T.; Whisman, Mark A. (October 2017). "Attitudes toward and prevalence of extramarital sex and descriptions of extramarital partners in the 21st century". Journal of Family Psychology. 31 (7): 952–957. doi:10.1037/fam0000280. ISSN   1939-1293. PMID   28517944. S2CID   46711653.
  39. 1 2 3 4 5 DeMaris, Alfred (2013-01-04). "Burning the Candle at Both Ends". Journal of Family Issues. 34 (11): 1474–1499. doi:10.1177/0192513x12470833. ISSN   0192-513X. PMC   3951093 . PMID   24634559.
  40. 1 2 3 Ziv, Ido; Lubin, Or Ben-Haim; Asher, Sapir (2017-07-28). ""I Swear I Will Never Betray You": Factors Reported by Spouses as Helping Them Resist Extramarital Sex in Relation to Gender, Marriage Length, and Religiosity". The Journal of Sex Research. 55 (2): 236–251. doi:10.1080/00224499.2017.1347602. ISSN   0022-4499. PMID   28753393. S2CID   29428986.
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