Erotic talk

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"Saucy" postcard 1905 - 1915

Erotic talk, also known as dirty talk, gross talk, love talk, naughty talk, sexting, sexy talk, talking dirty, or talking gross, is the practice of using explicit word imagery to heighten sexual excitement before and during (or instead of) physical sexual activity. It is commonly a part of foreplay, and can include vivid erotic descriptions, sexual humor, sexual commands and rude words. It may be whispered into a partner's ear, spoken over a telephone, or put into text. The intention of erotic talk is generally to generate excitement between one, both or all parties engaged in a sexual interaction, or even to induce orgasm.

Contents

When lovers are apart from one another and physical intimacy is impossible, it can be an important aspect of virtual sex, particularly phone sex and cybersex. Additionally, love talk is more sexual in nature than pillow talk and tends to occur preceding or during rather than following lovemaking.

The Marquis de Sade, who fancied himself an expert on matters sexual, states in the introduction to The 120 Days of Sodom that "among libertines, it is commonly accepted that the most voluptuous sensations are transmitted by the organs of hearing"—that is, that dirty talk is the most arousing form of sex. One fictional character in porn films that became associated with the idea of men using naughty talk with women was actor John Leslie's character of 'Jack' in Talk Dirty to Me (1980).

An Examination of the Nature of Erotic Talk

In their publication An Examination of the Nature of Erotic Talk, Peter K. Jonason, Gabrielle L. Betteridge, and Ian I. Kneebone conduct a deep study of erotic talk, and how humans use it. In this publication, the authors report the results of their study. In a large-scale sexual survey done by the Great Australian Sex Census, it was found that 62% of the survey respondents enjoyed verbal communication during intercourse. [1] Erotic talk can also be an important aspect of relationship-building and relationship satisfaction as well as sexual satisfaction. Erotic talk can also help to facilitate orgasm for both men and women. Interestingly enough, this trend was also seen in non-human primates. This trend also suggest that what is said during intercourse can have biological implications. The authors justify this exploration into erotic talk due to the themes of an individual's sex differences, sociosexuality, and relationship satisfaction. [2]

Eight themes of erotic talk

The study done by Jonason, Betteridge and Kneebone also uncovered eight message themes of erotic talk. These themes include:

  1. Sexual dominance
  2. Sexual submission
  3. Instructive statements
  4. Positive feedback/reinforcement
  5. Intimacy/emotional bonding
  6. Sexual ownership
  7. Speaking fantasies
  8. Reflexive calls

Sexual dominance is rooted in the desire of power in the situation. Sexual submission is rooted in wanting one's partner to be in power in the situation. Instructive statements are generally intended to improve the experience for one or both partners, facilitating communication on what each partner is desiring. Positive feedback/reinforcement is generally intended to encourage desirable sexual behaviors and to encourage a sexual partner. Intimacy/emotional bonding is generally intended to establish a more serious emotional or spiritual connection between two or more partners. Intimacy/emotional bonding is typically most common in serious relationships. Sexual ownership, similarly to sexual dominance is rooted in the desire of power in the situation. These two themes are often very similar and can be concurrent. Speaking fantasies is generally intended to foster imaginative thoughts and to make the encounter more exciting for one or both partners. Reflexive calls are generally intended to be encouraging and to let a partner know that one is enjoying the encounter. Reflexive calls can be involuntary and reactive, as opposed to thought out and intentional. [2]

These eight message themes fit into two higher order factors. These factors are individualist talk and mutualistic talk. Individual talk is a higher order of erotic talk themes that correlate more so to individual satisfaction, while mutualistic talk correlates more so to mutual satisfaction, namely a sexual partner's satisfaction.

Sex differences and similarities in erotic talk

Although there were several differences between sexes reported, the role of a participant's sex in their survey responses was statistically significant in one theme. That one theme was intimacy/emotional bonding. Jonason, Betteridge, and Kneebone found that women reported more enjoyment and use of examples of erotic talk which fit this specific theme, than men did. This suggests that the fundamental purposes and nature of sex may differ for men and women. While women reacted positively to intimate examples of erotic talk, men reported high levels of excitement for submissive examples of erotic talk. [2]

Although men and women tend to differ slightly in erotic talk preferences, overall, there are some similarities in the data for both. Both men and women reported high levels of enjoyment for mutualistic talk (higher than individualistic talk).

