Conventional sex

Last updated

Conventional sex, colloquially known as vanilla sex, is sexual behavior that is within the range of normality for a culture or subculture. What is regarded as conventional sex depends on cultural and subcultural norms. It can also describe penetrative sex which does not have any element of BDSM, kink or fetish. [1]

Contents

Conventional sexual acts in the Western world

Among heterosexual couples in the Western world, for example, conventional sex often refers to sexual intercourse in the missionary position. [2]

The British Medical Journal regards conventional sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual masturbation, and oral and anal sex." [3] In addition to mutual masturbation (including manual sex), penetrative sexual activity among same-sex pairings is contrasted by non-insertive acts such as intercrural sex, frot and tribadism, although tribadism has been cited as a common but rarely discussed sexual practice among lesbians. [4] [5]

"Vanilla sex"

The term "vanilla sex" is often used to describe conventional sex which does not include explicit elements of BDSM, kink or fetishism.

In relationships where only one partner enjoys less conventional forms of sexual expression, the partner who does not enjoy such activities as much as the other is often referred to as the vanilla partner. As such, it is easy for them to be erroneously branded unadventurous in sexual matters. [6] Through exploration with their partner, it may be possible for a more vanilla-minded person to discover new facets of their sexuality. As with any sexually active person, they may find their preferences on the commonly termed "vanilla-kink spectrum" are sufficient for their full satisfaction. [7]

The term "vanilla" in "vanilla sex" leverages the polysemic nature of the term, meaning both literally "vanilla", the flavour of as the pod of the Vanilla genus or the orchid Vanilla planifolia, or "conventional", depending on the context. [8]

Vanilla flavour has been the most common flavour for ice cream for over 200 years, leading to the flavor being associated with being plain, basic, or conventional. [9] The figurative meaning was added in the 1970s, though earlier examples exist. [10]

A notable early instance appears in a 1942 LIFE magazine article, suggesting the metaphorical use was already familiar to the public. In 1997, the OED expanded the definition to include sexual contexts, particularly "vanilla sex," referring to conventional, non-kinky activity. Several citations stem from 1970s gay and lesbian discourse, coinciding with a rise in visibility and activism, indicating cultural shifts shaped the modern usage. [10]

References

Listen to this article (3 minutes)
Sound-icon.svg
This audio file was created from a revision of this article dated 24 April 2006 (2006-04-24), and does not reflect subsequent edits.
  1. Loynaz, Annette (August 2021). Exploring Personality and Sexual Behavior: BDSM and Vanilla Practices as Complementary Lenses (Doctoral dissertation). San Francisco State University. p. 31. doi: 10.46569/20.500.12680/1g05fh796 . Retrieved 2025-04-16.
  2. Iovine, Anna (2019-02-14). "When It Comes to 'Vanilla Sex,' No Two People Taste the Same Flavor". VICE. Retrieved 2025-04-16.
  3. Bell, Robin (13 February 1999). "Homosexual men and women". BMJ . 318 (7181): 452–5. doi:10.1136/bmj.318.7181.452. PMC   1114912 . PMID   9974466.
  4. Carroll, Janell L. (2009). Sexuality Now: Embracing Diversity (Third ed.). Belmont, Calif.: Cengage Learning. p. 629. ISBN   978-0-495-60274-3. OCLC   426044136.
  5. Halberstam, Judith (1998). Female Masculinity . Durham, N.C.: Duke University Press. p.  61. ISBN   978-0-8223-2243-6. OCLC   39235591 . Retrieved 2010-12-19. Lesbians tribadism.
  6. Nichols, Margaret (2006). "Psychotherapeutic Issues With 'Kinky' Clients: Clinical Problems, Yours and Theirs". In Kleinplatz, Peggy J.; Moser, Charles (eds.). Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures. New York: Harrington Park Press. pp. 281–300. ISBN   978-1-56023-639-9. OCLC   61758612 . Retrieved 9 November 2011. Paper on the difficulties facing "vanilla partners". Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures , p. 281, at Google Books.
  7. Goerlich, Stefani (2023). With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect. Sounds True. ISBN   978-1649630346.
  8. Tiidenberg, K.; Paasonen, S.; Sundén, J.; Vihlman, M. (2023). "Vanilla normies and fellow pervs: Boundary work on sexual platforms". Sexualities. doi: 10.1177/13634607231215763 .
  9. "Why plain old vanilla is the world's favourite ice cream flavour". CBC Radio. May 19, 2022. Retrieved 2025-09-07.
  10. 1 2 Murrell-Harvey, Cecilia (2014). "Lexiculture: Papers on English Words and Culture" (PDF). Glossographia. Wayne State University. Archived from the original (PDF) on 2014-07-15.

See also