Polyamory in the United States

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Polyamory is a relationship orientation that is practiced by a minority of the population in the United States, about 4 to 5 percent. [1] According to a 2016 study, 20 percent of singles in the US have attempted some form of consensual non-monogamy at some point of their lives, such as polyamory or open relationships. [1] [2] [3] In a study, polyamorous couples tend to identify as bisexual and pansexual. [1]

Contents

Acceptance

Polyamory is a subset of ethical non-monogamy (ENM), also known as consensual non-monogamy, in which one or more members in a relationship engage in a relationship with two or more people. Individuals in polyamorous relationships are more likely to identify as bisexual or pansexual than heterosexual. [1] A 2016 study showed that only half of all millennials want a completely monogamous relationship. [1] [4] A study by the Pew Research Center conducted in 2019 discovered that in comparison to millennials (10%) and Gen Xers (7%), polyamorous relationships have been experienced by 19% of members of Generation Z. [5] One in 6 Americans find polyamory to be acceptable. [6] Men 21% versus women 13% are more likely to accept polyamory lifestyle. [6] A 2023 survey by YouGov found that 34% of Americans describe their ideal relationship as something other than completely monogamous. [7] Research conducted with more than 3,000 Americans found approximately 11% of the sample had been in a polyamorous relationship at some point in time. [8] Polyamory is a growing group within the African American community. [9]

In 1998, a Tennessee court granted guardianship of a child to her grandmother and step-grandfather after the child's mother April Divilbiss and partners outed themselves as polyamorous on MTV. After contesting the decision for two years, Divilbiss eventually agreed to relinquish her daughter, acknowledging that she was unable to adequately care for her child and that this, rather than her polyamory, had been the grandparents' real motivation in seeking custody. [10]

In 2010, Ann Tweedy, a legal scholar, argued that polyamory could be considered a sexual orientation under existing United States law. [11] This argument was opposed by Christian Keese, who wrote in 2016 that advocating a "sexual orientation model of polyamory is likely to reduce the complexity and transformative potential of poly intimacies", while also limiting reach and scope of possible litigation, obstruct the ability of poly activists to form alliances with other groups, and increase the possibility that poly activists will have to settle for legal solutions which are "exclusive and reproductive of a culture of privilege". [12]

In 2016, writer Rebecca Ruth Gould called for non-monogamy, including polyamory, to receive "the legal recognition it deserves", saying that polyamory remains a "negative identity". [13]

In 2017, three men became the first family in the state of California to have names of three dads "on their child's birth certificate." [14] In later years, they had legal challenges and in 2020 published a book about their experiences titled Three Dads and a Baby.

In June 2020, the city council of Somerville, Massachusetts voted to recognize polyamorous domestic partnerships in the city, becoming the first American city to do so. This measure was passed so that those in a polyamorous relationship would have access to their partners' health insurance, amid the COVID-19 pandemic. [15] [16] [17] [18]

In November 2020, the issue of polyamory came to the Supreme Court of Vermont in the form of a dispute between two men and a woman in a polyamorous relationship. [19]

In March 2021, the Cambridge, Massachusetts City Council approved an ordinance amending the city's laws, stipulating that "a domestic partnership needn't only include two partners." [20] [21] [22] The measure was supported by the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition, also known as PLAC, composed of the Chosen Family Law Center, Harvard Law School LGBTQ+ Advocacy Clinic, and some members on the American Psychological Association's Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy. This ordinance was originally proposed in July 2020. [23] [24] In April 2021, the adjacent town of Arlington, Massachusetts also approved domestic partnerships of more than two people, [25] which was later approved by the state Attorney General's office. [26]

A 2022 survey found that 30% of U.S. adults support the legalization of Polyamory, with 40% opposing. [27] With the 18 to 44 age group having the highest level of support at 42%, while 52% of respondents aged 65+ opposed. [27]

Related Research Articles

Polygamy is the practice of marrying multiple spouses. When a man is married to more than one wife at the same time, it is called polygyny. When a woman is married to more than one husband at the same time, it is called polyandry. In sociobiology and zoology, researchers use polygamy in a broad sense to mean any form of multiple mating.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Polyamory</span> Intimacy for multiple partners

Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved. People who identify as polyamorous may believe in open relationships with a conscious management of jealousy and reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity (monogamy) are prerequisite for deep, committed, long-term, loving relationships. Others prefer to restrict their sexual activity to only members of the group, a closed polyamorous relationship that is usually referred to as polyfidelity.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Sexuality and gender identity-based cultures</span> Variety of communities and subcultures

Sexuality and gender identity-based cultures are subcultures and communities composed of people who have shared experiences, backgrounds, or interests due to common sexual or gender identities. Among the first to argue that members of sexual minorities can also constitute cultural minorities were Adolf Brand, Magnus Hirschfeld, and Leontine Sagan in Germany. These pioneers were later followed by the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis in the United States.

Open marriage is a form of non-monogamy in which the partners of a dyadic marriage agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual or romantic relationships, without this being regarded by them as infidelity, and consider or establish an open relationship despite the implied monogamy of marriage. There are variant forms of open marriage such as swinging and polyamory, each with the partners having varying levels of input into their spouse's activities.

Polyfidelity is a form of non-monogamy, a romantic relationship structure in which all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual and/or romantic activity only to other members of the group.

An open relationship is an intimate relationship that is sexually non-monogamous. The term is distinct from polyamory, in that it generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary emotional and intimate relationship between two partners, who agree to at least the possibility of sexual or emotional intimacy with other people.