Between the sheets: Investigating young adults' communication during sexual activity

In their publication Between the sheets: Investigating young adults' communication during sexual activity, Amanda Denes, John P. Crowley and Margaret Bennett conduct a study of erotic talk and its link to sexual and relational outcomes. A study of 319 young adults (237 women and 82 men) between the ages of 18 and 32 years old with a mean of 19 years old was conducted within 2 hours of a recent sexual experience. The goal of this study was to examine their communication during a sexual encounter. The authors then discuss the implications of these findings on sexual satisfaction, post sex disclosure model and relational health in their publication. [3]

The results of this study suggest that positive relational disclosures were more likely to predict the likelihood of orgasm when compared to erotic talk. Furthermore, the individuals who reported engaging in mutualistic erotic talk specifically including the theme of intimacy and bonding also reported higher relationship satisfaction following sexual activity. [3]

Let's Talk Sex: The Science of Your Brain on Dirty Talk

In her article Let's Talk Sex: The Science of Your Brain on Dirty Talk for Big Think, Molly Hanson states "By electrifying our most powerful sex organs, our brains, research has shown that provacative conversation has the ability to add serious sizzle to our sex lives". [4] She goes on to cite a study conducted by Superdrug Online Doctor looking into the sex talk preferences Americans and Europeans ranging in age from 18 to 83. The study included 990 participants who had all talked sexually with a partner. Although 90% of participants reported feeling arousal from the right kind of erotic talk, one in five participants admitted to having ceased a sexual encounter due to erotic talk. It was also reported that nearly seven in ten respondents had engaged in erotic talk with their partner(s) in the year previous, but only 29% reported talking sexually during every time they had engaged in intercourse. The respondents who reported being sexually satisfied were also the respondents who reported talking sexually during intercourse, as well as those who engaged in erotic talk outside the bedroom (for example in text messages/sexting). Respondents also reported higher levels of arousal for hearing erotic talk as opposed to speaking erotic talk themselves, and 38% of the respondents in the study reported having a conversation with their partners about erotic talk. [4]

The human brain during erotic talk

Hanson goes on to discuss the brain's activity during erotic talk. She makes the claim that erotic talk is effective because of a few specific areas in the brain that are sexually responsive. Hanson dubs them the "erogenous zones". These zones are the hypothalamus and the amygdala. [4]

The hypothalamus

The hypothalamus has two regions in which sex drive and testosterone production are originated: the preoptic area and the suprachiasmatic nucleus. Erotic talk stimulates both of these areas of the hypothalamus, increasing sex drive and testosterone production. Neurophychology expert Daryl Cioffi told Medical Daily in 2015 "People very much enjoy dirty talking because it activates all regions of your brain while your body is also getting stimulated . . . Similar areas of the brain are touched upon during dirty talk as when we curse. So, very often as your brain sees it, the dirtier the better." (Cioffi). [5]

The amygdala

The Amygdala is the part of the brain that is associated with fear. It also plays a large role in excitement and pleasure during sex. Erotic talk that is specifically within the theme of sexual submission can stimulate the amygdala by increasing feelings of vulnerability.

The brain's hearing center

The brain's hearing center consists of the temporal lobe, the frontal lobe, and the occipital lobe. The sounds of erotic talk, as all sounds, are processed in this hearing center, and activate other parts of the brain after being processed.

See also

Related Research Articles

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Human sexual activity</span> Manner in which humans engage sexually

Human sexual activity, human sexual practice or human sexual behaviour is the manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality. People engage in a variety of sexual acts, ranging from activities done alone to acts with another person in varying patterns of frequency, for a wide variety of reasons. Sexual activity usually results in sexual arousal and physiological changes in the aroused person, some of which are pronounced while others are more subtle. Sexual activity may also include conduct and activities which are intended to arouse the sexual interest of another or enhance the sex life of another, such as strategies to find or attract partners, or personal interactions between individuals. Sexual activity may follow sexual arousal.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Orgasm</span> Intense physical sensation of sexual release

Orgasm or sexual climax is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement during the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic, involuntary muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure. Experienced by males and females, orgasms are controlled by the involuntary or autonomic nervous system. They are usually associated with involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, a general euphoric sensation, and, frequently, body movements and vocalizations. The period after orgasm is typically a relaxing experience, attributed to the release of the neurohormones oxytocin and prolactin as well as endorphins.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual intercourse</span> Copulation or penetrative sexual activity for reproduction or sexual pleasure

Sexual intercourse is sexual activity involving the insertion and thrusting of the male penis inside the female vagina for sexual pleasure, reproduction, or both. This is also known as vaginal intercourse or vaginal sex. Other forms of penetrative sexual intercourse include anal sex, oral sex, fingering and penetration by use of a dildo, and vibrators These activities involve physical intimacy between two or more individuals and are usually used among humans solely for physical or emotional pleasure and can contribute to human bonding.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Foreplay</span> Intimate acts that create sexual arousal

Foreplay is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between one or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. Although foreplay is typically understood as physical sexual activity, nonphysical activities, such as mental or verbal acts, may in some contexts be foreplay. This is typically the reason why foreplay tends to be an ambiguous term and means different things to different people. It can consist of various sexual practices such as kissing, sexual touching, removing clothes, oral sex, manual sex, sexual games, and role playing.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual fantasy</span> Class of mental image or pattern of thought

A sexual fantasy or erotic fantasy is an autoerotic mental image or pattern of thought that stirs a person's sexuality and can create or enhance sexual arousal. A sexual fantasy can be created by the person's imagination or memory, and may be triggered autonomously or by external stimulation such as erotic literature or pornography, a physical object, or sexual attraction to another person. Anything that may give rise to a sexual arousal may also produce a sexual fantasy, and sexual arousal may in turn give rise to fantasies.

Emotional intimacy is an aspect of interpersonal relationships that varies in intensity from one relationship to another and varies from one time to another, much like physical intimacy. Emotional intimacy involves a perception of closeness to another, sharing of personal feelings, and personal validation.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual stimulation</span> Stimulus that causes and maintains sexual arousal

Sexual stimulation is any stimulus that leads to, enhances and maintains sexual arousal, and may lead to orgasm. Although sexual arousal may arise without physical stimulation, achieving orgasm usually requires it.

Sexual dysfunction is difficulty experienced by an individual or partners during any stage of normal sexual activity, including physical pleasure, desire, preference, arousal, or orgasm. The World Health Organization defines sexual dysfunction as a "person's inability to participate in a sexual relationship as they would wish". This definition is broad and is subject to many interpretations. A diagnosis of sexual dysfunction under the DSM-5 requires a person to feel extreme distress and interpersonal strain for a minimum of six months. Sexual dysfunction can have a profound impact on an individual's perceived quality of sexual life. The term sexual disorder may not only refer to physical sexual dysfunction, but to paraphilias as well; this is sometimes termed disorder of sexual preference.

A rape fantasy or a ravishment is a sexual fantasy involving imagining or pretending being coerced or forcefully coercing another into sexual activity. In sexual roleplay, it involves acting out roles of coercive sex. Rape pornography is literature or images associated with rape and sometimes Stockholm syndrome as a means of sexual arousal.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Intimate relationship</span> Physical or emotional intimacy

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves emotional or physical closeness between people and may include sexual intimacy and feelings of romance or love. Intimate relationships are interdependent, and the members of the relationship mutually influence each other. The quality and nature of the relationship depends on the interactions between individuals, and is derived from the unique context and history that builds between people over time. Social and legal institutions such as marriage acknowledge and uphold intimate relationships between people. However, intimate relationships are not necessarily monogamous or sexual, and there is wide social and cultural variability in the norms and practices of intimacy between people.

Pillow talk is the relaxed, intimate conversation that can occur between sexual partners after sexual activity, usually accompanied by cuddling, caresses, kissing, and other physical intimacy. It is associated with honesty, sexual afterglow, and bonding, and is distinguished from dirty talk which sometimes forms part of foreplay and of sexual act.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexless marriage</span> Marital union with little or no sexual activity between the spouses

A sexless marriage is a marital union in which little or no sexual activity occurs between the two spouses. The US National Health and Social Life Survey in 1992 found that 2% of married respondents aged 18 to 59 reported no sexual intimacy in the past year. Comparatively 92% of married respondents aged 65 to 80 reported no sexual intimacy in the past year. The definition of a non-sexual marriage is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs fewer than ten times per year, in which case 20 percent of the couples in the National Health and Social Life Survey would be in the category. Other studies show that 10% or less of the married population below age 50 have not had sex in the past year. In addition less than 20% report having sex a few times per year, or even monthly, under the age 40.