Group marriage or conjoint marriage is a marital arrangement where three or more adults enter into sexual, affective, romantic, or otherwise intimate short- or long-term partnerships, and share in any combination of finances, residences, care or kin work. Group marriage is considered a form of polygamy. While academic usage has traditionally treated group marriage as a marital arrangement, more recent usage has expanded the concept to allow for the inclusion of non-conjugal unions. Colloquial usage of group marriage has also been associated with polyamory and polyamorous families.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Dossie Easton</span> American author and family therapist

Dorothy "Dossie" Easton, who has also written under the name Scarlet Woman, is an American author and family therapist based in San Francisco, California. She is polyamorous and lives in West Marin, California.

<i>The Ethical Slut</i> 1997 book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy

The Ethical Slut is a self-help book about non-monogamy written by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. In the book, Easton and Hardy discuss non-monogamy as a concept and a practice, and explore sexual practices and common challenges in non-monogamous relationships.

Non-monogamy is an umbrella term for every practice or philosophy of non-dyadic intimate relationship that does not strictly hew to the standards of monogamy, particularly that of having only one person with whom to exchange sex, love, and/or affection. In that sense, "nonmonogamy" may be accurately applied to extramarital sex, group marriage, or polyamory. It is not synonymous with infidelity, since all parties are consenting to the relationship structure, partners are often committed to each other as well as to their other partners and cheating is still considered problematic behavior with many non-monogamous relationships.

The following outline is provided as an overview of and topical guide to interpersonal relationships.

Terminology within polyamory looks at the evolution and meaning of the word "polyamory" itself, as well as alternative definitions and concepts which closely relate to it.

A committed relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon agreed-upon commitment to one another involving love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other behavior. Forms of committed relationships include close friendship, long-term relationships, engagement, marriage, and civil unions.

Monogamy is a relationship of two individuals in which they form an exclusive intimate partnership. Having only one partner at any one time, whether that be for life or whether that be serial monogamy, contrasts with various forms of non-monogamy. More generally, the term is used to describe the behavioral ecology and sexual selection of animal mating systems, referring to the state of having only one mate at any one given time. In a human cultural context, monogamy typically refers to the custom of two individuals, regardless of orientation, committing to a sexually exclusive relationship.

Polygamy is not legally recognised in Australia. Legally recognised polygamous marriages may not be performed in Australia, and a person who marries another person, knowing that the previous marriage is still subsisting, commits an offence of bigamy under section 94 of the Marriage Act 1961, which carries a maximum penalty of 5 years imprisonment. However, the offence of bigamy only applies to attempts to contract a legally recognised marriage; it does not apply to polygamous marriages where there is no attempt to gain recognition for the marriage under Australian law. Whether or not either or both partners were aware of the previous subsisting marriage, the second marriage is void. Foreign polygamous marriages are not recognized in Australia. However, a foreign marriage that is not polygamous but could potentially become polygamous at a later date under the law of the country where the marriage took place is recognized in Australia while any subsequent polygamous marriage is not. While under Australian law a person can be in at most one legally valid marriage at a time, Australian law does recognise that a person can be in multiple de facto relationships concurrently, and as such entitled to the legal rights extended to members of de facto relationships.

Relationship anarchy is the application of anarchist principles to intimate relationships. Its values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, anti-normativity, and community interdependence. RA is explicitly anti-amatonormative and anti-mononormative and is commonly, but not always, non-monogamous. This is distinct from polyamory, solo poly, swinging, and other forms of “dating”, which may include structures such as amatonormativity, hierarchy of intimate relationships, and autonomy-limiting rules. It has also been interpreted as a new paradigm in which closeness and autonomy are no longer considered to create dilemmas within a relationship.

Amatonormativity is the set of societal assumptions that everyone prospers with an exclusive romantic relationship. Elizabeth Brake coined the neologism to capture societal assumptions about romance. Brake wanted to describe the pressure she received by many to prioritize marriage in her own life when she did not want to. Amatonormativity extends beyond social pressures for marriage to include general pressures involving romance.

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM), also known as ethical non-monogamy (ENM), is an umbrella term for relationships in which all partners give explicit consent to engage in romantic, intimate, and/or sexual relationships with multiple people. Consensual non-monogamy differs from infidelity by the knowledge and consent of those involved, and from polygamy by the various partners not being in a single marriage.

Queerplatonic relationships (QPR) and queerplatonic partnerships (QPP) are committed intimate relationships which are not romantic in nature. They may differ from usual close friendships by having more explicit commitment, validation, status, structure, and norms, similar to a conventional romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. Like romantic relationships, queerplatonic relationships are sometimes said to involve a deeper and more profound emotional connection than typical friendship.

<span class="mw-page-title-main">Mononormativity</span> Social assumption of monogamous normativity

Mononormativity or mono-normativity is the normative assumption that monogamy is healthier or more natural than ethical non-monogamy, as well as the societal enforcement of such an assumption. It has been widely tied to various forms of discrimination or bias against polyamory.

References

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  24. "POR 2020 #180 The City Manager be and hereby is requested to confer with the City of Cambridge Law Department to review the above changes to the language of the Domestic Partnerships Ordinance and report back to the Council. PASSED TO A SECOND READING IN COUNCIL JULY 27, 2020. TO BE ORDAINED ON OR AFTER SEPTEMBER 14, 2020". Cambridge, Massachusetts . 2020. Archived from the original on December 14, 2020. Retrieved December 14, 2020.
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Further reading