Sensate focus is a sex therapy technique introduced by the Masters and Johnson team. It works by refocusing the participants on their own sensory perceptions and sensuality, instead of goal-oriented behavior focused on the genitals and penetrative sex. Sensate focus has been used to treat problems with body image, erectile dysfunction, orgasm disorders, and lack of sexual arousal.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual practices between women</span> Sexual activity between women

Sexual activities involving women who have sex with women (WSW), regardless of their sexual orientation or sexual identity, can include oral sex, manual sex, or tribadism.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Effects of pornography</span> Influence of pornography on an individual and their intimate relationships

Pornography has been defined as any material in varying forms, including texts, video, photos or audio that is consumed for sexual satisfaction and arousal of an individual or partnership. Pornography would have varying effects in regard to things such as exposure and consumption. The effects of pornography on individuals or their intimate relationships depend on the type of pornography used and differs from person to person. The consumption of Pornographic material could have both positive and negative outcomes.

Sexual desire discrepancy (SDD) is the difference between one's desired frequency of sexual intercourse and the actual frequency of sexual intercourse within a relationship. Among couples seeking sex therapy, problems of sexual desire are the most commonly reported dysfunctions, yet have historically been the most difficult to treat successfully. Sexual satisfaction in a relationship has a direct relationship with overall relationship satisfaction and relationship well-being. Sexual desire and sexual frequency do not stem from the same domains, sexual desire characterizes an underlying aspect of sexual motivation and is associated with romantic feelings while actual sexual activity and intercourse is associated with the development and advancement of a given relationship. Thus together, sexual desire and sexual frequency can successfully predict the stability of a relationship. While higher individual sexual desire discrepancies among married individuals may undermine overall relationship well-being, higher SDD scores for females may be beneficial for romantic relationships, because those females have high levels of passionate love and attachment to their partner. Studies suggest that women with higher levels of desire relative to that of their partners' may experience fewer relationship adjustment problems than women with lower levels of desire relative to their partners'. Empirical evidence has shown that sexual desire is a factor that heavily influences couple satisfaction and relationship continuity which has been one of the main reasons for the interest in this research domain of human sexuality.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexual arousal</span> Physiological and psychological changes in preparation for sexual intercourse

Sexual arousal describes the physiological and psychological responses in preparation for sexual intercourse or when exposed to sexual stimuli. A number of physiological responses occur in the body and mind as preparation for sexual intercourse, and continue during intercourse. Male arousal will lead to an erection, and in female arousal, the body's response is engorged sexual tissues such as nipples, clitoris, vaginal walls, and vaginal lubrication.

Definitions of sexual desire are broad and understandings of sexual desire are subjective. However, the development of various ways of measuring the construct allows for extensive research to be conducted that facilitates the investigation of influences of sexual desire. Particular differences have been observed between the sexes in terms of understanding sexual desire both with regard to one's own sexual desires, as well as what others desire sexually. These beliefs and understandings all contribute to how people behave and interact with others, particularly in terms of various types of intimate relationships.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Center for Healthy Sex</span> Community therapy center in Los Angeles, California

Center for Healthy Sex is a community therapy center in Los Angeles that specializes in the treatment of sexual dysfunction, sexual anorexia, sex addiction, and love addiction. The Center is located on Santa Monica Boulevard near Overland Avenue bordering the neighborhoods of Century City and Westwood.

Even though intimacy has been broadly defined in terms of romantic love and sexual desire, the neuroanatomy of intimacy needs further explanation in order to fully understand their neurological functions in different components within intimate relationships, which are romantic love, lust, attachment, and rejection in love. Also, known functions of the neuroanatomy involved can be applied to observations seen in people who are experiencing any of the stages in intimacy. Research analysis of these systems provide insight on the biological basis of intimacy, but the neurological aspect must be considered as well in areas that require special attention to mitigate issues in intimacy, such as violence against a beloved partner or problems with social bonding.

References

  1. "Home". Sex Census. Retrieved 2021-12-04.
  2. 1 2 3 Jonason, Peter K.; Betteridge, Gabrielle L.; Kneebone, Ian I. (January 2016). "An Examination of the Nature of Erotic Talk". Archives of Sexual Behavior. 45 (1): 21–31. doi:10.1007/s10508-015-0585-2. ISSN   0004-0002. PMID   26354755. S2CID   254255653.
  3. 1 2 Denes, Amanda; Crowley, John P.; Bennett, Margaret (2020). "Between the sheets: Investigating young adults' communication during sexual activity". Personal Relationships. 27 (2): 484–501. doi:10.1111/pere.12324. ISSN   1475-6811. S2CID   225835516.
  4. 1 2 3 "Let's talk sex: The science of your brain on dirty talk". Big Think. Retrieved 2021-12-04.
  5. "The Science Of Dirty Talk". Medical Daily. 2015-08-27. Retrieved 2021-12-04.